Re: For those who have gone no contact, questions....

[Guest guest]

Sunny,my nada used to tell me a variation of what you said from the time I was

four (that I remember): If you're so miserable,why don't you just kill yourself?

Yet she'd brag if she could about me--such as writing an article all by

herself (and a-hem,not asking me first if I'd mind) for the town newspaper about

me studying sculpture in Paris when I was about twenty.But when I came home for

a visit she said hateful things to me like I was just worthless.These creatures

are mind blowingly insane,erratic,nonsensical.

My nada would also qualify for trial under the Geneva Conventions--for

torture.It's just appalling that a mother would tell her own child to kill

herself.I think it's part of how they see us as extensions of themselves,a very

sick sort of self harming by proxy.We are also meant to make them look good in

the eyes of others by proxy--I think it's all the same thing to them.They are so

mentally ill that bragging of us publically while privately telling us to

basically drop dead is one and the same to them--serving their sick needs.

I'm sorry you had/have a nada like that...

>

> For many years, I thought that was simply a trait of my mother.

>

> I now see, plenty of other people do the same thing, too.

>

> It's a mind-blower. How is it that she can tell complete strangers how

wonderful I am, what a blessing it is for her to have such a fabulous daughter,

then twenty minutes later- look me in the eye and tell me I am such a miserable

failure, I should just kill myself??

>

> If I was a prisoner at war, the Geneva Convention would have had my mother on

trial for war crimes, based on some of the crap she did and said to me.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, --

The part of that statement which always drove me crazy- I wasn't miserable, I

was happy- yet she thought I should kill myself? Makes absolutely no sense to

me, but I can see now it was always " her " who was miserable, and felt bad about

herself.

> >

> > For many years, I thought that was simply a trait of my mother.

> >

> > I now see, plenty of other people do the same thing, too.

> >

> > It's a mind-blower. How is it that she can tell complete strangers how

wonderful I am, what a blessing it is for her to have such a fabulous daughter,

then twenty minutes later- look me in the eye and tell me I am such a miserable

failure, I should just kill myself??

> >

> > If I was a prisoner at war, the Geneva Convention would have had my mother

on trial for war crimes, based on some of the crap she did and said to me.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. That just gives me chills of revulsion, the idea of a mother actually

suggesting to her own child that she kill herself. Good Lord. That level of

mental illness is so very severe, its almost incomprehensible. God help the

children who are forced to endure such curses and death wishes directed at them

by their own mother or father.

I think you're right, , and our nadas were/are completely enmeshed with

her child, completely boundary-less. In nada's mind, she and her child are one

entity. Nada's own self-loathing and suicidal thoughts are verbalized and

directed at the child, but nada is actually talking to " herself " .

Her child might as well be nada's own reflection (eerily similar to Smeagol and

Gollum in " The Lord of the Rings " tales.)

I agree with you: nadas who physically and verbally abuse their child, really,

its very much like self-harming by proxy. I totally buy that concept. I have

wondered before if my nada might have been more into cutting or burning herself

(or other self-harming behaviors) if she hadn't had us kids as handy living

movie screens to project her self-loathing onto, and handy living punching bags

to vent her self-rage at.

-Annie

> >

> > For many years, I thought that was simply a trait of my mother.

> >

> > I now see, plenty of other people do the same thing, too.

> >

> > It's a mind-blower. How is it that she can tell complete strangers how

wonderful I am, what a blessing it is for her to have such a fabulous daughter,

then twenty minutes later- look me in the eye and tell me I am such a miserable

failure, I should just kill myself??

> >

> > If I was a prisoner at war, the Geneva Convention would have had my mother

on trial for war crimes, based on some of the crap she did and said to me.

> >

>