parentified kids

[Guest guest]

Hey All-

I just noticed this article (below) on another forum for people with BPD

siblings. It's a nice little summary of what happens to kids who are made to

emotionally or physically parent their own parents.

I've been thinking about this stuff lately since I was made to do this

(emotionally) for my mom and BPD dad and my foster daughter was made to do this

for her low-functioning BPD mom.

My mom still doesn't totally get it. When my husband was having life-threatening

surgery recently, she remarked " Well, (foster daughter) seems like a level

headed person. She can come to the hospital and comfort you! "

That's right, she assumed I would be leaning emotionally on a 13 year old child

who'd just been through a bunch of trauma and was now worrying about losing her

foster dad in the first stable family she'd ever known. Oh, and who had had

numerous prior traumatic experiences at the hospital with her own messed-up

family members.

Right. " Come on over here, honey! And bring mama some kleenex so I can sob on

your teeny little shoulder! " Sure, sounds like a good plan. Honorable, upright,

admirable.

My mom seemed mildly surprised when I responded that actually, our goal was to

REASSURE foster daughter and PLAY with her and let her still be a KID while all

the DRAMA was going on at a distance from her. That we would make sure she had

comfort, fun, and emotional support while I was busy at the hospital, and that

when I got home it would be all about HER, not how worried I was.

She actually said something like " Oh, she can get by on her own. She's had to

before " .

Mind you, this is the same mom who once told me " I know your father and brother

are abusing you, but you've always been stronger than me so I figure you can

deal with abuse better than I can deal with admitting it. " So what did I expect?

Anyway, here's the article:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/15/harming-your-child-by-making-hi\

m-your-parent/