funeral

[Guest guest]

question, has anyone here not attended the funeral of a nada or fada? I have no

intention of going to my fada's funeral when he passes. he is still very much

alive but our relationship is so fraught with pain and abuse there is no way i

am going.

is this a rare thing, do people just lump it and go, or has anyone stayed away?

[Guest guest]

I won't be going to Nada's funeral. I didn't go to my grandmother's

recently. Loved her, but felt no need to spend time with the FOO after 8

years NC.

>

>

> question, has anyone here not attended the funeral of a nada or fada? I

> have no intention of going to my fada's funeral when he passes. he is still

> very much alive but our relationship is so fraught with pain and abuse there

> is no way i am going.

>

> is this a rare thing, do people just lump it and go, or has anyone stayed

> away?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is the reason I can't see myself going. Having people come up to me and say

this or that (in my family there is alot of socialising at funerals, after the

service I mean, and at the wake...it's very bizarre with the deceased person

laying there dead)...I know I am not going to want to discuss it with anyone,

hear any condolences and praises, or anything like that.

>

> >

> >

> > question, has anyone here not attended the funeral of a nada or fada? I

> > have no intention of going to my fada's funeral when he passes. he is still

> > very much alive but our relationship is so fraught with pain and abuse there

> > is no way i am going.

> >

> > is this a rare thing, do people just lump it and go, or has anyone stayed

> > away?

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It's your choice! Don't let them guilt you into it. I also didn't go to my

grandmother's funeral because it was a celebration of a religion/culture I

didn't choose, that didn't work for me, and that wasn't meaningful to me. So

I will remember her in my way, in my own time, in a way that works for me.

Attending would have been to make myself a dancing monkey for their benefit

- not mine. And I stopped doing things for their benefit (not mine) 8 years

ago when I went NC. That was when I decided that I count too.

>

>

> That is the reason I can't see myself going. Having people come up to me

> and say this or that (in my family there is alot of socialising at funerals,

> after the service I mean, and at the wake...it's very bizarre with the

> deceased person laying there dead)...I know I am not going to want to

> discuss it with anyone, hear any condolences and praises, or anything like

> that.

>

>

>

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > question, has anyone here not attended the funeral of a nada or fada? I

> > > have no intention of going to my fada's funeral when he passes. he is

> still

> > > very much alive but our relationship is so fraught with pain and abuse

> there

> > > is no way i am going.

> > >

> > > is this a rare thing, do people just lump it and go, or has anyone

> stayed

> > > away?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I will probably go, but the reason is to be there for my Sister. She's been " on

the front lines " actually having a relationship with our mother for the last 15

years, and I've been her long-distance emotional support; the least I can do is

to be there physically for Sister when nada passes away. It will not be

pleasant for me; I'm sure I'll get the cold shoulder by our relatives as " the

bad daughter " who refused to have contact with my poor old nada in her declining

years ( " I don't understand; she loved you so much " ). But the way I look at it

the funeral won't be about me, it'll be about my Sister and how she feels.

Sister has been able to rebuild a tenuous, guarded relationship with our nada

despite the past (and more current) abuses, and I respect her for that.

-Annie

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > question, has anyone here not attended the funeral of a nada or fada? I

> > > have no intention of going to my fada's funeral when he passes. he is

still

> > > very much alive but our relationship is so fraught with pain and abuse

there

> > > is no way i am going.

> > >

> > > is this a rare thing, do people just lump it and go, or has anyone stayed

> > > away?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Good question.

I wonder, too, what to do when nada dies. I've been NC for almost 3 years, but

we live in the same metro area. We have many people in common outside of

family, although I've pulled out of most of our common communities.

But I wonder. She's older, she's had a chronic illness for 12 years (she hasn't

been super sick from it...but she LOVES telling people about it...).

Part of me thinks I *should* go...part of me expects that her husband will

actually try to prevent me from coming or have me physically removed from it.

Ninera

>

> Subject: funeral

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Friday, September 24, 2010, 11:27 PM

> question, has anyone here not

> attended the funeral of a nada or fada? I have no intention

> of going to my fada's funeral when he passes. he is still

> very much alive but our relationship is so fraught with pain

> and abuse there is no way i am going.

>

> is this a rare thing, do people just lump it and go, or has

> anyone stayed away?

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

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