Re: the stages of grief/Peggy/Sher

[Guest guest]



Peggy... Rich and I are together just about 24/7 too and have been since he retired in 1995. I'm so grateful we are compatible too. We are best friends and that helps both of us. He surely is my Guardian Angel.

We hired a part-time housekeeper and I feel much relieved at that choice. As I've said, the less I do the more Rich does and there is a limit for a 78 year old man with 4 things wrong with his heart! Oh, he thinks he can do it but he finally agreed, it's time for a housekeeper. She comes tomorrow.

I'm so sad to read you are having a "smothering" feeling. Is it all the time or w/exertion? I don't remember anyone using this particular word before, what causes this feeling? Do you mean you can't get your breath? Peggy, I'm so sorry!

I'm having the kids over for a "talk" about my progression and other things that pertain to it. I've not done that with all of them at the same time and it's time to do that. They need to know how/where we stand with this disease/finances and needing help occasionally with household things.

It's scary to think that eventually we will own the DME and have to pay...whatever.

Now I believe what I've heard: "Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans".

MamaSher, age 69. IPF 3-06, OR. NasturtiumsDon't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

Re: Re: the stages of grief

Bruce, In 1986 and I started our own business. He built an office in our back yard. We were together 24/7 all those years. That was through the beginning of computers and starting a business and yet we didn't come to blows.. lol �we have indeed been so blessed.

traveled for about 14 years. Those were hard years. I think what I meant was the sitting on the porch trying to kick start our rocking chairs.�

He had an accident in '87 and broke both his feet. That was a challenge going from housewife/shopper/ to running our business.. Wow I'm still amazed at me..lol�

Your so right about our friendship. This board has given us so much love and support I could never express it. We are waiting for you to come for some porch time. Thank heavens is becoming a pretty good cook. His favorite saying is " It's all in the presentation" I laugh so hard. He thinks he can

out do Ray. He is so funny.

Sorry I'm blabbering.�

Take care of you.

Love and Prayers, Peggy ��

IPF �2004, �Florida

"Worry looks around,

�Sorry looks back,

��Faith looks up."

[Guest guest]

Sher

Isn't it great that you've so far had thirteen years of time together,

not work, just enjoying the company of each other.

Peggy

Were it not for your disease do you think would have retired yet

and you would have had this time together?

Sher

I have used periodically a small company called " An Extra Pair of

Hands " . Colleen and have done everything from helping me move to

hanging drapes to putting laundry away to putting my mattress genie on

my bed to changing linens to cleaning. They are fast, dependable, and a

pleasure to be around. I wish I could afford them more but I let a few

things build and then call them. I know for the future there is

basically nothing they won't do including drive me to or pick me up from

medical tests such as endoscopies, shopping, reorganize. I expect to use

them until I reach the point of needing help all the time.

Talk with kids is good. Once done then they know and it doesn't require

additional. For me its such a comfort that all those things were taken

care of.

The ownership of the medical equipment when and if that comes doesn't

mean you don't still get maintenance and service and supplies. It simply

means the concentrator is paid for and yours.

>

> Peggy... Rich and I are together just about 24/7 too and have been

since he retired in 1995. I'm so grateful we are compatible too. We are

best friends and that helps both of us. He surely is my Guardian Angel.

>

> We hired a part-time housekeeper and I feel much relieved at that

choice. As I've said, the less I do the more Rich does and there is a

limit for a 78 year old man with 4 things wrong with his heart! Oh, he

thinks he can do it but he finally agreed, it's time for a housekeeper.

She comes tomorrow.

>

> I'm so sad to read you are having a " smothering " feeling. Is it all

the time or w/exertion? I don't remember anyone using this particular

word before, what causes this feeling? Do you mean you can't get your

breath? Peggy, I'm so sorry!

>

> I'm having the kids over for a " talk " about my progression and other

things that pertain to it. I've not done that with all of them at the

same time and it's time to do that. They need to know how/where we stand

with this disease/finances and needing help occasionally with household

things.

>

> It's scary to think that eventually we will own the DME and have to

pay...whatever.

>

> Now I believe what I've heard: " Life is what happens when we're busy

making other plans " .

>

> MamaSher, age 69. IPF 3-06, OR.

> Nasturtiums

> Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

>

> Re: Re: the stages of grief

>

>

> Bruce, In 1986 and I started our own business. He built an office

in our back yard. We were together 24/7 all those years. That was

through the beginning of computers and starting a business and yet we

didn't come to blows.. lol �we have indeed been so blessed.

> traveled for about 14 years. Those were hard years. I think what

I meant was the sitting on the porch trying to kick start our rocking

chairs.�

> He had an accident in '87 and broke both his feet. That was a

challenge going from housewife/shopper/ to running our business.. Wow

I'm still amazed at me..lol�

>

>

> Your so right about our friendship. This board has given us so much

love and support I could never express it. We are waiting for you to

come for some porch time. Thank heavens is becoming a pretty good

cook. His favorite saying is " It's all in the presentation " I laugh so

hard. He thinks he can

> out do Ray. He is so funny.

> Sorry I'm blabbering.�

> Take care of you.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Love and Prayers, Peggy ��

> IPF �2004, �Florida

>

>

> " Worry looks around,

> �Sorry looks back,

> ��Faith looks up. "

>

[Guest guest]

Sher, It is weird to me about the smothering feeling, It just happens, more frequently since the last drop. Last week when I went to my Dr. she said it's the oxygen not being able to get through the thickening of the lung tissue. Or something to that effect. It is not all the time but I am aware it is there. STINKS.When we had our talk with my kids about hospice or not..... and I had talked about it and  "I" decided that would not be comfortable with the fact I had passed here in our home. So that was pretty much settled. Then when we were talking with the kids. (They are all doing their best not to cry.) says he thought the decision we made about hospice was selfish on his part. (Now were all crying)He wants me to stay here in my home that I didn't get to enjoy nearly enough. NOW I am crying. I told my kids just not to let another woman have any of my personal stuff. We all laughed. You'll find it tough but when it is done you'll have such relief. I truly know they will all be fine after a while. We all said what we needed to say. Except Beccashe is not good at expressing her feelings at all. We'll be talking more as time goes by. small steps for her.Now that I have bent your ear..Have a good day. Love and Prayers, Peggy   IPF  2004,  Florida"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back,  Faith looks up."

[Guest guest]

Peggy

Sorry about the smothering.

As to the hospice and the other issues isn't it great to have discussed

it and have that out of the way. Also, it does give Becca more time to

deal with it. Because you discussed it early, you dealt with the issues

too, such as the house and living there after you.

Now, one thing I would say to all couples. Just because we're the ones

with PF doesn't mean this should simply be a discussion of what happens

if we deteriorate or die. The same needs to take place related to your

spouse who seems invincable at the moment. These life decisions and

desires should have been discussed before any diseases although greater

knowledge might have changed views. The healthiest person we know could

be the one to have something happen first. We see our healthy spouse

sometimes and forget that we were once that healthy too.

>

> Sher, It is weird to me about the smothering feeling, It just

> happens, more frequently since the last drop. Last week when I went

> to my Dr. she said it's the oxygen not being able to get through the

> thickening of the lung tissue. Or something to that effect. It is not

> all the time but I am aware it is there. STINKS.

>

> When we had our talk with my kids about hospice or not..... and

> I had talked about it and " I " decided that would not be

> comfortable with the fact I had passed here in our home. So that was

> pretty much settled. Then when we were talking with the kids. (They

> are all doing their best not to cry.) says he thought the

> decision we made about hospice was selfish on his part. (Now were all

> crying)He wants me to stay here in my home that I didn't get to enjoy

> nearly enough. NOW I am crying.

>

> I told my kids just not to let another woman have any of my personal

> stuff.

> We all laughed. You'll find it tough but when it is done you'll have

> such relief.

>

> I truly know they will all be fine after a while. We all said what we

> needed to say. Except Becca

> she is not good at expressing her feelings at all. We'll be talking

> more as time goes by. small steps for her.

>

> Now that I have bent your ear..Have a good day.

>

>

> 

>

>

> Love and Prayers, Peggy

> IPF 2004, Florida

>

> " Worry looks around,

> Sorry looks back,

> Faith looks up. "

>

[Guest guest]

Bruce, I think that may be one of the hard things to see going on. is a very happy spirited man so he sings and laughs easily and is just happy. I sometimes want to tell him not to be so happy LOL (hows that for selfish) He just gets up and goes outside and cuts the yard or plays with his jeep or 4x4 and enjoys his life for witch I am SOOOO THANKFUL.  I open the door these HOT summer days and can't sit on my porch.. BOY I must be having a pity party today. So I'm just going to go in  my crafty room and see about working on a quilt. Have a wonderful day.  Love and Prayers, Peggy   IPF  2004,  Florida"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back,  Faith looks up."

[Guest guest]

Bruce ... Oh my, Rich and I have had 15 years together not 13 but who's counting?

'Extra Pair of Hands' sounds just like what we all need. I'm sure between the housekeeper part-time and the kids we will do fine for a long while.

Yes, I understand about the rent to own on the DME. However, like my CPAP that I now own, any "repairs" or whatever will be at my expense. I now pay for service and/or supplies. I did not before I 'owned' it. I've had it for more years than I've been dx with IPF. I may even 'rent' a newer one and start again.

I'm on the list for the 1st of Aug for a new smaller concentrator...smaller, quieter and less heat omission. Can't even remember the name but I'll post it when I get it.

MamaSher, age 69. IPF 3-06, OR. NasturtiumsDon't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

Re: Re: the stages of grief>>> Bruce, In 1986 and I started our own business. He built an officein our back yard. We were together 24/7 all those years. That wasthrough the beginning of computers and starting a business and yet wedidn't come to blows.. lol �we have indeed been so blessed.> traveled for about 14 years. Those were hard years. I think whatI meant was the sitting on the porch trying to kick start our rockingchairs.�> He had an accident in '87 and broke both his feet. That was achallenge going from housewife/shopper/ to running our business.. WowI'm still amazed at me..lol�>>> Your so right about our friendship. This board has given us so muchlove and support I could never express it. We are waiting for you tocome for some porch time. Thank heavens is becoming a pretty goodcook. His favorite saying is " It's all in the presentation" I laugh sohard. He thinks he can> out do Ray. He is so funny.> Sorry I'm blabbering.�> Take care of you.>>>>>>>> Love and Prayers, Peggy ��> IPF �2004, �Florida>>> "Worry looks around,> �Sorry looks back,> ��Faith looks up.">

[Guest guest]



Peggy ... I have had "talks" with Lysa and Zoë separately but never with Lysa's husband, Marlin. I'm glad we are all going to be together and hear the same conversation at the same time.

So are you saying you're set up w/Hospice and you're going to stay home?

You're right...not being able to breath STINKS for sure. I am not there yet but sometimes the SOB is pretty severe and that gives me an inkling about what you describe.

Rich says he will not be able to stay in this apt. To many memories. He will move if he survives me. If I outlive him it's probably time to move in with Lysa. Lordy I hate to think about losing independence to that degree. But ...

MamaSher, age 69. IPF 3-06, OR. NasturtiumsDon't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

Re: Re: the stages of grief/Peggy/Sher

Sher, It is weird to me about the smothering feeling, It just happens, more frequently since the last drop. Last week when I went to my Dr. she said it's the oxygen not being able to get through the�thickening�of the lung tissue. Or something to that effect. It is not all the time but I am aware it is there. STINKS.

When we had our talk with my kids about hospice or not..... and I had talked about it and �"I" decided that would not be comfortable with the fact I had passed here in our home. So that was pretty much settled. Then when we were talking with the kids. (They are all doing their best not to cry.) says he thought the�decision�we made about hospice was selfish on his part. (Now were all crying)He wants me to stay here in my home that I didn't get to enjoy nearly enough. NOW I am crying.�

I told my kids just not to let another woman have any of my personal stuff.�

We all laughed. You'll find it tough but when it is done you'll have such�relief.�

I truly know they will all be fine after a while. We all said what we needed to say. Except Becca

she is not good at expressing her feelings at all. We'll be talking more as time goes by. small steps for her.

Now that I have bent your ear..Have a good day.

Love and Prayers, Peggy ��

IPF �2004, �Florida

"Worry looks around,

�Sorry looks back,

��Faith looks up."

[Guest guest]

(((((Peggy))))) I want to learn how to make quilts. They're gorgeous

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to tell him not to be so happy, but really being pleased that he's still able to enjoy life. I would hate it if I took that away from Rob.

Sending you much love and strength

Love Ze xx>> Bruce, I think that may be one of the hard things to see going on. > is a very happy spirited man so> he sings and laughs easily and is just happy. I sometimes want to > tell him not to be so happy LOL (hows that for selfish) He just gets > up and goes outside and cuts the yard or plays with his jeep or 4x4 > and enjoys his life for witch I am SOOOO THANKFUL. I open the door > these HOT summer days and can't sit on my porch.. BOY I must be > having a pity party today. So I'm just going to go in my crafty room > and see about working on a quilt.> Have a wonderful day.> > > > > > Love and Prayers, Peggy> IPF 2004, Florida> > "Worry looks around,> Sorry looks back,> Faith looks up.">