Sharing some thoughts . . .

[Guest guest]

This is a quote from Geneen Roth's book, " Women, Food and God " which I just

finished reading:

" Once food has become synonymous with goodness or love or fulfillment, we cannot

help but choose it, no matter how high the stakes are. No matter if our doctor

tells us that we won't live another month at this weight. Because when we are

lost, when we are homeless, when we've spent years separated from who we are,

threats of failed hearts or joint pressure don't move us. Dying does not

frighten those who are already half dead. "

Let me preface my comments by saying that I am not a person who walks around

chronically depressed, or sad, although I do have my moments, so I'm not trying

to be morbid by sharing that quote. But I have to say that when I read that

paragraph it really resonated and brought tears to my eyes!

For the last 7 or so years, my doctor has been telling me that my blood pressure

and cholesterol are creeping up every year, and has made dietary recommendations

to bring those numbers down to avoid having to go on medication. Diabetes runs

in my family, and although I do not currently have it, I am at high risk for

getting it (overweight, metabolic syndrome, family history). Year after year, I

have tried to adopt the recommendations my doctor gives me. I do okay for a

little while, and then back to my old ways. I could never understand why I

wasn't motivated to make good health a priority and why I would continue to

gamble with my health when the warning signs are there! But now that I'm

learning more about emotional eating, and reading books like Geneen Roth's and

IE, I have gained some incredible insight into just how much space food has

taken up in my life and in my head.

It is like a comfortable companion to me. I have always said that I love to

eat, but now I realize that eating is love to me. And if I'm really truthful,

which hopefully this forum allows me to be without judgment, I do feel dead on

the inside and have for quite some time. It feels so incredibly sad to admit

that to all of you, and at the same time, it's like an " aha " moment!

I am also admitting just how much my weight (or should I say my self-worth

because of being overweight) has been a limiting factor in my life. It has

prevented me from really living my life. I have denied myself life experiences

because I was too ashamed of my body, and what others might think of me. I have

been too self-conscious to wear shorts in public, and I haven't even owned a

bathing suit for years. I have been divorced for going on 15 years now, and I

don't date much because I feel deep inside " who would want to be with me? " And,

of course, food has become the companion that I have found comfort in.

I sincerely hope that what I am feeling and realizing is part of the healing

that needs to take place so that I can re-establish a healthy relationship with

food. I am a mixture of emotion right now - part of me wants to cry and part of

me wants to celebrate this insight. The IE book talks about the phase where we

begin to feel our feelings. Maybe this is what I'm experiencing, I'm not sure.

I joined this group about 3 weeks ago after reading IE, and have only posted a

few times. But as time goes on, and I see the honesty and candor that many of

you put out there, it has given me great encouragement. I am learning so much

from all of you, and from reading the books some of you have recommended.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.

PJ

[Guest guest]

great post, PJ.  I know that I can relate to lots that you are saying, as I would guess most of us can.  I just finished reading Geneen's Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating and it was really helpful too...I recommend it.  Keep writing...you are helping us all!

Sue

 

This is a quote from Geneen Roth's book, " Women, Food and God " which I just finished reading:

" Once food has become synonymous with goodness or love or fulfillment, we cannot help but choose it, no matter how high the stakes are. No matter if our doctor tells us that we won't live another month at this weight. Because when we are lost, when we are homeless, when we've spent years separated from who we are, threats of failed hearts or joint pressure don't move us. Dying does not frighten those who are already half dead. "

Let me preface my comments by saying that I am not a person who walks around chronically depressed, or sad, although I do have my moments, so I'm not trying to be morbid by sharing that quote. But I have to say that when I read that paragraph it really resonated and brought tears to my eyes!

For the last 7 or so years, my doctor has been telling me that my blood pressure and cholesterol are creeping up every year, and has made dietary recommendations to bring those numbers down to avoid having to go on medication. Diabetes runs in my family, and although I do not currently have it, I am at high risk for getting it (overweight, metabolic syndrome, family history). Year after year, I have tried to adopt the recommendations my doctor gives me. I do okay for a little while, and then back to my old ways. I could never understand why I wasn't motivated to make good health a priority and why I would continue to gamble with my health when the warning signs are there! But now that I'm learning more about emotional eating, and reading books like Geneen Roth's and IE, I have gained some incredible insight into just how much space food has taken up in my life and in my head.

It is like a comfortable companion to me. I have always said that I love to eat, but now I realize that eating is love to me. And if I'm really truthful, which hopefully this forum allows me to be without judgment, I do feel dead on the inside and have for quite some time. It feels so incredibly sad to admit that to all of you, and at the same time, it's like an " aha " moment!

I am also admitting just how much my weight (or should I say my self-worth because of being overweight) has been a limiting factor in my life. It has prevented me from really living my life. I have denied myself life experiences because I was too ashamed of my body, and what others might think of me. I have been too self-conscious to wear shorts in public, and I haven't even owned a bathing suit for years. I have been divorced for going on 15 years now, and I don't date much because I feel deep inside " who would want to be with me? " And, of course, food has become the companion that I have found comfort in.

I sincerely hope that what I am feeling and realizing is part of the healing that needs to take place so that I can re-establish a healthy relationship with food. I am a mixture of emotion right now - part of me wants to cry and part of me wants to celebrate this insight. The IE book talks about the phase where we begin to feel our feelings. Maybe this is what I'm experiencing, I'm not sure.

I joined this group about 3 weeks ago after reading IE, and have only posted a few times. But as time goes on, and I see the honesty and candor that many of you put out there, it has given me great encouragement. I am learning so much from all of you, and from reading the books some of you have recommended.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.

PJ

-- Sue on FritzCheck out my blogs at: http://alifeofbooks.blogspot.com/http://suesresearch.blogspot.com

http://suesretirementmusings.blogspot.com/Check out my books on Goodreads: <

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sue, for your kind words, and for the book recommendation. It's funny

because I have the Breaking Free book, bought it years ago, and never read

beyond the fisrt few pages. I will definitely read it.

PJ

>

> great post, PJ. I know that I can relate to lots that you are saying, as I

> would guess most of us can. I just finished reading Geneen's Breaking Free

> from Compulsive Eating and it was really helpful too...I recommend it. Keep

> writing...you are helping us all!

> Sue

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Abby and Jeanne for your support and encouragement. Sue, have fun at

Disney! I'm off to a graduation party where I will practice only eating if I'm

hungry. I'm sure there will be lots of food there, so it will be a challenge.

For those of you who have been doing IE for a while, I find that I'm doing well

with not eating until I'm hungry, but I'm not doing so well at stopping when I'm

satisfied, especially if it's something that I really love and maybe haven't

allowed myself to have pre-IE. Any suggestions from the group on how you worked

through that? It doesn't seem to be effective for me to tell myself that I can

have it again when I'm hungry. I have gotten to the place where I don't stuff

myself to the point of discomfort, but I know I'm eating beyond satisfied.

Thanks,

PJ

>

> PJ, your post brought a tear to my eye!  >  

> All the best,

> Jeanne 

>

[Guest guest]

PJ,Here's a quote that I keep lying around for a bit of inspiration. Sorry I don't remember the source! " Look for the moment when you are comfortably full and satisfied when food can present you with a conflict. Although the food may still taste delicious (although not really as delicious as it did when you were moderately hungry), you realize that it is time to stop eating, and that can be a sad and disappointing moment! As you practice tolerating this feeling of sadness and loss, it will make it easier to tolerate the bigger losses in life. See this as an opportunity for developing your emotional muscle. "  

What if you just commit to OBSERVING when you are full, and to then consciously deciding if you will keep eating or not? I think if you tell yourself that you are allowed to keep eating if you want to, you just have to make a conscious decision, that may help your rebellious inner " Wild Child? "

Also, don't forget to celebrate your small successes! I bet you don't overeat all the time. Look for a pattern of less overeating overtime as a sign of success... none of us, not even " normal eaters, " are perfect about this!

Best,AbbyPracticing IE since 11/08 

 

Thanks Abby and Jeanne for your support and encouragement. Sue, have fun at Disney! I'm off to a graduation party where I will practice only eating if I'm hungry. I'm sure there will be lots of food there, so it will be a challenge.

For those of you who have been doing IE for a while, I find that I'm doing well with not eating until I'm hungry, but I'm not doing so well at stopping when I'm satisfied, especially if it's something that I really love and maybe haven't allowed myself to have pre-IE. Any suggestions from the group on how you worked through that? It doesn't seem to be effective for me to tell myself that I can have it again when I'm hungry. I have gotten to the place where I don't stuff myself to the point of discomfort, but I know I'm eating beyond satisfied.

Thanks,

PJ

>

> PJ, your post brought a tear to my eye!  >  

> All the best,

> Jeanne 

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, PJ,

One thing that helps me to stop eating is something I learned from a dietician, and it was later confirmed by what I read in "Mindless Eating" by Wansink. The dietician told me to "eat simply," i.e., don't make fancy recipes with lots of different things in every part, at least for most of your eating--save those for special occasions, and don't have a lot of different things on your plate at any given meal. It turns out that this advice is proven in studies to allow you to "mindlessly" eat less, because the less variety you have, the less you are inclined to eat. Wansink cites studies where even something as seemingly simple as different colored M & Ms cause people to eat more than if they'd gotten mono-colored ones! He also cites studies that show that food complexity (i.e., a "recipe" that gives you different mouth experiences like sweet, salty, crunchy, smooth, etc.) causes people to eat more. So when I make meals at home, I tend not to have more than two different things for any given meal (to cut back on variety of foods), and if I am going to make something in a recipe that will have different mouth experiences (which are, after all, part of the joy of eating), I make those something that is by its nature not calorie-intensive--like tonight: we had a zucchini-tomato dish that was savory and had lots of good mouth feel. I served that with a baked chicken breast. It was fantastic, but I didn't feel like overeating either dish.

The wonderful thing about Wansink's suggestions is that they are things you can do to cut down on the amount you eat *without even realizing it*, because what you're cutting out is eating that you're not conscious you're doing. People in his studies regularly thought they ate more when they in fact ate less by following his principles (without being told that's what they were doing), and they ate more while thinking they were eating less when they weren't following his principles (again--they weren't told they weren't follwing his priciples).

One thing I need to learn to do is to serve myself less, because I tend to have a hard time (as Wansink shows!) not finishing what I've served myself, even if I feel I'm satisfied before I finish it. I do use smaller plates and bowls (Wansink is the one whose research first showed this works), and this does help, though I don't *think* (read "realize") it does, ha!

I do think that the Weight Watchers suggestion of eating something "filling" (whole grain, or veggies--anything with some fiber) at every meal or snack will allow you to feel full sooner and stay full longer. Following their advice, I found that, for example, a snack of a hard boiled egg, when combined with some veggies or a wholegrain cracker, fills me up and lasts me for hours, whereas just the egg (which is what I used to use as a snack) is something I will burn through in about an hour and be looking for more, more, more.

I hope some of these suggestions help you as much as they have me.

All best,

Laurie

PJ wrote:

>>>For those of you who have been doing IE for a while, I find that I'm doing well with not eating until I'm hungry, but I'm not doing so well at stopping when I'm satisfied, especially if it's something that I really love and maybe haven't allowed myself to have pre-IE.<<<

[Guest guest]

Sometimes it helps to just get up and walk away for five minutes or so

and do something else. Remind yourself you can have it at the next

meal, and the next, if that's what you want. A lot of times if I just

give myself a little time away from eating I'll end up losing interest.

Sohni

Thanks Abby and Jeanne for your support and encouragement. Sue,

have fun at Disney! I'm off to a graduation party where I will practice

only eating if I'm hungry. I'm sure there will be lots of food there,

so it will be a challenge.

For those of you who have been doing IE for a while, I find that I'm

doing well with not eating until I'm hungry, but I'm not doing so well

at stopping when I'm satisfied, especially if it's something that I

really love and maybe haven't allowed myself to have pre-IE. Any

suggestions from the group on how you worked through that? It doesn't

seem to be effective for me to tell myself that I can have it again

when I'm hungry. I have gotten to the place where I don't stuff myself

to the point of discomfort, but I know I'm eating beyond satisfied.

Thanks,

PJ

>

> PJ, your post brought a tear to my eye! >

> All the best,

> Jeanne

>