*sigh*

[Guest guest]

There was a lot of overeating this past week and of course I gained

weight since i also didn't exercise despite walkng instead of taking the

bus to the seminar.

There was a lot of yummie and partly exotic and expensive free food so I

overate quite a bit. I guess mostly everyone else did, too. However,

it's quite hard to tolerate the weight gain and to fight the need to

diet when tomorrow comes. :-/

I'm beating myself up quite a bit and hating it. I try to be gentle with

myself and it feels like a lie. Like I restrain myself, feeling like I'm

going to explode with rage and all I want to do is just be furious and

yell at myself.

Yes, of course I know yellng at myself doesn't make anything better, yet

I feel the pressure to punish myself big time.

I guess I'm not very compassionate in general. I would be tempted to

tell a good friend that he/she was an idiot for eating all of this food

despite knowing he would feel bad about it later. Of course I wouldn't,

I would simply lie and tell him/her something about how it's not that

bad or how they should be compassionate and blablabla but it would still

be a lie.

I think I know where my lack of compassion stems from. Compassion wasn't

very common where I grew up. :-/

Best wishes

styxia