Re: A storm is on the way…..

[Guest guest]

You all are so wonderful and make so many great points. Thank you all for the

replies.

Annie, I really needed that visual of the castle under attack, it gave me a much

needed perspective of the severity of the situation. Caving now would be like

attacking my own castle, not too smart.

I do feel so much FOG right now which is one great reason to have this group

full of people who have been there done that. I really appreciate all the honest

feedback from all of you.

And I think I will do a bit of redirecting of my energy thanks for the

reminders. I normally despise all exercise, I am not unhealthy, but I have VERY

low energy level (like a sloth) haha. When I garden or clean this is my workout.

However, I think I need to redirect my feelings in a positive way, I have done

this before many times over and it works well.

I will thoughtfully consider all options before I make any fast moves. I think I

was so worn out from putting to much pressure on myself. I feel emotionally

better today.

Sometimes the best move is to make no move. I was talking to my cousin (the one

who I talk to in secret), and she asked me " Why are you most afraid to go? " I

replied " I am not afraid to go, I just don't want people to get the impression

that I am okay with what happened to me. If I go they will think everything is

okay and it was not that big of a deal. If I stay away, it will make a loud

statement that I am not okay with what happened to me " She understood that loud

and clear. She has been so supportive of me and it feels great to have her back

in my life.

It's not always easy to do the right thing, but the payoff with be worth it. If

my nada gets too revved up I will just continue to do what I have done for the

last 8 years….ignore it. If it gets really bad, I will involve a lawyer,

although I have to say I know that will really tick off my sister/nada/dishrag

who have enough expenses the way it is. I will avoid it as long as possible. LB

> > >

> > > Nada sent me a 6 page text yesterday. It was all the same old bull she

> > always says, but it was the first time she has attempted any contact in a

> > pretty long time. She works in waves and with my sister wedding on the way I

> > have a feeling of impending doom for the next year.

> > >

> > > The context of the message was the usual, she wants to get together and

> > work this out once and for all, forgive and forget, she avoided all blame,

> > and instead blamed my dh and grandma, but never me directly blamed me

> > because in her mind I am a victim of brainwashing because I don't grovel

> > anymore. I don't really know what else she said, I don't really want to read

> > it again.

> > >

> > > Maybe I am way off, but she is like a bad addiction or something it

> > leaves a person weak. Yesterday I wanted to reply SO badly it was like a

> > need (but I didn't do it). I felt like I was relapsing or something. I have

> > not felt a need to say anything to her for years, but I think I felt this

> > charge because of the whole thing with my sister. I wanted to write a

> > message back to Nada and dishrag I was so mad. And even to my sister for

> > repeating everything I said. It took every ounce of physical and emotional

> > strength I had to just not let it bother me, not even respond. I felt like

> > somebody came and sucked all my energy from my body. I was physically weak

> > and could hardly raise my arms to iron clothes and sheets. I felt so

> > drained.

> > >

> > > It's a struggle to deal with her, or not deal with her. I know this is

> > going to be " the year " I know she is coming to my house soon, I can feel it.

> > I don't want to get another restraining order, that whole business is such a

> > pain, but I am dreading that if she starts again I will have no choice. I

> > guess I will just wait it out and see how bad it gets. I am so thankful that

> > I have this group and a few other KO's in my life, plus my DH and grandma. I

> > really need the support and there are so few who so deeply understand and

> > can help. Thank you so much. LB

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

wow, I am so proud for you!!!

" Maybe I am way off, but she is like a bad addiction or something it leaves a

person weak. Yesterday I wanted to reply SO badly it was like a need (but I

didn't do it). I felt like I was relapsing or something. I have not felt a need

to say anything to her for years, but I think I felt this charge because of the

whole thing with my sister. I wanted to write a message back to Nada and

dishrag I was so mad. And even to my sister for repeating everything I said. It

took every ounce of physical and emotional strength I had to just not let it

bother me, not even respond. "

I know EXACTLY what that pull 'back into it' or the hoovering, as they say here

feels like. And reading this I could feel every ounce of your fight going on and

I just want to say congratulations for resisting it, it is soooooooo hard

sometimes.

I have been failing miserably at this this week because I am in a new curriculum

at school and am not doing well at it, and I am so vulnerable so I am finding it

hard to just walk away from arguments with family members right now.

>

> Nada sent me a 6 page text yesterday. It was all the same old bull she always

says, but it was the first time she has attempted any contact in a pretty long

time. She works in waves and with my sister wedding on the way I have a feeling

of impending doom for the next year.

>

> The context of the message was the usual, she wants to get together and work

this out once and for all, forgive and forget, she avoided all blame, and

instead blamed my dh and grandma, but never me directly blamed me because in

her mind I am a victim of brainwashing because I don't grovel anymore. I don't

really know what else she said, I don't really want to read it again.

>

> Maybe I am way off, but she is like a bad addiction or something it leaves a

person weak. Yesterday I wanted to reply SO badly it was like a need (but I

didn't do it). I felt like I was relapsing or something. I have not felt a need

to say anything to her for years, but I think I felt this charge because of the

whole thing with my sister. I wanted to write a message back to Nada and

dishrag I was so mad. And even to my sister for repeating everything I said. It

took every ounce of physical and emotional strength I had to just not let it

bother me, not even respond. I felt like somebody came and sucked all my energy

from my body. I was physically weak and could hardly raise my arms to iron

clothes and sheets. I felt so drained.

>

> It's a struggle to deal with her, or not deal with her. I know this is going

to be " the year " I know she is coming to my house soon, I can feel it. I don't

want to get another restraining order, that whole business is such a pain, but I

am dreading that if she starts again I will have no choice. I guess I will just

wait it out and see how bad it gets. I am so thankful that I have this group and

a few other KO's in my life, plus my DH and grandma. I really need the support

and there are so few who so deeply understand and can help. Thank you so much.

LB

>