checking in

[Guest guest]

I have been away for a while. My grandfather has been in the hospital. He died last Saturday. He had a full life, and his body gave out, so I know it was his time to go. I miss him though, and after the funeral I found myself going to a buffet and stuffing down all the foods I ate at my grandparents house, both gone now. I couldn't stop, and I know it wasn't about the food. I recognized it, and chose to continue, but after I still missed him. I have gained 7 pounds over the last three weeks.

Now my grandmother on the other side of my family is in the hospital with low sodium levels, and a glucose level of over 300 because she can't stop eating foods a diabetic shouldn't have. She assumes her pills will control her levels, but now she's gotten to a point where she's going to have injections, but still refuses to clean up her diet. My grandfather who died was also a diabetic dependent on injections because he didn't want to give up his foods. He injected for over 20 years; said he'd rather get shots than watch his diet.

All this is hitting me hard. I don't want to eventually get diabetes too, and be in their situation. I also don't want to fear foods just because they might lead to diabetes complications.

I don't know what I'm asking. I just wanted to write. Am reading 'women food and god' and sobbing. I never thought I had food issues. I always just said I liked food and never got full, but it has to be more than that. Right now I am just at the overweight level. I don't want my weight to get any higher, but I am tired of all this obsessing when I eat too much, or misery when I don't eat enough, and wondering when I'll eat the thing that will trigger a binge.

Alia

__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 5252 (20100705) __________

The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.

http://www.eset.com