Re: Letting go

[Guest guest]

Kazam--

CONGRATULATIONS!! What a great story of hope and redemption and letting go.

Good for you!

Moving on is a wonderful thing. Thanks for the inspiration. I needed it

today!!

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Hi All,

> I haven't posted for awhile as I wanted to give things a break. This also

included my therapist. I got to a stage where I was so sick of thinking about

it, talking about it, and feeling anger about Nada.

> I felt I had to make a choice. I have been NC for 8 months and even though I

had done this, the anger and hurt still remained and was still consuming me

tooooooooo much, affecting my beautiful life with my husband and daughter. One

that I worked very hard to help create.

> An incident happened and my wonderful supportive husband told me I had become

bitter and sheltered and lost the fun in my life. I had become so protected

that I was placing pressure on us as a family without really knowing it.

> Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally. I had

made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there eating

away at me.

> I went to my therapist to talk about the pain and memories never going away.

She helped me with a very powerful meditation where I visualised the anger and

what it looked like, felt like and to help let it go.

> My anger was in my heart. As I did this I felt physical pain and described it

as a blood red ball at my heart. Hard and tight. As I cried through this and

felt it, I slowly visualised it melting away and running through my body as

blood energy. Filling up every part of my body.

> I wanted to share this with you all. Since then I have found so much peace

and feel so much happier. I am laughing again and enjoying the company of

others without my guard up for self protection.

> I also did alot of praying to a higher power to help me move on as I was so

tired of it all and finally wanted to get on with me life that is so wonderful

without the past putting a black cloud over it. My past was making me trigger

to every event that occured.

> I know I have a great husband and some others here don't have such great

support. If you are single I hope you can find it in the love of friends and

focus on all the wonderful things that are in the present moment for you.

> I just wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel don't give

up. Life is short and I was determined to NOT LET NADA take anymore happiness

from me.

> I am making a new family with friends and new beginnings. Starting new

traditions to be passed on to my daughter. Creating a happy life for her to have

FOND memories of. I am living again. They say life begins at 40 and I believe

this is true.

> I send love and prayers to all who are sharing here,to all those who are

feeling lost and hoping for brighter pain free days. They will come, don't give

up and take one day at a time.

> Kazam x

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Kazam, I loved reading about how you managed to let go of your anger and

move forward. Thank you for sharing.

>> Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally. I had

made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there eating

away at me >>

- I can so relate to that! I went N.C about 2 months ago and it really hasn't

been easy! It always seems to be there at the back of my mind. I am similar to

you in that I have a beautiful baby and partner and am trying really hard to

focus on my lovely family and enjoy every moment.

I can so relate to the struggle to keep my thoughts positive and in the moment.

I know that my decision was necessary for my own well-being as well as my

family's, but I still have massive self-doubt about my decision and feel sadness

that my mother is missing out on my beautiful baby.

Surprisingly I don't feel any strong feelings either way for my mother at the

moment, but rather feel very detached. That is so different from the past where

I would have been experiencing acute feelings of worry, guilt, anger, sadness

and even would have started missing her. I think these feelings are still

lurking and my detachment is a coping mechanism. But then, I wonder if perhaps I

have moved on a bit as somewhere amid all the sadness is a sense of relief and

liberation in finally facing up to the reality of my relationship with my mother

and in finally setting and sticking to my boundaries.

I have been worried about how my state of being is effecting my interactions

with my partner. He has said similar things to me about lightening up and having

a joke. I try consciously to not let it effect us and like you am trying to

focus on starting afresh and create a loving, happy family life full of

wonderful memories for my daughter. But I am finding it difficult to open up. I

think it is a hangover from my need to guard and protect myself, particularly

over the last few months I think I also have a fundamental sense of guilt for

enjoying this happiness when she hasn't got anyone close to share her life with.

I am also in a constant state of readiness for things to go awry.

Another feeling I have is so hard to pinpoint,it is an intense sense of not

having a firm foundation on which to stand. I feel somehow defective and lacking

in something that can never be attained. Sorry I couldn't put that more

eloquently, it's really hard to explain and yet it is so profound and intense

for me.

Well, I've really written more than I intended- again! Sorry about that. I

really just wanted to thank you profusely for sharing. It has really helped me

see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

I think it is wonderful that you have worked through so much anger and

negativity and are so committed to creating new beginnings and a life that your

daughter can look back on with happiness. I think your strength in doing this is

admirable and your positive outlook is inspiring and uplifting. I wish you every

happiness in your journey as you create many wonderful, cherished memories with

your family.

To happiness and new beginnings!

With warmth and many blessings.

Lynda

>

> Hi All,

> I haven't posted for awhile as I wanted to give things a break. This also

included my therapist. I got to a stage where I was so sick of thinking about

it, talking about it, and feeling anger about Nada.

> I felt I had to make a choice. I have been NC for 8 months and even though I

had done this, the anger and hurt still remained and was still consuming me

tooooooooo much, affecting my beautiful life with my husband and daughter. One

that I worked very hard to help create.

> An incident happened and my wonderful supportive husband told me I had become

bitter and sheltered and lost the fun in my life. I had become so protected

that I was placing pressure on us as a family without really knowing it.

> Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally. I had

made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there eating

away at me.

> I went to my therapist to talk about the pain and memories never going away.

She helped me with a very powerful meditation where I visualised the anger and

what it looked like, felt like and to help let it go.

> My anger was in my heart. As I did this I felt physical pain and described it

as a blood red ball at my heart. Hard and tight. As I cried through this and

felt it, I slowly visualised it melting away and running through my body as

blood energy. Filling up every part of my body.

> I wanted to share this with you all. Since then I have found so much peace

and feel so much happier. I am laughing again and enjoying the company of

others without my guard up for self protection.

> I also did alot of praying to a higher power to help me move on as I was so

tired of it all and finally wanted to get on with me life that is so wonderful

without the past putting a black cloud over it. My past was making me trigger

to every event that occured.

> I know I have a great husband and some others here don't have such great

support. If you are single I hope you can find it in the love of friends and

focus on all the wonderful things that are in the present moment for you.

> I just wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel don't give

up. Life is short and I was determined to NOT LET NADA take anymore happiness

from me.

> I am making a new family with friends and new beginnings. Starting new

traditions to be passed on to my daughter. Creating a happy life for her to have

FOND memories of. I am living again. They say life begins at 40 and I believe

this is true.

> I send love and prayers to all who are sharing here,to all those who are

feeling lost and hoping for brighter pain free days. They will come, don't give

up and take one day at a time.

> Kazam x

>

[Guest guest]

beautiful. thank you. I'm going to do that.

On Tue, Sep 28, 2010 at 5:24 AM, birdonawire77 wrote:

>

>

> Dear Kazam, I loved reading about how you managed to let go of your anger

> and move forward. Thank you for sharing.

>

>

> >> Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally. I

> had made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there

> eating away at me >>

>

> - I can so relate to that! I went N.C about 2 months ago and it really

> hasn't been easy! It always seems to be there at the back of my mind. I am

> similar to you in that I have a beautiful baby and partner and am trying

> really hard to focus on my lovely family and enjoy every moment.

>

> I can so relate to the struggle to keep my thoughts positive and in the

> moment. I know that my decision was necessary for my own well-being as well

> as my family's, but I still have massive self-doubt about my decision and

> ifufeel sadness that my mother is missing out on my beautiful baby.

>

> Surprisingly I don't feel any strong feelings either way for my mother at

> the moment, but rather feel very detached. That is so different from the

> past where I would have been experiencing acute feelings of worry, guilt,

> anger, sadness and even would have started missing her. I think these

> feelings are still lurking and my detachment is a coping mechanism. But

> then, I wonder if perhaps I have moved on a bit as somewhere amid all the

> sadness is a sense of relief and liberation in finally facing up to the

> reality of my relationship with my mother and in finally setting and

> sticking to my boundaries.

>

> I have been worried about how my state of being is effecting my

> interactions with my partner. He has said similar things to me about

> lightening up and having a joke. I try consciously to not let it effect us

> and like you am trying to focus on starting afresh and create a loving,

> happy family life full of wonderful memories for my daughter. But I am

> finding it difficult to open up. I think it is a hangover from my need to

> guard and protect myself, particularly over the last few months I think I

> also have a fundamental sense of guilt for enjoying this happiness when she

> hasn't got anyone close to share her life with. I am also in a constant

> state of readiness for things to go awry.

>

> Another feeling I have is so hard to pinpoint,it is an intense sense of not

> having a firm foundation on which to stand. I feel somehow defective and

> lacking in something that can never be attained. Sorry I couldn't put that

> more eloquently, it's really hard to explain and yet it is so profound and

> intense for me.

>

> Well, I've really written more than I intended- again! Sorry about that.

> I really just wanted to thank you profusely for sharing. It has really

> helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

>

> I think it is wonderful that you have worked through so much anger and

> negativity and are so committed to creating new beginnings and a life that

> your daughter can look back on with happiness. I think your strength in

> doing this is admirable and your positive outlook is inspiring and

> uplifting. I wish you every happiness in your journey as you create many

> wonderful, cherished memories with your family.

>

> To happiness and new beginnings!

>

> With warmth and many blessings.

>

> Lynda

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi All,

> > I haven't posted for awhile as I wanted to give things a break. This also

> included my therapist. I got to a stage where I was so sick of thinking

> about it, talking about it, and feeling anger about Nada.

> > I felt I had to make a choice. I have been NC for 8 months and even

> though I had done this, the anger and hurt still remained and was still

> consuming me tooooooooo much, affecting my beautiful life with my husband

> and daughter. One that I worked very hard to help create.

> > An incident happened and my wonderful supportive husband told me I had

> become bitter and sheltered and lost the fun in my life. I had become so

> protected that I was placing pressure on us as a family without really

> knowing it.

> > Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally. I

> had made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there

> eating away at me.

> > I went to my therapist to talk about the pain and memories never going

> away. She helped me with a very powerful meditation where I visualised the

> anger and what it looked like, felt like and to help let it go.

> > My anger was in my heart. As I did this I felt physical pain and

> described it as a blood red ball at my heart. Hard and tight. As I cried

> through this and felt it, I slowly visualised it melting away and running

> through my body as blood energy. Filling up every part of my body.

> > I wanted to share this with you all. Since then I have found so much

> peace and feel so much happier. I am laughing again and enjoying the company

> of others without my guard up for self protection.

> > I also did alot of praying to a higher power to help me move on as I was

> so tired of it all and finally wanted to get on with me life that is so

> wonderful without the past putting a black cloud over it. My past was making

> me trigger to every event that occured.

> > I know I have a great husband and some others here don't have such great

> support. If you are single I hope you can find it in the love of friends and

> focus on all the wonderful things that are in the present moment for you.

> > I just wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel don't

> give up. Life is short and I was determined to NOT LET NADA take anymore

> happiness from me.

> > I am making a new family with friends and new beginnings. Starting new

> traditions to be passed on to my daughter. Creating a happy life for her to

> have FOND memories of. I am living again. They say life begins at 40 and I

> believe this is true.

> > I send love and prayers to all who are sharing here,to all those who are

> feeling lost and hoping for brighter pain free days. They will come, don't

> give up and take one day at a time.

> > Kazam x

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Lynda,

Don't be so hard on yourself you mentioned it has only been 2 months since NC.

It has been 8 months for me and I am only experiencing this now. I found time

helped and at first when I went NC I had all those feelings you mentioned as

well. It was on my mind constantly. Also you have a baby and I have a an 8 year

old daughter.

I too would be sad like you if my daughter was younger. For me it was the

beating up that I was cutting my daughter off from her after she had formed some

kind of relationship with her.

So one positive is that your baby doesn't have any attachment to your Nada.

I think there is a grieving process that we as mothers wont have that support

that we need from our Nadas. I have tried to find it in other older women. I

have been blessed to have been sent 2 wonderful mother figures and they have

definately been more to me in the way of support than Nada.

So maybe you can pray for this to come into your life if you haven't already got

it.

I think the driving force for me to move on is that I would be DEVASTATED if my

obsession with the past sabotaged my future happiness.

When my husband made me aware how my anger was affecting the family I decided to

take a trip to Sydney. We went to the zoo, to Luna Fun Park, and we played like

children for 4 days solid.

We have to create more fun in our lives. I have felt so much better for this. I

also booked some concerts and danced my heart out with hubby.

Children make us laugh and I am just being a big kid again.

I am being stupid and not caring what others think so much anymore. It feels

like a conscious decision and I am working on it still.

My husband reponds so much more to my happiness too.

Hang in there it is only early days. With a baby it is so much harder to have

" you time " and tiredness can stop the old fun bubble.

Just look in your baby's eyes and know that this is true happiness. A gift that

we know we don't ever want our past to affect..........

Keep posting, keep being strong and know that you deserve happiness and don't

let anything get in your way of it.

Kazam x

> >

> > Hi All,

> > I haven't posted for awhile as I wanted to give things a break. This also

included my therapist. I got to a stage where I was so sick of thinking about

it, talking about it, and feeling anger about Nada.

> > I felt I had to make a choice. I have been NC for 8 months and even though

I had done this, the anger and hurt still remained and was still consuming me

tooooooooo much, affecting my beautiful life with my husband and daughter. One

that I worked very hard to help create.

> > An incident happened and my wonderful supportive husband told me I had

become bitter and sheltered and lost the fun in my life. I had become so

protected that I was placing pressure on us as a family without really knowing

it.

> > Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally. I

had made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there

eating away at me.

> > I went to my therapist to talk about the pain and memories never going away.

She helped me with a very powerful meditation where I visualised the anger and

what it looked like, felt like and to help let it go.

> > My anger was in my heart. As I did this I felt physical pain and described

it as a blood red ball at my heart. Hard and tight. As I cried through this

and felt it, I slowly visualised it melting away and running through my body as

blood energy. Filling up every part of my body.

> > I wanted to share this with you all. Since then I have found so much peace

and feel so much happier. I am laughing again and enjoying the company of

others without my guard up for self protection.

> > I also did alot of praying to a higher power to help me move on as I was so

tired of it all and finally wanted to get on with me life that is so wonderful

without the past putting a black cloud over it. My past was making me trigger

to every event that occured.

> > I know I have a great husband and some others here don't have such great

support. If you are single I hope you can find it in the love of friends and

focus on all the wonderful things that are in the present moment for you.

> > I just wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel don't

give up. Life is short and I was determined to NOT LET NADA take anymore

happiness from me.

> > I am making a new family with friends and new beginnings. Starting new

traditions to be passed on to my daughter. Creating a happy life for her to have

FOND memories of. I am living again. They say life begins at 40 and I believe

this is true.

> > I send love and prayers to all who are sharing here,to all those who are

feeling lost and hoping for brighter pain free days. They will come, don't give

up and take one day at a time.

> > Kazam x

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks heaps Kazam, we're about to head off on an impromptu trip to the snow.

I'm going to practise some of your good advice. Let the fun begin!

Smiles,

Lynda x

> > >

> > > Hi All,

> > > I haven't posted for awhile as I wanted to give things a break. This also

included my therapist. I got to a stage where I was so sick of thinking about

it, talking about it, and feeling anger about Nada.

> > > I felt I had to make a choice. I have been NC for 8 months and even

though I had done this, the anger and hurt still remained and was still

consuming me tooooooooo much, affecting my beautiful life with my husband and

daughter. One that I worked very hard to help create.

> > > An incident happened and my wonderful supportive husband told me I had

become bitter and sheltered and lost the fun in my life. I had become so

protected that I was placing pressure on us as a family without really knowing

it.

> > > Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally. I

had made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there

eating away at me.

> > > I went to my therapist to talk about the pain and memories never going

away. She helped me with a very powerful meditation where I visualised the

anger and what it looked like, felt like and to help let it go.

> > > My anger was in my heart. As I did this I felt physical pain and

described it as a blood red ball at my heart. Hard and tight. As I cried

through this and felt it, I slowly visualised it melting away and running

through my body as blood energy. Filling up every part of my body.

> > > I wanted to share this with you all. Since then I have found so much

peace and feel so much happier. I am laughing again and enjoying the company of

others without my guard up for self protection.

> > > I also did alot of praying to a higher power to help me move on as I was

so tired of it all and finally wanted to get on with me life that is so

wonderful without the past putting a black cloud over it. My past was making me

trigger to every event that occured.

> > > I know I have a great husband and some others here don't have such great

support. If you are single I hope you can find it in the love of friends and

focus on all the wonderful things that are in the present moment for you.

> > > I just wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel don't

give up. Life is short and I was determined to NOT LET NADA take anymore

happiness from me.

> > > I am making a new family with friends and new beginnings. Starting new

traditions to be passed on to my daughter. Creating a happy life for her to have

FOND memories of. I am living again. They say life begins at 40 and I believe

this is true.

> > > I send love and prayers to all who are sharing here,to all those who are

feeling lost and hoping for brighter pain free days. They will come, don't give

up and take one day at a time.

> > > Kazam x

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lynda,

You go girl have a super time you ski bunny you.

Kazam x

> > > >

> > > > Hi All,

> > > > I haven't posted for awhile as I wanted to give things a break. This

also included my therapist. I got to a stage where I was so sick of thinking

about it, talking about it, and feeling anger about Nada.

> > > > I felt I had to make a choice. I have been NC for 8 months and even

though I had done this, the anger and hurt still remained and was still

consuming me tooooooooo much, affecting my beautiful life with my husband and

daughter. One that I worked very hard to help create.

> > > > An incident happened and my wonderful supportive husband told me I had

become bitter and sheltered and lost the fun in my life. I had become so

protected that I was placing pressure on us as a family without really knowing

it.

> > > > Even though Nada was out of my life physically she was there mentally.

I had made the decision to go NC to save my marriage and she was still there

eating away at me.

> > > > I went to my therapist to talk about the pain and memories never going

away. She helped me with a very powerful meditation where I visualised the

anger and what it looked like, felt like and to help let it go.

> > > > My anger was in my heart. As I did this I felt physical pain and

described it as a blood red ball at my heart. Hard and tight. As I cried

through this and felt it, I slowly visualised it melting away and running

through my body as blood energy. Filling up every part of my body.

> > > > I wanted to share this with you all. Since then I have found so much

peace and feel so much happier. I am laughing again and enjoying the company of

others without my guard up for self protection.

> > > > I also did alot of praying to a higher power to help me move on as I was

so tired of it all and finally wanted to get on with me life that is so

wonderful without the past putting a black cloud over it. My past was making me

trigger to every event that occured.

> > > > I know I have a great husband and some others here don't have such great

support. If you are single I hope you can find it in the love of friends and

focus on all the wonderful things that are in the present moment for you.

> > > > I just wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel

don't give up. Life is short and I was determined to NOT LET NADA take anymore

happiness from me.

> > > > I am making a new family with friends and new beginnings. Starting new

traditions to be passed on to my daughter. Creating a happy life for her to have

FOND memories of. I am living again. They say life begins at 40 and I believe

this is true.

> > > > I send love and prayers to all who are sharing here,to all those who are

feeling lost and hoping for brighter pain free days. They will come, don't give

up and take one day at a time.

> > > > Kazam x

> > > >

> > >

> >

>