FW: My story and some questions

[Guest guest]

Hi Randi,

I am the oldest of 5 other siblings...4 brothers 1 sister...I was the oldest

daughter, the boys in between, and my sis was the last born....Our Mother is

wacko...We've always been told by her that we all have problems, because our

father was an alcoholic...Being the oldest, of course I saw more and

experienced more....As far as the the characters in Al-anon, I was the

savior...

Of course we have a lot of dysfunction...Funny thing is I have always said

it was our Mother who caused the major part our problems, not our alcoholic

father.... Some of the boys became alcoholics themselves....I am probably,

sad to say, the most normal with the least problems of all the

children...I'm still the one they all rely on and come to when its really

rough...I quite honestly am a very happy and confident person, the only

upset in any of our lives is always our Mother....She can manipulate better

than anyone I know...Only thing good about it, she taught me how to pick

someone else out doing it....I have a real hard time with people trying to

manipulate me...I will let them know right off, I know what they are doing,

or I just have nothing to do with them again...

Recently my sister has fallen into some heart ache of her own, but she is

handling it and seeing a Psych Doctor...She, nor I have ever used drugs or

alcohol and we were actually very good teenagers..We the females of our

siblings have actually both lived more successful and I guess you could say

closer to normal lives than our brothers...With my sister talking to a Psych

Doctor, she was presented with the BPD...Her Doctor said, our Mother sounded

like she was, or either has BPD like symptoms...We have both done our

reading since, and there is no doubt in my mind this is why our Mother is

wacko! I guess that's not very nice, if she is mentally ill, but I don't

know how many times we have all said, Mother this has got to stop...! Her

insane behavior....She has truly messed my baby sister up....

I guess I am writing you because I just wanted another opinion from a person

that is well rounded in this subject....Our Mother is very critical to the

point that it can be insulting...This has always been directed towards my

sister and I, not so much our brothers..It's as though she is jealous of her

girls and competes with us....As the female children, she never told you,

you looked pretty...Nothing we have done in life is good enough...As adults

she has tryed to ruin every relationship, we have ever had, unless it was a

man she felt was excepting of her under conditions of any sort, as long as

they were unconditional ... Her whole life after (our father died at 49) has

been focused around her children, controlling us...My feelings have always

been because I was the oldest, and the one she made the adult, she has never

been able to let me go...I was even her parent...I have always been the one

that has told her, " this is it, once again you are not apart of my life any

more " ....The other siblings have never been able to do that with her...One

brother who lives away, I have always felt like he wanted her to just love

and accept him and not be critical all the time...

She is also always the victim, in every situation it's always someone else's

fault...Even if she ends up having a uncontrollable out burst that has

scared the Gran children or anyone else around...It's still going to be

someone else's fault...And believe you me, we have never once got an apology

of any kind....I've written her letters, as they tell you in Al-anon, and

have expressed the things she has done wrong to myself or my siblings...Not

once has she ever acknowledge the letters, let alone apologized about

anything. She is one of the most non supportive parents any child could

have, if one of our children were to die, it would be more about her, than

the pain we were feeling as a parent...

She also plays us all against one another...Mainly my sister and I...She

will brag and talk to one of us about the other and compare us.... funny

thing is she would never say anything nice to you, to your face...She also

has never let my sister and I do things without her...It always had to be

all of us together, or her with one or the other of us, but we could never

knowingly do it without her or we were going to pay... She's also done this

to our children as far as her obvious partiality for one child over the

other...She has held my sister's baby daughter, and made over her like she

was a china doll, while her son stood there with this little face, wanting

to say, " Grandma I'm here too. " and never acknowledge he was there till 30

minutes later....

I've always told my sister it's better not to let her help in any

manner....Anything she does with you comes with strings....If you borrow

money, your going to pay for it dearly...She does nothing kind, without an

ulterior motive...She's one of those, she loves it, when she gets gifts,

gifts that she thinks mean someone really loves or likes her...She loves to

let you know that so and so, got her this really lovely gift, as though she

wants you to be jealous, or think that maybe that person really loves

her...It's like she wants you to know someone else did it, not you....

When she doesn't get her way, or she doesn't want you to do something that

maybe doesn' t include her...She's been known to pick a fight, have an

outburst of some kind and then she will call and leave ugly messages on your

answering machines....Calling you names, like " whore, " and " slut " . These

things have gone on all our lives...If not one of us is getting her wrath,

it's the other...And of course she trys always, to pull one or the other of

us in....I could continue to go on and on, but it wouldn't end...LOL! ...

My sister and I are just glad we finally found out what is her problem, and

we aren't imagining something, she's the problem not us...I always felt that

way, but I wasn't sure what it could be, and of course I'm not a

therapist... I have just always been there for my brothers and

sisters......I don't look for any help for her...She's 70 years old and she

will never believe any of it...It will all be blamed on us or our

father...We are going to give her some books and tell her my sisters Psych

Doctor suggested it, but who knows what the outcome will be....Love to hear

your opinion...

Thanks for listening Jill