Re: icky nada email creepies

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much Annie. Yes indeed, you're correct, I did develop some pretty

substantial dissociative responses, and that's what got me through back then.

The experience of a nada-prick is so very severe for me, that I find I need help

from others in purging it out. I really needed a post exhchange on the board to

help me get over this one, to where the discomfort was at a manageble enough

level that I could, say--get dressed. Get groceries. I am working on an

internal locus of control, but I still find that when a nada attack is involved,

I need outside strength to help me fight it. I wonder if your sister's need for

the therapist figure is along these same lines. Anyway, thank you very much,

now I think I can ease into the day more successfully!

> >

> > Hi WTOs,

> >

> > I am not sure why, but for some reason the email block feature I have for

nada stopped working a couple of weeks ago, and she has been showing up in my

junk mail. I have been NC (without explicitly declaring so) for over two years

now. I've been in a much-needed recovery period, where I re-raise and re-wire

myself, for that entire time, and in order to do that properly, I have not read

nadas emails for at least a year and a half, and lately I've been pretty

successful at blocking them all from coming.

> >

> > For some reason the feature changed--I have to check out the program. And I

see nada has been showing up in my inbox. Just very, very cautiously, I read

the email she sent a few days ago, and I glanced at another today. It is nuts.

Nada has been emailing me, one-sided, all this time, as if nothing is any

different. Trying to use me in the way she needs and deny her reality in the

way she needs. For those of you new ones on the list, nada's 'needs' from me

include a terrible verbal form of sexual black-sheeping, where she casts me as

some overweight, 'dirty', undesirable, unfeminine creature--it is projection and

it is really quite torturous, emotionally. She also tries to pretend that she

is a 'good' and cute little girl who 'loves' me, and she tries to merge with me

in a very intimate, invasive way--in between black sheep insults and abuses.

> >

> > Her creepy email contained all of those elements. Sharply. I confirmed

this morning that even glancing at nada's emails is still not a possibility for

me. No, I don't drop dead on the spot--but I experience a severe,

spine-prickling, icky CREEPINESS that is so intense it seems any human should

not have to endure it, even the worst offenders. And it sticks on me--it does

NOT just pass through me and go away when I've closed out the message. Oh,

God!! It makes me shudder. It is the worst 'emotional' experience I can

imagine, so bad that it crosses into the physical. HOW did I ever live with

regular contact with nada, and even seeing her in person? How is she so nuts

that she had not even *noticed* that I have not had an email exchange or any

other two way communication with her for three years?? But then, those abusers

who have a sexual element in the abuse are the ones who usually need to deny

their nature the most severely. In my experience.

> >

> > God. I have work to do this weekend. It is terrible to be stuck, trapped,

trying to purge this experience instead. All of those of you who are also

regretfully NC, I stand with you this weekend!!!

> >

> > --Charlie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Charlie, I know what you mean about the whole body response to Nada. It is

all encompassing and so hard to shake, because it goes beyond rational thought.

When it happens to me it is debilitating and I feel absolutely stuck in the

feeling.

For me the whole concept of detachment helps. The idea that your emotions and

thoughts are not you and trying to watch them like they are a movie playing.

Sometimes giving the intensity a score out of 10 at various times in the day can

be useful too because that helps with the idea of impermanence and re enforces

that you will move through this feeling. I know it can feel like a permanent

state when it happens!

Oh, and exercise. If you can, get out for a walk and you could even try a

walking meditation where you bring all of your thoughts back to the present and

focus on sights, smells, sounds etc.

And I also think absolutely keep talking about it as often as you need to. I can

relate to that feeling of needing an outsider to help move through these

difficult emotions and I sometimes don't know what I would do without my close

friends and family and this group.

Well, I hope at least some of this can be helpful to you. Just some ideas that

work for me I guess.

Good luck getting your work done. You can do it!

Keep posting.

With warmth,

Lynda

[Guest guest]

I understand the ickys completely I went NC with my nada and she kept poking the

boundary, well now she can't where she is now.  Any how, I used to get just

such horrible anxiety attacks in her presence that run away instinct would take

off instantly, I think most people thought exposure therapy would work, well

doesn't matter now, but I dont' think it woul dhave worked anyhow without duct

taping nadas eyes and mouth shut as well as taping her arms and legs up too

because some of the things she said and did were so crazy it wasn't even

funny.  I like the real world and not Oz.  I've given up making any sense out

of what she did or what her friends continuously do because you can't make sense

of it, it's just not normal people logic.  So I understand the icky heebe

geebies, the last words my mother ever spoke to me was I love you when she

showed up someplace and ran into me uninvited.  Boy that gave me a panic attack

from hell and I ran away from her

so quick it wasn't even funny.  When other people tell me they love me I'm

fine, but her  ewwwwwwwwwwwwww did I hear the vaccum sweeper come on?   Did I

hear I'll say that now to suck you in and now you have to earn it.

proflaf

Subject: icky nada email creepies

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, August 14, 2010, 11:12 AM

 

Hi WTOs,

I am not sure why, but for some reason the email block feature I have for nada

stopped working a couple of weeks ago, and she has been showing up in my junk

mail. I have been NC (without explicitly declaring so) for over two years now.

I've been in a much-needed recovery period, where I re-raise and re-wire myself,

for that entire time, and in order to do that properly, I have not read nadas

emails for at least a year and a half, and lately I've been pretty successful at

blocking them all from coming.

For some reason the feature changed--I have to check out the program. And I see

nada has been showing up in my inbox. Just very, very cautiously, I read the

email she sent a few days ago, and I glanced at another today. It is nuts.

Nada has been emailing me, one-sided, all this time, as if nothing is any

different. Trying to use me in the way she needs and deny her reality in the

way she needs. For those of you new ones on the list, nada's 'needs' from me

include a terrible verbal form of sexual black-sheeping, where she casts me as

some overweight, 'dirty', undesirable, unfeminine creature--it is projection and

it is really quite torturous, emotionally. She also tries to pretend that she

is a 'good' and cute little girl who 'loves' me, and she tries to merge with me

in a very intimate, invasive way--in between black sheep insults and abuses.

Her creepy email contained all of those elements. Sharply. I confirmed this

morning that even glancing at nada's emails is still not a possibility for me.

No, I don't drop dead on the spot--but I experience a severe, spine-prickling,

icky CREEPINESS that is so intense it seems any human should not have to endure

it, even the worst offenders. And it sticks on me--it does NOT just pass

through me and go away when I've closed out the message. Oh, God!! It makes me

shudder. It is the worst 'emotional' experience I can imagine, so bad that it

crosses into the physical. HOW did I ever live with regular contact with nada,

and even seeing her in person? How is she so nuts that she had not even

*noticed* that I have not had an email exchange or any other two way

communication with her for three years?? But then, those abusers who have a

sexual element in the abuse are the ones who usually need to deny their nature

the most severely. In my experience.

God. I have work to do this weekend. It is terrible to be stuck, trapped,

trying to purge this experience instead. All of those of you who are also

regretfully NC, I stand with you this weekend!!!

--Charlie