There's a Candy Bar in My Purse...

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I think I started making peace with food without even realizing it. A little background: I have been overweight most of my life (I'm 30). I have PCOS, which makes weight loss more difficult. I did manage to lose 55 lbs with Weight Watchers when I was in college, and all of my hair started falling out. Oh boy, that was fun. Gained it all back.Last year, in June, I went to an endo to check my thyroid levels. Other than low levels of vitamin D, everything checked out as expected for someone with PCOS. She did tell me my goal wasn't necessarily to lose weight but to not gain weight. Well, I'm pretty sure (based on my clothing size) that I've gained weight since then.I found the IE book last summer and started reading it. It's been very slow going. And I've gone up several clothing

sizes.But! Sometime in the last month or two, I think I started ACTUALLY making peace with food!Exhibit A: I bought a chocolate bar after work on Wednesday when I was buying something else at CVS because I haven't had a Caramello bar in a long time and it looked good. I stuck it in my purse and it's been there since Wednesday. I haven't eaten it because it just haven't been the right time. It's not willpower at work (I used to feel so smug, using my "willpower" while on WW!). It's just...I haven't been in the mood for it yet. And unlike when I was constantly figuring out points and trying to decide when I could or couldn't eat something, when I was constantly thinking of food...I keep FORGETTING about the chocolate bar. I am only reminded when I dig in my purse and push it out of the way.Exhibit B: About four weeks ago my husband bought some potato chips. Normally I'd fly through

those in a few days and then demand we never bring them in the house again. Well, the bag is half-used in the pantry. And while I see it every time I walk in the kitchen, it doesn't bug me. Sometimes I have a bowl of chips, sometimes not.Exhibit C: Diet Coke is my thing. I've been drinking a lot more water lately because I noticed how much better I feel when I'm hydrated, and I've been actually--gasp!--pouring out half cans of warm Coke. Exhibit D: I bought some specialty candy at Marshall's when buying undershirts for my husband and promptly forgot I bought them until I rediscovered them a week later. I stuck them in my pantry and have had one or two at a time, really enjoying the candy. Before, I would guiltily scarf it down and then swear to never buy it again.Exhibit E: I grew up fairly poor, and passing up free food or throwing away food I've already put on a plate has been hard for

me. Today we went to Moe's (a burrito place) for lunch and I DIDN'T eat all of my chips. And it wasn't because of willpower or because I "shouldn't," it was because I'd had enough. A few days ago at work, I didn't eat the last few bites of my meal because I was satisfied. It was enough.Exhibit F: I am still overeating at times, but the fullness level has decreased, and I don't feel sick for as long afterward. Also, I used to think, "Well, since I've eaten all the fries, I might as well eat the whole sandwich." But now, even if I overeat a bit, I often (not always, but often) stop. It's like that all-or-nothing thinking is decreasing.Oh, and one more funny story. It's similar to one someone (I'm sorry, I can't remember who it was!) posted recently. I decided to weigh myself. (I know, I know. Baby steps!)My scale was dead.I replaced the batteries. It

was still dead.I took out the batteries and tried them in a flashlight--it worked.I just chuckled to myself, thought, ", the universe is trying to tell you something," and tossed my scale out. I'm so darn cheap, I don't expect I'll be buying another one!!PS Roth's When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair book is available at remainder price at Amazon for $4. http://tinyurl.com/4xfjfgl