NC info I found on the net

[Guest guest]

So, what exactly does it mean to " cut ties " with reprobate, sociopathic

abusers?:

TWENTY-ONE RULES OF NO CONTACT

1. No talking to them no matter what happens and no matter what you hear.

2. No letting them talk to you, No listening to anything they say, No

" hearing them out. "

3. No letting them into your house and No going to their house. If it is

possible to move, then move, get a P.O. box, and don't let them know when or

where you're going.

4. No phone calls and No returning voicemail messages. Change your number to

unlisted and unpublished, and do not give it to anyone you can't trust not

to give it to your abuser. Never pick up the phone. Use Caller ID or let

your machine pick up.

5. No sending or responding to e-mails. Block their e-mails, IMs, and

ability to see when you are online.

6. No meetings to " talk things over " or " work things out. "

7. No cards or letters, and No responding to cards or letters. No birthday

cards. No Christmas cards. No Mother's Day or Father's Day cards.

8. No giving gifts and No accepting gifts. If a gift is sent to you, No

acknowledging it and No responding.

9. No exceptions for holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries.

10. No returning gifts, cards, or letters. To an abuser, that is a response.

He will interpret it to mean that you are still emotionally connected to

him, you still care, and if he keeps trying, he can wear you down. Just

ignore all communications.

11. No visits, including hospital visits.

12. No letting them near your kids. If they're too toxic for you to be

around, then they're too toxic for your children to be around. Monitor your

children's e-mails and cell phones, changing e-mail accounts and phone

numbers if necessary. Warn your children to stay away from them, and to run

and tell a teacher if they show up at their school. Notify your children's

school to call you and the police.

13. No public pleasantries. If you run into them in a public place, ignore

them, turn your back, and walk away. If they approach you, say in a loud

voice, " Leave me alone! " and " Do not talk to me. " If they persist or you

believe you are being stalked, call the police. Get a paper trail started.

Make a police report and get a case number so that in the future you can

file charges for stalking, aggravated harassment, and any other crimes that

the police or your lawyer can think of.

14. No discussing them with anybody who has contact with them.

15. No speaking at all to anyone who might be pumping you for information or

spying on you, and reporting back to them. Cut off anyone who is not loyal

to you.

16. No listening to any news about them. If you are absolutely dying of

curiosity, listen, but do not show any undue interest, do not get baited

into responding, and do not reveal any information about yourself in return.

17. No giving other people information about you or your family that they

could carry back to your abuser.

18. No invitations to your big events and No responding to invitations they

send you.

19. No responding to news that they are getting married, having a baby,

getting a new job, retiring, moving, taking a trip, sick, dying, or dead.

20. No big announcements and No telling them anything about your life- No

letting them know you're getting married, moving, or having a baby. No

letting them know when your children get married, where they live, work, or

go to school, or when your grandkids are born.

21. Print out e-mails, tape voicemail messages, and keep all cards, letters,

and other communications in a file for future harassment or stalking

charges, but do not respond.

No Contact means NO Contact. Nothing! Nada, Zilch, Zip, Zero. As if your

ex-abusers were total strangers who also happen to be dangerous,

psychopathic stalkers. Which they pretty much are. So why would you not

protect yourself and your family from them?

Narcissists do not understand limits, maintaining a comfortable distance,

taking it slow, or being cordial while still keeping someone at arm's

length. They only deal in extremes, and must be totally enmeshed with you,

with no boundaries or restrictions. It's all or nothing with them. Because

of this, it's important to accept that it is not possible to have " limited "

or " occasional " contact- for instance, only when there is a big event like a

wedding or a funeral. This only sends a mixed message to your abuser, who

will interpret any willingness at all on your part to communicate with him

as a sign that all is forgiven, you've gotten over your little snit, and

everything can now go back to normal, without him ever having to apologize

or stop abusing you.

No Contact is The End. You have already wasted your entire life trying

everything possible to have a nice peaceful relationship, and nothing

worked. That is why you've reached this crossroads. There is nothing left to

try. It's over. It's time to put a period on it, walk away, and never look

back. Time to finally live your life. Time to do what you must to protect

yourself and your loved ones from evil people who would do you harm. If you

break No Contact, you will only be sucked back in. If you keep No Contact,

you will live your life in peace, freedom, and safety. And after it's all

over, I leave it up to you whether you go to the funeral or not. If you have

moved on with your life and left the past in the past, then you won't feel

the need to.

Randi Kreger

Randi @BPDCentral.com

Author, " The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New

Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells "

Available at www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

that is really beautiful writing! I love that it spells everything out because

it is necessary for all those gray areas to be highlighted. thanks for all you

do!

>

>

> So, what exactly does it mean to " cut ties " with reprobate, sociopathic

> abusers?:

>

> TWENTY-ONE RULES OF NO CONTACT

>

> 1. No talking to them no matter what happens and no matter what you hear.

> 2. No letting them talk to you, No listening to anything they say, No

> " hearing them out. "

> 3. No letting them into your house and No going to their house. If it is

> possible to move, then move, get a P.O. box, and don't let them know when or

> where you're going.

> 4. No phone calls and No returning voicemail messages. Change your number to

> unlisted and unpublished, and do not give it to anyone you can't trust not

> to give it to your abuser. Never pick up the phone. Use Caller ID or let

> your machine pick up.

> 5. No sending or responding to e-mails. Block their e-mails, IMs, and

> ability to see when you are online.

> 6. No meetings to " talk things over " or " work things out. "

> 7. No cards or letters, and No responding to cards or letters. No birthday

> cards. No Christmas cards. No Mother's Day or Father's Day cards.

> 8. No giving gifts and No accepting gifts. If a gift is sent to you, No

> acknowledging it and No responding.

> 9. No exceptions for holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries.

> 10. No returning gifts, cards, or letters. To an abuser, that is a response.

> He will interpret it to mean that you are still emotionally connected to

> him, you still care, and if he keeps trying, he can wear you down. Just

> ignore all communications.

> 11. No visits, including hospital visits.

> 12. No letting them near your kids. If they're too toxic for you to be

> around, then they're too toxic for your children to be around. Monitor your

> children's e-mails and cell phones, changing e-mail accounts and phone

> numbers if necessary. Warn your children to stay away from them, and to run

> and tell a teacher if they show up at their school. Notify your children's

> school to call you and the police.

> 13. No public pleasantries. If you run into them in a public place, ignore

> them, turn your back, and walk away. If they approach you, say in a loud

> voice, " Leave me alone! " and " Do not talk to me. " If they persist or you

> believe you are being stalked, call the police. Get a paper trail started.

> Make a police report and get a case number so that in the future you can

> file charges for stalking, aggravated harassment, and any other crimes that

> the police or your lawyer can think of.

> 14. No discussing them with anybody who has contact with them.

> 15. No speaking at all to anyone who might be pumping you for information or

> spying on you, and reporting back to them. Cut off anyone who is not loyal

> to you.

> 16. No listening to any news about them. If you are absolutely dying of

> curiosity, listen, but do not show any undue interest, do not get baited

> into responding, and do not reveal any information about yourself in return.

> 17. No giving other people information about you or your family that they

> could carry back to your abuser.

> 18. No invitations to your big events and No responding to invitations they

> send you.

> 19. No responding to news that they are getting married, having a baby,

> getting a new job, retiring, moving, taking a trip, sick, dying, or dead.

> 20. No big announcements and No telling them anything about your life- No

> letting them know you're getting married, moving, or having a baby. No

> letting them know when your children get married, where they live, work, or

> go to school, or when your grandkids are born.

> 21. Print out e-mails, tape voicemail messages, and keep all cards, letters,

> and other communications in a file for future harassment or stalking

> charges, but do not respond.

>

>

>

> No Contact means NO Contact. Nothing! Nada, Zilch, Zip, Zero. As if your

> ex-abusers were total strangers who also happen to be dangerous,

> psychopathic stalkers. Which they pretty much are. So why would you not

> protect yourself and your family from them?

>

> Narcissists do not understand limits, maintaining a comfortable distance,

> taking it slow, or being cordial while still keeping someone at arm's

> length. They only deal in extremes, and must be totally enmeshed with you,

> with no boundaries or restrictions. It's all or nothing with them. Because

> of this, it's important to accept that it is not possible to have " limited "

> or " occasional " contact- for instance, only when there is a big event like a

> wedding or a funeral. This only sends a mixed message to your abuser, who

> will interpret any willingness at all on your part to communicate with him

> as a sign that all is forgiven, you've gotten over your little snit, and

> everything can now go back to normal, without him ever having to apologize

> or stop abusing you.

>

> No Contact is The End. You have already wasted your entire life trying

> everything possible to have a nice peaceful relationship, and nothing

> worked. That is why you've reached this crossroads. There is nothing left to

> try. It's over. It's time to put a period on it, walk away, and never look

> back. Time to finally live your life. Time to do what you must to protect

> yourself and your loved ones from evil people who would do you harm. If you

> break No Contact, you will only be sucked back in. If you keep No Contact,

> you will live your life in peace, freedom, and safety. And after it's all

> over, I leave it up to you whether you go to the funeral or not. If you have

> moved on with your life and left the past in the past, then you won't feel

> the need to.

>

>

>

> Randi Kreger

>

> Randi @BPDCentral.com

>

> Author, " The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New

> Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells "

>

> Available at www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I like this, wish I had found it a lot earlier, would probably have had fewer

problems with the boundary, fortunately I don't have to worry anymore as mine is

gone and no I'm not going to the funeral, there will be no funeral, only a

memorial service, only thing I'm doing now is finding out if I have any legal

responsibilities to her crap and rescuing the animals.  Be nice if I could get

some of my crap back but who knows.

proflaf

Subject: NC info I found on the net

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, August 14, 2010, 10:09 PM

 

So, what exactly does it mean to " cut ties " with reprobate, sociopathic

abusers?:

TWENTY-ONE RULES OF NO CONTACT

1. No talking to them no matter what happens and no matter what you hear.

2. No letting them talk to you, No listening to anything they say, No

" hearing them out. "

3. No letting them into your house and No going to their house. If it is

possible to move, then move, get a P.O. box, and don't let them know when or

where you're going.

4. No phone calls and No returning voicemail messages. Change your number to

unlisted and unpublished, and do not give it to anyone you can't trust not

to give it to your abuser. Never pick up the phone. Use Caller ID or let

your machine pick up.

5. No sending or responding to e-mails. Block their e-mails, IMs, and

ability to see when you are online.

6. No meetings to " talk things over " or " work things out. "

7. No cards or letters, and No responding to cards or letters. No birthday

cards. No Christmas cards. No Mother's Day or Father's Day cards.

8. No giving gifts and No accepting gifts. If a gift is sent to you, No

acknowledging it and No responding.

9. No exceptions for holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries.

10. No returning gifts, cards, or letters. To an abuser, that is a response.

He will interpret it to mean that you are still emotionally connected to

him, you still care, and if he keeps trying, he can wear you down. Just

ignore all communications.

11. No visits, including hospital visits.

12. No letting them near your kids. If they're too toxic for you to be

around, then they're too toxic for your children to be around. Monitor your

children's e-mails and cell phones, changing e-mail accounts and phone

numbers if necessary. Warn your children to stay away from them, and to run

and tell a teacher if they show up at their school. Notify your children's

school to call you and the police.

13. No public pleasantries. If you run into them in a public place, ignore

them, turn your back, and walk away. If they approach you, say in a loud

voice, " Leave me alone! " and " Do not talk to me. " If they persist or you

believe you are being stalked, call the police. Get a paper trail started.

Make a police report and get a case number so that in the future you can

file charges for stalking, aggravated harassment, and any other crimes that

the police or your lawyer can think of.

14. No discussing them with anybody who has contact with them.

15. No speaking at all to anyone who might be pumping you for information or

spying on you, and reporting back to them. Cut off anyone who is not loyal

to you.

16. No listening to any news about them. If you are absolutely dying of

curiosity, listen, but do not show any undue interest, do not get baited

into responding, and do not reveal any information about yourself in return.

17. No giving other people information about you or your family that they

could carry back to your abuser.

18. No invitations to your big events and No responding to invitations they

send you.

19. No responding to news that they are getting married, having a baby,

getting a new job, retiring, moving, taking a trip, sick, dying, or dead.

20. No big announcements and No telling them anything about your life- No

letting them know you're getting married, moving, or having a baby. No

letting them know when your children get married, where they live, work, or

go to school, or when your grandkids are born.

21. Print out e-mails, tape voicemail messages, and keep all cards, letters,

and other communications in a file for future harassment or stalking

charges, but do not respond.

No Contact means NO Contact. Nothing! Nada, Zilch, Zip, Zero. As if your

ex-abusers were total strangers who also happen to be dangerous,

psychopathic stalkers. Which they pretty much are. So why would you not

protect yourself and your family from them?

Narcissists do not understand limits, maintaining a comfortable distance,

taking it slow, or being cordial while still keeping someone at arm's

length. They only deal in extremes, and must be totally enmeshed with you,

with no boundaries or restrictions. It's all or nothing with them. Because

of this, it's important to accept that it is not possible to have " limited "

or " occasional " contact- for instance, only when there is a big event like a

wedding or a funeral. This only sends a mixed message to your abuser, who

will interpret any willingness at all on your part to communicate with him

as a sign that all is forgiven, you've gotten over your little snit, and

everything can now go back to normal, without him ever having to apologize

or stop abusing you.

No Contact is The End. You have already wasted your entire life trying

everything possible to have a nice peaceful relationship, and nothing

worked. That is why you've reached this crossroads. There is nothing left to

try. It's over. It's time to put a period on it, walk away, and never look

back. Time to finally live your life. Time to do what you must to protect

yourself and your loved ones from evil people who would do you harm. If you

break No Contact, you will only be sucked back in. If you keep No Contact,

you will live your life in peace, freedom, and safety. And after it's all

over, I leave it up to you whether you go to the funeral or not. If you have

moved on with your life and left the past in the past, then you won't feel

the need to.

Randi Kreger

Randi @BPDCentral.com

Author, " The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New

Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells "

Available at www.BPDCentral.com