Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Hi April - You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to be. But as for the need for a " perfect " body, I have found when dealing with my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair, etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love. - Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people (or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless it's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk away from toxic people in my life and move on. I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a job that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel alive and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's finding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the moment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. For me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the ocean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... lol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE from external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I see on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - to be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body conscious and when he says " mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat " (he's only 7 and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate those " voices " from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will drown out those voices. When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows I had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I can't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this adequately, but I'm learning... April G > > Hi April - > > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as > unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a > surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have > inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy > about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to > be. But as for the need for a " perfect " body, I have found when dealing with > my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things > about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my > smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my > appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair, > etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts > that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There > are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have > brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along > with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love. > > - Casey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm not exaggerating or being facetious at all when I say that you have inspired me today April! I do struggle with seasonal depression--I have been able to use light therapy to successfully ease the majority of it, but its still a struggle every winter--and while I always need to remind myself to be grateful for what I have, I think that I also need to live more in the present and seize the day and what gives me pleasure too! Thank you so much, I really mean it I think its horrible that we live in such a damaging society, especially for women. Outside factors still influence me greatly, probably b/c as Martha said I haven't gained a lot of strength in that area yet, so I no longer subscribe to any magazines (I used to get various Women's lifestyle magazines, and they all talk about dieting some way or another) and often have to change the channel when a commercial for Biggest Loser or something similar comes on. I worry about when I have a daughter and how I will help her understand that the value society places on appearance, especially weight, really doesn't mean anything (it's important that boys understand this too). I'm sure with a supportive environment and open communication this can be accomplished. I have the feeling that in teaching your son about these values you'll also be helping yourself a lot through the process. - Casey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 April G -- it sounds like you are well on your way! You say that what bothers you is the perceived pressure from society about your body... and that you already deleted your DVR'ed shows on weight loss! The more you are able to avoid seeing societal expectations, I suspect the happier you will be! So next step... stop reading " women's " magazines, try to avoid entertainment TV and magazines, fashion magazines, etc... And as for your son... isn't it amazing that he has already received the message that your appearance is what really matters about a person? (and how lovely that he loves you in spite of you not matching up to what he's been taught to expect or want.) sounds like he's ready for a diet from popular culture, too! All the best,AbbyIE since 11/08 Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people (or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless it's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk away from toxic people in my life and move on. I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a job that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel alive and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's finding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the moment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. For me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the ocean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... lol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE from external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I see on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - to be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body conscious and when he says " mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat " (he's only 7 and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate those " voices " from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will drown out those voices. When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows I had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I can't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this adequately, but I'm learning... April G > > Hi April - > > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as > unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a > surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have > inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy > about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to > be. But as for the need for a " perfect " body, I have found when dealing with > my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things > about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my > smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my > appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair, > etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts > that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There > are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have > brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along > with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love. > > - Casey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 You just haven't met the right man yet! I am 5'3.5 " and was close to 280 lbs when I met and fell in love with my dh, and he's a good looking man of average to slim size. A real catch! He thinks I'm perfect the way I am and finds me sexy and desirable. Not only that, I was 210 lbs when I met my xh and he loved me the way I was and found me sexy and desirable even when I gained 40 lbs in the 6 years we were together. A lot of it is confidence and a feeling of self worth. Someone told me once that the most attractive thing in a woman was self confidence. I believe it! Do that body work. You're worth it. > > > > > > > " I am really working on teaching my son > > that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > > ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > > adequately, but I'm learning... ' > > > > I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, " Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me " and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to. > > > > Sunny > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Re: Re-introducing myself > > > > > > Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people > > or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless > > t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk > > way from toxic people in my life and move on. > > I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a > > ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel > > live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's > > inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the > > oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. > > or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the > > cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. > > You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... > > ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE > > rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I > > ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - > > o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body > > onscious and when he says " mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat " (he's only > > and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate > > hose " voices " from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will > > rown out those voices. > > When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows > > had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I > > an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son > > hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > > thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > > dequately, but I'm learning... > > April G > > --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@> > > rote: > > > > Hi April - > > > > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as > > unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a > > surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have > > inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy > > about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to > > be. But as for the need for a " perfect " body, I have found when dealing with > > my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things > > about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my > > smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my > > appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair, > > etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts > > that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There > > are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have > > brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along > > with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love. > > > > - Casey > > > > > > > > ----------------------------------- > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 I can reply to this message from both sides of the spectrum. I've been heavy , like I am right now (333lbs) and I've also been lighter (200lbs), which because I'm tall and have a large body structure, put me in size tens and twelves. I lost all that weight and it taught me a very valuable lesson. We are all shallow, and we are all attracted to "pretty" things. I remember clearly that when I was thin a man that I had a crush on for five years slapped me on the a** and said, "Looking good girl... We definately need to hang out now." After I got over the shock, I realized something. I didn't want him. He was a pretty package, but now I knew what he really was. He was just looking for a trinket. Something or someone who looked the part. Please understand that I'm not saying that every man who prefers a smaller woman is like that... However, I have noticed a great deal of them. And I wondered why that was, and I came to a conclusion for myself. As other people on here have already said, I was treating myself like crap when I was heavier, so why would anyone else want to date me? I didn't even like myself... how could I ask someone else to? That being said, I'm in a season of rewriting my own story. I'm the fat girl who is getting on with her life. I'm not waiting for it anymore. I'm running a half marathon this weekend to celebrate my 30th birthday. I'm running a full marathon in two months. I'm taking Zumba because it's fun. I'm eating ice cream because it's delicious. I'm learning to read food labels carefully not because I'm on a diet, but because I'm honoring my body by putting healthy, whole foods into it. Those include butter! lol... I'm drinking too much coffee, laughing too loud, buying red glasses, painting my nails, taking risks with my career, and learning to accept myself. I'm not perfect but I'm a heck of a lot more fun when I'm being real. If I lose weight, I lose weight. I hope not to gain anymore, but if I do, that's a bridge I have to cross. Blessings to all of you! Amy To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, March 8, 2011 12:03:43 PMSubject: Re: Re-introducing myself I too am single, have been for 16 years. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have been there where I felt sorry for myself because no one wanted to be with me because of my size. But we HAVE to learn to find the love inside of ourselves and from a higher power. We do not need a man to love us!!!!! Fill your life with lots of family, friends, pets and the love from a devine being that loves us no matter what. And treat yourself the way you would want a man to. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a nice dinner, take yourself to a movie, buy yourself chocolate or jewelry, light candles and be romantic to yourself. And by the way, there are tons of men out there that do like a bigger woman. They may not want to admit it because society says they shouldn't, but they are out there and they can be hard to find. I know because I've met them. But in order for them to love us, we have to first love ourselves. Then if we love ourselves and we do end up being alone, it won't really matter because we have the best lover, friend and companion ever - ourselves!Alana>> > "I am really working on teaching my son > that everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > ethnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > adequately, but I'm learning... '> > I really wish you great success with teaching your son that. I wish we could teach it to men. The main reason I can't accept my body as it is (I need to lose 100-110 pounds just to wear a size 12) is because I've been single for 10 years now. I keep hearing from the guys that interest me, "Sorry, you're really sweet but you're just a little too big for me" and at 55 years old, I truly don't want to be alone forever. So while I'd love to convince myself that my weight doesn't matter, it does matter to others and I can't pretend it doesn't as much as I'd love to. > > Sunny> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2011 Report Share Posted March 9, 2011 Intersting conversation all. I think the conversations around IE and weight or weight loss.. I won't vilify weight loss or the need and desire to lose weight for health or cosmetic reasons. I understand why people want that for so many reasons. However, dieting does NOT work. There are no reliable long term scientifically proven methods for long term weight loss. period. The scientific community at large have thrown trillions of dollars to fix this problem and have not... a diet pill/drug or other which works is like the golden grail.... There are short term fixes but 99% of the time... after allll that hard work the weight creeps back on. And... due to the metabolism that is now more frugal than my grandfather during the depression because of said dieting, we not only gain the weight back but add more as protection.So I came to this point, diets don't work long term, I "lost" yet again. Do I have it in me to do this all over again? Can I accept the fact that I will have to diet and go hungry the rest of my life? Can I live with feeling like I am a constant failure of self loathing? nope. So I began the process of loving myself. That includes exersize, that includes a vegetarian whole grain diet with minimal junk food because that is what my body needs and likes. My relationship to my body is going from one of negativity and one of self care and love. My focus is on health, not on the weight. In fact, weight can also be protective of certain cancers and people who are overweight (and exersize) and teh SAME mortality of normal BMI folks who exersize. Its easy to get side tracked because the messages in society are a resounding cultish chant "be thin be thin be thin." Doctors while pretending to be objective are biased, its part of the biased training they have receieved by wrong data and wrong conclusions. I get healthier when I do not weigh myself. I get healthier when I jog/swim/weight lift/walk/dance. I get healthier when I eat my delicious kale. I trust my body not to fall apart if eat a muffin. I trust her. Perhaps she is bigger than others but thats ok. I am trusting her. My body is not some beast that is going to run on stampede like a bull the minute I open the gates. My body is a curious manatee cruising by for a look, a munch then moving on. gentle with herself and with others. in balance... well not yet but thats the goal. To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, March 8, 2011 4:20:14 PMSubject: Re: Re: Re-introducing myself Thanks for taking the time to write all that out Alana. I'm sure it will help lots of people. I'm a bit different. I find it really hard to fool myself with affirmations and telling myself things. Please don't take offense to this, as it's just who I am. I'm a glass half full kind of person but I am also realistic. I can't convince myself of things just because I wish it was so. Believe me, I wish it was so. I've spent the last 10 years trying exactly what you say to no avail. I do LOVE me, as a person. I'm a great person. But no, I don't think my body is attractive, no matter how much I've tried to see it that way for much longer than 10 years. And as superficial as it sounds, I do understand why the men I'm interested in are not attracted to my body type. I don't find anything attractive about men who are 100+ pounds overweight. You can't control what you find attractive. You either are attracted or you're just plain not. The last guy who did show interest suddenly decided he could come up with a diet and exercise plan that I would love! He could fix me, regardless of my medical issues and regardless of my disordered eating and diet history. He was appalled that I was unwilling to discuss dieting, how could I want to stay like this?? After listening to his big plan a couple conversations in a row I decided he wasn't really in to me for me. Best, Sunny Re: Re-introducing myself> > > Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people > or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless > t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk > way from toxic people in my life and move on. > I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a > ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel > live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's > inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the > oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. > or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the > cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. > You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... > ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE > rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I > ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - > o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body > onscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only > and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate > hose "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will > rown out those voices. > When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows > had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I > an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son > hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > dequately, but I'm learning... > April G> --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@> > rote:> > Hi April -> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.> > - Casey> > > > -----------------------------------> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2011 Report Share Posted March 9, 2011 Wow!I've been reading, feeling almost like I've been hearing a 'group' voice and a leaning towards the right way to practice IE, and then I read this. Thank you J. Your last three paragraphs were so moving, but the last especially. Almost made me cry. You managed to describe so much of what I've been thinking. I found IE because I realized I was using food for comfort, not from years of dieting or the like, just from comfort eating. I will freely admit that I'd enjoy seeing the number on the scale drop, but, when it doesn't I'm not going to let it ruin my day or week, or whatever. Yes, I'm eating better and yes, I'm exercising, but it's about me and how I feel more than the number. I wanted those last 3 salads I had for dinners. I also wanted that one with the fish sticks on top, but I ate them not because I should eat my salad, but because my body wanted them. I wanted to exercise today, and frankly, two hours later I'm still feeling great because of my workout. Looking forward to my dance class tonight to. And you know what, my body is responding to all these 'correct' choices. These choices that I'm making because I want too, despite the voices I hear in my brain who tell me I should, the ones that I want to rebel against, I'm ignoring them, doing what they want me too, but on my terms. My body is rewarding me. The scale hasn't moved either direction in months for me, but, my clothes. My clothes, well, I bought a sports bra today. I don't know that I've ever had one, but for my exercise I was feeling the need. So thrilled today to put it on and realize that I didn't feel bad about not topping it with a t-shirt before going out to my living room. My legs still don't fit into those fashionable tights I bought today, (darn labels,) but when I'm working out, the strength I feel in my thighs, well that makes me feel powerful for hours. To someone else, my thighs look fat, to me, they look powerful and strong. It's about me, how I feel, and how I can rock that bubblegum pink nail polish if I feel like it. Amazing how many things in life that we allow outside influence to affect our feelings, are really nobody's business but our own.Okay, think I lost my point. Back to the beginning. I really liked what you said J, thanks.Dawn RTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 2:37:27 PMSubject: Re: Re: Re-introducing myself Intersting conversation all. I think the conversations around IE and weight or weight loss.. I won't vilify weight loss or the need and desire to lose weight for health or cosmetic reasons. I understand why people want that for so many reasons. However, dieting does NOT work. There are no reliable long term scientifically proven methods for long term weight loss. period. The scientific community at large have thrown trillions of dollars to fix this problem and have not... a diet pill/drug or other which works is like the golden grail.... There are short term fixes but 99% of the time... after allll that hard work the weight creeps back on. And... due to the metabolism that is now more frugal than my grandfather during the depression because of said dieting, we not only gain the weight back but add more as protection.So I came to this point, diets don't work long term, I "lost" yet again. Do I have it in me to do this all over again? Can I accept the fact that I will have to diet and go hungry the rest of my life? Can I live with feeling like I am a constant failure of self loathing? nope. So I began the process of loving myself. That includes exersize, that includes a vegetarian whole grain diet with minimal junk food because that is what my body needs and likes. My relationship to my body is going from one of negativity and one of self care and love. My focus is on health, not on the weight. In fact, weight can also be protective of certain cancers and people who are overweight (and exersize) and teh SAME mortality of normal BMI folks who exersize. Its easy to get side tracked because the messages in society are a resounding cultish chant "be thin be thin be thin." Doctors while pretending to be objective are biased, its part of the biased training they have receieved by wrong data and wrong conclusions. I get healthier when I do not weigh myself. I get healthier when I jog/swim/weight lift/walk/dance. I get healthier when I eat my delicious kale. I trust my body not to fall apart if eat a muffin. I trust her. Perhaps she is bigger than others but thats ok. I am trusting her. My body is not some beast that is going to run on stampede like a bull the minute I open the gates. My body is a curious manatee cruising by for a look, a munch then moving on. gentle with herself and with others. in balance... well not yet but thats the goal. To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tue, March 8, 2011 4:20:14 PMSubject: Re: Re: Re-introducing myself Thanks for taking the time to write all that out Alana. I'm sure it will help lots of people. I'm a bit different. I find it really hard to fool myself with affirmations and telling myself things. Please don't take offense to this, as it's just who I am. I'm a glass half full kind of person but I am also realistic. I can't convince myself of things just because I wish it was so. Believe me, I wish it was so. I've spent the last 10 years trying exactly what you say to no avail. I do LOVE me, as a person. I'm a great person. But no, I don't think my body is attractive, no matter how much I've tried to see it that way for much longer than 10 years. And as superficial as it sounds, I do understand why the men I'm interested in are not attracted to my body type. I don't find anything attractive about men who are 100+ pounds overweight. You can't control what you find attractive. You either are attracted or you're just plain not. The last guy who did show interest suddenly decided he could come up with a diet and exercise plan that I would love! He could fix me, regardless of my medical issues and regardless of my disordered eating and diet history. He was appalled that I was unwilling to discuss dieting, how could I want to stay like this?? After listening to his big plan a couple conversations in a row I decided he wasn't really in to me for me. Best, Sunny Re: Re-introducing myself> > > Wow... Thanks for your kind words. I do believe I am one of those rare people > or so it seems) who lives in the present and doesn't dwell on the past unless > t's intentional (like when I'm working on issues). I have the ability to walk > way from toxic people in my life and move on. > I am so grateful that I'm not prone to depression. I really believe in working a > ob that you love, and working towards the things in life that make you feel > live and happy. It's not just about accepting where you are in life. It's > inding the things that bring you joy. Yes, you have to be content in the > oment, but there's no harm in pursuing the things that make you truly happy. > or me it's writing, gardening, reading, my family, learning new things, the > cean and nature, and the salon and spa business my dh and I have. > You know, when I look in the mirror, I'm not repulsed (except when I'm PMSing... > ol). I actually really truly LIKE myself. What I hate is the perceived PRESSURE > rom external sources - the media, the nipped and tucked botoxed aging women I > ee on TV, the slim chic beautiful young women I encounter in my line of work - > o be something I can't achieve and maintain. I hate that my son is so body > onscious and when he says "mom, I love you EVEN THOUGH you are fat" (he's only > and is just being honest), something dies inside. I wish I could eliminate > hose "voices" from my life and just BE. I am hoping that intuitive eating will > rown out those voices. > When I ditched the diet a few weeks ago I also deleted all the weight loss shows > had dvr'd - Biggest Loser, Village on a Diet, You are What you Eat (and more I > an't remember the name of right now). I am really working on teaching my son > hat everyone is of value and worthy of love and acceptance regardless of size, > thnicity, challenges, differences, etc... I don't know how to do this > dequately, but I'm learning... > April G> --- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Casey Anne <ruddenca@> > rote:> > Hi April -> > You have made ME love your life too! Not that I would classify myself as> unhappy, but I do envy you your abundant contentment. This may come as a> surprise to you since you started your message seeking help, but you have> inspired me to view my own life through such a grateful lens, to be happy> about where I am in my life right now and not dwell on where I would like to> be. But as for the need for a "perfect" body, I have found when dealing with> my own fixation on my appearance that its important for me to value things> about myself and my life that do not have to do with my appearance (like my> smarts, sense of humor, loving husband), along with things about my> appearance that don't have to do with my weight (like my eyes, smile, hair,> etc.). Perhaps you could focus more on really appreciating your inner gifts> that have obviously brought you such joy and contentment in your life? There> are obviously wonderful things about you, both inside and out, that have> brought such love and richness to your life. Celebrate these things, along> with your imperfect body that houses everything your husband and son love.> > - Casey> > > > -----------------------------------> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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