first time posting, so hapy to have found a support group that explains my life

[Guest guest]

Hi! My name is I'm 28 years old maaried and just had my first child 3

months ago. My mother or what I saw in the abbreviations NADA goes undiagnosed

since none of us can get her to go to counseling. For the last 10 years I have

leaned on my NADA's sisters for support. my immediate family consists of my

father who is the stb-ex after 34 years and my twin brother. My twin is the BP's

" hero " he can do no wrong. On the other hand my father is all at fault in the

BP's eyes as well as myself. Since my NADA and father have decided to get

divorced my relationship with my father has become much stronger.

My NADA grew up with an alcoholic for a dad and her mom is a BP as well

untreated until the death of my grandfather 2 years ago. I'm at a point now that

I'm not speaking to my NADA. I have been on her rollarcoaster for too long and

the last episode what the icing on the cake. Before this episode I seeked

counseling for myself because I was letting my relationship with her effect my

marriage. In my counseling I learned about boundries and keeping things on my

terms or just cutting it off. My counselor was the one that suggested my mom had

BPD. Just until recently I started looking into the BPD and I can check almost

everything off that makes her def. have BPD or BPD traits. I'm trying to seek

some support with people that also have similar situations with thier parent(s)

and advice on how to handle this in the future. I will be purchasing the SWOE

book as well to help me along the way. This is the story of my last episode with

her...

The birth of my child 3 months ago. I didn't want her in the birthing room when

I delivered due to her past behavior. I was afraid she would do something to

ruin it and unfortunatly I let my boundry down and had my NADA, my husband, and

best friend in the room when I delivered. My husband and I asked my friend in

the room the take pictures of the baby when he arrived for us. My NADA had her

camera as well for herslef and was taking pictures as well. WHen my son was born

he had breathing problems and had to be rushed to the special care nursery for

tests. When this was happening my NADA was texting someone so my husband asked

our friend to take our camera out to the waiting room the show everyone the pics

of the baby. She did as she was asked and when she came back to the room all

hell had broke out with the NADA.

Apparently my NADA wanted to go show the pics to everyone since it was her first

grandchild and she wanted to see the reaction on everyones face. Unfortunatly

she didn't tell anyone this and when my husband wanted someone to go show the

pics she was busy texting and still said nothing about wanting to do this.

After everyone went up to the special care nursery and saw the baby as I sat in

recovery. My husband, friend, and NADA return to my recovery room. At this

point we still didn't know if my son was going to be okay and I hadn't seen him

since I delivered him. My NADA was suppose to go back with my friend to my home

and stay there over night. Looking at my NADA I knew she was going to " blow " on

my friend.

So as I sat in recovery and my NADA and friend were getting ready to leave I

told my NADA in front of my husband and friend that my friend felt bad about

showing the pics she didn't know that my NADA wanted to do that. Then my friend

spoke up and appologized when she did that my NADA started yelling and cussing

at her. My husband then interviened and told her he had asked her and was

unaware of my NADA wanting to show pics as well. SHe then starting cussing him

out and threatened to hit him. He became very frusterated as well as my friend

so he told my NADA she was not welcome to stay at our home and she needed to

leave the hospital. Then he and my friend left the room.

I didn't say a word the entire time until they left me in the room alone with

her and the nurse. SHe told me if I want to have a husband like that its my

choice but she wants nothing to do with me, my husband, and friend ever again. I

then told her I did not care about the pics at the moment the only thing I cared

about was my recovery and my newborn baby. She said she understood BUT....if she

left the hospital she was never speaking to me again nor my husband and friend.

SHe then told me if my son wanted to have a relationship with her when he's an

adult that's fine she had only came to see him be born. Then told me she loved

me but has never considered me family. Then she wished me a good life and left.

2 days later we had just gotten home from the hospital. My NADA shows up at the

door with my twin brother to see the baby. My husband let them in and we felt we

couldn't say anything at that moment since there were other people there that

had no idea how she was or what had happened. She can make herslef look very

" normal " in front of people she doesn't know well ie: my mother in law. She

finally left 8 hrs later when there was just one person left and then left. I

told my dad aka her stb-ex to relay the message to her she is not allowed to see

me and my family until she gets counseling and appologizes.

SHe doesn't feel she should appologize she thinks we owe her an apology for

making her drive home. Since then she ran into my friend at the store and

started screaming at her while she was at the register blaming her for

thedamaged relationship between my NADA and I . My NADA's version from what she

told my dad is so twisted and distorded compaired to what happened.This is how

its always been with her.

She says horrible things, gets physical and has never appoligized for her

actions she just blames another person and twists the story. SO....where I am

now is not speaking to her and not letting her see my son, unless she gets help.

Since her and my dad are in the process of a divorce i think she has gotten

worse and more desperate. It breaks my heart that she isn't getting to see her

first grandchild grow up nor finding me and my son important enough to get help.

i can't have her direspcting my family nor introducing my son to that type of

disfunction. Lately she has been seeking out her sisters for a listening ear and

everyone is telling her she needs counseling. SHe just gives excuses why she

can't. She is now saying she has seriously contiplated killing her stb-ex (my

dad) twice and still is, as well as herself. I guess we can't do anything about

it unless she actually tries something is what the police and my dads lawyer

said.

This is what we are thinking and I was wondering if anyone else has tried this?

Me and my NADA's siblings want to do an intervention. We want to meet with a

counselor explain to them her and her BPD. Then bring her in a different day and

offer her treatment if she refuses we tell her then we are all done with her

unless she gets help. I know its going to be nearly inpossibble to get her there

as well.

How does this sound? Anyvother suggestions or stories of what you did? There's

so much more about her BPD but this email is long enough! LOL

thanks for listening and any reponses are greatly appreciated,

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry your nada behaved so horribly when your son was born. Is he OK? I

dreaded my nada being in the room when I had my dtr but she ended up being sick

with cancer at the time so it wasn't even an option. We call what you are doing

" going NC " - no contact. For many it is the most healthy, sane decision you can

make for you and your family. The problem with BPDs is that it is virtually

impossible for them to take a step back and realize their faulty way of

thinking. I think only intense counseling early in the game can help. Hopefully

your nada will get help, but I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact

that she will most likely never change. I hope I am wrong. Don't feel bad or

guilty going NC- you are trying to protect your family. Another option is

setting boundaries, and only letting her see your son if she follows those

rules. This has helped a lot of people. Welcome to the site- it has helped me

tremendously.

>

> Hi! My name is I'm 28 years old maaried and just had my first child 3

months ago. My mother or what I saw in the abbreviations NADA goes undiagnosed

since none of us can get her to go to counseling. For the last 10 years I have

leaned on my NADA's sisters for support. my immediate family consists of my

father who is the stb-ex after 34 years and my twin brother. My twin is the BP's

" hero " he can do no wrong. On the other hand my father is all at fault in the

BP's eyes as well as myself. Since my NADA and father have decided to get

divorced my relationship with my father has become much stronger.

>

> My NADA grew up with an alcoholic for a dad and her mom is a BP as well

untreated until the death of my grandfather 2 years ago. I'm at a point now that

I'm not speaking to my NADA. I have been on her rollarcoaster for too long and

the last episode what the icing on the cake. Before this episode I seeked

counseling for myself because I was letting my relationship with her effect my

marriage. In my counseling I learned about boundries and keeping things on my

terms or just cutting it off. My counselor was the one that suggested my mom had

BPD. Just until recently I started looking into the BPD and I can check almost

everything off that makes her def. have BPD or BPD traits. I'm trying to seek

some support with people that also have similar situations with thier parent(s)

and advice on how to handle this in the future. I will be purchasing the SWOE

book as well to help me along the way. This is the story of my last episode with

her...

>

> The birth of my child 3 months ago. I didn't want her in the birthing room

when I delivered due to her past behavior. I was afraid she would do something

to ruin it and unfortunatly I let my boundry down and had my NADA, my husband,

and best friend in the room when I delivered. My husband and I asked my friend

in the room the take pictures of the baby when he arrived for us. My NADA had

her camera as well for herslef and was taking pictures as well. WHen my son was

born he had breathing problems and had to be rushed to the special care nursery

for tests. When this was happening my NADA was texting someone so my husband

asked our friend to take our camera out to the waiting room the show everyone

the pics of the baby. She did as she was asked and when she came back to the

room all hell had broke out with the NADA.

> Apparently my NADA wanted to go show the pics to everyone since it was her

first grandchild and she wanted to see the reaction on everyones face.

Unfortunatly she didn't tell anyone this and when my husband wanted someone to

go show the pics she was busy texting and still said nothing about wanting to do

this.

> After everyone went up to the special care nursery and saw the baby as I sat

in recovery. My husband, friend, and NADA return to my recovery room. At this

point we still didn't know if my son was going to be okay and I hadn't seen him

since I delivered him. My NADA was suppose to go back with my friend to my home

and stay there over night. Looking at my NADA I knew she was going to " blow " on

my friend.

>

> So as I sat in recovery and my NADA and friend were getting ready to leave I

told my NADA in front of my husband and friend that my friend felt bad about

showing the pics she didn't know that my NADA wanted to do that. Then my friend

spoke up and appologized when she did that my NADA started yelling and cussing

at her. My husband then interviened and told her he had asked her and was

unaware of my NADA wanting to show pics as well. SHe then starting cussing him

out and threatened to hit him. He became very frusterated as well as my friend

so he told my NADA she was not welcome to stay at our home and she needed to

leave the hospital. Then he and my friend left the room.

>

> I didn't say a word the entire time until they left me in the room alone with

her and the nurse. SHe told me if I want to have a husband like that its my

choice but she wants nothing to do with me, my husband, and friend ever again. I

then told her I did not care about the pics at the moment the only thing I cared

about was my recovery and my newborn baby. She said she understood BUT....if she

left the hospital she was never speaking to me again nor my husband and friend.

SHe then told me if my son wanted to have a relationship with her when he's an

adult that's fine she had only came to see him be born. Then told me she loved

me but has never considered me family. Then she wished me a good life and left.

>

> 2 days later we had just gotten home from the hospital. My NADA shows up at

the door with my twin brother to see the baby. My husband let them in and we

felt we couldn't say anything at that moment since there were other people

there that had no idea how she was or what had happened. She can make herslef

look very " normal " in front of people she doesn't know well ie: my mother in

law. She finally left 8 hrs later when there was just one person left and then

left. I told my dad aka her stb-ex to relay the message to her she is not

allowed to see me and my family until she gets counseling and appologizes.

>

> SHe doesn't feel she should appologize she thinks we owe her an apology for

making her drive home. Since then she ran into my friend at the store and

started screaming at her while she was at the register blaming her for

thedamaged relationship between my NADA and I . My NADA's version from what she

told my dad is so twisted and distorded compaired to what happened.This is how

its always been with her.

>

> She says horrible things, gets physical and has never appoligized for her

actions she just blames another person and twists the story. SO....where I am

now is not speaking to her and not letting her see my son, unless she gets help.

Since her and my dad are in the process of a divorce i think she has gotten

worse and more desperate. It breaks my heart that she isn't getting to see her

first grandchild grow up nor finding me and my son important enough to get help.

i can't have her direspcting my family nor introducing my son to that type of

disfunction. Lately she has been seeking out her sisters for a listening ear and

everyone is telling her she needs counseling. SHe just gives excuses why she

can't. She is now saying she has seriously contiplated killing her stb-ex (my

dad) twice and still is, as well as herself. I guess we can't do anything about

it unless she actually tries something is what the police and my dads lawyer

said.

>

> This is what we are thinking and I was wondering if anyone else has tried

this? Me and my NADA's siblings want to do an intervention. We want to meet with

a counselor explain to them her and her BPD. Then bring her in a different day

and offer her treatment if she refuses we tell her then we are all done with her

unless she gets help. I know its going to be nearly inpossibble to get her there

as well.

>

> How does this sound? Anyvother suggestions or stories of what you did? There's

so much more about her BPD but this email is long enough! LOL

>

> thanks for listening and any reponses are greatly appreciated,

>

>