Guest guest Posted September 29, 2010 Report Share Posted September 29, 2010 Hello All, I'm new to this group and my MIL is BPD. I've been married for 5 years and we've finally broke ties with her because we can't seem to manage a relationship with her at all. We have kids and we need to protect them from her. The issue now is: since we have stopped talking to her, she's worked her lies into other siblings of the family and turned them against us. Her husband won't talk to us anymore as well - which is sad because he has cancer and we don't know how long he has left. He has never been able to assert himself with her. We've made it clear that we'd like to discuss the issues at hand, but no one will respond. Instead they play victim and ignore our suggestions to address the issue and talk things out. I think my sister-in-law is BPD as well. Last week I found a gift wrapped in black paper on my front doorstep. It was a Birthday present to my son (his birthday was 6 months ago). The card had all of these passive aggressive statements about how she wished she could see him (we've never said that she couldn't, and he was on the other side of the door when she left the gift. She could have knocked and come in). She is playing the guilt game as well. My brother-in-law committed suicide this last year. No doubt because of being raised by a woman that constantly belittled him and broke him down. She pushed him right up to the edge and he jumped. I sort of feel like it was empowering to her to have that much control over him - enough control to cause him to kill himself. He committed suicide on mother's day. She somehow came out of the deal preaching that he was the best son ever, and that she was the best mother. Months before, when he was alive, she only talked about what a disappointment he had always been to her. Has anyone read the book Understanding the Borderline Mother? I love it so far, but don't really feel like it's teaching me enough techniques to help me not get emotional about the situation. I need help trying to support my husband because he was raised by her. What is your advise for me, the spouse? Right now we aren't talking to the mom, dad, and both sisters. The Holidays are coming up and I'm dreading the gifts with strings, mass Christmas letters with lies to family and friends, and guilt games about not seeing the family around the Holidays. Any advice there either? It sounds like y'all have way more experience with this then I do. Meg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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