Re: eating while frustrated

[Guest guest]

Oh, gee, busted here, too, Sue! I can get myself into a full-blown snit if things don't go as I have decided they should. And eating seems oh so logical at times like those.

I have of late started patterning my self-care after my husband's own self-care. If he's tired, he goes to bed. If he's hungry, he gets something to eat. If he's angry, he finds constructive ways to blow off steam. He also doesn't try to manage the whole world, so he actually has time to do these things to take care of himself. Like, for example, he doesn't feel COMPELLED to reload the dishwasher after I've just loaded it. Imagine that! He doesn't have the ultimate blueprint in his mind for how one should load a dishwasher, lucky guy. It's tough carrying all those blueprints around in your head--I know.

Letting go of the reins is very hard for me, but I feel so much better when I don't have white knuckles over the way someone else is or is not doing things. But it takes practice, and a lot of talking to myself: "Back AWAY from the snit, Laurie! And don't back into the kitchen!"

I agree with Abby: you ROCK for catching yourself at this, Sue.

Laurie

Re: eating while frustrated

Hi Sue,

How great for you that you realized what was happening, and why you wanted to eat! And even cooler that you were able to decide that you didn't need to eat, once you realized.

I can be quite controlling of others! It's something I have and continue to work on. I think I'm doing oh so much better... but it's one of the many reasons I choose to be single right now. Not that that's of use to you! But I sympathize.

As to how that impacts my eating... I'm not sure. I'm going to pay attention to that and see what comes up.

Best,

Abby

I just became aware of what a control freak I am. Not that I didn't already know it...but apparently it really plays into my eating! We are at my parents summer place in Indiana (came down here Friday) and my daughter and her family came down Friday night for the weekend. They just left a little bit ago and as soon as they left, my husband just chose to go take a nap. We are down here for him to do some re-doing in one of the bathrooms for my parents, and I wanted him to get started

[Guest guest]

I can relate to control issues. Trying to control certain things about myself,

and about others and the world around me.

And maybe it's a " what-came-first?-the-chicken-or-the-egg " type thing wherein if

we stop trying so hard to control ourselves (in an irrational, unproductive,

white-knuckle sort of way), we will be less controlling of others. Or if we

stop trying to be less controlling of others, we will be less controlling of

ourselves. We can begin to lessen the tendency to control through both

venues/startpoints.

It's good to hear about others' insights and progress in this arena.

~

>

>

> Oh, gee, busted here, too, Sue! I can get myself into a full-blown snit if

things don't go as I have decided they should. And eating seems oh so logical at

times like those.

>

> I have of late started patterning my self-care after my husband's own

self-care. If he's tired, he goes to bed. If he's hungry, he gets something to

eat. If he's angry, he finds constructive ways to blow off steam. He also

doesn't try to manage the whole world, so he actually has time to do these

things to take care of himself. Like, for example, he doesn't feel COMPELLED to

reload the dishwasher after I've just loaded it. Imagine that! He doesn't have

the ultimate blueprint in his mind for how one should load a dishwasher, lucky

guy. It's tough carrying all those blueprints around in your head--I know.

>

> Letting go of the reins is very hard for me, but I feel so much better when I

don't have white knuckles over the way someone else is or is not doing things.

But it takes practice, and a lot of talking to myself: " Back AWAY from the snit,

Laurie! And don't back into the kitchen! "

>

> I agree with Abby: you ROCK for catching yourself at this, Sue.

>

>

> Laurie

[Guest guest]

A great book to read in regards to letting go of control is called The

Surrendered Wife. I'm sorry, I do not know the author's name. Please do not

let the title fool you. I am single and it was recommended to me by our

moderator Gillian. They do have one called The Surrendered Single as well. But

the book is really about giving up control. I too tend to be a control freak as

both my parents were. It really allowed me to let go of what other people do

and let them figure it out. It helped me tremendously with my relationship of

my teenage son. I highly recommend the book of you tend to be controlling in

nature.

My other thought in reading these posts, when you state that you don't like the

aspect of yourself is to embrace this part of yourself. It has some good

aspects, and there ia a reason for it and if you look at it from this aspect

and embrace it rather than shun it and push it away it will be much easier to

not always be that way. If you try to push it away and not be this way, it's

like trying to push a beach ball under water and it will always come back up and

hit you in the face.

Alana

>

>

>

> I just became aware of what a control freak I am. Not that I didn't already

know it...but apparently it really plays into my eating! We are at my parents

summer place in Indiana (came down here Friday) and my daughter and her family

came down Friday night for the weekend. They just left a little bit ago and as

soon as they left, my husband just chose to go take a nap. We are down here for

him to do some re-doing in one of the bathrooms for my parents, and I wanted him

to get started.

>

> I was so annoyed that the first thing that came to mind was to eat. Am I

hungry? NO. What am I feeling? Frustrated! He's not going with my plan. I

wanted to eat, although I am not hungry and when I realized that I wasn't

hungry, my thought was " Well, I don't know what else to do with these

feelings. "

>

> So, poor reader, you get to hear about my feeling frustrated!!!

>

> But, you know what? Now I feel better and am ready to go read my book! And I

didn't eat anything!

>

> So now, I have to spend some time examining how " in control " I always think

that I have to be. I don't like that part of myself! And I'm sure that others

don't either!

>

> Have any of you had to deal with this aspect of your eating? Help will be

appreciated!

>

> Sue

>

>

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