Introduction

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My name is Stefanie and I'm new to this group. I had a recent incident with my

Nada and remembered that once a therepist I was seeing said to me " sounds like

she is BPD " ..I had no idea what that was. This past incident made me remember

this and I researched BPD and OH MY GOSH this is my mother...I didn't know there

was anyone else! That led me to your group I joined Sunaday and I have been A

WTO Goupie since then I have read everything you folks have written in past

week and I feel such a kinship to you all. In your stories I see the same

scared/guilt/always-tring-to-please-mommy child as me. I'm 42 years old but a

part of me is still that girl.

When I was younger..I belived I was a bad lazy child and I just needed to trying

harder to please her. My mother has rages and in the rages she tries to commit

suicide. She would spend time in hospitals but never goes thru out patient

therepy becouse she says..It's not her that has a problems she is fine...people

make her want to kill herself. She is also very mean and verbaly abusive

My whole life I would hear her on the phone talking about me to her friends.

About what a unhelpful child she has. To what is she gonna do about my weight.

From the time I was 8 I cooked cleaned and took care of my little brother while

mom stayed in bed only to get up by the time dad got home. She has beaten me

black and blue usally on my back.. bit me! and put knives to my throat to get me

to do what she wants and all the time I thought my dad knew. Now I realize he

worked alot to stay away from the insanity of the home. He would always say to

me " take care of your mother " ..I could not go out and play if Mom was in a

suicidle state I had to watcher..Since I was a child I have been her therepy her

religious councler and her dr.

I have almost lost jobs becouse i have had to take her to dr. appointment for

nonexisting aliments constantly. She likes that people feel sorry for her..she

alway is " sick and week and needs to be taken care of "

Her family of 8 brothers and sister have long abandond her and she has almost no

fiends..she wears people out constantly being needy and confrontational. Three

years ago my sweet father passed away from cancer it happened real fast and

quick. While my Dad was on his death bed I could hear her fliting with a man on

the phone..3 months later she went to Florida to be with him. I was so angry

but at the same time relived becouse she told me now I have to move in with you

and you take care of me...so when she annouced that she ws in love and was going

to Florida I encouraged her. Of coure with in days she hate him too. She still

is with this man beouse she says he is going to leave her money he is much older

then her and she thinks and will let you know that she is the most beautiful

person in the world. So half the year she spends in FL and the Summer she spends

here in NH. She fights with him in Florida then come here and drives me and my

brother crazy.

Well thats very little of the background but it's Summer now she is here and she

is driving me crazy...most recently I am at a point where I want to tell her all

the bad things she has done to me I want to hurt her in a way...I did a bit of

that last week and it didn't go well she told me I'm a liar. I'm making it all

up. She then faked suicide..she screamed until the neighbor lady went and

checked on her and they found her on the ground. She told the hospital that she

took a bottle of prescription sleeping pills...Dr. called me and said " your

mother is a big faker she is healthier them me " there is absolutly nothing in

her system. She told the Dr. that I made her do it. She told everyone else

too...

So sorry so long I didn't intend it to be. I am greatful to have found you guys

and feel so happy others understand.

thanks for listening

Stefanie