Re: Re: memories and triggers

[Guest guest]

I think the idea of a " BPD recovery clinic " somewhere for kids of BPD's would be

awesome. Some days I need it that's for sure. What your mother did was

dispicable, dangerous, and stupid. Apparently she never considered for one

second that you might not be able to reach the item or even read what it was.

And she sounds like my mother in that she set you up to fail. My mother did

this to me all the time. And writing this triggers one memory after another I

want to write about. I could write a book just of weird things she did. She

did get physical with me at times and other times, she just got verbally abusive

with her ranting and screaming and belittling me. And she said mean, hateful

things to me. Some of her favorites I can remember:

" You don't appreciate me. "

" Why can't you just be normal like (insert name of a child I couldn't get along

with)? "

" How come nobody else acts the way you do? "

" You are such a liar. People hate liars! " -- when I wasn't lying but she didn't

want to acknolwegde the truth of whatever I had said.

" I am just done with you. I hope you're happy. You're own mother hates you. "

" I didn't ask for a daughter like you. "

God, I could go on and on and never stop.

Re: memories and triggers

Reading this, I felt my heart rate increasing and my breathing feeling

constricted. I experienced nearly the identical scenario on many occasions from

my nada. She'd go ballistic on me over some childish failure on my part, scream

at me, scare the crap out of me, make me feel lower than dirt, maybe even slap

me around a little, and then drop me off somewhere like school where I would be

shamed and humiliated in front of my friends for arriving with a red,

tear-streaked face.

One in particular stands out. I was very small, and momster did not want to go

into the grocery store herself and buy an item because she didn't " look right. "

(?) The place we were living at the time puts me at around 3 to 4 years old. She

gave me money and sent me in to buy her something I'd never heard of and didn't

even know what it was. I was to ask the store clerk to help me. The store clerk

was busy and didn't even realize that I was waiting and waiting to speak to her.

I went back out to the car and told mom that the lady wouldn't help me, and mom

screamed at me to go back inside and JUST DO IT! I was crying by that point, and

when the clerk finally did notice me and ask me what was wrong, I was scared to

speak because the clerk sounded irritated, and angry adults scared me. My last

memory of that incident is the clerk angrily telling me that she couldn't

understand me and to go back and ask my mommy what it is she wanted; I think I

was too scared to go back to the car at that point and just blanked the rest of

it out.

These people are just too mentally ill to be raising kids. There really ought to

be some kind of intervention process in place to catch this kind of chronically

abusive behavior, rescue the kids, get the kids into treatment, and get the bpd

parent into some kind of treatment program and only after passing some kind of

tests, being reunited with their kids, and then heavily supervised.

-Annie

>

>

> I was driving my kids to school this morning and I suddenly had this memory

hit me completely out of nowhere. My mother was driving me to school once (I was

in about 4th grade) and I had forgotten my lunch money (I think I had been

playing with it and didn't put it in my pocket like she said to do). She yanked

the car around, yelling at me for forgetting it the whole time. Apparently she

told me the money was on the dining room table, but I only retained " table. "

After 5 minutes of panic-searching, I couldn't find it on the kitchen table. It

doesn't strike a 9 year old to look on another table. I finally went back

outside to tell her and she was already on her way back in. I knew I was in for

it. She started screaming at me " YOU NEVER LOOK WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO! WHAT'S

WRONG WITH YOU? YOU NEVER F* & & ^ING LISTEN TO ME!!! I AM SO SICK OF YOU NOT

LISTENING!!! " She didn't stop all the way to school, repeatedly telling me I was

an idiot and stupid, and as she dropped me off, she said, " I am done with you.

Do you know what that means? " I said no. And you know what? I still don't.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The " I'm done with you " thing sure rings true. What did they mean by that?

Talk about scaring the hell out of a little kid- the child feels they've

disappeared and don't exist anymore. Shunned by their people and their

culture.

>

>

>

> I think the idea of a " BPD recovery clinic " somewhere for kids of BPD's

> would be awesome. Some days I need it that's for sure. What your mother did

> was dispicable, dangerous, and stupid. Apparently she never considered for

> one second that you might not be able to reach the item or even read what it

> was.

>

> And she sounds like my mother in that she set you up to fail. My mother did

> this to me all the time. And writing this triggers one memory after another

> I want to write about. I could write a book just of weird things she did.

> She did get physical with me at times and other times, she just got verbally

> abusive with her ranting and screaming and belittling me. And she said mean,

> hateful things to me. Some of her favorites I can remember:

>

> " You don't appreciate me. "

> " Why can't you just be normal like (insert name of a child I couldn't get

> along with)? "

> " How come nobody else acts the way you do? "

> " You are such a liar. People hate liars! " -- when I wasn't lying but she

> didn't want to acknolwegde the truth of whatever I had said.

> " I am just done with you. I hope you're happy. You're own mother hates

> you. "

> " I didn't ask for a daughter like you. "

>

> God, I could go on and on and never stop.

>

>

>

> Re: memories and triggers

>

> Reading this, I felt my heart rate increasing and my breathing feeling

> constricted. I experienced nearly the identical scenario on many occasions

> from my nada. She'd go ballistic on me over some childish failure on my

> part, scream at me, scare the crap out of me, make me feel lower than dirt,

> maybe even slap me around a little, and then drop me off somewhere like

> school where I would be shamed and humiliated in front of my friends for

> arriving with a red, tear-streaked face.

>

> One in particular stands out. I was very small, and momster did not want to

> go into the grocery store herself and buy an item because she didn't " look

> right. " (?) The place we were living at the time puts me at around 3 to 4

> years old. She gave me money and sent me in to buy her something I'd never

> heard of and didn't even know what it was. I was to ask the store clerk to

> help me. The store clerk was busy and didn't even realize that I was waiting

> and waiting to speak to her. I went back out to the car and told mom that

> the lady wouldn't help me, and mom screamed at me to go back inside and JUST

> DO IT! I was crying by that point, and when the clerk finally did notice me

> and ask me what was wrong, I was scared to speak because the clerk sounded

> irritated, and angry adults scared me. My last memory of that incident is

> the clerk angrily telling me that she couldn't understand me and to go back

> and ask my mommy what it is she wanted; I think I was too scared to go back

> to the car at that point and just blanked the rest of it out.

>

> These people are just too mentally ill to be raising kids. There really

> ought to be some kind of intervention process in place to catch this kind of

> chronically abusive behavior, rescue the kids, get the kids into treatment,

> and get the bpd parent into some kind of treatment program and only after

> passing some kind of tests, being reunited with their kids, and then heavily

> supervised.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> >

> > I was driving my kids to school this morning and I suddenly had this

> memory hit me completely out of nowhere. My mother was driving me to school

> once (I was in about 4th grade) and I had forgotten my lunch money (I think

> I had been playing with it and didn't put it in my pocket like she said to

> do). She yanked the car around, yelling at me for forgetting it the whole

> time. Apparently she told me the money was on the dining room table, but I

> only retained " table. " After 5 minutes of panic-searching, I couldn't find

> it on the kitchen table. It doesn't strike a 9 year old to look on another

> table. I finally went back outside to tell her and she was already on her

> way back in. I knew I was in for it. She started screaming at me " YOU NEVER

> LOOK WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU NEVER F* & & ^ING

> LISTEN TO ME!!! I AM SO SICK OF YOU NOT LISTENING!!! " She didn't stop all

> the way to school, repeatedly telling me I was an idiot and stupid, and as

> she dropped me off, she said, " I am done with you. Do you know what that

> means? " I said no. And you know what? I still don't.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

,

Did we have the same nada?

Those are all common lines nada used on me, as well.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: Re: memories and triggers

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, September 27, 2010, 5:24 PM

>

> I think the idea of a " BPD recovery clinic " somewhere for

> kids of BPD's would be awesome.  Some days I need it

> that's for sure.   What your mother did was

> dispicable, dangerous, and stupid.  Apparently she

> never considered for one second that you might not be able

> to reach the item or even read what it was. 

>

> And she sounds like my mother in that she set you up to

> fail.  My mother did this to me all the

> time.   And writing this triggers one memory

> after another I want to write about.  I could write a

> book just of weird things she did.  She did get

> physical with me at times and other times, she just got

> verbally abusive with her ranting and screaming and

> belittling me.  And she said mean, hateful things to

> me.  Some of her favorites I can remember:

>

> " You don't appreciate me. "

> " Why can't you just be normal like (insert name of a child

> I couldn't get along with)? "

> " How come nobody else acts the way you do? "

> " You are such a liar. People hate liars! "   -- when I

> wasn't lying but she didn't want to acknolwegde the truth of

> whatever I had said.

> " I am just done with you. I hope you're happy. You're own

> mother hates you. "

> " I didn't ask for a daughter like you. "

>

> God, I could go on and on and never stop.

>

>