Re: School

August 17, 2010

You can do it.

I was unable to get any funding out of high school because I had 4 parents that

made great money. I was estranged from all of them, and get this, to get

funding, I would have had to get letters from each of them saying that I was

estranged from them and they would not provide funding for me. How stupid eh?

I finally, at the age of 27 went to university (after I spent years upgrading my

highschool grades to get in) and had to pay for it myself.

Anyway, I never fit in. I was an adult student and could relate more to the

professors than the students. I suspect that you will find like minded people

there, I did meet some people who were serious about school and not partying.

As for the whole criticizing thing, I think thats a flea, I have the same issue,

but it never bothered me when it came to school. Maybe because I was there to

learn, so I had a different mindset.

How to cope? Well, submerge yourself in your studies. Worked for me.

August 17, 2010

--

I may not have coping ideas, but I have a story:

I flunked out of college at 19. Complete and utter disaster. Four years later,

the company I worked for had a 100% tuition reimbursement program, with no cap.

I decided to give it a go. I will never forget getting lost on my way to

orientation and sitting at the red light sobbing because I was too stupid to

even try. I was absolutely positive I would fail. I forced myself to go to

orientation anyway, just so I could figure out how to drop all of my classes and

quit. I then decided just to check out the first day of classes before

quitting. I then decided to try not to flunk out of the first class. . . .

So . . . 3 1/2 after working full time and going to school full time, I

graduated with honors from a private university. I was on the student council,

the deans list, etc. In HS, I was barely a B student. In college the second

time, I got ALL A's w/ 3 exceptions.

I had no idea I was even marginally smart/capable of going to school.

Couple of thoughts:

1) I'm not sure if you're still living w/ BPD, but the sabotage you had before

made success completly impossible. There was NO WAY nada was going to let you

win. If you aren't living w/ them now, school will be amazingly

straightforward.

2) My fear of failure was the best motivation I had. I'm not saying you should

be scared, but if you are nervous, consider it " success fuel. " As soon as you

get a couple of classes under your belt, the fear will settle down.

3) School, in my opinion, is all about the timing. It sounds like THIS time the

timing is perfect!

4) It's a lot easier taking feedback from a professor than it is to take

criticism from someone else. They are expected to give feedback. Actually,

that was what I loved about school--my success depended on me and ONE other

OBJECTIVE person. My success wasn't dependent on 5 insane people (hello FOO)

who shifted the rules and threw darts at me the whole time. My success depended

on one sane person (Prof) who set up reasonable goals, didn't shift their

expectations, didn't sabotage me, and gave me an A if I just followed what they

said. It was gloriously straightforward. You may really really like a system

that actually allows you to follow the rules and win!!!

I think you'll do great!!! KOs are fighters, and we had to be smarter than the

rest of them to survive. You will love school, and I have a feeling school will

love you!

Keep us posted--

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Hello,

>

> I could really use some positive thoughts and advice from those who are

> sane. I got the word today that my funding has been approved for school. I

> start classes on Thursday. My only experience so far with college was when

> I was 19 and was a disaster. First, It took me 1 1/2 years after high

> school to even get into college because nada made too much money and was

> receiving (and keeping) $900 a month in social security survivors benefits

> in my name. Since I was a high school graduate that money should have been

> going to me for school but since I was still 17 at graduation the checks

> were sent to nada. I finally found a program to help pay for school and

> went to community college. I had to give up my apartment and move back with

> nada to afford it. I moved in with the agreement that my computer I was

> bringing was for me to use for school work and that my need to study will be

> respected. Of course, my nada demanded that my computer, which was much

> better than hers, become the family computer. Nada and brother promptly

> violated every rule of internet safety and had picked up 954 spyware and 127

> viruses(causing the computer to run like crap). Then my brother was allowed

> to bring 10+ friends in the house all evening every night with loud music,

> drinking, drugs, and I was only allowed to study in the dining room with

> this all around me. I ended up not even finishing my first semester due to

> these and all the general BPD abuse. I got fed up and moved in with friends

> and partied for two weeks to just forget everything.

>

> So I'm very nervous starting school and I have several things I need to work

> very hard on.

>

> - I already failed once at college so I have those negative thoughts that

> I can't do it.

> - I tend to take criticism personally and fear that instead of learning

> from my teachers I will just become defensive when told I need to improve

> something.

> - I despise social situations, being around all the other students is a

> great source of anxiety for me. After all the years with nada I am

> hypersensitive and perceive a potential verbal attack coming on where none

> exists. I also compare myself negatively to other people

>

> Any thoughts on how to cope?

>

August 18, 2010

I just started school again on monday.

I started school and dropped out at 19 also. I didn't have social skills but

wanted desperately to get away from my family so I felt if I left I would be

okay and everything would be fine. I had other difficulties and it has been a

long road. It has taken a while to understand who I am as a person and I have

been in about four curriculums. I just keep trying. That is really all you can

do.

My sister goes through one program after another just to keep her loans in

deferment. Paralegal, computer certifications, etc, etc. You will be fine, don't

worry, just take it one day at a time