Once a scapegoat, always a scapegoat?

August 24, 2010

I am trying hard to ignore the nada smear campaigns but it is tough sometimes. I

feel like her poison has infiltrated every aspect of my life. I was wondering

if anyone has some helpful thoughts on this for me.

In short, I have a very interconnected group of stay-at-home moms as friends and

acquaintances. Some of them know people who know nada and those friends I have

left to their own preconceived notions.

Over the last year, I have felt more and more like an outsider and subject of

ridicule. One of these friends was being very nasty to me and another person so

I confronted her, we talked and it seemed like it was worked out but her put

downs and ridicules continued. Then this friend started hanging out with my

best friend and my best friend also began making not so nice comments to me. It

got to the point that I was so nervous around my best friend that I could hardly

speak - which just made her make fun of me more.

I hope I hit enough of the highlights for this to make sense. My husband thinks

it is time for a new circle of friends. I could move on but it is tough. I have

a small business and many are regular customers of mine. I think that

friend/customer connection is tricky to begin with but then add all the nada and

fleas garbage and it just sucks.

I feel I am in a vulnerable place to begin with in this whole recovery process

and this has just thrown me into a severe depression. I have learned to deal

with dysthymia frequently but when I get so bad that I have insomnia, my

functioning decreases pretty quickly. This week, I have had pretty severe

insomnia.

I think a combination of being the subject of nada's ridicule and now from

people who I considered friends, I feel like I have no one besides my husband to

turn to. I know, I need a therapist but I have tried two in my area and they

didn't work out. I will probably have to travel 2 hours to get the help I need.

I can't understand why wanting to get out of this so badly doesn't seem to be

enough.

patinage

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