Guest guest Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 LB-- Thank you so much. That means more than you know!! For whatever it's worth . . . my parents also did the " God as a weapon " thing. There is even a name for it now--spiritual abuse. My father used to yell scripture at me (some of it was made up, I've come to find out) and always use Bible verse when he wanted to express his sheer hatred of me. My mother's way of justifying her abuse was " honor thy father and mother. " There are still some verses I hear in church and have to just shut down--they make my stomach turn because of the memories. Yuck. All I know is this. The God of the Bible is not the god they used against me. Quite the opposite, in fact. Turns out, they were using a smear campaign against God, too. My point is, I know what you mean. I've been there myself. Just know, according to the Bible they " believe " in, God has a NO tolerance for people who use religious superiority against little children. And, abused/abandoned kids are God's favorite people. In fact, ph and 's stories are a lot like our own. I've had to read their stories a lot as I've screwed up my courage to start Seminary. I don't want to start preaching. I'm trying to say I'm sorry you suffered this pain. It is difficult when you can't even go to God because you've been convinced God hates you and finds you worthless. Trust me. I've lived most of my life there. May you find blessings instead of shame and love instead of triggers. Grace and Peace, Karla > > > > I just finished my first term in school! Yay!!! > > > > I wanted to share something that got me thinking. Quick disclosure first, though: I am always respectful of people's faith practices. The intent of this isn't to start a discussion about sin or original sin or religious ideals. If I may ask for grace here, please overlook those details because they aren't the point of my story. (Phew). > > > > The professor was talking about sin and guilt. It was a theology course, so that's required. He was talking about the origin, nature, etc. of sin as Christians understand sin within their faith practices. Here's what he said as he discussed what is and isn't considered " sin: " > > > > " If you are genuinely not able to do something, that is not counted as sin. For example, if you try to rescue people from a burning building but are overcome by the flames to the degree that you simply can't get to them, that does not count as sin against you. If those people died despite your best efforts, their blood is not on your hands. " i.e. In this professor's understanding, we are not held to impossible standards. > > > > Again, this isn't a commentary on God or sin or what you think about those. This is simply a new concept for me: > > > > If the standard is impossible, it doesn't count against you if you can't pull it off. > > > > How completely opposite to the BP world: no matter how insane the expectations, you will be punished and punished severely if you don't meet them. And, you will often be punished if you do because you were " showing off " or " being arrogant. " > > > > Imagine . . . living in a world where it's not counted against you if you can't pull off the impossible. > > > > Thanks for your grace on this one--the thought has really stuck with me, and I needed to " speak " it out to the friends who understand. I guess I needed support and an understanding ear. You know how, sometimes, a basic and easy truth hurts your feelings when you've never been able to enjoy it? > > > > Thanks, > > Karla > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 Hi Karla! This concept helps me with the idea of NC, as well. I have been NC for awhile now, and I'm starting to miss important family events because of it. I still feel pressure to believe I am making a 'choice' to be NC, that I am truly able to go but I'm just being 'selfish' and 'abandoning' my family. But my truth is that it's impossible for me to be in touch or attend family events without experiencing a debilitating level of pain and suffering. Just a two way email or text message exchange from a sibling can take me out for days. And I have an otherwise successful life now, progressing more towards spiritual peace, physical safety and financial stability every day. It's 'impossible' for me to be in contact with my family without compromising my physical safety and health to a level that would--well, it would injure me severely. Debilitate me, at least temporarily. When I was in regular touch with them, I was not able to be my true self. I was not able to write (I'm largely a writer) with full concentration, in my true voice. I was not able to work on or finish projects that were truly important to me. I found myself in way too much debt--I was not able to tend properly to my finances. I couldn't stop overeating. All of this is now cured by the NC. So does that mean it's 'impossible' to be in contact? Maybe not literally. But I have to believe so. --Charlie > > > > > > I just finished my first term in school! Yay!!! > > > > > > I wanted to share something that got me thinking. Quick disclosure first, though: I am always respectful of people's faith practices. The intent of this isn't to start a discussion about sin or original sin or religious ideals. If I may ask for grace here, please overlook those details because they aren't the point of my story. (Phew). > > > > > > The professor was talking about sin and guilt. It was a theology course, so that's required. He was talking about the origin, nature, etc. of sin as Christians understand sin within their faith practices. Here's what he said as he discussed what is and isn't considered " sin: " > > > > > > " If you are genuinely not able to do something, that is not counted as sin. For example, if you try to rescue people from a burning building but are overcome by the flames to the degree that you simply can't get to them, that does not count as sin against you. If those people died despite your best efforts, their blood is not on your hands. " i.e. In this professor's understanding, we are not held to impossible standards. > > > > > > Again, this isn't a commentary on God or sin or what you think about those. This is simply a new concept for me: > > > > > > If the standard is impossible, it doesn't count against you if you can't pull it off. > > > > > > How completely opposite to the BP world: no matter how insane the expectations, you will be punished and punished severely if you don't meet them. And, you will often be punished if you do because you were " showing off " or " being arrogant. " > > > > > > Imagine . . . living in a world where it's not counted against you if you can't pull off the impossible. > > > > > > Thanks for your grace on this one--the thought has really stuck with me, and I needed to " speak " it out to the friends who understand. I guess I needed support and an understanding ear. You know how, sometimes, a basic and easy truth hurts your feelings when you've never been able to enjoy it? > > > > > > Thanks, > > > Karla > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Charlie, I met with my therapist last night. She said NC is a boundary. When someone doesn't foster your development, you get to choose whether or not to allow that person to participate in your life, set a boundary. We choose no. No need to justify, get permission, or excuse it. She also said I need to separate my opinion of myself from my mother's opinion of me. Your questions about NC sound like you are believing your mother's sick opinions over what you actually know to be true. She is a person of the lie. You don't have to let her into your life. Choosing not to is a form of showing love for yourself, which I know we KOs weren't allowed to do. But guess what, they don't get a say anymore!!!! Hugs, Girlscout On Mon, Aug 30, 2010 at 10:12 PM, charlottehoneychurch < charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote: > > > Hi Karla! This concept helps me with the idea of NC, as well. I have been > NC for awhile now, and I'm starting to miss important family events because > of it. I still feel pressure to believe I am making a 'choice' to be NC, > that I am truly able to go but I'm just being 'selfish' and 'abandoning' my > family. > > But my truth is that it's impossible for me to be in touch or attend family > events without experiencing a debilitating level of pain and suffering. Just > a two way email or text message exchange from a sibling can take me out for > days. And I have an otherwise successful life now, progressing more towards > spiritual peace, physical safety and financial stability every day. It's > 'impossible' for me to be in contact with my family without compromising my > physical safety and health to a level that would--well, it would injure me > severely. Debilitate me, at least temporarily. When I was in regular touch > with them, I was not able to be my true self. I was not able to write (I'm > largely a writer) with full concentration, in my true voice. I was not able > to work on or finish projects that were truly important to me. I found > myself in way too much debt--I was not able to tend properly to my finances. > I couldn't stop overeating. All of this is now cured by the NC. So does that > mean it's 'impossible' to be in contact? Maybe not literally. But I have to > believe so. > > --Charlie > > > > > > > > > > I just finished my first term in school! Yay!!! > > > > > > > > I wanted to share something that got me thinking. Quick disclosure > first, though: I am always respectful of people's faith practices. The > intent of this isn't to start a discussion about sin or original sin or > religious ideals. If I may ask for grace here, please overlook those details > because they aren't the point of my story. (Phew). > > > > > > > > The professor was talking about sin and guilt. It was a theology > course, so that's required. He was talking about the origin, nature, etc. of > sin as Christians understand sin within their faith practices. Here's what > he said as he discussed what is and isn't considered " sin: " > > > > > > > > " If you are genuinely not able to do something, that is not counted > as sin. For example, if you try to rescue people from a burning building but > are overcome by the flames to the degree that you simply can't get to them, > that does not count as sin against you. If those people died despite your > best efforts, their blood is not on your hands. " i.e. In this professor's > understanding, we are not held to impossible standards. > > > > > > > > Again, this isn't a commentary on God or sin or what you think about > those. This is simply a new concept for me: > > > > > > > > If the standard is impossible, it doesn't count against you if you > can't pull it off. > > > > > > > > How completely opposite to the BP world: no matter how insane the > expectations, you will be punished and punished severely if you don't meet > them. And, you will often be punished if you do because you were " showing > off " or " being arrogant. " > > > > > > > > Imagine . . . living in a world where it's not counted against you if > you can't pull off the impossible. > > > > > > > > Thanks for your grace on this one--the thought has really stuck with > me, and I needed to " speak " it out to the friends who understand. I guess I > needed support and an understanding ear. You know how, sometimes, a basic > and easy truth hurts your feelings when you've never been able to enjoy it? > > > > > > > > Thanks, > > > > Karla > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Karla, I hope you know I feel the same way, thanks again for your (2nd) message it means the world. It's times like this that I just cry. I have not been to church in about 2-3 years now. I used to go with my grandma and grandpa, they are such good people and getting so old. I know I have been such a disappointment, especially to my grandpa who does not have the mental capacity to understand my sadness with my mom/bible/God and everything that has happened. It's funny that you talked about shutting down when you hear some verses because I did/do the same thing, after a while I just couldn't take it any more so I stopped going. I found I did okay in small bible studies buonce I got in a huge congregation I would clam up. I think it was the in depth of a small study that helped me. And I really like the lessons, because I think it is practical information to everyday life. The best series of lessons I ever had was on boundaries. I feel bad that I am not teaching my children about God but I still have this feeling that I don't want to force them or hurt them. I didn't even baptize my children (and other things) like naming them right for my mom because " god told her what I was supposed to name him and I did not pass the septor " what ever that means. She said god told her my husband's family was evil and had a curse on them from way back because of some evil king so she had to name my kid and do whatever to him? I didn't really get it. She wanted to baptize them herself in the kitchen sink (she had a habit of doing this to my friends as she smoked and drank and popped prescription pills), but I said no way not to my kids. I want them to do it in their free will when they are old enough to choose for themselves (i hope in a church, not her sink). I don't ever pressure them. There is just too much there. I guess if I had a prayer it would be that more people like you would lead in churches. I wish we could take back what was stolen and help the children of the future. Kick out the lame-o borderlines and take away their power, because we know who they are and what they stand for. They destroy peoples hope and faith. But people like you restore it and build it. Thank you. And you know if I would listen to anybody's lessons I would listen to you. LB > > > > > > I just finished my first term in school! Yay!!! > > > > > > I wanted to share something that got me thinking. Quick disclosure first, though: I am always respectful of people's faith practices. The intent of this isn't to start a discussion about sin or original sin or religious ideals. If I may ask for grace here, please overlook those details because they aren't the point of my story. (Phew). > > > > > > The professor was talking about sin and guilt. It was a theology course, so that's required. He was talking about the origin, nature, etc. of sin as Christians understand sin within their faith practices. Here's what he said as he discussed what is and isn't considered " sin: " > > > > > > " If you are genuinely not able to do something, that is not counted as sin. For example, if you try to rescue people from a burning building but are overcome by the flames to the degree that you simply can't get to them, that does not count as sin against you. If those people died despite your best efforts, their blood is not on your hands. " i.e. In this professor's understanding, we are not held to impossible standards. > > > > > > Again, this isn't a commentary on God or sin or what you think about those. This is simply a new concept for me: > > > > > > If the standard is impossible, it doesn't count against you if you can't pull it off. > > > > > > How completely opposite to the BP world: no matter how insane the expectations, you will be punished and punished severely if you don't meet them. And, you will often be punished if you do because you were " showing off " or " being arrogant. " > > > > > > Imagine . . . living in a world where it's not counted against you if you can't pull off the impossible. > > > > > > Thanks for your grace on this one--the thought has really stuck with me, and I needed to " speak " it out to the friends who understand. I guess I needed support and an understanding ear. You know how, sometimes, a basic and easy truth hurts your feelings when you've never been able to enjoy it? > > > > > > Thanks, > > > Karla > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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