old folks stuff (FUNNY)

[Guest guest]

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER--or in preparation for getting older>> 1. Sag, you're It.> 2. Hide and go pee.> 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.> 4. Kick the bucket> 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.> 6. Musical recliners.> 7. Simon says something incoherent.> 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy> SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :> 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.> 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.> 3. You change your

underwear after a sneeze.> OLD IS WHEN:> 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.> 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't > have to go along.> 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.> 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.> 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!> Thoughts for the weekend:> Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could > simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?> If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have > started with something called labor!> Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.> Ponderisms> I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most

> people die of natural causes.> Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are > removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it > comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a > replacement.> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.> Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one > talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?> In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the > world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.> How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes > a whole box to start a campfire?> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think

I'll > squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'> Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna > eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?> Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's > going to look up there anyway?> Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?> But Most Of All, Remember!> A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, > Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!