Re: Finally got counseling appointment

[Guest guest]

Dear Holly, you have most likely been to your appointment by now. I can see

why you feel nervous. It is really hard to relive such difficult memories and in

my experience explaining the situation can be really hard. Especially when you

have to start from the beginning with a new person and explain the situation

when there is no logical sense to it whatsoever! I can also relate to your

anxiety about amnesia. The same thing happens to me and I do think it's a coping

mechanism. I think it's also because we are used to playing things down to

ourselves and others, making excuses to protect them and ourselves and it is

just so confusing (to say the least!), I don't think we really can process the

behaviour in any kind of rational way.

Don't worry too much about this though, you will probably find it comes to you

at the right moments, especially if your counsellor is effective and helps lead

your process. A while ago Annie suggested that I keep an ongoing journal of

memories as they come to me as I find it so hard to recall things that she has

said and done in the past. I have started to do this without worrying about any

linear time-frame, just to jog my memory and try and process some of it. I think

it's also to help me feel less crazy cause half the time I feel like I'm making

it up! Anyway, I wondered if that might be helpful for you?

I think it's a brave step and an important one for your healing. I hope you gel

with your counsellor as I think it's so important that you feel comfortable with

them and have a sense that they understand where you're coming from.

Let us know how you go. Good luck with it!

With warmth,

Lynda

>

> Hi all,

>

> I finally have a counseling appointment for later today--it's been several

months since my last counseling, and it's the first time since I moved to

another city. Needless to say, I'm nervous.

>

> I know it will be good for me, and DH has been encouraging me to do it, but I

think my reluctance has to do with reliving it yet again. I've recently started

having a lot of nightmares about my family, and I don't really want to have to

experience it more than I have to.

>

> But, like in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Dumbledore told Harry that

it's better to tell it all now, because it'll help him to heal better and move

forward faster. (after Harry came back from seeing Voldemort). I haven't read

the books in a while, but this always stood out in my mind.

>

> My other insecurity is that I won't remember things. For some reason, I'm

forgetting what happened, perhaps as a self-protection thing. I can't remember

things off the top of my head, unless I'm triggered by something. Then a lot of

it comes flooding back. I don't want to sound whiny or anything, either, to the

counselor, but I know that's my fada talking--oh great, " whining " was another

trigger.

>

> Mostly I'm just talking it out loud in this email, to try to encourage myself

to do this.

>

> Many thanks to Doug--he encouraged me to actually set up an appointment, and

reminding me that counseling is the way to healing, and anti-depressants are

just there to help with that. And thanks to DH for making it easy for me--I was

so reluctant and worried about prices--we're still kinda poor as we're still

looking for full time work, but DH inquired about the prices, and found out it

will be only $20/session, according to the sliding scale.

>

> I think after the session I may try to go biking along the lakefront just to

work out all the emotions.

>

> Anyway, just thought I'd let you guys know. It's like going to confession--i

don't really want to do it but I know I'll feel tons better afterwards.

>

> Holly

>