Re: I hate clothes shopping

[Guest guest]

Jen,

I do still feel exactly what you were feeling. I am pretty close to being at my

natural weight for me at my age right now. I'm not sure if there really is such

a thing as natural weight but I didn't want to call it my " goal " weight because

that sounded too " diety " . And I have to say that I STILL look in the mirror &

think that I look fat or that I look like I've gained weight & I get affected by

the fact that my pants are a bit tighter than they were a while ago. It is all

coming from that inner critic " Harriet " & I need to just tell her " get lost,

I'm not buying what you are selling " . Then I look in the mirror & say, " you look

good, hon, you look like you are taking good care of yourself ......... "

I know that eventually Harriet will get tired of criticizing me when she gets

the message that I really don't care what she thinks or says anymore.

mj

>

> Hi everyone,

> Today I decided to buy myself a few new pieces of clothing that made me feel

comfortable and to be honest, I feel like I look thinner in clothes that

actually fit me rather than ones that are too tight.

>

> So I started at Target and tried on a nice pair of dress pants for work and a

few other more relaxing items for the weekends. I had my son (3 yo) with me too

so that was fun - NOT!! ha ha.

>

> Anyways...I felt FAT The pant size I used to wear a few months ago was too

tight and I tried on these comfy yoga pants and felt like my thighs were just

huge. I know this bad...and I " shouldn't " be so negative with myself anymore but

I couldn't help it - I just did NOT like the way I looked in the mirror. Now I

remember why I don't go clothes shopping till after a diet. But I'm not on a

diet..but I hate the way I felt today in the dressing room and hate that I would

have to go up yet another size to fit into a nice pair of dress pants....

>

> So...i bought a few things that I didn't have to go up a size in. But the fat

feeling is still here...and I am not thinking of going back to dieting or

anything..i'm just venting and wondering if you all have these experiences too

particularly with shopping.

>

> thanks,

> Jen

>

[Guest guest]

Me, too. Not only do I get really critical of myself when I clothes shop, I

often also get really angry because my options are so limited compared to

smaller women. That's a toughie. A real challenge when it comes to being

gentle with yourself, but I'm trying to get better at it.

Josie

www.artofintuitiveliving.blogspot.com

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> > Today I decided to buy myself a few new pieces of clothing that made me feel

comfortable and to be honest, I feel like I look thinner in clothes that

actually fit me rather than ones that are too tight.

> >

> > So I started at Target and tried on a nice pair of dress pants for work and

a few other more relaxing items for the weekends. I had my son (3 yo) with me

too so that was fun - NOT!! ha ha.

> >

> > Anyways...I felt FAT The pant size I used to wear a few months ago was

too tight and I tried on these comfy yoga pants and felt like my thighs were

just huge. I know this bad...and I " shouldn't " be so negative with myself

anymore but I couldn't help it - I just did NOT like the way I looked in the

mirror. Now I remember why I don't go clothes shopping till after a diet. But

I'm not on a diet..but I hate the way I felt today in the dressing room and hate

that I would have to go up yet another size to fit into a nice pair of dress

pants....

> >

> > So...i bought a few things that I didn't have to go up a size in. But the

fat feeling is still here...and I am not thinking of going back to dieting or

anything..i'm just venting and wondering if you all have these experiences too

particularly with shopping.

> >

> > thanks,

> > Jen

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Jen,

I do still struggle with this, for sure. Even after all this time.

What I try to focus on is " so what? "

As in, " my thighs look fat -- so what? Has the world stopped spinning on its axis? Does ANYONE else care besides me? Is this REALLY what matters to me in my life? Does the size of my thighs reflect my worth, or what I contribute to the world? "

I think there's this secret plot for people (women, especially white women) to equate our looks with our self worth. And this makes me angry, because we ALL lose by this standard. Without exception, we are all going to get older and wrinklier and flabbier, and yes, most of us are going to get fatter. That's how biology goes. Now each one of us can walk around feeling like a failure because we are not Crawford, and able to defy the effects of aging (never mind that it's via surgery, personal trainers, private chefs, and the most unfair of all, airbrushing), or we can decide that we refuse to accept that we are but a measure of our appearances.

Doesn't mean I love how I look... it does mean that I see it as way less important. Most of the time.

Best,

Abby

IE since 11/08

 

Me, too. Not only do I get really critical of myself when I clothes shop, I often also get really angry because my options are so limited compared to smaller women. That's a toughie. A real challenge when it comes to being gentle with yourself, but I'm trying to get better at it.

Josie

www.artofintuitiveliving.blogspot.com--- In IntuitiveEating_Support , " mj " wrote:

>> Jen, > I do...

[Guest guest]

I agree with everything you said, I am so irritated with “standards†placed on women and how we are brainwashed about it. I could care less about what I should look like. Pfft!

Yet, I am having a very different thing happening to me....aging.

When I lost a great deal of weight in the past, I was still young. The body snapped back, I looked and felt fine. It was, I admit, thrilling to be able to find clothing off the rack that fit, that I liked and so on. Now that I have lost a great deal in my mid 50’s, things are very, very different.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around my self image. When I was at my heaviest I felt so disoriented when I looked in a mirror, I could not see myself at all. Perhaps because I was at an all time high, over 300 pounds that I could not see a trace of me left. I thought that if I lost the weight it would be like before, that the me I once recognized would emerge. Nope.

There is no resemblance to the image I once knew. Adding all the sagging and wrinkles and completely different body shape leaves me staring in the mirror and wondering who it is I am looking at. It’s not like I had time to get use to a gradual aging process and change and a fairly steady weight, but more like suddenly deflating a balloon and not recognize it is a balloon anymore, it’s just stretched out and wrinkled piece of latex. lol.

I do not say this in a negative way, but in a self exploring way. I will never be pretty or sexy again as I once was. I have gotten angry over this, because I wasted a great deal of my adult life to the struggles of disordered eating, dieting and obesity. So concentrated was I over those issues, I forgot to have fun (except brief times here and there). The times that I was thin, confident and acceptable, were far too brief. Now, everything is different and I feel as though I lost out, missed out and now must look through a different door. Yes, I know one can be sexy and pretty and feel radiant at any age, but I cannot find it. Foolish me, I thought that I would be more attractive in some way to my husband. Nope. That didn’t pan out either. Self doubt cannot help but take root. If I can’t see that spark in his eyes, I have no idea what to think about myself. Do I just put my hair in a bun and call it a day? At what point do women accept that it’s all over?

I look at clothing styles today and wonder what to wear. I dislike them all. I have spent the last 13 years wearing “what fitsâ€. No makeup, dumpy clothes, comfortable shoes....each time I try to get back into wearing makeup, trying on nicer clothes, I feel like I look even worse, like a fraud, like an imitation. I realize that I am trying to adjust my appearance to what I use to do, but that is the wrong direction to go, I need to find what works now. I feel absolutely clueless.

I am irked that this “find myself†thing is happening in my 50’s! I got over that so many years ago, but all the clues changed!

From: Abigail Wolfson

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 6:52 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shopping

Jen,

I Doesn't mean I love how I look... it does mean that I see it as way less important. Most of the time.

Best,AbbyIE since 11/08

[Guest guest]

Wow, I definitely feel your pain , thank you so much for sharing this.  I am also in my 50’s and I have completely lost touch with just exactly who this person looking back at me in the mirror is.    It seems as if my whole body is sliding south and I am completely at a loss as to how to stop it and honestly, I don’t know if I even really care but I feel like I should care (not sure that makes sense).    I don’t know what kind of makeup to wear or how to dress myself anymore.    I look for clues on how to deal with this stuff in magazines and all I see are 20 and 30 somethings that look nothing like me.   Honestly most days I just want to throw on jeans and an old shirt in the morning and be done with it but there are other times when I feel like I need to fight back, that I am too young to give up trying.    It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the days of being attractive, or even having the possibility of being attractive, are behind you, hard to figure out how to be going forward.     I am with you, I too know that I am supposed to be able to feel sexy, pretty and radiant at any age but darned if I can figure out how.  CarolFrom: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of i MouseSent: Monday, January 10, 2011 9:39 AMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shopping I agree with everything you said, I am so irritated with “standards†placed on women and how we are brainwashed about it. I could care less about what I should look like. Pfft! Yet, I am having a very different thing happening to me....aging. When I lost a great deal of weight in the past, I was still young. The body snapped back, I looked and felt fine. It was, I admit, thrilling to be able to find clothing off the rack that fit, that I liked and so on. Now that I have lost a great deal in my mid 50’s, things are very, very different. I have a hard time wrapping my head around my self image. When I was at my heaviest I felt so disoriented when I looked in a mirror, I could not see myself at all. Perhaps because I was at an all time high, over 300 pounds that I could not see a trace of me left. I thought that if I lost the weight it would be like before, that the me I once recognized would emerge. Nope. There is no resemblance to the image I once knew. Adding all the sagging and wrinkles and completely different body shape leaves me staring in the mirror and wondering who it is I am looking at. It’s not like I had time to get use to a gradual aging process and change and a fairly steady weight, but more like suddenly deflating a balloon and not recognize it is a balloon anymore, it’s just stretched out and wrinkled piece of latex. lol. I do not say this in a negative way, but in a self exploring way. I will never be pretty or sexy again as I once was. I have gotten angry over this, because I wasted a great deal of my adult life to the struggles of disordered eating, dieting and obesity. So concentrated was I over those issues, I forgot to have fun (except brief times here and there). The times that I was thin, confident and acceptable, were far too brief. Now, everything is different and I feel as though I lost out, missed out and now must look through a different door. Yes, I know one can be sexy and pretty and feel radiant at any age, but I cannot find it. Foolish me, I thought that I would be more attractive in some way to my husband. Nope. That didn’t pan out either. Self doubt cannot help but take root. If I can’t see that spark in his eyes, I have no idea what to think about myself. Do I just put my hair in a bun and call it a day? At what point do women accept that it’s all over? I look at clothing styles today and wonder what to wear. I dislike them all. I have spent the last 13 years wearing “what fitsâ€. No makeup, dumpy clothes, comfortable shoes....each time I try to get back into wearing makeup, trying on nicer clothes, I feel like I look even worse, like a fraud, like an imitation. I realize that I am trying to adjust my appearance to what I use to do, but that is the wrong direction to go, I need to find what works now. I feel absolutely clueless. I am irked that this “find myself†thing is happening in my 50’s! I got over that so many years ago, but all the clues changed! From: Abigail Wolfson Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 6:52 AMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shoppingJen,I Doesn't mean I love how I look... it does mean that I see it as way less important. Most of the time.Best,AbbyIE since 11/08

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing this, .

I'm 62, and while I only have about 30-35 pounds to lose, the last time I lost weight on a diet (7 years ago) I was shocked to discover I had wrinkly jiggly thighs and saggy places on my ass. I'm quite afraid of looking much worse this time around, especially since menopause and a bout with breast cancer have taken their toll. I do think that being afraid of how my body will look contributes to my resistance to losing weight. Thanks for opening up this issue.

April

I agree with everything you said, I am so irritated with “standards†placed on women and how we are brainwashed about it. I could care less about what I should look like. Pfft!

Yet, I am having a very different thing happening to me....aging.

When I lost a great deal of weight in the past, I was still young. The body snapped back, I looked and felt fine. It was, I admit, thrilling to be able to find clothing off the rack that fit, that I liked and so on. Now that I have lost a great deal in my mid 50’s, things are very, very different.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around my self image. When I was at my heaviest I felt so disoriented when I looked in a mirror, I could not see myself at all. Perhaps because I was at an all time high, over 300 pounds that I could not see a trace of me left. I thought that if I lost the weight it would be like before, that the me I once recognized would emerge. Nope.

There is no resemblance to the image I once knew. Adding all the sagging and wrinkles and completely different body shape leaves me staring in the mirror and wondering who it is I am looking at. It’s not like I had time to get use to a gradual aging process and change and a fairly steady weight, but more like suddenly deflating a balloon and not recognize it is a balloon anymore, it’s just stretched out and wrinkled piece of latex. lol.

I do not say this in a negative way, but in a self exploring way. I will never be pretty or sexy again as I once was. I have gotten angry over this, because I wasted a great deal of my adult life to the struggles of disordered eating, dieting and obesity. So concentrated was I over those issues, I forgot to have fun (except brief times here and there). The times that I was thin, confident and acceptable, were far too brief. Now, everything is different and I feel as though I lost out, missed out and now must look through a different door. Yes, I know one can be sexy and pretty and feel radiant at any age, but I cannot find it. Foolish me, I thought that I would be more attractive in some way to my husband. Nope. That didn’t pan out either. Self doubt cannot help but take root. If I can’t see that spark in his eyes, I have no idea what to think about myself. Do I just put my hair in a bun and call it a day? At what point do women accept that it’s all over?

I look at clothing styles today and wonder what to wear. I dislike them all. I have spent the last 13 years wearing “what fitsâ€. No makeup, dumpy clothes, comfortable shoes....each time I try to get back into wearing makeup, trying on nicer clothes, I feel like I look even worse, like a fraud, like an imitation. I realize that I am trying to adjust my appearance to what I use to do, but that is the wrong direction to go, I need to find what works now. I feel absolutely clueless.

I am irked that this “find myself†thing is happening in my 50’s! I got over that so many years ago, but all the clues changed!

From: Abigail Wolfson

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 6:52 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shopping

Jen,

I Doesn't mean I love how I look... it does mean that I see it as way less important. Most of the time.

Best,AbbyIE since 11/08

[Guest guest]

,

your post really resonated with me. I am exactly in that place where I've lost

weight & because I am in my late 50s & have been on so many diets (losing &

gaining, losing & gaining.......) my skin is so stretched that it will never go

back to where it was. I have to accept that. I have a lot of negative thoughts

about it, but I wish that I could learn to love my skin exactly the way it is.

Ok, that would be ideal but I'm not really sure just how to accomplish that.

It's only been a year & a half since I started losing weight & it really shows

mostly on my face. To be honest, my face looked much better before. In clothes,

I really like the way I look (most of the time) but I still do not really want

to see myself without the clothes on. At one time I wanted to lose more weight

but now I am thinking, can I just learn to accept this, where I am right now?

I'm very confused about where to go from here. I want to keep eating

intuitively, I want to keep treating myself with kindness, I want to keep

nourishing my body & spirit & mostly I want to accept the me that is here right

now. I don't know how long it take to shut down those old " diet/weight/size "

tapes, if anyone has had success with this please tell me.

I'm sorry for the ramble, I just felt like I needed it today.

mj

>

> I agree with everything you said, I am so irritated with “standardsâ€

placed on women and how we are brainwashed about it. I could care less about

what I should look like. Pfft!

>

> Yet, I am having a very different thing happening to me....aging.

>

> When I lost a great deal of weight in the past, I was still young. The body

snapped back, I looked and felt fine. It was, I admit, thrilling to be able to

find clothing off the rack that fit, that I liked and so on. Now that I have

lost a great deal in my mid 50’s, things are very, very different.

>

> I have a hard time wrapping my head around my self image. When I was at my

heaviest I felt so disoriented when I looked in a mirror, I could not see myself

at all. Perhaps because I was at an all time high, over 300 pounds that I could

not see a trace of me left. I thought that if I lost the weight it would be

like before, that the me I once recognized would emerge. Nope.

>

> There is no resemblance to the image I once knew. Adding all the sagging and

wrinkles and completely different body shape leaves me staring in the mirror and

wondering who it is I am looking at. It’s not like I had time to get use to a

gradual aging process and change and a fairly steady weight, but more like

suddenly deflating a balloon and not recognize it is a balloon anymore, it’s

just stretched out and wrinkled piece of latex. lol.

>

> I do not say this in a negative way, but in a self exploring way. I will

never be pretty or sexy again as I once was. I have gotten angry over this,

because I wasted a great deal of my adult life to the struggles of disordered

eating, dieting and obesity. So concentrated was I over those issues, I forgot

to have fun (except brief times here and there). The times that I was thin,

confident and acceptable, were far too brief. Now, everything is different and

I feel as though I lost out, missed out and now must look through a different

door. Yes, I know one can be sexy and pretty and feel radiant at any age, but I

cannot find it. Foolish me, I thought that I would be more attractive in some

way to my husband. Nope. That didn’t pan out either. Self doubt cannot help

but take root. If I can’t see that spark in his eyes, I have no idea what to

think about myself. Do I just put my hair in a bun and call it a day? At what

point do women accept that it’s all over?

>

> I look at clothing styles today and wonder what to wear. I dislike them all.

I have spent the last 13 years wearing “what fitsâ€. No makeup, dumpy

clothes, comfortable shoes....each time I try to get back into wearing makeup,

trying on nicer clothes, I feel like I look even worse, like a fraud, like an

imitation. I realize that I am trying to adjust my appearance to what I use to

do, but that is the wrong direction to go, I need to find what works now. I

feel absolutely clueless.

>

> I am irked that this “find myself†thing is happening in my 50’s! I got

over that so many years ago, but all the clues changed!

>

>

>

> From: Abigail Wolfson

> Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 6:52 AM

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shopping

>

>

>

> Jen,

>

> I Doesn't mean I love how I look... it does mean that I see it as way less

important. Most of the time.

>

> Best,

> Abby

> IE since 11/08

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know that I have an answer to this, but this line in your message really

struck me. Seems to me like you're saying that if you don't look like the

airbushed, anorexic 12-year-olds in the fashion magazines, that it's no longer

possible to be attractive. But the truth is that even though most of us have

internalized that message, that 95% of us NEVER looked that way in our entire

lives! I know I certainly never have. So, by that definition, there are an

awful lot of us that were never been attractive to begin with and it has

absolutely nothing to do with age.

Guess that's a long way of saying that I think you're measuring yourself against

the wrong yard stick and that's a contest that most people can't win. Seems to

me that the key is more about changing your definition of attractiveness than it

is about dealing with your age. I know that's easier said than done, but think

about how many people in our lives don't (and have never) fit the commonly

accepted version of attractiveness, but whom we love all the same. Why should

we be any different?

I know 60 year-olds who look like 30 year-olds (and that's with no cosmetic or

surgical help) and I know 60-year-olds who look like 60 year-olds and I can

think of very attractive people in both categories. They may be attractive in

different ways, but that's in no way a bad thing.

Similarly, I've always said that when it comes to men, some are immediately

physically attractive, and some are not but they *become* attractive to you

because of who they are once you get to know them. Most of the time, I'm far

more attracted to the latter than the former.

Josie

>

> It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the days of being attractive,

or even having the possibility of being attractive, are behind you, hard to

figure out how to be going forward. >

>

>

[Guest guest]

I read a great quote the other night that said something along the lines of, " the degradation of aging is a privilege of those allowed to grow old. "  in other words, what a great gift, that we had time enough to get saggy and dimply and less than taut. i try to remember my friends that have not or will not have that gift of time. 

i don't know if that helps. this is a losing battle, this fight with aging. i know i am just beginning it, so i don't have a right to say anything. but all those wrinkles and bags and everything else... they tell a story of the precious life you have lived. 

as for learning to get comfortable with yourself... i'm not there yet! but do you know someone, or could you even hire someone, who could maybe help you with some tips about how to make yourself feel more attractive? i've gotten some makeup at various places... Origins is my favorite because it's not bad for me and my skin, plus it's rarely busy and the person helping takes her time and is kind and gentle... and i feel like a little bit of makeup in the right places makes me glow, while still looking exactly like me.

good luck with this hard work you are struggling through... this is not easy stuff. and i certainly don't make light of that. i often find it easier to just not care and not even look in the mirror... but i hope someday to find a happy medium. 

 

I don't know that I have an answer to this, but this line in your message really struck me. Seems to me like you're saying that if you don't look like the airbushed, anorexic 12-year-olds in the fashion magazines, that it's no longer possible to be attractive. But the truth is that even though most of us have internalized that message, that 95% of us NEVER looked that way in our entire lives! I know I certainly never have. So, by that definition, there are an awful lot of us that were never been attractive to begin with and it has absolutely nothing to do with age.

Guess that's a long way of saying that I think you're measuring yourself against the wrong yard stick and that's a contest that most people can't win. Seems to me that the key is more about changing your definition of attractiveness than it is about dealing with your age. I know that's easier said than done, but think about how many people in our lives don't (and have never) fit the commonly accepted version of attractiveness, but whom we love all the same. Why should we be any different?

I know 60 year-olds who look like 30 year-olds (and that's with no cosmetic or surgical help) and I know 60-year-olds who look like 60 year-olds and I can think of very attractive people in both categories. They may be attractive in different ways, but that's in no way a bad thing.

Similarly, I've always said that when it comes to men, some are immediately physically attractive, and some are not but they *become* attractive to you because of who they are once you get to know them. Most of the time, I'm far more attracted to the latter than the former.

Josie

>

> It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the days of being attractive, or even having the possibility of being attractive, are behind you, hard to figure out how to be going forward. >

>

>

[Guest guest]

This weekend my daughter (in her mid 20's), her friend and I went to the mall. When I came to pick up my daughter, she said, "Mom! Don't wear those baggy pants! And, come here! Let me put some makeup on you, please!" She tried to tell me I don't wear jeans that flatter my new figure, and I need to put some makeup on, etc.... God love her. She even bought me a pair of jeans while I was enjoying sitting with my sleeping grandbaby watching people at the mall. They were TIGHT and I had a major muffin top! I am taking them back! I guess what I am getting at is, at almost 50, I am pretty happy for the first time in my life with my saggy bod. After losing the weight, I told my husband, if I could just pull all my skin up from the top of my head and chop it off, I might be ok! I run and workout now,

and I am still saggy as ever. It just isn't going to change and I feel so much better about myself just from eating what I want, and exercising because I want to, not because i have to that I just don't really care about the sags. Don't get me wrong - I have major issues with sugar lately and am still hard on myself in terms of "cheating" (still can't get over that yet) but as far as the body goes, I am not UNhappy!

I don't know that I have an answer to this, but this line in your message really struck me. Seems to me like you're saying that if you don't look like the airbushed, anorexic 12-year-olds in the fashion magazines, that it's no longer possible to be attractive. But the truth is that even though most of us have internalized that message, that 95% of us NEVER looked that way in our entire lives! I know I certainly never have. So, by that definition, there are an awful lot of us that were never been attractive to begin with and it has absolutely nothing to do with age.Guess that's a long way of saying that I think you're measuring yourself against the wrong yard stick and that's a contest that most people can't win. Seems to me that the key is more about changing your definition of attractiveness than it is about dealing with your age. I know that's easier said than done, but think about how many people in our lives don't (and have never) fit

the commonly accepted version of attractiveness, but whom we love all the same. Why should we be any different? I know 60 year-olds who look like 30 year-olds (and that's with no cosmetic or surgical help) and I know 60-year-olds who look like 60 year-olds and I can think of very attractive people in both categories. They may be attractive in different ways, but that's in no way a bad thing. Similarly, I've always said that when it comes to men, some are immediately physically attractive, and some are not but they *become* attractive to you because of who they are once you get to know them. Most of the time, I'm far more attracted to the latter than the former. Josie >> It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the days of being attractive, or even having the possibility of being attractive, are behind you, hard to figure out how to be going forward. > > >

[Guest guest]

Jami, that's AWESOME! thank you for sharing that!

 

This weekend my daughter (in her mid 20's), her friend and I went to the mall. When I came to pick up my daughter, she said, " Mom!  Don't wear those baggy pants!  And, come here! Let me put some makeup on you, please! "   She tried to tell me I don't wear jeans that flatter my new figure, and I need to put some makeup on, etc....   God love her.  She even bought me a pair of jeans while I was enjoying sitting with my sleeping grandbaby watching people at the mall.  They were TIGHT and I had a major muffin top!  I am taking them back!   I guess what I am getting at is, at almost 50, I am pretty happy for the first time in my life with my saggy bod.  After losing the weight, I told my husband, if I could just pull all my skin up from the top of my head and chop it off, I might be ok!  I run and workout now,

and I am still saggy as ever.  It just isn't going to change and I feel so much better about myself just from eating what I want, and exercising because I want to, not because i have to that I just don't really care about the sags.    Don't get me wrong - I have major issues with sugar lately and am still hard on myself in terms of " cheating " (still can't get over that yet) but as far as the body goes, I am not UNhappy!

 

I don't know that I have an answer to this, but this line in your message really struck me. Seems to me like you're saying that if you don't look like the airbushed, anorexic 12-year-olds in the fashion magazines, that it's no longer possible to be attractive. But the truth is that even though most of us have internalized that message, that 95% of us NEVER looked that way in our entire lives! I know I certainly never have. So, by that definition, there are an awful lot of us that were never been attractive to begin with and it has absolutely nothing to do with age.

Guess that's a long way of saying that I think you're measuring yourself against the wrong yard stick and that's a contest that most people can't win. Seems to me that the key is more about changing your definition of attractiveness than it is about dealing with your age. I know that's easier said than done, but think about how many people in our lives don't (and have never) fit

the commonly accepted version of attractiveness, but whom we love all the same. Why should we be any different? I know 60 year-olds who look like 30 year-olds (and that's with no cosmetic or surgical help) and I know 60-year-olds who look like 60 year-olds and I can think of very attractive people in both categories. They may be attractive in different ways, but that's in no way a bad thing.

Similarly, I've always said that when it comes to men, some are immediately physically attractive, and some are not but they *become* attractive to you because of who they are once you get to know them. Most of the time, I'm far more attracted to the latter than the former.

Josie >> It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the days of being attractive, or even having the possibility of being attractive, are behind you, hard to figure out how to be going forward. >

> >

[Guest guest]

What a beautiful quote, Abigail! A friend of mine just lost her sister last

week to breast cancer at the age of 49, so that really struck a chord.

One of the things a lot of teachers (Deepak Chopra, Eckert Tolle, Wayne Dyer,

etc.) often talk about is gratitude and how focusing on what we're grateful for

is a fast way to put things in perspective and to make ourselves feel better

when we're down. We may not like the size of our thighs or our wrinkles and

what have you, but it sure beats the alternative!

Josie

>

> I read a great quote the other night that said something along the lines of,

> " the degradation of aging is a privilege of those allowed to grow old. "

>

> in other words, what a great gift, that we had time enough to get saggy and

> dimply and less than taut. i try to remember my friends that have not or

> will not have that gift of time.

>

> i don't know if that helps. this is a losing battle, this fight with aging.

> i know i am just beginning it, so i don't have a right to say anything. but

> all those wrinkles and bags and everything else... they tell a story of the

> precious life you have lived.

>

> as for learning to get comfortable with yourself... i'm not there yet! but

> do you know someone, or could you even hire someone, who could maybe help

> you with some tips about how to make yourself feel more attractive? i've

> gotten some makeup at various places... Origins is my favorite because it's

> not bad for me and my skin, plus it's rarely busy and the person helping

> takes her time and is kind and gentle... and i feel like a little bit of

> makeup in the right places makes me glow, while still looking exactly like

> me.

>

> good luck with this hard work you are struggling through... this is not easy

> stuff. and i certainly don't make light of that. i often find it easier to

> just not care and not even look in the mirror... but i hope someday to find

> a happy medium.

>

[Guest guest]

Ah, not quite. It may seem like using words like attractiveness automatically relates to the impossible standards we see in the media for women, but in reality, we all know that there is airbrushing going on in images and there is cosmetic surgery and makeup going on in the films and TV actors. I never tried or wanted to look like anyone on the screen or in print, however, they do represent a fantasy image and it is hard not to imagine that we could improve how we look to some degree. I was born in the 1950’s so there was a heavy influence about “good grooming†taught to young girls by mothers and in the schools. Good Grooming meant taking care of one’s appearance and making sure we presented ourselves in the best possible way. That changed in the late 60’s when we rejected the established rules and went natural. lol. I feel a need to find that place again, where I am in balance with what I have and what I can improve on since I cannot seem to make sense of where I am with losing weight and aging all mixed together and I do not recognize myself in images. My improvement is not based on the current standards, its more about finding myself when I see a dramatic change in my body and image in the mirror.

When it comes to clothing....this is not a comparison to other images, but a comparison to what I use to think made me feel attractive or well groomed and what I am trying to find now. I don’t want to wear the clothes I wore then, the makeup I wore then looks garish now, I have no interest in high heels or red lipstick. I wear wrinkled cotton pull on clothes on the truck because comfort is top priority. But when I am home, I find I wish to look and feel more put together. Compounding my problem is my constantly changing body size. After being on the road 5-6 weeks at a time, I am smaller and what I have at home gets too big. Nothing stresses me out more than to invest in clothing that I cannot wear for long. So I spend my time at the thrift shop looking for something to wear and then succumb to being practical and buying more cotton pull on clothing.

It also drives me crazy not to even know where I would go with clothing selections, style, colours should I even attempt to pull together a sense of self and style. I let my hair grow until I could sit on it because I found it easiest to just twist it into a bun and be done with it. I ended up having to chop it off because I lost so much weight that it got so thin and I molted until my husband grew tired of hair being everywhere. I chopped it to chin length and now that it is much healthier and not molting, I will probably grow it out again...but then why? Should I try a style? These are all the questions and thoughts I go through in trying to find a balance of changing body, changing age and changing times. I was taught never to “let oneself go†and I feel as if I have done that. I can’t seem to find a look that defines my sense of self. Also...which is a subject all in itself....what happens to our sense of sensual self? When I was home last, I dragged out an old box of lingerie I had from a very long time ago. I tried some of it on and took pictures. I looked and felt like an old woman trying on sexy things and realizing that the time had passed for such things. My husband aside, who is not attracted to things like this, I felt an acute pain of loss, that never again would I see the fire in a lover’s eyes because I walked into a room wearing something ever so naughty. I know there are women who can and do manage to continue this through aging and have active sex lives, but in my life it will not happen again. I mourn that. It does connect to weight loss. Because what I thought would rekindle that desire in my husband, that return to a more normal size and shape, didn’t. I will work through it, but it is very confusing and leaves me wondering what would at least please me, since it seems to not matter one bit to my husband how I appear to his eyes.

I have to add a bit of background to my mourning. We will be returning home to Denmark in about 3 years. We are taking the Queen as a last hurrah before settling into retirement. There are a few evenings where we all dress up and go dancing. I use to be a dancer and use to dress in fancy clothing. I cannot help but fantasize about this trip, this very romantic trip and once again wearing something pretty, sparkling. If I could just see one glimpse of my husband finding me attractive..... The odds are against that happening, but I would love to see it.

From: josiesjunkmail

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 6:48 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: I hate clothes shopping

So, by that definition, there are an awful lot of us that were never been attractive to begin with and it has absolutely nothing to do with age. Josie

[Guest guest]

I do not regret aging, I have no desire to be young again. I love the place in my life that I am at now. I love the wisdom that aging brings, the calm, the ability to weather the storms with knowledge that it soon passes. I just don’t know who that woman in the mirror is! lol

From: Abigail Wolfson

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 7:42 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shopping

I read a great quote the other night that said something along the lines of, "the degradation of aging is a privilege of those allowed to grow old."

in other words, what a great gift, that we had time enough to get saggy and dimply and less than taut. i try to remember my friends that have not or will not have that gift of time.

[Guest guest]

I loved this experience!

From: Jami Warren

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 8:04 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shopping

This weekend my daughter (in her mid 20's), her friend and I went to the mall. When I came to pick up my daughter, she said, "Mom! Don't wear those baggy pants! And, come here! Let me put some makeup on you, please!" She tried to tell me I don't wear jeans that flatter my new figure, and I need to put some makeup on, etc.... God love her. She even bought me a pair of jeans while I was enjoying sitting with my sleeping grandbaby watching people at the mall. They were TIGHT and I had a major muffin top! I am taking them back! I guess what I am getting at is, at almost 50, I am pretty happy for the first time in my life with my saggy bod. After losing the weight, I told my husband, if I could just pull all my skin up from the top of my head and chop it off, I might be ok! I run and workout now, and I am still saggy as ever. It just isn't going to change and I feel so much better about myself just from eating what I want, and exercising because I want to, not because i have to that I just don't really care about the sags. Don't get me wrong - I have major issues with sugar lately and am still hard on myself in terms of "cheating" (still can't get over that yet) but as far as the body goes, I am not UNhappy!

[Guest guest]

True. I am sure over time, I will find that right place in my mind about my body and my aging. I have been collecting photo’s of clothing that appealed to me and keeping them in a folder. I really like classic clothing and will probably work more on this when we are done with trucking. I may play around with a tropical look while I live in Hawaii. That ought to be fun!

From: josiesjunkmail

Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 8:17 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: I hate clothes shopping

What a beautiful quote, Abigail! A friend of mine just lost her sister last week to breast cancer at the age of 49, so that really struck a chord. One of the things a lot of teachers (Deepak Chopra, Eckert Tolle, Wayne Dyer, etc.) often talk about is gratitude and how focusing on what we're grateful for is a fast way to put things in perspective and to make ourselves feel better when we're down. We may not like the size of our thighs or our wrinkles and what have you, but it sure beats the alternative!Josie>> I read a great quote the other night that said something along the lines of,> "the degradation of aging is a privilege of those allowed to grow old."> > in other words, what a great gift, that we had time enough to get saggy and> dimply and less than taut. i try to remember my friends that have not or> will not have that gift of time.> > i don't know if that helps. this is a losing battle, this fight with aging.> i know i am just beginning it, so i don't have a right to say anything. but> all those wrinkles and bags and everything else... they tell a story of the> precious life you have lived.> > as for learning to get comfortable with yourself... i'm not there yet! but> do you know someone, or could you even hire someone, who could maybe help> you with some tips about how to make yourself feel more attractive? i've> gotten some makeup at various places... Origins is my favorite because it's> not bad for me and my skin, plus it's rarely busy and the person helping> takes her time and is kind and gentle... and i feel like a little bit of> makeup in the right places makes me glow, while still looking exactly like> me.> > good luck with this hard work you are struggling through... this is not easy> stuff. and i certainly don't make light of that. i often find it easier to> just not care and not even look in the mirror... but i hope someday to find> a happy medium.> ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I think of Betty White when I think of getting older. What a great role model

for getting older! I want to be like Betty White! I think she is beautiful -

Funny, Witty, Charming, Charismatic and truly just who she is! Forget looking

like the Raquel Welch's of the world!

Alana

> >

> > It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the days of being

attractive, or even having the possibility of being attractive, are behind you,

hard to figure out how to be going forward. >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Amen Alana!

Subject: Re: I hate clothes shoppingTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, January 11, 2011, 9:48 AM

I think of Betty White when I think of getting older. What a great role model for getting older! I want to be like Betty White! I think she is beautiful - Funny, Witty, Charming, Charismatic and truly just who she is! Forget looking like the Raquel Welch's of the world!Alana> >> > It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the days of being attractive, or even having the possibility of being attractive, are behind you, hard to figure out how to be going forward. > > > >

>>

[Guest guest]

yes, ,

that is exactly what I am thinking, too. Who is that person? But, yes, all the

rest of it is so true for me, too. I really love being this age & I will take

whatever comes with it. Just the mirror thing is still something for me to work

on.

mj

>

> I do not regret aging, I have no desire to be young again. I love the place

in my life that I am at now. I love the wisdom that aging brings, the calm, the

ability to weather the storms with knowledge that it soon passes. I just don't

know who that woman in the mirror is! lol

>

>

>

> From: Abigail Wolfson

> Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 7:42 PM

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Subject: Re: Re: I hate clothes shopping

>

>

> I read a great quote the other night that said something along the lines of,

" the degradation of aging is a privilege of those allowed to grow old. "

>

> in other words, what a great gift, that we had time enough to get saggy and

dimply and less than taut. i try to remember my friends that have not or will

not have that gift of time.

>

[Guest guest]

Oh. Okay, I get what you're saying. I interpreted the original message as

saying that the poster didn't think she could be attractive anymore because she

was now older. Not sure if that's what she meant or not, but what you're saying

is very different to me. I think there are extremely attractive people of all

ages, both physically and otherwise. But I totally understand not knowing how

to " feel " attractive. Though, in both cases, I think it's a matter of mindset

and doesn't have much to do with age.

I would say that I sort of fall into this camp for different reasons. I don't

think I've ever really known how to feel attractive. I may have had fleeting

glimpses of it, but I don't think it has ever been something I've really felt.

Despite being an avid women's magazine reader all my life, I never really did

master the art of applying make-up. By the time I was in my 30's, I kept the

odd mascara or lipstick to apply for special occasions, but could never be

bothered on a daily basis, and I didn't think it made all that much difference

anyway. Now, I might apply make-up two or three times per year.

I feel like I actually have a pretty good sense of style when it comes to

clothing. I know what I like when I see it and what I think is appropriate for

my age, But when I was younger and growing up without much money, I felt like I

was too fat (even though I wasn't really all that fat at the time) and couldn't

afford the " right " clothes to make me attractive. Now that I'm older and can

afford better clothes, I'm a lot fatter and feel like it's virtually impossible

to find anything that is capable of making me look good. I don't think I'm

supposed to be dressed to the 9's all the time, but I also know that I often go

to the other extreme, especially on the weekends. At work, I can reach some

semblance of being pulled together (even if I feel it still doesn't make me

" attractive " ) because I'm required to look professional, but on the weekends,

comfort is almost always the priority. Can't count how often I go to the

grocery store or run other errands in old sweats and my crocs. It's not that I

don't want to or couldn't dress better, it's just that I don't feel like I

should have to suffer in my off hours and most of the clothes that would be more

" pulled together " are just plain uncomfortable to me. Can't stand anything that

feels like it's tight or binding and a lot of dressier clothes feel that way to

me, even when they're the right size, so I don't wear them unless I absolutely

have to. On work days, changing clothes is the absolute first thing I do upon

walking through the door. Sometimes there's literally a trail of clothing from

the front door to my bedroom because I'm shedding clothes as I go (I often find

my bra hidden between sofa cushions! LOL). So I admit I can be a fright

sometimes on the weekends.

As for the sensual self, I'm not sure that I've ever seen the light you're

talking about. I love men and I've had relationships, but I've never really

felt that they find me attractive. I'd be happy to at least have experienced

that spark at *some* point, but I'm not sure that I ever will. I know that this

is also in my head and it comes from a lifetime of low self-esteem and I hope I

will get past it some day, but who knows?

Josie

>

> Ah, not quite. It may seem like using words like attractiveness automatically

relates to the impossible standards we see in the media for women, but in

reality, we all know that there is airbrushing going on in images and there is

cosmetic surgery and makeup going on in the films and TV actors. I never tried

or wanted to look like anyone on the screen or in print, however, they do

represent a fantasy image and it is hard not to imagine that we could improve

how we look to some degree. I was born in the 1950’s so there was a heavy

influence about “good grooming†taught to young girls by mothers and in the

schools. Good Grooming meant taking care of one’s appearance and making sure

we presented ourselves in the best possible way. That changed in the late

60’s when we rejected the established rules and went natural. lol. I feel a

need to find that place again, where I am in balance with what I have and what I

can improve on since I cannot seem to make sense of where I am with losing

weight and aging all mixed together and I do not recognize myself in images. My

improvement is not based on the current standards, its more about finding myself

when I see a dramatic change in my body and image in the mirror.

>

> When it comes to clothing....this is not a comparison to other images, but a

comparison to what I use to think made me feel attractive or well groomed and

what I am trying to find now. I don’t want to wear the clothes I wore then,

the makeup I wore then looks garish now, I have no interest in high heels or red

lipstick. I wear wrinkled cotton pull on clothes on the truck because comfort

is top priority. But when I am home, I find I wish to look and feel more put

together. Compounding my problem is my constantly changing body size. After

being on the road 5-6 weeks at a time, I am smaller and what I have at home gets

too big. Nothing stresses me out more than to invest in clothing that I cannot

wear for long. So I spend my time at the thrift shop looking for something to

wear and then succumb to being practical and buying more cotton pull on

clothing.

>

> It also drives me crazy not to even know where I would go with clothing

selections, style, colours should I even attempt to pull together a sense of

self and style. I let my hair grow until I could sit on it because I found it

easiest to just twist it into a bun and be done with it. I ended up having to

chop it off because I lost so much weight that it got so thin and I molted until

my husband grew tired of hair being everywhere. I chopped it to chin length and

now that it is much healthier and not molting, I will probably grow it out

again...but then why? Should I try a style? These are all the questions and

thoughts I go through in trying to find a balance of changing body, changing age

and changing times. I was taught never to “let oneself go†and I feel as if

I have done that. I can’t seem to find a look that defines my sense of self.

Also...which is a subject all in itself....what happens to our sense of sensual

self? When I was home last, I dragged out an old box of lingerie I had from a

very long time ago. I tried some of it on and took pictures. I looked and felt

like an old woman trying on sexy things and realizing that the time had passed

for such things. My husband aside, who is not attracted to things like this, I

felt an acute pain of loss, that never again would I see the fire in a lover’s

eyes because I walked into a room wearing something ever so naughty. I know

there are women who can and do manage to continue this through aging and have

active sex lives, but in my life it will not happen again. I mourn that. It

does connect to weight loss. Because what I thought would rekindle that desire

in my husband, that return to a more normal size and shape, didn’t. I will

work through it, but it is very confusing and leaves me wondering what would at

least please me, since it seems to not matter one bit to my husband how I appear

to his eyes.

>

> I have to add a bit of background to my mourning. We will be returning home

to Denmark in about 3 years. We are taking the Queen as a last hurrah

before settling into retirement. There are a few evenings where we all dress up

and go dancing. I use to be a dancer and use to dress in fancy clothing. I

cannot help but fantasize about this trip, this very romantic trip and once

again wearing something pretty, sparkling. If I could just see one glimpse of

my husband finding me attractive..... The odds are against that happening, but

I would love to see it.

>

>

>

> From: josiesjunkmail

> Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 6:48 PM

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Subject: Re: I hate clothes shopping

> So, by that definition, there are an awful lot of us that were never been

attractive to begin with and it has absolutely nothing to do with age.

>

>

> Josie

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I am the very same way about clothing and makeup. Up until I lost my last job, I was well groomed and meticulous in my appearance, never setting foot outside the door without looking my best. I was an accountant and when that final job closed it’s doors to the economy and failure to thrive, I took off that uncomfortable suit and vowed never to wear anything uncomfortable ever again! I went to the opposite extreme and wore only pull on cotton clothes (I still do, but I am getting adventurous and now wear jeans again). Right now, we are still trucking and I am not worried too much about style or appearance. But when I am on hometime I think about it more, I wonder if I should try again, if I could redefine this person I see in the mirror, maybe try to help it along somehow.

I actually talked to my husband yesterday about this conversation, about aging and how our bodies are just not what they use to be and it’s like waking up and being in a different body. He laughed and said that yeah, he wondered how come his dark hair is now steel grey. I think men tend to be slower in dealing with aging. At least it was nice to share some feelings and ideas about it.

It’s kinda weird to say this, as I do still have lots of work to do on accepting my own mirror image as really being me, but I actually like me more than I ever have before. Aging does smooth out the rough edges of self doubt. I think the defiance of not wearing makeup or putting on comfy clothes and going out, all reinforce that I can do as I please and not follow conventional rules that only really exist in my head.

As for being present and mindful....I had a wonderful experience this morning of taking a hot shower at the truckstop, then sitting down in the restaurant with my husband for a hot breakfast. I felt so fresh, so vibrant, so alive. I was happy! My husband looked at me and said “whats the matter with you?†I just laughed.

From: josiesjunkmail

Sent: Tuesday, January 11, 2011 11:46 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: I hate clothes shopping

Oh. Okay, I get what you're saying. I interpreted the original message as saying that the poster didn't think she could be attractive anymore because she was now older. Not sure if that's what she meant or not, but what you're saying is very different to me. I think there are extremely attractive people of all ages, both physically and otherwise. But I totally understand not knowing how to "feel" attractive. Though, in both cases, I think it's a matter of mindset and doesn't have much to do with age.I would say that I sort of fall into this camp for different reasons. I don't think I've ever really known how to feel attractive. I may have had fleeting glimpses of it, but I don't think it has ever been something I've really felt. Despite being an avid women's magazine reader all my life, I never really did master the art of applying make-up. By the time I was in my 30's, I kept the odd mascara or lipstick to apply for special occasions, but could never be bothered on a daily basis, and I didn't think it made all that much difference anyway. Now, I might apply make-up two or three times per year. I feel like I actually have a pretty good sense of style when it comes to clothing. I know what I like when I see it and what I think is appropriate for my age, But when I was younger and growing up without much money, I felt like I was too fat (even though I wasn't really all that fat at the time) and couldn't afford the "right" clothes to make me attractive. Now that I'm older and can afford better clothes, I'm a lot fatter and feel like it's virtually impossible to find anything that is capable of making me look good. I don't think I'm supposed to be dressed to the 9's all the time, but I also know that I often go to the other extreme, especially on the weekends. At work, I can reach some semblance of being pulled together (even if I feel it still doesn't make me "attractive") because I'm required to look professional, but on the weekends, comfort is almost always the priority. Can't count how often I go to the grocery store or run other errands in old sweats and my crocs. It's not that I don't want to or couldn't dress better, it's just that I don't feel like I should have to suffer in my off hours and most of the clothes that would be more "pulled together" are just plain uncomfortable to me. Can't stand anything that feels like it's tight or binding and a lot of dressier clothes feel that way to me, even when they're the right size, so I don't wear them unless I absolutely have to. On work days, changing clothes is the absolute first thing I do upon walking through the door. Sometimes there's literally a trail of clothing from the front door to my bedroom because I'm shedding clothes as I go (I often find my bra hidden between sofa cushions! LOL). So I admit I can be a fright sometimes on the weekends. As for the sensual self, I'm not sure that I've ever seen the light you're talking about. I love men and I've had relationships, but I've never really felt that they find me attractive. I'd be happy to at least have experienced that spark at *some* point, but I'm not sure that I ever will. I know that this is also in my head and it comes from a lifetime of low self-esteem and I hope I will get past it some day, but who knows? Josie

[Guest guest]

Shopping for clothes is one of my least favourite things to do. Not only because I would rather spend money on my hobbies, but because I hate having to deal with my body in such a realistic way. (I would rather pretend it is smaller than I think! lol). But there is another problem that irks the heck out of me, that is trying to figure out what size I wear. Whether I am stable in weight, going up or down, what I grab off the rack rarely fits. I have dragged the same size clothing into the dressing room and some fit, some don’t. There doesn’t seem to be a uniform size in anything. Doubling the trouble, is finding that 3X is getting smaller and smaller. Literally, I have laid some of my old 3X on the bed and placed a new one over it, there is as much as an 8 inch difference! I use to wear a size 12, would a size 12 still be the same size? Is finding clothing always going to be such a hassle?

On top of that, I can’t stand tight clothes. I am so use to “big†clothing that now, when I need to get better fitting clothes, I feel so clueless. I noticed this morning that my favourite shirt is hanging on me. I pulled it out to the side, about 12 inches of fabric. Sigh. I have to let it go. I feel sad, isn’t that weird? It was such a comfortable shirt.

I dread facing the mirrors in the dressing room, facing the number inside the clothing, dread seeing what shows the lumps and bumps and rolls. All of my life, I have cut the tags out of clothing, so that I have no clue as to what size I wear at any given time. I have a tub of old clothes I have saved at home and now that I find I am now fitting back into some of my smaller clothing, I wouldn’t know what to look for in the stores. I am intimidated by the whole process. Honestly, it was easier to just grab the biggest oversized t-shirt I could find and be done with it!

I don’t know if it is the fashion industry that messes so much with clothing sizing or that we tend to ignore what is happening to our body as it increases or decreases in size and shape, but whatever it is, I dislike looking for clothing and trying to determine if I like how the garment fits. It must be nice to be a store mannequin who never changes size or shape....ever!

From: jenpullara

Sent: Sunday, January 09, 2011 5:08 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: I hate clothes shopping

Hi everyone,Today I decided to buy myself a few new pieces of clothing that made me feel comfortable and to be honest, I feel like I look thinner in clothes that actually fit me rather than ones that are too tight. So I started at Target and tried on a nice pair of dress pants for work and a few other more relaxing items for the weekends. I had my son (3 yo) with me too so that was fun - NOT!! ha ha.Anyways...I felt FAT The pant size I used to wear a few months ago was too tight and I tried on these comfy yoga pants and felt like my thighs were just huge. I know this bad...and I "shouldn't" be so negative with myself anymore but I couldn't help it - I just did NOT like the way I looked in the mirror. Now I remember why I don't go clothes shopping till after a diet. But I'm not on a diet..but I hate the way I felt today in the dressing room and hate that I would have to go up yet another size to fit into a nice pair of dress pants....So...i bought a few things that I didn't have to go up a size in. But the fat feeling is still here...and I am not thinking of going back to dieting or anything..i'm just venting and wondering if you all have these experiences too particularly with shopping.thanks,Jen------------------------------------