Re: Resisting Negative Messages from Culture or Peers? Re: New Member Introduction

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the inspiration Dawn! Those last lines of your message are a mantra that I think we should all repeat to ourselves whenever we need the reminder:  "  It is hard to not let the outside influences penetrate into our minds and heart but we CAN do this. We don't have to just go with the status quo...we can be different and we can enjoy the person we are...blessings, flaws and all! "

I'm loving you all already. Thanks for the support

[Guest guest]

Geat ideas and especially liked the new word " vomments " .

 

Dawn, one of the most helpful things I've learned since beginning IE is how EXternal based we have been encouraged to be. If there is one thing that IE represents its how I need to be INternal based, especially with my eating.

When I was part of a group that worked on (another) dysfunctional aspect of my life, the counselor in charge of the group made this suggestion for dealing with unpleasant people - mentally turn their 'volume' DOWN. Its funny at first, but also hard to remember to do when you are being bombarded with so much output as the zealous give forth. Also you will find that you notice and are more sensitive to all the diet diet diet clamor that we have dumped on us every day - tv, magazines, ads, friends, experts (ha ha!) etc. etc. Instead of getting into a debate or grinding your teeth at each encounter, simply say (to yourself) - " Hmm, I never noticed that before. " This will increase your awareness and neutralize the input too. Its just 'there', NOT for you to 'listen and obey'! As far as friends go, having " That's nice for you. " ready on your lips instead of turning their vomments (new pun) onto yourself will get you further on your own IE journey too.

BEST wishes and happy IE journey.

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> It is really hard to be around many of my friends for the same reason. Many of my friends are over weight and almost all the ever talk about is dieting and losing weight. Then there are the friends that I have that are super skinny and obsessed with diet and exercise and believe it is the only way to be healthy. I have one friend that has a degree in exercise science and is a director at the gym here in town and she makes me crazy. I finally had to " hide " her posts on facebook because they were almost ALL about what we can do to watch what we eat and count calories. All kinds of new diet tips all the time. I used to respond to all the tips with what I am doing BUT that was getting me no where because it seems as though I am the only one around here that feels the way I do. I am VERY new to IE so I don't have an success story or anything. I am really just learning the beginnings and trying to figure out what I need to be doing. With that being said, I know that I am tired of dieting. I am going to eat to live and enjoy it! And I will always stay active because I am an active person. It is hard to not let the outside influences penetrate into our minds and heart but we CAN do this. We don't have to just go with the status quo...we can be different and we can enjoy the person we are...blessings, flaws and all! Be blessed, Dawn

>

[Guest guest]

I think one thing most of we emotional eaters can learn is good boundaries. Saying "no"...."when"..."enough". I don't have to listen to uncomfortable conversations. It's great that way! Great 'on-hand' replies ! That's something diet nuts need to re-learn, respect for others. If they want to beat on themselves fine, but pushing off on others is a NO (thank you very much). ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > When I hear people obsessed with diet, I usually say one of two things: > > "I am anti-diet, and do not want to hear about any diets around me. > Let's talk about something else, please." > > or > > "I'm recovering from an eating disorder and cannot speak about weight > loss or diets. Thanks for respecting me in this regard." >

[Guest guest]

I can absolutely understand that feeling! I have a lot of similar worries and paranoia b/c I had become known--especially at work--for my " healthy " eating habits b/c, before IE, I absolutely fell in to the " careful eater " category, being a " paragon " of healthy eating, especially while in front of others, or being really really healthy except when I was " being bad. " (So many quotation marks are required for this topic!) AND, I have engaged in a lot of passionate diet talk with friends, family, and co-workers in my past b/c of my obsession with dieting too. So my past behavior has propagated a lot of issues with my interactions with people today, so I try to make it clear to people that I am " anti-diet " and leave it at that, steering the conversation to other topics, or emphasizing moderation and enjoying exercise and trying to dismiss comments mentally that hurt me or will effect me badly. 

But I actually have some worry about what people might be thinking about me, rather than saying to me. I'm ashamed to say that during this diet-obsessed time I would judge others very harshly based on what they ate, or even how they appeared--I now know that you can't know ANYTHING about ANYBODY based on observing these things, and how very little they matter as well (another reason I'm so happy IE has helped me grow so much as a person). BUT, I can only imagine now that others are having the same criticisms about me that I used to have about them. It's one thing to tell myself that these things don't matter to me or my idea of my self worth anymore, but its a bit harder to think that they (obviously) still matter a lot to other people. And even though I know I've moved past that shallow way of thinking I can't help feeling a little nervous or bad when I imagine this. But this is where I think I can repeat Dawn's " mantra " to myself, to remind myself that I don't have to live up to the status quo, only up to myself!

 

Casey, I totally agree about Dawn's comment and here's why: it's not just that people can be in-your-face with their diet-speak. It's also a very silent specter too isn't it? Just knowing that most people are in the diet-thin-cult puts intense mental pressure on me, even if no one has said word one about losing weight or being on a diet or a comment on my size (and I suspect they wouldn't!). I feel paranoid that I'm being silently judged because I'm not in the thin club. So I think it's harder to not let unspoken pressures invade the mind --because your own brain in mostly responsible for them!! ahhh!

Does any one have any advice or tactics for this? When I'm in a group of my friends or women, and I feel that I am the biggest, how do I turn off the body checking and feel comfortable and free from self imposed judgement?

Thanks!

>

> Thanks for the inspiration Dawn! Those last lines of your message are a

> mantra that I think we should all repeat to ourselves whenever we need the

> reminder:

>

> " It is hard to not let the outside influences penetrate into our minds and

> heart but we CAN do this. We don't have to just go with the status quo...we

> can be different and we can enjoy the person we are...blessings, flaws and

> all! "

>

> I'm loving you all already. Thanks for the support

>