Re: forgiveness

[Guest guest]

phine,

I was thinking the same thing last week, mostly as a means of letting go of the

bitterness, resentment, and anger I have towards my mother.

I feel like I spend so much, TOO much mental/emotional energy and time on what

she's done, what she might do, how I can avoid my reactions to her, etc.

In the past, I've felt like I have forgiven her, saying it out loud in prayer,

writing it out, but the consuming feelings remain.

I'm curious to see what others have to say, too.

>

> I am curious about how people feel about this. I would like to hear any

thoughts you may have on it, whatever pops into your head or something profound

from your journey either one. I thought about it too hard and now I can not even

define it. I do this sometimes with words, saying them over and over until they

sound foreign and strange to me. Since my head is pretty empty of what

forgiveness is I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it. Is it

necessary? If you have done it has it been helpful? Did it take a long time and

a lot of hard work or did it just 'happen' one day? I am not one to believe it

is necessary only because of the devastating effect my mother's 'forgiveness' of

her father had on my life. I am just saying that to open it up to all points of

view. Sometimes even at the mere mention of it I have a tri-fold reaction of

guilt, anger, and shame. I think that is what they mean when it says to

'bristle' at the mention of something. I guess as a KO I do more than my share

of 'bristling'.

>

[Guest guest]

I like what tiki above said about forgiveness.

I think I will start looking at forgiveness just like I handled deciding what

level of contact I have with nada. I gave myself time to really process what I

felt I could handle in seeing nada and decided from there if I would be NC or

LC. I now look at every family get-together and decide what I need to do. I

eventually let go of the guilt surrounding those decisions and got better at

making those choices with each chance to practice.

I like the idea of balancing forgiveness with how much pain I am ready to face

and if I have enough love to balance out that pain. Which helps me makes sense

of why I can't let go yet (I love the line, " I'm not ready to make nice. " ) Do I

need to let the air out of the pain balloon a little or do I need to fill up my

self-love tank? In doing this process, I think I may find over time that I am

able to let go of my anger toward nada. And, really I think what forgiveness is

about, forgive myself.

Both obstacles seem to me to be processes instead of end destinations.

peace,

patinage

>

> I am curious about how people feel about this. I would like to hear any

thoughts you may have on it, whatever pops into your head or something profound

from your journey either one. I thought about it too hard and now I can not even

define it. I do this sometimes with words, saying them over and over until they

sound foreign and strange to me. Since my head is pretty empty of what

forgiveness is I would love to hear other people's thoughts on it. Is it

necessary? If you have done it has it been helpful? Did it take a long time and

a lot of hard work or did it just 'happen' one day? I am not one to believe it

is necessary only because of the devastating effect my mother's 'forgiveness' of

her father had on my life. I am just saying that to open it up to all points of

view. Sometimes even at the mere mention of it I have a tri-fold reaction of

guilt, anger, and shame. I think that is what they mean when it says to

'bristle' at the mention of something. I guess as a KO I do more than my share

of 'bristling'.

>