the first time I have really discussed my BPD mother.

[Guest guest]

Trying to put together a concise, clear description of what it was like for me

to grow up with a mother like mine is incredibly hard. So many things, its so

hard to know where to start – or even more difficult – to know where to stop. I

feel like I could write forever about it all.

Ive never really gone into a lot of detail about my mother to people. When I do,

people kinda freak out and I stop. I feel that they are going to think that

because she was mentally ill, I will be too. Particularly partners. I get the

feeling that once they know about her, they will watch to see if I have the same

characteristics – I know I would! I believe my mother is BPD with a very liberal

dose of paranoid delusions.

When it comes to children she is violent, abusive, manipulative and she has an

obsession with thinking everyone is guilty of sexual abuse (despite never having

been abused herself).

Growing up it was a constant battle to know when she would go off the deep end,

trying to " be good " all the time. Strangers used to tell her that she had raised

such perfectly mannered children, which I think vindicated her behaviour in her

eyes. We were terrified of making her mad. She was an artist at physically

assaulting you without leaving a mark. If you got a bruise from playing outside

she would fly into rages – paranoid that people would find out that she beat us.

We got raged at for not getting good enough marks, not getting marks the same as

eachother, enjoying anything we did get good marks at, having different friends,

having any friends, getting sick, etc.

Imagine being 5 years old, having an enraged woman pulling you close by the neck

of your shirt, eyes flickering back and forth, spitting as she ferociously told

you exactly what a rapist would do to you if he got you alone in a public

toilet, in graphic detail. She made sure that we thought EVERYONE was a child

molester or rapist, even our own stepdad. We were terrified to be alone with him

at times.

If you ever argued back she would threaten to leave us at an orphanage, or put

us into foster care, where, you guessed it, someone would rape us. She gave us

boys haricuts but would dress us up in ridiculous frilly outfits. It was

bizarre.

She got a bit better as we got older and began to fight back somewhat. She only

ever really went to town on small defenceless kids – the reason I try to tell my

siblings to never leave their children alone with her. Not to say she wasn't

totally irrational when we were older, but she knows that adults talk, children

can be scared into silence. Looking at my school records, for the first few

years we were absent from school for at least 1/3 of the year – no doubt she

didn't like the fact that we enjoyed it and were away from her.

The delusions would get worse every now and then. Once she told me that the

devil had sent her to rule the world. She went through a period when I was in

primary school, where she was convinced that my sister wasn't able to walk (and

convinced my sister, who was rather suggestible). She paraded her around in a

wheelchair, and when doctors told her that there was nothing wrong with her, she

became convinced that the government was out to get her, took us kids out of

school and we had to go into hiding. My sister " miraculously " recovered when my

mother decided the cause was that she had too many teeth, and had 4 removed. As

my sister apparently recovered after this, she went on TV to say that she had

discovered the cure to almost everything. She had 8 of my teeth removed (for no

reason), and I recall being in the dentist chair, holding my breath as the

dentist and Mum argued over me about taking all my teeth out. She insisted that

I could eat through a straw and get false teeth when I was an adult. I was 13.

He refused, and Mum went on to buy her own dental pliers, and planned to take

out our teeth herself. Thankfully she never got around to it.

She still thinks that teeth (as well as olive oil) are the cause of everything

wrong with a person. All us siblings tell new partners who meet mum for the

first time " don't mention teeth or olive oil.. actually, just talk about the

weather " . Otherwise she will get into a fervour and lecture you, and as soon as

you look like you don't believe her, a rage. Once she decides she doesnt like

your partner, she makes life hell trying to break you up.

More to come later...