Re: Would you like to do a therapy assignment?

[Guest guest]

1)Has been " too sick " to work for 20 years now, even though she's able to

continue her hobby of gardening, forcing my brother and me to spend thousands of

dollars on her.

2)Constantly calls me complaining of her physical and mental ailments (of course

not BPD) making me anxious and depressed and making me think for years that *I*

needed to do something to help her.

3)Married a man she hated *everything* about and yet blames him completely for

their bad marriage and divorce. Seriously. She hates his smell, thinks he's

stupid, says he's bad in bed, hates that he's cheap, hated his parents for being

country hicks (I loved my grandparents dearly), claims Fada " tried to kill her

several times " even though my brother and I never once saw or heard any signs of

physical abuse, though he can be quite the emotional abuser. (I once asked her

why she wasn't dead if he'd tried to kill her several times and told her he must

be really bad at killing people, especially since he's always kept guns. I have

to be honest: that was kind of awesome.)

4)Spent *years* trying to turn my brother and me against our dad. Yes, he's a

controlling narcissist, but that's beside the point. Our relationship with our

father is *our* business, not hers.

5)Expects me to never speak to my father again, even though *she* chose him to

be my father, not me.

6)In recent years, when I've refused to go along with her world view she has

declared me the " all bad " child and my brother the " all good " child even though

*I* have always been the one to come running and help her.

7)Changes the rules constantly about what's allowed in her house and what's not,

which is confusing to my child. Some days you can touch X, other days you can't.

Some days leaving the toilet cover up is a major crime, other days it's no big

deal. It's incredibly stressful when non-family visits her house because they

don't know any of " THE RULES " and Nada becomes quite agitated when anyone breaks

" THE RULES. "

8)Makes what I call " ambush phone calls " to me where she reveals some sick, dark

family secret about supposed murder or sexual abuse which are NEVER true and are

extremely upsetting to me.

9)Give her an inch and she takes a mile: if you start helping her, she expects

more and more and more and more to the point of absurdity.

10)I've said this before, but she's made false accusations of child molestation

about my child, saying that she'd " probably already been molested " by either my

father or my father-in-law, which was incredible since my daughter has never

even been *alone* with either my father or father-in-law; there's always been

other family around.

11)Used to do this weird thing when I was in high school where if I mentioned to

her that I was going to stay awake and read in bed she'd come storming into my

room insisting that I'd been wandering the house " slamming doors! " and keeping

her awake. Yet, if I *didn't* tell her I was up reading, she never heard a

thing.

12)Was, for a time after the divorce, EXTREMELY promiscuous and would leave my

brother and I alone all night while she was out carousing around. (We were in

gradeschool.) It took years before I could sleep in a house by myself without

being terrified.

13)Insists that Fada regularly breaks into her house and stealing things, and

yet never calls the police or files a report … he doesn't even know where she

lives and doesn't care to.

14)Vacillates between blowing me up into some super-daughter she can be proud of

and tearing me down completely.

15)Has HUGE expectations for holidays and birthdays; expects LOTS of presents

and perfect food and perfect behavior from everyone. Holidays with her make me

sick.

16)Accused me of trying to have her " committed " when I wrote a letter of concern

to her therapist. (Yes, I did this. I did not know at the time what a major shit

bomb I was letting off at the time.)

17)Rages about Fada as though they just got divorced yesterday when the divorce

was 30 years ago and they were only married for 14.

That's enough.