Guest guest Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 If your sons have a few brian cells between their ears (as Im sure they do) they will realise at some point (it can take a while) that their nan is a poisonous toad, and their mother who always loved them is still there! Im glad to hear that you are doing well, Ive been thinking lately about doing some kind of counselling, therapy, classes or something along the same lines as what youve done. Well done and enjoy your happiness! > > Hi, > > I read posts from time to time and don't write much but this site has helped me in the last year quite a bit. Its took me 50 years to find a label for my nada's behavior and its been very validating to know I'm not alone in this. Nada's half-sister and brother also validated her behaviors have existed from childhood, which has provided me with even more freedom to know " its not me " because I've been her black sheep since I was 4 or 5 years old. Nothing I do has ever been good enough for her. I've heard it all from " We wanted a boy " to " Why can't you be like _______ " . She's gone from competing against me for my father's attention to competing against me for the attention of my two adult sons and gloating when she sees them more than I do. Nada is 79 years old and I've wished her dead since I was 14 years old. She's too mean, even hell doesn't want her. > > I've been attending a 25 week program called Lifeskills International which provides counseling and information regarding abusive relationships. It ends in 3 weeks. At the start of the program, my anger was at the top of the charts: Suicidal/homicidal and Filled with Rage. We re-evaluated our anger a few weeks ago & my anger was mid-range on the chart at the level of Disgusted, > > Sunday before last, my pastor gave a message on Exodus about when Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt and how they kept looking back instead of looking to the future. Pastor said its human nature to do that, murmur and complain about how it was instead of staying focused on what lies ahead. He said, " If you had a painful past MOVE ON! " Throughout the sermon he said " MOVE ON " about 10 times. Hearing him say that felt to me like I've been given permission to finally let go and move on. For the past week, I've had more contentment and serenity than I've had in a long time. I've not felt one ounce of guilt about not contacting my parents, nor the slightest compulsive feeling prompting me with the SHOULDs. FREEDOM at LAST! Not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays, but I'm not going to worry about that yet. I'm going to enjoy the present peace and serenity. What a wonderful feeling - PEACE OF MIND! This is my reward for staying away from the agitators who constantly gnaw away my brain cells with their vexacious behaviors. I feel like I've been set free from the prison of negativity. > > I was hoping to have a conversation with my 22 year old son this week to try explaining to him why I no longer contact my parents. He avoided coming to see me when I told him I wanted to talk to him and when he finally showed up, he had his gf with him, so I wasn't about to get into that conversation with his gf present. He's been spending a lot of time with my parents lately and I fear he'll get hoovered in, just like my older son has. But I can't control it and I have to trust that eventually both my sons will see them for who they are. > > Best of all, by not reacting, I'm disconnecting all the buttons Nada tries to push. Once she's hoovered both my boys and still I haven't come back to her, she's going to find all her power is gone. Boo hoo! The only thing left is to take me out of her Will and try to agitate me from beyond the grave. Alas, the old bat will probably outlive me, so what's there for me to worry about! > > I've never felt mentally and emotionally healthier in my life and I'm grateful to God that my mind is finally at peace. If nada hoovers in both my sons, my husband and my cat, I'm going to work at staying away from her.....I'm willing to do whatever it takes to maintain this serenity. I'd rather have no family than toxic relatives. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 Well done . Glad to hear you are also in a great place. Strength, moving on and freedom at last. My name is also and I have a daughter named so I am also 's Mum. Thought this was uncanny. I also visited a church(I never go very often and went to one I had never been to) and the speaker was also speaking about moving on and the the past destroying our future. Also how it was up to us to make an effort to not let that happen. I cried and felt sooooo much I was meant to be there that day to here these words. Even though I knew them, hearing them when I was in church felt like the heavens were on my side and letting me know it was ok to let go move on not have guilt and I was doing the right thing for MYSELF and who gives a rats who didn't understand why I was doing so. It is our God we have to answer to no-one else. Kazam x > > Hi, > > I read posts from time to time and don't write much but this site has helped me in the last year quite a bit. Its took me 50 years to find a label for my nada's behavior and its been very validating to know I'm not alone in this. Nada's half-sister and brother also validated her behaviors have existed from childhood, which has provided me with even more freedom to know " its not me " because I've been her black sheep since I was 4 or 5 years old. Nothing I do has ever been good enough for her. I've heard it all from " We wanted a boy " to " Why can't you be like _______ " . She's gone from competing against me for my father's attention to competing against me for the attention of my two adult sons and gloating when she sees them more than I do. Nada is 79 years old and I've wished her dead since I was 14 years old. She's too mean, even hell doesn't want her. > > I've been attending a 25 week program called Lifeskills International which provides counseling and information regarding abusive relationships. It ends in 3 weeks. At the start of the program, my anger was at the top of the charts: Suicidal/homicidal and Filled with Rage. We re-evaluated our anger a few weeks ago & my anger was mid-range on the chart at the level of Disgusted, > > Sunday before last, my pastor gave a message on Exodus about when Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt and how they kept looking back instead of looking to the future. Pastor said its human nature to do that, murmur and complain about how it was instead of staying focused on what lies ahead. He said, " If you had a painful past MOVE ON! " Throughout the sermon he said " MOVE ON " about 10 times. Hearing him say that felt to me like I've been given permission to finally let go and move on. For the past week, I've had more contentment and serenity than I've had in a long time. I've not felt one ounce of guilt about not contacting my parents, nor the slightest compulsive feeling prompting me with the SHOULDs. FREEDOM at LAST! Not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays, but I'm not going to worry about that yet. I'm going to enjoy the present peace and serenity. What a wonderful feeling - PEACE OF MIND! This is my reward for staying away from the agitators who constantly gnaw away my brain cells with their vexacious behaviors. I feel like I've been set free from the prison of negativity. > > I was hoping to have a conversation with my 22 year old son this week to try explaining to him why I no longer contact my parents. He avoided coming to see me when I told him I wanted to talk to him and when he finally showed up, he had his gf with him, so I wasn't about to get into that conversation with his gf present. He's been spending a lot of time with my parents lately and I fear he'll get hoovered in, just like my older son has. But I can't control it and I have to trust that eventually both my sons will see them for who they are. > > Best of all, by not reacting, I'm disconnecting all the buttons Nada tries to push. Once she's hoovered both my boys and still I haven't come back to her, she's going to find all her power is gone. Boo hoo! The only thing left is to take me out of her Will and try to agitate me from beyond the grave. Alas, the old bat will probably outlive me, so what's there for me to worry about! > > I've never felt mentally and emotionally healthier in my life and I'm grateful to God that my mind is finally at peace. If nada hoovers in both my sons, my husband and my cat, I'm going to work at staying away from her.....I'm willing to do whatever it takes to maintain this serenity. I'd rather have no family than toxic relatives. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 You post is so inspiring, . It really is such a sense of freedom and empowerment to finally emotionally let go of the toxic parents, to stop needing any connection with them at all, to let go of the misplaced and inappropriate guilt, let go of the hate, and move on with life. The opposite of love, I've heard, is not hate but indifference. I'm gaining ground towards indifference, too, and it is a freeing feeling indeed. Thanks for sharing your experience at the self-help group, it sounds like a very helpful program. best wishes, -Annie > > Hi, > > I read posts from time to time and don't write much but this site has helped me in the last year quite a bit. Its took me 50 years to find a label for my nada's behavior and its been very validating to know I'm not alone in this. Nada's half-sister and brother also validated her behaviors have existed from childhood, which has provided me with even more freedom to know " its not me " because I've been her black sheep since I was 4 or 5 years old. Nothing I do has ever been good enough for her. I've heard it all from " We wanted a boy " to " Why can't you be like _______ " . She's gone from competing against me for my father's attention to competing against me for the attention of my two adult sons and gloating when she sees them more than I do. Nada is 79 years old and I've wished her dead since I was 14 years old. She's too mean, even hell doesn't want her. > > I've been attending a 25 week program called Lifeskills International which provides counseling and information regarding abusive relationships. It ends in 3 weeks. At the start of the program, my anger was at the top of the charts: Suicidal/homicidal and Filled with Rage. We re-evaluated our anger a few weeks ago & my anger was mid-range on the chart at the level of Disgusted, > > Sunday before last, my pastor gave a message on Exodus about when Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt and how they kept looking back instead of looking to the future. Pastor said its human nature to do that, murmur and complain about how it was instead of staying focused on what lies ahead. He said, " If you had a painful past MOVE ON! " Throughout the sermon he said " MOVE ON " about 10 times. Hearing him say that felt to me like I've been given permission to finally let go and move on. For the past week, I've had more contentment and serenity than I've had in a long time. I've not felt one ounce of guilt about not contacting my parents, nor the slightest compulsive feeling prompting me with the SHOULDs. FREEDOM at LAST! Not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays, but I'm not going to worry about that yet. I'm going to enjoy the present peace and serenity. What a wonderful feeling - PEACE OF MIND! This is my reward for staying away from the agitators who constantly gnaw away my brain cells with their vexacious behaviors. I feel like I've been set free from the prison of negativity. > > I was hoping to have a conversation with my 22 year old son this week to try explaining to him why I no longer contact my parents. He avoided coming to see me when I told him I wanted to talk to him and when he finally showed up, he had his gf with him, so I wasn't about to get into that conversation with his gf present. He's been spending a lot of time with my parents lately and I fear he'll get hoovered in, just like my older son has. But I can't control it and I have to trust that eventually both my sons will see them for who they are. > > Best of all, by not reacting, I'm disconnecting all the buttons Nada tries to push. Once she's hoovered both my boys and still I haven't come back to her, she's going to find all her power is gone. Boo hoo! The only thing left is to take me out of her Will and try to agitate me from beyond the grave. Alas, the old bat will probably outlive me, so what's there for me to worry about! > > I've never felt mentally and emotionally healthier in my life and I'm grateful to God that my mind is finally at peace. If nada hoovers in both my sons, my husband and my cat, I'm going to work at staying away from her.....I'm willing to do whatever it takes to maintain this serenity. I'd rather have no family than toxic relatives. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 Kazam, God does work in mysterious ways doesn't he. He ALWAYS provides me with confirmation when I'm on the right path....and you dear - 's Mum are my confirmation. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, September 29, 2010 1:40:12 AM Subject: Re: Serenity At Last Well done . Glad to hear you are also in a great place. Strength, moving on and freedom at last. My name is also and I have a daughter named so I am also 's Mum. Thought this was uncanny. I also visited a church(I never go very often and went to one I had never been to) and the speaker was also speaking about moving on and the the past destroying our future. Also how it was up to us to make an effort to not let that happen. I cried and felt sooooo much I was meant to be there that day to here these words. Even though I knew them, hearing them when I was in church felt like the heavens were on my side and letting me know it was ok to let go move on not have guilt and I was doing the right thing for MYSELF and who gives a rats who didn't understand why I was doing so. It is our God we have to answer to no-one else. Kazam x > > Hi, > > I read posts from time to time and don't write much but this site has helped me >in the last year quite a bit. Its took me 50 years to find a label for my >nada's behavior and its been very validating to know I'm not alone in this. >Nada's half-sister and brother also validated her behaviors have existed from >childhood, which has provided me with even more freedom to know " its not me " >because I've been her black sheep since I was 4 or 5 years old. Nothing I do >has ever been good enough for her. I've heard it all from " We wanted a boy " to > " Why can't you be like _______ " . She's gone from competing against me for my >father's attention to competing against me for the attention of my two adult >sons and gloating when she sees them more than I do. Nada is 79 years old and >I've wished her dead since I was 14 years old. She's too mean, even hell doesn't >want her. > > > I've been attending a 25 week program called Lifeskills International which >provides counseling and information regarding abusive relationships. It ends in >3 weeks. At the start of the program, my anger was at the top of the charts: >Suicidal/homicidal and Filled with Rage. We re-evaluated our anger a few weeks >ago & my anger was mid-range on the chart at the level of Disgusted, > > > Sunday before last, my pastor gave a message on Exodus about when Moses led the >Hebrews out of Egypt and how they kept looking back instead of looking to the >future. Pastor said its human nature to do that, murmur and complain about how >it was instead of staying focused on what lies ahead. He said, " If you had a >painful past MOVE ON! " Throughout the sermon he said " MOVE ON " about 10 times. >Hearing him say that felt to me like I've been given permission to finally let >go and move on. For the past week, I've had more contentment and serenity than >I've had in a long time. I've not felt one ounce of guilt about not contacting >my parents, nor the slightest compulsive feeling prompting me with the SHOULDs. >FREEDOM at LAST! Not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays, but I'm not >going to worry about that yet. I'm going to enjoy the present peace and >serenity. What a wonderful feeling - PEACE OF MIND! This is my reward for >staying away from the agitators who constantly gnaw away my brain cells with >their vexacious behaviors. I feel like I've been set free from the prison of >negativity. > > I was hoping to have a conversation with my 22 year old son this week to try >explaining to him why I no longer contact my parents. He avoided coming to see >me when I told him I wanted to talk to him and when he finally showed up, he had >his gf with him, so I wasn't about to get into that conversation with his gf >present. He's been spending a lot of time with my parents lately and I fear >he'll get hoovered in, just like my older son has. But I can't control it and I >have to trust that eventually both my sons will see them for who they are. > > Best of all, by not reacting, I'm disconnecting all the buttons Nada tries to >push. Once she's hoovered both my boys and still I haven't come back to her, >she's going to find all her power is gone. Boo hoo! The only thing left is to >take me out of her Will and try to agitate me from beyond the grave. Alas, the >old bat will probably outlive me, so what's there for me to worry about! > > > I've never felt mentally and emotionally healthier in my life and I'm grateful >to God that my mind is finally at peace. If nada hoovers in both my sons, my >husband and my cat, I'm going to work at staying away from her.....I'm willing >to do whatever it takes to maintain this serenity. I'd rather have no family >than toxic relatives. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 Thanks C for both the encouragement and the humor! Poisonous toad....lol...Love it! Lifeskills International is run by individuals all over, go to their website to check a location near you. They charge a fee to attend, but are willing to adjust to your income and its money well spent. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, September 29, 2010 1:35:11 AM Subject: Re: Serenity At Last If your sons have a few brian cells between their ears (as Im sure they do) they will realise at some point (it can take a while) that their nan is a poisonous toad, and their mother who always loved them is still there! Im glad to hear that you are doing well, Ive been thinking lately about doing some kind of counselling, therapy, classes or something along the same lines as what youve done. Well done and enjoy your happiness! > > Hi, > > I read posts from time to time and don't write much but this site has helped me >in the last year quite a bit. Its took me 50 years to find a label for my >nada's behavior and its been very validating to know I'm not alone in this. >Nada's half-sister and brother also validated her behaviors have existed from >childhood, which has provided me with even more freedom to know " its not me " >because I've been her black sheep since I was 4 or 5 years old. Nothing I do >has ever been good enough for her. I've heard it all from " We wanted a boy " to > " Why can't you be like _______ " . She's gone from competing against me for my >father's attention to competing against me for the attention of my two adult >sons and gloating when she sees them more than I do. Nada is 79 years old and >I've wished her dead since I was 14 years old. She's too mean, even hell doesn't >want her. > > > I've been attending a 25 week program called Lifeskills International which >provides counseling and information regarding abusive relationships. It ends in >3 weeks. At the start of the program, my anger was at the top of the charts: >Suicidal/homicidal and Filled with Rage. We re-evaluated our anger a few weeks >ago & my anger was mid-range on the chart at the level of Disgusted, > > > Sunday before last, my pastor gave a message on Exodus about when Moses led the >Hebrews out of Egypt and how they kept looking back instead of looking to the >future. Pastor said its human nature to do that, murmur and complain about how >it was instead of staying focused on what lies ahead. He said, " If you had a >painful past MOVE ON! " Throughout the sermon he said " MOVE ON " about 10 times. >Hearing him say that felt to me like I've been given permission to finally let >go and move on. For the past week, I've had more contentment and serenity than >I've had in a long time. I've not felt one ounce of guilt about not contacting >my parents, nor the slightest compulsive feeling prompting me with the SHOULDs. >FREEDOM at LAST! Not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays, but I'm not >going to worry about that yet. I'm going to enjoy the present peace and >serenity. What a wonderful feeling - PEACE OF MIND! This is my reward for >staying away from the agitators who constantly gnaw away my brain cells with >their vexacious behaviors. I feel like I've been set free from the prison of >negativity. > > I was hoping to have a conversation with my 22 year old son this week to try >explaining to him why I no longer contact my parents. He avoided coming to see >me when I told him I wanted to talk to him and when he finally showed up, he had >his gf with him, so I wasn't about to get into that conversation with his gf >present. He's been spending a lot of time with my parents lately and I fear >he'll get hoovered in, just like my older son has. But I can't control it and I >have to trust that eventually both my sons will see them for who they are. > > Best of all, by not reacting, I'm disconnecting all the buttons Nada tries to >push. Once she's hoovered both my boys and still I haven't come back to her, >she's going to find all her power is gone. Boo hoo! The only thing left is to >take me out of her Will and try to agitate me from beyond the grave. Alas, the >old bat will probably outlive me, so what's there for me to worry about! > > > I've never felt mentally and emotionally healthier in my life and I'm grateful >to God that my mind is finally at peace. If nada hoovers in both my sons, my >husband and my cat, I'm going to work at staying away from her.....I'm willing >to do whatever it takes to maintain this serenity. I'd rather have no family >than toxic relatives. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 Your welcome Annie. Thanks for posting all your wisdom on this board, I've found it very helpful. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, September 29, 2010 10:57:19 AM Subject: Re: Serenity At Last You post is so inspiring, . It really is such a sense of freedom and empowerment to finally emotionally let go of the toxic parents, to stop needing any connection with them at all, to let go of the misplaced and inappropriate guilt, let go of the hate, and move on with life. The opposite of love, I've heard, is not hate but indifference. I'm gaining ground towards indifference, too, and it is a freeing feeling indeed. Thanks for sharing your experience at the self-help group, it sounds like a very helpful program. best wishes, -Annie > > Hi, > > I read posts from time to time and don't write much but this site has helped me >in the last year quite a bit. Its took me 50 years to find a label for my >nada's behavior and its been very validating to know I'm not alone in this. >Nada's half-sister and brother also validated her behaviors have existed from >childhood, which has provided me with even more freedom to know " its not me " >because I've been her black sheep since I was 4 or 5 years old. Nothing I do >has ever been good enough for her. I've heard it all from " We wanted a boy " to > " Why can't you be like _______ " . She's gone from competing against me for my >father's attention to competing against me for the attention of my two adult >sons and gloating when she sees them more than I do. Nada is 79 years old and >I've wished her dead since I was 14 years old. She's too mean, even hell doesn't >want her. > > > I've been attending a 25 week program called Lifeskills International which >provides counseling and information regarding abusive relationships. It ends in >3 weeks. At the start of the program, my anger was at the top of the charts: >Suicidal/homicidal and Filled with Rage. We re-evaluated our anger a few weeks >ago & my anger was mid-range on the chart at the level of Disgusted, > > > Sunday before last, my pastor gave a message on Exodus about when Moses led the >Hebrews out of Egypt and how they kept looking back instead of looking to the >future. Pastor said its human nature to do that, murmur and complain about how >it was instead of staying focused on what lies ahead. He said, " If you had a >painful past MOVE ON! " Throughout the sermon he said " MOVE ON " about 10 times. >Hearing him say that felt to me like I've been given permission to finally let >go and move on. For the past week, I've had more contentment and serenity than >I've had in a long time. I've not felt one ounce of guilt about not contacting >my parents, nor the slightest compulsive feeling prompting me with the SHOULDs. >FREEDOM at LAST! Not sure how to handle the upcoming holidays, but I'm not >going to worry about that yet. I'm going to enjoy the present peace and >serenity. What a wonderful feeling - PEACE OF MIND! This is my reward for >staying away from the agitators who constantly gnaw away my brain cells with >their vexacious behaviors. I feel like I've been set free from the prison of >negativity. > > I was hoping to have a conversation with my 22 year old son this week to try >explaining to him why I no longer contact my parents. He avoided coming to see >me when I told him I wanted to talk to him and when he finally showed up, he had >his gf with him, so I wasn't about to get into that conversation with his gf >present. He's been spending a lot of time with my parents lately and I fear >he'll get hoovered in, just like my older son has. But I can't control it and I >have to trust that eventually both my sons will see them for who they are. > > Best of all, by not reacting, I'm disconnecting all the buttons Nada tries to >push. Once she's hoovered both my boys and still I haven't come back to her, >she's going to find all her power is gone. Boo hoo! The only thing left is to >take me out of her Will and try to agitate me from beyond the grave. Alas, the >old bat will probably outlive me, so what's there for me to worry about! > > > I've never felt mentally and emotionally healthier in my life and I'm grateful >to God that my mind is finally at peace. If nada hoovers in both my sons, my >husband and my cat, I'm going to work at staying away from her.....I'm willing >to do whatever it takes to maintain this serenity. I'd rather have no family >than toxic relatives. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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