Re: my story... very very long,..

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Know that we are here for you.

My situation with my mother is very similar. She interferes in all aspects

of my parenting, small or big. I currently have no contact with her and she

spends no time with my children in any way. It took 18 months to get to

that point but after giving in to all the small demands I was left with

either standing up to her or putting my kids in harms way. It was very

emotional and difficult but after I put my foot down and set boundaries I

felt so empowered. I felt like I was protecting myself and my children.

Only you can decide what you need to do but whatever it is do it for you and

your child. If I can help in any way please let me know.

[Guest guest]

Syl,

I'm so sorry you are struggling in the horrible BP trap. There are just no easy

answers, and it makes it so hard when you can't just pack up and go away.

Just remember you ARE a good, hard-working person. More importantly, you are

SANE!!! And your mum is not. It's not you. It's not you. It's not you.

BP is famous for setting up traps. You are in many " no-win " situations, and it

makes complete sense that rage/frustration/terror is boiling inside. No human

being can be trapped, have their safety constantly threatened (even if its

emotional safety), have their children be unsafe, and feel calm inside. Only

the insane get to do that!!

I wish there was something I could suggest. Please take care of yourself as

much as you're able, and keep healing as much as you can. There is life after

BP, and many of us have found it.

BTW: My mother also does that " we were very happy! " thing. And she tries to

push it as though she's proving me a liar and crackpot. What a bunch of crap.

We were a BP/NP family, with terrorized children and crazy-making that broke my

siblings' psyche in half. Nada is delusional. It was always that way.

Welcome! You have an understanding ear here.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> My mum tells me when I was younger things were fun and happy. I don't believe

her. I don't remember any of those days. Mum n Da fought a lot when my sisters n

I were younger. My da started beating me while my mum stood by and watched

smiling and laughing. Child protective services got called by my after school

care after finding bruises. They made da attend a class n he never hit us again.

Mum didn't have to do anything. This is when I first started hating her. Mum

started sitting on her new computer all day, we were never allowed outside as

kids, never go to friends homes, never have friends over. Needless to say I

never had a life. My da joined the military and we moved to a new state to

restart all fresh like. My da's first deployment was cut from 8 months to 4

months because mum ended up in the hospital after going nuts cutting herself and

overdosing. I was 15 and had two younger sisters, 13 and 11, that I cared for. I

took care of things for a month before Social Services started harassing me

about where mum was and who was over 18 to care for my sisters and I. Finally

they threatened me that they would put us all in different homes. I talked with

dad and they sent him home, meanwhile we stayed with other families. Mum was in

and out of the hospital for the next two years trying every treatment under the

sun to 'fix' her. They found one that seemed to work but in the end she was

tricking them the whole time. The released her without telling anyone and she

was found on the edge of a pier near the hospital taking her shoes and socks

off. Mum came back later, hardly remembering anything. I could not handle the

stress so as soon as I turned 18 I ran away and lived on my own for almost 2

years.

>

> From the point of running away on, I believe I had about 5 conversations with

her where we didn't fight. Finally I ended up moving back home a month before I

turned 20 because I was pregnant and left my daughters father. Because I could

not work, because I had no money, I let mum decorate, I let mum decide how

everything would work out, I gave mum to much control. Shortly after my daughter

was born mum became more controlling. She had to decide when we got up in the

mornings, and who would wash her next and who got to feed her and when. For the

first few weeks I really couldn't say much because I needed the help. I had had

a c-section and it did not heal right. After a month so forced me out for a job

and when I found one I was going to put her in a daycare. When I told her she

started yelling and screaming 'how could I trust other people over her'. I had

looked into it more and found I couldn't afford it anyways so she got to keep my

baby. Mum and I would fight about the smallest things from how much baby powder

to use on her bum to what kind of shampoo to use to wash her hair. I managed to

find a place with a loving and caring family who accepted us into their home.

And here I still stay.

>

> Mum is still trying to control me, to control how I raise my daughter. She

demanded that they keep her one night a week which is every saturday. They will

not follow my set schedule for her sleep times and I always get her back very

cranky. I've brought it up but she shrugs it off saying I have no control over

what they do or don't do. Mum got mad at me this week because I wouldn't let her

come to the 18 month dr.s appt. Shes mad because she thinks my home is to dirty

and I am putting my daughter through crap making her live there. She tells me I

know nothing about being a parent and never will. Whenever we fight, she brings

my friends into the mix. My daughter had a small rash on her AREA and my mother

insinuated that I did things to her.

>

> I have made my share of mistakes, but honestly I believe I am a good person. I

smoke at nights after my daughter is asleep, but never indoors. I drink maybe

once a week and it is only one mikes. I do not do drug, I do not abuse my child.

I work two jobs, I am a nanny of three other children. I bring my daughter with

me and I get to be with her mon-fri every single day all day, i work 50 hours a

week for them. My second job is retail on the weekends. I am also going to

school full-time. I am about to open a daycare with the mother of the children I

am watching so she can come back home to be with her kids.

>

> I try so hard to handle everything. Internally I am a raging mess with no end

in sight but externally I only allow people to see how 'happy' I am. I had to

stop crying because my mum would tell me It was childish and a weakness and

would punish me for doing so.

>

> My roommate is also apart of this group and introduced me to it. Mum was

diagnosed BP (along with many other things) at some point during the two years

she was in the hospital. I can not sleep anymore, I am not gaining weight and I

am very underweight. I need help with coping. I need new idea on how to rid

myself of everything. I carry it and her around on my shoulders like a burden I

must wear. I stopped talking to her a few days ago. She still keeps texting me

and messaging me and I ignore it so I can deal.

>

> I refuse to take medications and will not nor can I afford to see a shrink. I

am very much in control of myself, body and emotions alike. I feel as though I

have become a heartless Biotch and I want to change because I do not want my

daughter to grow up knowing me like I knew mine.

>

> I am so sorry this is long but i feel better getting it out of my system...

>

> ~Syl~

>