Re: people pleasing

[Guest guest]

I do a version of the same thing, only for me, I'm a " problem solver. "

My therapist has been working hard with me, trying to get me to stop " fixing "

things for others, and let them figure it out for themselves.

I've let others " use " me, because I didn't set boundaries, or-even better, I

" fixed " everything for them. Then I would wonder why I felt used...

I have three days off a week. I have worked this schedule for almost 10 years

now- since moving out from my mother, I find I have TONS of free time, and I

never know what to do with it... I end up doing stuff for other people. I have

to work hard on making sure my free time is being spent doing either nothing, or

stuff for me.

It's certainly a challenge, and it's also very uncomfortable. I think that's

why you didn't take the " out " that was given to you.

>

>

> I am realizing I have a huge problem with people pleasing. Many times I

> feel used by certain friends in my life..I care about them so I plan to

> just set better boundries..but then I fail misseribly for fear that it

> will end in a confrontation or they will talk about me behind my back

> when they find out I really didn't want to do what I did for them.

>

> I have a specific person in my life who does simular things Nada did in

> terms of asking me to do things for her on my free time. I still can't

> figure out if it's me being triggerd that makes me feel this way or she

> asks me for more then she should. Today she actually called me and gave

> me an out..and I didn't take it..what is wrong with me?

>

> Stefanie (I changed my aliase,,just in cse)

>

[Guest guest]

3 days off. Nice. What are some things you would like to do for you with

that time? I'd love to talk about that. My T is working on similar stuff

with me and also in my group T sessions.

On Thu, Sep 30, 2010 at 7:12 PM, sunnys_blues wrote:

>

>

> I do a version of the same thing, only for me, I'm a " problem solver. "

>

> My therapist has been working hard with me, trying to get me to stop

> " fixing " things for others, and let them figure it out for themselves.

>

> I've let others " use " me, because I didn't set boundaries, or-even better,

> I " fixed " everything for them. Then I would wonder why I felt used...

>

> I have three days off a week. I have worked this schedule for almost 10

> years now- since moving out from my mother, I find I have TONS of free time,

> and I never know what to do with it... I end up doing stuff for other

> people. I have to work hard on making sure my free time is being spent doing

> either nothing, or stuff for me.

>

> It's certainly a challenge, and it's also very uncomfortable. I think

> that's why you didn't take the " out " that was given to you.

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > I am realizing I have a huge problem with people pleasing. Many times I

> > feel used by certain friends in my life..I care about them so I plan to

> > just set better boundries..but then I fail misseribly for fear that it

> > will end in a confrontation or they will talk about me behind my back

> > when they find out I really didn't want to do what I did for them.

> >

> > I have a specific person in my life who does simular things Nada did in

> > terms of asking me to do things for her on my free time. I still can't

> > figure out if it's me being triggerd that makes me feel this way or she

> > asks me for more then she should. Today she actually called me and gave

> > me an out..and I didn't take it..what is wrong with me?

> >

> > Stefanie (I changed my aliase,,just in cse)

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The best part of the three days off- two are with my lovely boyfriend, and one

is just for me!!!

Over the last few months, I've been able to think about knitting, knit, and the

best thing ever- I've been able to COOK!

I love to cook. I would get up way earlier than my bpmom, just to have the

kitchen to myself, away from her criticisms...

Now, I cook, cook some more, and cook some more. I watch tons of Food Tv- mainly

their how-to shows, as well as some of the challenges. I read food blogs.

My dad cooked, and then got his chef accrediation. I loved to cook with him, and

I wanted to go to cooking school. Alas, I also loved to write, and I was good at

it. I received scholarships, so I did the four-year journalism degree. I now

regret I didn't tell my dad 26 years ago that I wanted to cook, please- cooking

school would have been cheaper than traditional college!!!! Heck, I could have

been a chef and a writer!

Needless to say, I do okay with saying to my boyfriend, hey- let's do this,

this, and this...

It's that third day off by myself-- that's the day I often want to fill doing

stuff for others. My therapist has been really getting on me about doing " me "

stuff. I've managed pedicures for me, and " slug " days on the couch-- watching

all the Doris Day/Rock Hudson movies I can stand...

It's not easy making time for me, after a lifetime of being devoted to always

taking care of someone else's problems. I was constantly told I was selfish,

despite the fact my mother volunteered me to help her friends--and if I couldn't

or didn't want to do it-- I was the bad child!

These thought patterns, images, and long-lasting hurts are hard to overcome.

> > >

> > >

> > > I am realizing I have a huge problem with people pleasing. Many times I

> > > feel used by certain friends in my life..I care about them so I plan to

> > > just set better boundries..but then I fail misseribly for fear that it

> > > will end in a confrontation or they will talk about me behind my back

> > > when they find out I really didn't want to do what I did for them.

> > >

> > > I have a specific person in my life who does simular things Nada did in

> > > terms of asking me to do things for her on my free time. I still can't

> > > figure out if it's me being triggerd that makes me feel this way or she

> > > asks me for more then she should. Today she actually called me and gave

> > > me an out..and I didn't take it..what is wrong with me?

> > >

> > > Stefanie (I changed my aliase,,just in cse)

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ya dude I hear ya. Great job on the cooking, that is wonderful. I love to

cook too. and I love to write. Its nice to know what we actually like, isn't

it?

Hugs. Have a great day off!

On Thu, Sep 30, 2010 at 8:39 PM, sunnys_blues wrote:

>

>

> The best part of the three days off- two are with my lovely boyfriend, and

> one is just for me!!!

>

> Over the last few months, I've been able to think about knitting, knit, and

> the best thing ever- I've been able to COOK!

>

> I love to cook. I would get up way earlier than my bpmom, just to have the

> kitchen to myself, away from her criticisms...

>

> Now, I cook, cook some more, and cook some more. I watch tons of Food Tv-

> mainly their how-to shows, as well as some of the challenges. I read food

> blogs.

>

> My dad cooked, and then got his chef accrediation. I loved to cook with

> him, and I wanted to go to cooking school. Alas, I also loved to write, and

> I was good at it. I received scholarships, so I did the four-year journalism

> degree. I now regret I didn't tell my dad 26 years ago that I wanted to

> cook, please- cooking school would have been cheaper than traditional

> college!!!! Heck, I could have been a chef and a writer!

>

> Needless to say, I do okay with saying to my boyfriend, hey- let's do this,

> this, and this...

>

> It's that third day off by myself-- that's the day I often want to fill

> doing stuff for others. My therapist has been really getting on me about

> doing " me " stuff. I've managed pedicures for me, and " slug " days on the

> couch-- watching all the Doris Day/Rock Hudson movies I can stand...

>

> It's not easy making time for me, after a lifetime of being devoted to

> always taking care of someone else's problems. I was constantly told I was

> selfish, despite the fact my mother volunteered me to help her friends--and

> if I couldn't or didn't want to do it-- I was the bad child!

>

> These thought patterns, images, and long-lasting hurts are hard to

> overcome.

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I am realizing I have a huge problem with people pleasing. Many times

> I

> > > > feel used by certain friends in my life..I care about them so I plan

> to

> > > > just set better boundries..but then I fail misseribly for fear that

> it

> > > > will end in a confrontation or they will talk about me behind my back

> > > > when they find out I really didn't want to do what I did for them.

> > > >

> > > > I have a specific person in my life who does simular things Nada did

> in

> > > > terms of asking me to do things for her on my free time. I still

> can't

> > > > figure out if it's me being triggerd that makes me feel this way or

> she

> > > > asks me for more then she should. Today she actually called me and

> gave

> > > > me an out..and I didn't take it..what is wrong with me?

> > > >

> > > > Stefanie (I changed my aliase,,just in cse)

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Get a hold of the book " Boundaries " , it clearly showed me that saying

yes, when I wanted to say no only makes you resent the person you said 'yes'

to! That's really not fair to that person. This book was a life saver for

me in so many ways. It gave me the courage to start saying

" no " .........it's really okay to say " no " ! We people pleasers were never

allowed to say

" no " to our BPD parents, so naturally as we become adults, we still don't

know that it's ok to say " no " ! After reading the book, I sure do know how

to say " no " when I need to.

Laurie

In a message dated 9/30/2010 11:46:56 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

stefaniejlow@... writes:

I am realizing I have a huge problem with people pleasing. Many times I

feel used by certain friends in my life..I care about them so I plan to

just set better boundries..but then I fail misseribly for fear that it

will end in a confrontation or they will talk about me behind my back

when they find out I really didn't want to do what I did for them.

I have a specific person in my life who does simular things Nada did in

terms of asking me to do things for her on my free time. I still can't

figure out if it's me being triggerd that makes me feel this way or she

asks me for more then she should. Today she actually called me and gave

me an out..and I didn't take it..what is wrong with me?

Stefanie (I changed my aliase,,just in cse)

[Guest guest]

I struggled with this for a long time too. I discovered that saying no can be as

simple as:

" I am not able to " period, no excuses or further explanation needed.

" I works better for me if ______ " insert condition or compromise here.

There's also the old faithful " I would love to help/go but I have have plans

already " ......... these plans could be as simple as watching a movie in your

jammies! Nobody needs to know what you're doing!

I remember, as a young girl, being unable to turn away the religious people who

ring your doorbell. I stood for what seemed like forever listening to them and

wishing I could find a way out. My nada laughed about this later when they came

back looking for me, and never explained to me how to politely say 'no' or

otherwise handle the situation constructively. It's no wonder we can't say 'no'

!!!

I too think that this flea is reminiscent of our days as children who are not

allowed any control or say in their own lives under a BPD parent. My nada taught

me to have no boundaries whatsoever, and often she volunteered my time without

my consent.

To this day nada still uses coersion and guilt to try to get me to do things

against my will. She will often say things like " I will be so embarassed if you

don't come " or " don't be so selfish " I really hate nadas.

It's so nice to please myself first, and please others on my terms.

[Guest guest]

I also like, " Not this time. " Adding " not this time " reminds the individual

doing the asking that you *have* done the favor or loaned the money or done the

cooking or the driving or the long-distance travel for a visit or hosted the

event at your place (or the whatever) before, and you may do it again, so its

not like you're not a good sport. Its simply that you're declining the request

*this time.*

-Annie

>

> I struggled with this for a long time too. I discovered that saying no can be

as simple as:

>

> " I am not able to " period, no excuses or further explanation needed.

>

> " I works better for me if ______ " insert condition or compromise here.

>

> There's also the old faithful " I would love to help/go but I have have plans

already " ......... these plans could be as simple as watching a movie in your

jammies! Nobody needs to know what you're doing!

>

> I remember, as a young girl, being unable to turn away the religious people

who ring your doorbell. I stood for what seemed like forever listening to them

and wishing I could find a way out. My nada laughed about this later when they

came back looking for me, and never explained to me how to politely say 'no' or

otherwise handle the situation constructively. It's no wonder we can't say 'no'

!!!

>

> I too think that this flea is reminiscent of our days as children who are not

allowed any control or say in their own lives under a BPD parent. My nada taught

me to have no boundaries whatsoever, and often she volunteered my time without

my consent.

>

> To this day nada still uses coersion and guilt to try to get me to do things

against my will. She will often say things like " I will be so embarassed if you

don't come " or " don't be so selfish " I really hate nadas.

>

> It's so nice to please myself first, and please others on my terms.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all the great suggestions! I do try to say no. I have been

working on it..I just hate it when I still find myself people pleasing. I

just get suckered in sometimes Like when my friend calls and says " hey what

you doing tomorrow..do you have any plans " ?...I think maybe she wants to do

something fun..cuz sometimes she does..so I tell her I have no plans and

then she says oh good you can take me to the dr. then.... First it feels

like I'm doing a Nice thing ..then I realise she wants me to pick her up

totally out of my way and drive an hour away...she never offers gas money

and I always drive..and always I end up paying for something for her along

the way..like we will go to a drive thru she's say " oh can you get me a so

and so " .I do and she never offers to pay..It makes me feel so used and then

I feel cheap and greedy because it's usually under $5 so why am I so

agrivated really? I shouldn't be bothered ..but I am

On Sat, Oct 2, 2010 at 1:11 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I also like, " Not this time. " Adding " not this time " reminds the individual

> doing the asking that you *have* done the favor or loaned the money or done

> the cooking or the driving or the long-distance travel for a visit or hosted

> the event at your place (or the whatever) before, and you may do it again,

> so its not like you're not a good sport. Its simply that you're declining

> the request *this time.*

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > I struggled with this for a long time too. I discovered that saying no

> can be as simple as:

> >

> > " I am not able to " period, no excuses or further explanation needed.

> >

> > " I works better for me if ______ " insert condition or compromise here.

> >

> > There's also the old faithful " I would love to help/go but I have have

> plans already " ......... these plans could be as simple as watching a movie

> in your jammies! Nobody needs to know what you're doing!

> >

> > I remember, as a young girl, being unable to turn away the religious

> people who ring your doorbell. I stood for what seemed like forever

> listening to them and wishing I could find a way out. My nada laughed about

> this later when they came back looking for me, and never explained to me how

> to politely say 'no' or otherwise handle the situation constructively. It's

> no wonder we can't say 'no' !!!

> >

> > I too think that this flea is reminiscent of our days as children who are

> not allowed any control or say in their own lives under a BPD parent. My

> nada taught me to have no boundaries whatsoever, and often she volunteered

> my time without my consent.

> >

> > To this day nada still uses coersion and guilt to try to get me to do

> things against my will. She will often say things like " I will be so

> embarassed if you don't come " or " don't be so selfish " I really hate nadas.

> >

> > It's so nice to please myself first, and please others on my terms.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're understandably agrivated because you got suckered into it again!!!!

Next time get the full scope of what the other person wants to do, then

make your decision. If they deviate from the plans, call them on it. Or

simply just say " not this time " like Annie suggested. Protect yourself and

don't feel guilty saying " no " . Until the person can be trusted you

probably should just say " no thanks, not this time " . That type of person IS

using

you......why? because they can! Had a couple of that those types in my

life and it took me years to finally get it and get rid of them. All it took

to get rid of them was one time standing up for myself and they ran like

the wind! Once they're caught, they usually run.

Laurie

In a message dated 10/2/2010 9:56:40 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

stefaniejlow@... writes:

Thanks for all the great suggestions! I do try to say no. I have been

working on it..I just hate it when I still find myself people pleasing. I

just get suckered in sometimes Like when my friend calls and says " hey

what

you doing tomorrow..do you have any plans " ?...I think maybe she wants to do

something fun..cuz sometimes she does..so I tell her I have no plans and

then she says oh good you can take me to the dr. then.... First it feels

like I'm doing a Nice thing ..then I realise she wants me to pick her up

totally out of my way and drive an hour away...she never offers gas money

and I always drive..and always I end up paying for something for her along

the way..like we will go to a drive thru she's say " oh can you get me a so

and so " .I do and she never offers to pay..It makes me feel so used and

then

I feel cheap and greedy because it's usually under $5 so why am I so

agrivated really? I shouldn't be bothered ..but I am

On Sat, Oct 2, 2010 at 1:11 AM, anuria67854

wrote:

>

>

> I also like, " Not this time. " Adding " not this time " reminds the

individual

> doing the asking that you *have* done the favor or loaned the money or

done

> the cooking or the driving or the long-distance travel for a visit or

hosted

> the event at your place (or the whatever) before, and you may do it

again,

> so its not like you're not a good sport. Its simply that you're declining

> the request *this time.*

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > I struggled with this for a long time too. I discovered that saying no

> can be as simple as:

> >

> > " I am not able to " period, no excuses or further explanation needed.

> >

> > " I works better for me if ______ " insert condition or compromise here.

> >

> > There's also the old faithful " I would love to help/go but I have have

> plans already " ......... these plans could be as simple as watching a

movie

> in your jammies! Nobody needs to know what you're doing!

> >

> > I remember, as a young girl, being unable to turn away the religious

> people who ring your doorbell. I stood for what seemed like forever

> listening to them and wishing I could find a way out. My nada laughed

about

> this later when they came back looking for me, and never explained to me

how

> to politely say 'no' or otherwise handle the situation constructively.

It's

> no wonder we can't say 'no' !!!

> >

> > I too think that this flea is reminiscent of our days as children who

are

> not allowed any control or say in their own lives under a BPD parent. My

> nada taught me to have no boundaries whatsoever, and often she

volunteered

> my time without my consent.

> >

> > To this day nada still uses coersion and guilt to try to get me to do

> things against my will. She will often say things like " I will be so

> embarassed if you don't come " or " don't be so selfish " I really hate

nadas.

> >

> > It's so nice to please myself first, and please others on my terms.

> >

>

>

>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Hmm, I wonder if you can work on building your confidence, and thinking more

positively about yourself - and then you won't need to rescue? I don't

know, I'm working on that myself and I'll let you know if it works.

One other thought - we were TAUGHT to take care of everyone else first. And

our lack of value was drilled into us like the Hare Krishna chant at a

Krishna party (as a teen, I would escape to the nearby Krishna camp on

Sundays, I loved the chanting and dancing and bright colors), so its not our

fault!!! But we can do something about it now!!

HUGS don't feel bad Just try to grow from here.

> Thanks for all the great suggestions! I do try to say no. I have been

> working on it..I just hate it when I still find myself people pleasing. I

> just get suckered in sometimes Like when my friend calls and says " hey

> what

> you doing tomorrow..do you have any plans " ?...I think maybe she wants to do

> something fun..cuz sometimes she does..so I tell her I have no plans and

> then she says oh good you can take me to the dr. then.... First it feels

> like I'm doing a Nice thing ..then I realise she wants me to pick her up

> totally out of my way and drive an hour away...she never offers gas money

> and I always drive..and always I end up paying for something for her along

> the way..like we will go to a drive thru she's say " oh can you get me a so

> and so " .I do and she never offers to pay..It makes me feel so used and

> then

> I feel cheap and greedy because it's usually under $5 so why am I so

> agrivated really? I shouldn't be bothered ..but I am

>

>

>

>

> On Sat, Oct 2, 2010 at 1:11 AM, anuria67854 <anuria-67854@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > I also like, " Not this time. " Adding " not this time " reminds the

> individual

> > doing the asking that you *have* done the favor or loaned the money or

> done

> > the cooking or the driving or the long-distance travel for a visit or

> hosted

> > the event at your place (or the whatever) before, and you may do it

> again,

> > so its not like you're not a good sport. Its simply that you're declining

> > the request *this time.*

> > -Annie

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > I struggled with this for a long time too. I discovered that saying no

> > can be as simple as:

> > >

> > > " I am not able to " period, no excuses or further explanation needed.

> > >

> > > " I works better for me if ______ " insert condition or compromise here.

> > >

> > > There's also the old faithful " I would love to help/go but I have have

> > plans already " ......... these plans could be as simple as watching a

> movie

> > in your jammies! Nobody needs to know what you're doing!

> > >

> > > I remember, as a young girl, being unable to turn away the religious

> > people who ring your doorbell. I stood for what seemed like forever

> > listening to them and wishing I could find a way out. My nada laughed

> about

> > this later when they came back looking for me, and never explained to me

> how

> > to politely say 'no' or otherwise handle the situation constructively.

> It's

> > no wonder we can't say 'no' !!!

> > >

> > > I too think that this flea is reminiscent of our days as children who

> are

> > not allowed any control or say in their own lives under a BPD parent. My

> > nada taught me to have no boundaries whatsoever, and often she

> volunteered

> > my time without my consent.

> > >

> > > To this day nada still uses coersion and guilt to try to get me to do

> > things against my will. She will often say things like " I will be so

> > embarassed if you don't come " or " don't be so selfish " I really hate

> nadas.

> > >

> > > It's so nice to please myself first, and please others on my terms.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good advice! I agree. I think you're probably feeling angry and frustrated

because you allowed your " friend " to manipulate you, again.

*You* have to ask her first what it is she has in mind. Get her to spell it out

for you. Then you can decide whether you want to participate or not.

However, if she *lies* to you ( " Oh, I'd like for us to go to the beach and have

a picnic, and I'll bring the sandwiches! " ) but when you pick her up she hasn't

prepared what she said she would, and after she gets in the car and you're on

your way, she says something like " Oh, by the way, I need you to drop me off for

an appointment on the way to the beach and while I'm at the doctor's can you

stop at the Subway for the sandwiches? I don't have any money, but I'll pay you

later, OK? " then you know for sure that this individual doesn't really care

about you at all, sees nothing wrong with lying to you and manipulating you, and

basically views you as a " sugar daddy " .

Meaning, you're basically paying her to spend time with you.

A real friendship is equal and mutually giving and receiving. If an individual

is only taking from you and not giving in return, then you really don't have a

" friend " , do you? No, lying and manipulating are not the behaviors of a friend.

If this were happening to me, I wouldn't feel guilty about dropping such an

individual from my list of friends.

That's my two cents, anyway.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I struggled with this for a long time too. I discovered that saying no

> > can be as simple as:

> > >

> > > " I am not able to " period, no excuses or further explanation needed.

> > >

> > > " I works better for me if ______ " insert condition or compromise here.

> > >

> > > There's also the old faithful " I would love to help/go but I have have

> > plans already " ......... these plans could be as simple as watching a

> movie

> > in your jammies! Nobody needs to know what you're doing!

> > >

> > > I remember, as a young girl, being unable to turn away the religious

> > people who ring your doorbell. I stood for what seemed like forever

> > listening to them and wishing I could find a way out. My nada laughed

> about

> > this later when they came back looking for me, and never explained to me

> how

> > to politely say 'no' or otherwise handle the situation constructively.

> It's

> > no wonder we can't say 'no' !!!

> > >

> > > I too think that this flea is reminiscent of our days as children who

> are

> > not allowed any control or say in their own lives under a BPD parent. My

> > nada taught me to have no boundaries whatsoever, and often she

> volunteered

> > my time without my consent.

> > >

> > > To this day nada still uses coersion and guilt to try to get me to do

> > things against my will. She will often say things like " I will be so

> > embarassed if you don't come " or " don't be so selfish " I really hate

> nadas.

> > >

> > > It's so nice to please myself first, and please others on my terms.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

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[Guest guest]

yaay!  i love it, hearing about the things you love to do just to please

yourself for awhile.. this is great.. 

i love to chat on the computer, crochet, go out to eat (i don't like to cook

anymore!) , read, talk on the phone with friends, shop at thrift stores, send

care packages to my disadvantaged friends.. exercise (sometimes) and just hang

out..

thanks for sharing.ann

Subject: Re: people pleasing

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, September 30, 2010, 9:39 PM

 

The best part of the three days off- two are with my lovely boyfriend, and

one is just for me!!!

Over the last few months, I've been able to think about knitting, knit, and the

best thing ever- I've been able to COOK!

I love to cook. I would get up way earlier than my bpmom, just to have the

kitchen to myself, away from her criticisms...

Now, I cook, cook some more, and cook some more. I watch tons of Food Tv- mainly

their how-to shows, as well as some of the challenges. I read food blogs.

My dad cooked, and then got his chef accrediation. I loved to cook with him, and

I wanted to go to cooking school. Alas, I also loved to write, and I was good at

it. I received scholarships, so I did the four-year journalism degree. I now

regret I didn't tell my dad 26 years ago that I wanted to cook, please- cooking

school would have been cheaper than traditional college!!!! Heck, I could have

been a chef and a writer!

Needless to say, I do okay with saying to my boyfriend, hey- let's do this,

this, and this...

It's that third day off by myself-- that's the day I often want to fill doing

stuff for others. My therapist has been really getting on me about doing " me "

stuff. I've managed pedicures for me, and " slug " days on the couch-- watching

all the Doris Day/Rock Hudson movies I can stand...

It's not easy making time for me, after a lifetime of being devoted to always

taking care of someone else's problems. I was constantly told I was selfish,

despite the fact my mother volunteered me to help her friends--and if I couldn't

or didn't want to do it-- I was the bad child!

These thought patterns, images, and long-lasting hurts are hard to overcome.

> > >

> > >

> > > I am realizing I have a huge problem with people pleasing. Many times I

> > > feel used by certain friends in my life..I care about them so I plan to

> > > just set better boundries..but then I fail misseribly for fear that it

> > > will end in a confrontation or they will talk about me behind my back

> > > when they find out I really didn't want to do what I did for them.

> > >

> > > I have a specific person in my life who does simular things Nada did in

> > > terms of asking me to do things for her on my free time. I still can't

> > > figure out if it's me being triggerd that makes me feel this way or she

> > > asks me for more then she should. Today she actually called me and gave

> > > me an out..and I didn't take it..what is wrong with me?

> > >

> > > Stefanie (I changed my aliase,,just in cse)

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>