Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 yes. I have seen two rounds of karma for my parents. unfortunately it has to do with the cycle of abuse repeating and my brothers going out and marrying abusers who they then reproduced with and resulting events caused my parents alot of pain. the destruction of their house right now (SIL not cleaning, etc) is a direct result of the abuse my father visited on us and my mother's unfailing and consistent denial about my father's personality problems, plus her own weird and twisted ways of existing, all rolled up into one. it's sad it can't just be straight up karma and not stuff that doesn't involve other people, especially children. > > I was just listening to a lecture, (I'm attending Seminary) and the professor said: If we choose to live such a way that we are abusive to other people, there are consequences, both for the abuser and the abused. > > It got me thinking. > > I've never once seen nada, fada, or my ex-husband ever suffer consequences for their abuse. I seem to have suffered all of theirs for them. > > Am I blind? Has anyone seen a BPD/abusive FOO suffer consequences? They are immune to remorse, they cover well enough to fool everyone . . . > > I'm just wondering if I'm missing something. As far as I can tell, they get off without suffering any consequences for their behavior. > > I'd love to hear another's viewpoint on this one. This one still really, really bothered me, even after 2 years NC. > > Thanks, > Karla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 Thanks, everyone!! I think you're right. They HAVE consequences, I just question if they SUFFER from them. My nada could be left by everyone she knows, and she would be just fine blaming everyone else for it. She's got too many sick blame-shifting skills to ever actually deal with her own stuff, no matter how bad it gets for her. It's always someone else's problem, and she's always the victim. Sheesh. Truth be known, I think what this is also about is this: no matter how much they suffer, it will never be enough to make it okay. Somehow, I want their " consequences " to make me feel like the scales are a little more balanced. But they won't be. Not even close. Maybe I'm still hanging on to some desire that nada will someday feel remorse and/or pay for her actions. Not as a vengence thing (well, maybe a little) but more of a " validate my pain " thing. Thanks again, everyone!!! This has obviously brought up a wound that hasn't been healed. Blessings, Karla p.s. --Thanks!! Truth is, I can't stand to be around them AT ALL!!! Those folks are out of their minds, and they only get more bizarre and awkward as my NC goes on. > > > > I was just listening to a lecture, (I'm attending Seminary) and the professor said: If we choose to live such a way that we are abusive to other people, there are consequences, both for the abuser and the abused. > > > > It got me thinking. > > > > I've never once seen nada, fada, or my ex-husband ever suffer consequences for their abuse. I seem to have suffered all of theirs for them. > > > > Am I blind? Has anyone seen a BPD/abusive FOO suffer consequences? They are immune to remorse, they cover well enough to fool everyone . . . > > > > I'm just wondering if I'm missing something. As far as I can tell, they get off without suffering any consequences for their behavior. > > > > I'd love to hear another's viewpoint on this one. This one still really, really bothered me, even after 2 years NC. > > > > Thanks, > > Karla > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2010 Report Share Posted August 18, 2010 I feel really similarly to you, Karla. Its like, I feel frustrated because I will never have real justice in this life. I can't retaliate and treat my nada the same way she's treated me, that would make ME a monster. I don't want to be like her! That's been my life's basic theme, in a way: to be the anti-nada. And like you, I'd really, really like her to admit that she was an abusive mother and admit that she continues to be emotionally abusive, negative, and just plain cruel rather often. I want to hear it from her own lips that she knowingly sets out to hurt me: that she knows that the mean, ugly, hateful things she says to me hurt me. Hearing that from her lips would be very validating. But it ain't gonna happen. All I can really do is protect myself from now on, and not allow her to be emotionally abusive to me any longer. I mostly do that by having as little contact with her as possible. Its the only things that works, really. For me. -Annie > > Thanks, everyone!! > > I think you're right. They HAVE consequences, I just question if they SUFFER from them. My nada could be left by everyone she knows, and she would be just fine blaming everyone else for it. She's got too many sick blame-shifting skills to ever actually deal with her own stuff, no matter how bad it gets for her. It's always someone else's problem, and she's always the victim. > > Sheesh. > > Truth be known, I think what this is also about is this: no matter how much they suffer, it will never be enough to make it okay. Somehow, I want their " consequences " to make me feel like the scales are a little more balanced. But they won't be. Not even close. > > Maybe I'm still hanging on to some desire that nada will someday feel remorse and/or pay for her actions. Not as a vengence thing (well, maybe a little) but more of a " validate my pain " thing. > > Thanks again, everyone!!! This has obviously brought up a wound that hasn't been healed. > > Blessings, > Karla > > p.s. --Thanks!! Truth is, I can't stand to be around them AT ALL!!! Those folks are out of their minds, and they only get more bizarre and awkward as my NC goes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 21, 2010 Report Share Posted August 21, 2010 Ann - It's amazing how the scars/surprises keep appearing even after I think I have it figured out. Hubby and I went away on a mini vacation for our 37th anniversary. We had a fairly nice time but there were tense moments that took away some of the sparkle. After coming home, we talked about it. He loves to explore and poke around. I tend to hold back. That takes the fun out of it for him because he wants to see the nooks and crannies of the old city and he practically has to drag me along. I'm always afraid that we'll get in trouble or someone will say something to us and be mad. Then I realized, that's exactly how I felt growing up - always afraid of nada or anyone else getting mad at me. I was afraid to answer questions in class in case I got it wrong and the teacher might get mad or disappointed in me. I always go in the " Enter " door at a store so I don't get yelled at (like anyone cares). For years I was even afraid to pet someone's animal in case the animal got mad at me. That's just sick. Even now at my age, I worry and that has to stop. Imagine all the fun things I've missed because I wouldn't stray off the main path. > > yes, irene, i agree completely.. bp does affect us in our internal selves, our very souls i might say.. the memories of scars just newly realized and felt haunt me nearly every day.. they affect my attitudes, behaviors, relationships, with myself and others.. i could go on and on.  things others can do for themselves and take for granted take real hard work for me to achieve.. and lots of help like we offer each other here. > and when i think of my nada and the phony,empty martyred life she lead with the guilty conscience of the way she traumatized me, the most beloved person in her life.. i would be sad if i weren't still so angry and even bitter sometimes.  the wheels of justice grind very slowly but exceedingly fine i think the saying goes.. and the same is true for bpd i believe. to me there is a God in heaven who really does care about us, hard as that is to believe at times and who grieves with us over the pain we all have endured.  thanks again for sharing your thots.ann > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2010 Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 This is probaly why I do not beleive in a higher being, or in Karma or anything else for that matter. Epicurus the Greek philosopher made an interesting observation: " Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " While I get that many here have actually formed a stronger bond with their beleif/god or faith. I went the other way. Having been what I've been through - the absolute hell. To see these abusers go on to live a prosperous life while I struggled for so long and they happily go on living in their little world happy as pigs in shit. To see the pain, destruction and suffering in the world. Completely destroyed any beleif that I would have in a higher power. I've tried. My abusers are all bible thumpers. The thought of religion takes me back to where I don't want to go. > > I was just listening to a lecture, (I'm attending Seminary) and the professor said: If we choose to live such a way that we are abusive to other people, there are consequences, both for the abuser and the abused. > > It got me thinking. > > I've never once seen nada, fada, or my ex-husband ever suffer consequences for their abuse. I seem to have suffered all of theirs for them. > > Am I blind? Has anyone seen a BPD/abusive FOO suffer consequences? They are immune to remorse, they cover well enough to fool everyone . . . > > I'm just wondering if I'm missing something. As far as I can tell, they get off without suffering any consequences for their behavior. > > I'd love to hear another's viewpoint on this one. This one still really, really bothered me, even after 2 years NC. > > Thanks, > Karla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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