Guest guest Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 When she vents and you feel it is worse may be because you do not respond the way she expects you to. She is likely projecting her feelings onto you and therefore expects you to take responsibility for her feelings or fix them or feel the same. You cannot respond in a way she expects because her expectations change and are unreasonable. Ending the relationship threat can be a way to " have the last word " . She feels that you will abandon her so she must abandon the relationship first. As for your father wanting you to stay could be that he will become the abuse target if you are not there or he is enabling/rescuing her by trying to keep you there. I don't know the specifics of your situation so I am just guessing, I could be completely wrong. Whatever the case may be, you do not deserve to be treated this way. You father should not ask you to stay if you are being mistreated. If you feel you need to get out, do so. Protect yourself first and foremost. Hope this helps a little. On Sat, Aug 14, 2010 at 4:56 AM, sagey2doggy2 wrote: > > > Ever since I was a teen, my mother would be a verbal manipulator and she > still is. I do the quite thing by letting her " vent " , but that makes it > worse. Then she becomes even more angry and manipulates me by changing my > plans and then telling me that she wants to end our relationship. I went to > counciling and that didn't work. Since I just finished college and have to > stay at her place, financial reasons, the fights have been more frequent > now. I want to leave eventhough I have nowhere to go, but my dad wants me to > stay. It feels like I'm stuck. I have become more depressed ever since I > have moved here. So, I need some guidence and help on this matter. Also I > don't know if it's menopause too. > > Regards help me. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2010 Report Share Posted August 15, 2010 honey bless your heart, for saying, " I went to counseling and that didn't work " . that is what we do, isn't it. SHE needs counseling, not you, except counseling might help relieve your stress and validate your feelings of bewilderment. It isn't going to work for HER. And she probably isn't going to go to counseling. I know for me the only thing short of no contact that is going to work in any way is to a) not talk to them (both parents in my family are PD) when I do talk to them, it has to be like I am talking to a toddler, that maturity level and nothing further, in terms of expectations. I am sorry you are being assailed and assaulted by her verbally, I know that it truly is a lose/lose situation because you can't respond rationally (because they aren't rational) and you can't not respond. > > Ever since I was a teen, my mother would be a verbal manipulator and she still is. I do the quite thing by letting her " vent " , but that makes it worse. Then she becomes even more angry and manipulates me by changing my plans and then telling me that she wants to end our relationship. I went to counciling and that didn't work. Since I just finished college and have to stay at her place, financial reasons, the fights have been more frequent now. I want to leave eventhough I have nowhere to go, but my dad wants me to stay. It feels like I'm stuck. I have become more depressed ever since I have moved here. So, I need some guidence and help on this matter. Also I don't know if it's menopause too. > > Regards help me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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