Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 wow! great homework! I am so happy for you to have found this therapist! That homework would definately challenge me... this is something I have been working on in therapy... My therapist always asks if it is my words or her (NADA)words I use to describe myself... they are usually hers! cool... thanks for sharing jen > > Hey Guys, > I just met with a new therapist for the first time. It is someone I met > through my work, and I was impressed with the feeling of love in her small > office. So here are a few of my take aways that I wanted to share. > - Her mother is not BPD, however, her best friend growing up's mother IS BPD > so she has seen it first hand and even through the eyes of a child. Cool? > Cool! > - She said something like " Life is a garden. You plant and nurture what you > want to grow and pull out what you don't want to grow. Your mother is a > weed. And you saw that and pulled it out. " > - But, my self concept and self image is defined by what she thought of me. > SO my HOMEWORK for the week is to list things that are true about myself and > whether it's my opinion of me or her opinion of me. . . So what you think? > Who wants to do this homework with me? Yeah! Lets do it together. > > Goodnight everyone, > Girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 That is so funny the life is a garden concept. I am big on gardening and I am always using this idea as well as I do my garden work I like to think about life. So I also make these little comparisons and think about reaping what we sew, long term goals and plans, getting rid of weeds, bugs, and overgrowth, not drying up or becoming saturated. These are thought that frequently come to my mind too. We need to take care of ourselves as if our life is a garden. I have these thoughts also when I am in the kitchen. To me it seems that so often in life people try too hard, they add to much spice, they stir the pot too much, they burn out, but it is the most simple dish that tastes the best. The dish cooked slowly with love, time, less spice, less stirring, less meddling that seems to turn out the tastiest and well liked by all. I guess I am not all that cheesy after all for turning these simple life tasks into a comparison for every day life happenings. thanks for sharing:)LB > > Hey Guys, > I just met with a new therapist for the first time. It is someone I met > through my work, and I was impressed with the feeling of love in her small > office. So here are a few of my take aways that I wanted to share. > - Her mother is not BPD, however, her best friend growing up's mother IS BPD > so she has seen it first hand and even through the eyes of a child. Cool? > Cool! > - She said something like " Life is a garden. You plant and nurture what you > want to grow and pull out what you don't want to grow. Your mother is a > weed. And you saw that and pulled it out. " > - But, my self concept and self image is defined by what she thought of me. > SO my HOMEWORK for the week is to list things that are true about myself and > whether it's my opinion of me or her opinion of me. . . So what you think? > Who wants to do this homework with me? Yeah! Lets do it together. > > Goodnight everyone, > Girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 What a great concept. I've used something similar...but not as applied so much to self. More the idea of...every other person we meet is like a garden and we tend it as best we can (meaning, treating them with basic dignity and respect...we do more when we have a relationship with them). Sometimes we are the sunshine, the fertilizer, the water, sometimes we plant the seeds for them. If we're lucky, we get to see the blooms, but the point isn't to see the blooms, it is to tend the garden. I never thought of applying it in reverse, with self as garden, and my RIGHT (and responsibility) to make sure that the people tending it are nurturing it, not killing it. *lightbulb moment*!! Ninera > > Subject: Re: therapy notes > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Tuesday, August 31, 2010, 2:35 PM > That is so funny the life is a garden > concept. I am big on gardening and I am always using this > idea as well as I do my garden work I like to think about > life. So I also make these little comparisons and think > about reaping what we sew, long term goals and plans, > getting rid of weeds, bugs, and overgrowth, not drying up or > becoming saturated. These are thought that frequently come > to my mind too. We need to take care of ourselves as > if our life is a garden. > > I have these thoughts also when I am in the kitchen. To me > it seems that so often in life people try too hard, they add > to much spice, they stir the pot too much, they burn out, > but it is the most simple dish that tastes the best. The > dish cooked slowly with love, time, less spice, less > stirring, less meddling that seems to turn out the tastiest > and well liked by all. > > I guess I am not all that cheesy after all for turning > these simple life tasks into a comparison for every day life > happenings. thanks for sharing:)LB > > > > > > > Hey Guys, > > I just met with a new therapist for the first time. It > is someone I met > > through my work, and I was impressed with the feeling > of love in her small > > office. So here are a few of my take aways that I > wanted to share. > > - Her mother is not BPD, however, her best friend > growing up's mother IS BPD > > so she has seen it first hand and even through the > eyes of a child. Cool? > > Cool! > > - She said something like " Life is a garden. You plant > and nurture what you > > want to grow and pull out what you don't want to grow. > Your mother is a > > weed. And you saw that and pulled it out. " > > - But, my self concept and self image is defined by > what she thought of me. > > SO my HOMEWORK for the week is to list things that are > true about myself and > > whether it's my opinion of me or her opinion of me. . > . So what you think? > > Who wants to do this homework with me? Yeah! Lets do > it together. > > > > Goodnight everyone, > > Girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 My therapist always says " That's (mother's name) talking, isn't it? " or asks " Is that your voice or your mother? " > > Subject: Re: therapy notes > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Tuesday, August 31, 2010, 1:45 PM > > wow! great homework! I am so happy for you to have found > this therapist! That homework would definately challenge > me... this is something I have been working on in therapy... > My therapist always asks if it is my words or her > (NADA)words I use to describe myself... they are usually > hers! cool... thanks for sharing > jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 The therapist sounds like a good fit. Very encouraging but helping to face the reality of having a BP parent, look past what we remember and the criticisms we've received all these years. This homework will be a challenge. Thinking of listing my own " true " things, the first hurdle I hit is being able to think anything nice about myself. All my life things were not quite right, not good enough. Got a B in class? I should have gotten an A. And that was always told in what sounded like a compliment: you're smart; you should have gotten an A. It's hard to think positively when I just see my failures and weaknesses. And we never brag about something we've done. That's " rude " or " cocky. " Even now, I may tell her what's going on at work and then she says I'm just acting like I know everything. Ouch. Would you be willing to share some general thoughts about what you write down? > > Hey Guys, > I just met with a new therapist for the first time. It is someone I met > through my work, and I was impressed with the feeling of love in her small > office. So here are a few of my take aways that I wanted to share. > - Her mother is not BPD, however, her best friend growing up's mother IS BPD > so she has seen it first hand and even through the eyes of a child. Cool? > Cool! > - She said something like " Life is a garden. You plant and nurture what you > want to grow and pull out what you don't want to grow. Your mother is a > weed. And you saw that and pulled it out. " > - But, my self concept and self image is defined by what she thought of me. > SO my HOMEWORK for the week is to list things that are true about myself and > whether it's my opinion of me or her opinion of me. . . So what you think? > Who wants to do this homework with me? Yeah! Lets do it together. > > Goodnight everyone, > Girlscout > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 I like these analogies of gardening and cooking to describe how good life choices can be made. It highlights that the middle road, the nice, sane, balanced, rational middle path will result in more happiness and peace, as opposed to the extremism that is the bpd way of thinking and doing things. No black or white, no all-good or all-bad, no all-or-nothing. There was rarely any simple contentment or peace at my house; instead there was drama. Nada was either terrifying angry, deeply and hysterically sad, or wildly happy, or in a frenzy of anxiety/worry, or icy cold and withdrawn, or demanding, imperious and venomously critical. The term " Drama Queen " was invented to describe her. She is the very definition of " extremism " . No wonder I prefer the middle road, solitude, and a drama-free life. I've had enough DRAMA to last me forever, I believe. -Annie > > > > Hey Guys, > > I just met with a new therapist for the first time. It is someone I met > > through my work, and I was impressed with the feeling of love in her small > > office. So here are a few of my take aways that I wanted to share. > > - Her mother is not BPD, however, her best friend growing up's mother IS BPD > > so she has seen it first hand and even through the eyes of a child. Cool? > > Cool! > > - She said something like " Life is a garden. You plant and nurture what you > > want to grow and pull out what you don't want to grow. Your mother is a > > weed. And you saw that and pulled it out. " > > - But, my self concept and self image is defined by what she thought of me. > > SO my HOMEWORK for the week is to list things that are true about myself and > > whether it's my opinion of me or her opinion of me. . . So what you think? > > Who wants to do this homework with me? Yeah! Lets do it together. > > > > Goodnight everyone, > > Girlscout > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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