Re: I must have a sign on my forehead!!!

[Guest guest]

Yes, I have the same sign on my forehead! This is the flea I've been working the

hardest on because I'm starting school again and don't want to attract these

BPD/PD people that I have in the past! Here are a few exercise I've done that

may help:

- I made a list of the major people in my life who had BPD/PD traits. This was

very enlightening- it helped me realize I didn't have horrible radar, it just

went very very astray when I moved near nada for grad school. Then I just

scrambled for needy people so I would have a safe haven when nada dropped by all

the time and let herself into my place.

- I also made a list of common (early) characteristics with these people, so I

can identify them earlier in the future.

I'm not saying that I'm free of this flea, but I'm glad that I'm more aware of

how I can prevent it in the future. This process has *also made me less

concerned with being polite as I now realize how damaging these people can be.

But I totally feel your frustration- it sucks to have crazy makers everywhere,

not just in our nadas!

>

> It says, " if you have BPD...or really ANY PD that requires me to lose my

identity and be available to you 24/7, inquire here! "

>

> UGGGRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! It's like I attract needy people.

>

> She's from my church.

> I don't mind giving people rides once in a while.

> I don't mind listening to others' problems once in a while.

>

> But this woman from my church left me the most presumptuous message that

displayed her sense of entitlement loud and clear. GGGRRRRRR!!!

>

> She said, " I've already left other messages regarding tomorrow's event and I

haven't heard back! [exasperated sigh] " She is the type of person that will go

on and on and on and on, regardless of others' shifting in their seats, looking

at their watches, etc. So her voice mail was her blabbing and doing the same.

>

> I had already been in touch with her about the event she mentioned and she

said she couldn't go so NOW...she changed her mind and expected me to be at the

ready with my coach to escort her.

>

> I just feel such conflicting feelings. It triggers a lot, mainly:

> * her message made me feel like flipping her the bird!!!

> * and it made me feel like calling her back and EXPLAINING. Explaining what

the misunderstanding was and trying to patch things up. In other words, doing

the people pleasing sappy things I sometimes do.

>

> I decided NOT to call her back at all. I just feel like I already get this

crap from my mother. It's scary how easily I get drawn into it. I have to make

an effort to distance myself from it!

>

> Do any of you feel this pull toward needy, demanding people??

>

[Guest guest]

AARRRGGGGHHH!!! Is right!! It seems like folks like that can smell " affected

by BPD " all over us.

I've learned to avoid them like the plague from the very beginning. It only

takes one conversation where someone ignores all of my cues, and I walk away.

Sometimes, I will rudely excuse myself and walk away in the first conversation.

Then, I avoid them, give them the cold shoulder, etc. Usually, they know to go

away and leave me alone. They are very good at picking their " friends. " (i.e.

targets).

It seems those kind of people test everyone they meet to see how much they can

get out of them. I just make sure and fail their test. They don't get anything

out of me. In fact, they get far less out of me than most people.

I know that sounds cold and cut and dried, but I just don't have the capacity to

deal with these people in a healthy way. And folks like this can always get

plenty of people to be at their beck and call (especially in church). They

don't need me.

I love helping people, too. I give rides, I listen to others' problems (quite a

lot, actually) and I am the one who will take care of folks first.

But I completely avoid people who " trade " on manipulation, helplessness, and

greed. And this woman sounds very greedy--she will take as much as she can from

anyone she can, and unapologetically so. There is simply never ever going to be

enough for her.

I have one in my church, too. I avoided her from jump. She still tests me once

in a while, and I smile and walk away and pretend she isn't talking. We are

even in the same small group together. I've even made sure she never gets my

phone or email.

I just can't go there. Not with my background. It just costs me too much and

is too hard to get out of.

p.s. good call w/ not calling back. I think that's brilliant.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> It says, " if you have BPD...or really ANY PD that requires me to lose my

identity and be available to you 24/7, inquire here! "

>

> UGGGRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! It's like I attract needy people.

>

> She's from my church.

> I don't mind giving people rides once in a while.

> I don't mind listening to others' problems once in a while.

>

> But this woman from my church left me the most presumptuous message that

displayed her sense of entitlement loud and clear. GGGRRRRRR!!!

>

> She said, " I've already left other messages regarding tomorrow's event and I

haven't heard back! [exasperated sigh] " She is the type of person that will go

on and on and on and on, regardless of others' shifting in their seats, looking

at their watches, etc. So her voice mail was her blabbing and doing the same.

>

> I had already been in touch with her about the event she mentioned and she

said she couldn't go so NOW...she changed her mind and expected me to be at the

ready with my coach to escort her.

>

> I just feel such conflicting feelings. It triggers a lot, mainly:

> * her message made me feel like flipping her the bird!!!

> * and it made me feel like calling her back and EXPLAINING. Explaining what

the misunderstanding was and trying to patch things up. In other words, doing

the people pleasing sappy things I sometimes do.

>

> I decided NOT to call her back at all. I just feel like I already get this

crap from my mother. It's scary how easily I get drawn into it. I have to make

an effort to distance myself from it!

>

> Do any of you feel this pull toward needy, demanding people??

>

[Guest guest]

gah! I really identified with the explaining part. I think it comes from being

portrayed as such a liar by my pathological lying father. I keep trying to

explain and explain. I agree, don't call back. Good for you. She will move her

behavior on to the next unsuspecting person and that's what she needs to do to

learn that maybe something is wrong with her approach.

>

> It says, " if you have BPD...or really ANY PD that requires me to lose my

identity and be available to you 24/7, inquire here! "

>

> UGGGRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! It's like I attract needy people.

>

> She's from my church.

> I don't mind giving people rides once in a while.

> I don't mind listening to others' problems once in a while.

>

> But this woman from my church left me the most presumptuous message that

displayed her sense of entitlement loud and clear. GGGRRRRRR!!!

>

> She said, " I've already left other messages regarding tomorrow's event and I

haven't heard back! [exasperated sigh] " She is the type of person that will go

on and on and on and on, regardless of others' shifting in their seats, looking

at their watches, etc. So her voice mail was her blabbing and doing the same.

>

> I had already been in touch with her about the event she mentioned and she

said she couldn't go so NOW...she changed her mind and expected me to be at the

ready with my coach to escort her.

>

> I just feel such conflicting feelings. It triggers a lot, mainly:

> * her message made me feel like flipping her the bird!!!

> * and it made me feel like calling her back and EXPLAINING. Explaining what

the misunderstanding was and trying to patch things up. In other words, doing

the people pleasing sappy things I sometimes do.

>

> I decided NOT to call her back at all. I just feel like I already get this

crap from my mother. It's scary how easily I get drawn into it. I have to make

an effort to distance myself from it!

>

> Do any of you feel this pull toward needy, demanding people??

>