Pls don't judge me about this cat story

[Guest guest]

I want to first aplogize because I feel like lately I have only been taking from

the board and not really giving back. I read a lot of posts and just feel like I

don't have anything helpful to say right now. I want to thank all that respond

to my posts because they help SO much, and right now I feel a little crazy and

could use it.

I wonder what kind of person I am becoming. I say that because since nada died,

I have gone NC with all my " family " . I think that is a good, healthy move for

me. But I am also seeing myself do it with people that have hurt me or I don't

want to complicate my life. Recently my 1/2 sister, who I have met once when she

was around 8 (I am about 11 years older and this is the dtr of my deadbeat dad)

facebooked me and I didn't even respond. I know this girl was rasied my a meth

addict and has a slew of problems and I just don't want to go there. I just

don't have it in me. Similarly, a so-called family friend also found me on FB

and I ignored her as well. Once nada told her she had cancer we never heard from

her again. What kind of friend is that? My question is, is this a healthy thing

for me to do or just rude and mean? I am finally free of nada, why invite other

toxic people in? Before you answer, pls let me tell you about my cat, and pls

don't judge me about this- I feel like an a-hole.

I have this cat who is 9. I have had her since she was a kitten. I have spent

literally thousands of dollars on this cat and all her issues. She has

inflammatory bowel disease and so vomits and has diarrhea frequently. She's on a

daily steroid which has made her fat and given her arthritis- she limps now and

I give her glucosamine chondroitin with her steroid. Right when my dtr was born,

our other cat died due to kidney issues. So she went from getting a ton of

attention and having a companion to no companion and us basically ignoring her

because we were so engrossed with the new baby. Fast-forward a year. We are

moving to a new house. I am so sick of the poop and vomit- she is really unclean

and does not try to clean herself. We have to wipe her butt with a baby wipe and

periodically shave her butt to keep her 1/2 way sanitary. I just feel like I am

not in a clean home and am sick of the litter box. Her quality of life is fine

but I know she is lonely. I work full time, have a 19m old and am pregnant, I

just don't have anything left for the cat. She's also not good with kids, but my

dtr has been pretty mellow about her so it hasn't been an issue. What bothers me

most of all, is that my best friend's 3 yo is severely allergic to cats. He was

in the hospital 2x before they figured out what it was. It kills me that they

can never come over and she is my dtr's godmother too. She has another little

girl who is the same age as mine. I want our kids to be close and she is like a

sister to me. With no FOO this is important you know? So we are moving and I

don't want to bring the cat for those reasons. I can't find anyone to take her.

I have tried every no-kill shelter in the state and no one will take an aging

special needs cat. I called a cat retirement place and they would take her for

5K. Yeah right! So I called the vet to talk about putting her down, which shocks

me that I would even consider that. I mean I was pre-vet in college! She won't

do it. I don't know what to do. Taking her to the pound seems too cruel and

horrible. But in my heart of hearts I don't want her anymore and that makes me

wonder- when did I get so cold? I am actually considering doing it.