Re: chronic depression and mentally ill parents

[Guest guest]

dear loves,

So sorry you've gone thru this for so long. My depression has also been

since childhood (probably since infancy) . Altho, I go in and out of it.

Personally, the book " Boundaries " helped me alot. But, more than anything,

going to church, seeking the truth, that God loves me, regardless of

anything, sometimes pulls me out of it. My nada was depressed her entire

life, bipolar possibly....coo coo always. So, I do believe a lot of our

depression is learned as being " normal " , especially since dishrag dad accepted

it as " normal " .

I, too, have tried some antidepresants, but none helped. We are wounded

individuals. Drugs don't always help. Reading the appropriate self-help

books sometimes validates our crippling pasts and, with time, help heal us.

Sometimes confidence comes with learning what the correct behavior is, and

how to handle the inappropriate behaviors that we run into on a daily basis.

Laurie

In a message dated 10/9/2010 5:29:34 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

christopherloveesq@... writes:

Dear People,

I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may have

been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am

the genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of therapy,

and regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in this

group that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did

you do it?

Thank you

[Guest guest]

I've heard that depression is anger turned inward; I tend to buy that theory

because it seems logical in my own case.

I wasn't ever allowed to show my anger or outrage over my abuse, I had to stuff

it deep. I even made myself believe that it was my fault and I deserved the

mistreatment rather than express my very real and very righteous anger over it.

It wasn't safe for me to do so when I was still enmeshed with my parents.

Finally accessing my anger has helped me, I think.

My Sister and nephew are great fans of the martial arts (tai kwon do) and

they've told me that they feel much more upbeat and cheerful and relaxed after

their martial arts classes and exercises. I can see how throwing a sparring

partner to the ground and hitting boards with your hands might be therapeutic in

discharging anger.

I took a very short course several years ago called " dirty street fighting " and

got to punch and kick with full force and intent to injure ( I got to beat the

CRAP out of) some poor soul who was so bundled up, padded and armored for

protection that it was impossible to tell the sex of the individual, but from

the height I believe it was a male police officer; our local police department

gave the course. It was free!

THAT was very cathartic for me, anger-wise. I'd like to do that again,

actually.

So, my offering to you is: try a martial arts class. Hie YAAA!

-Annie

>

> Dear People,

>

> I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may have

been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am the

genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

>

> Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of therapy, and

regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in this group

that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did you do it?

>

> Thank you

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I hear ya! Yeah, I have gone in and out of bad bad bad depressions for 35

years now, much worse for the last 6 years or so. Drugs do help me. You have

to be careful, for me the worst side effect has been weight gain. I'm glad

to say I'm back to my fighting weight now and I intend to stay there, with

the help of my psych docs.

Do you have a psychiatrist? My doctor is wonderful but she INSISTED I get a

psychiatrist. And it really helped.

I've also hunted for a long time to find a therapist I thought could really

help me. And when I met her (she just kinda showed up in my life) it hit me

like a ton of bricks that this was THE therapist for me. I've been seeing

her for about 2 months and it has really helped. The biggest thing is she

taught me I'm allowed to have my own opinions, beliefs, likes and dislikes.

And second she taught me how to talk nicely to myself. Its amazing how I've

learned to psych myself up and stoke my own mental fires just by telling

myself I'm a good person, a smart person, and open person etc instead of

telling myself. . . well we won't go there because its a hideous hideous

place, the way I'm used to talking to myself.

I'm also reading Viktor yl. They say growing up with a BPD parent is

like surviving a concentration camp. I don't know if that's true. . . but

I'm reading it.

But there are four things that truely make the difference in my life every

day, that help me get up in the morning, its often the difference between

life and death for me. First is the unbelievable love my boyfriend expresses

for me. Wow, I never thought I was worthy of that. And second is my 3

babies, my dogs. Seriously, pets are amazing. I had tons of pets growing up

and I credit their love for my survival. Scout, Cowboy and Loki, they run

around, bounce, jump, do tricks, sleep in my arms, go for walks or jogs with

me, bark with joy when I come home from work - all those things. There have

been many many times in my life when I only kept going forward because of

the furry creatures who depended on me to earn money for their next bowl of

kibble.

So those are my tips. I'd love to hear any from others, too.

Good luck and my best, Girlscout

On Sat, Oct 9, 2010 at 7:22 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I've heard that depression is anger turned inward; I tend to buy that

> theory because it seems logical in my own case.

>

> I wasn't ever allowed to show my anger or outrage over my abuse, I had to

> stuff it deep. I even made myself believe that it was my fault and I

> deserved the mistreatment rather than express my very real and very

> righteous anger over it. It wasn't safe for me to do so when I was still

> enmeshed with my parents. Finally accessing my anger has helped me, I think.

>

> My Sister and nephew are great fans of the martial arts (tai kwon do) and

> they've told me that they feel much more upbeat and cheerful and relaxed

> after their martial arts classes and exercises. I can see how throwing a

> sparring partner to the ground and hitting boards with your hands might be

> therapeutic in discharging anger.

>

> I took a very short course several years ago called " dirty street fighting "

> and got to punch and kick with full force and intent to injure ( I got to

> beat the CRAP out of) some poor soul who was so bundled up, padded and

> armored for protection that it was impossible to tell the sex of the

> individual, but from the height I believe it was a male police officer; our

> local police department gave the course. It was free!

>

> THAT was very cathartic for me, anger-wise. I'd like to do that again,

> actually.

>

> So, my offering to you is: try a martial arts class. Hie YAAA!

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > Dear People,

> >

> > I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may

> have been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am

> the genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

> >

> > Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of

> therapy, and regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in

> this group that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how

> did you do it?

> >

> > Thank you

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, HELL yes. That is the best description I've heard yet. My Sister and I

were like little child prisoners in a gray and bleak concentration camp, for

sure, never knowing what mood the warden was in that day, or that hour. Maybe

it would be a good day, maybe not.

God help us if we did something imperfectly; it could trigger the warden into

making it a very, very bad day for us. I'm definitely looking up that

book/author for a read.

I feel so strongly that there needs to be SOME kind of overview or testing or

monitoring or *something* RE bio-parents to determine their qualifications,

skills, suitability, mental health, etc/. RE providing simply good-enough

nurturing and care for their kids...

AND *some* kind of system in place so that kids learn to recognize what abusive

behaviors and conditions look like, sound like and feel like, and can ask for

help and shelter (can request rescue) without being exposed to further abuse or

even danger by mentally ill, personality-disordered or substance-abusing parents

(or other bullies, for that matter.)

I wish that every adult would consider himself or herself a mandated reporter of

child abuse, including emotional abuse and neglect.

In an ideal world, yeah....

but not this one. Not in my lifetime, anyway.

-Annie

> I'm also reading Viktor yl. They say growing up with a BPD parent is

> like surviving a concentration camp. I don't know if that's true. . . but

> I'm reading it.

[Guest guest]

I agree with the " anger turned inward " theory. I, too, was not allowed to

express any feelings other than what was acceptable to nada. I held it

in, took the abuse, cried a lot in private.

Laurie

In a message dated 10/9/2010 9:22:35 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

anuria-67854@... writes:

I've heard that depression is anger turned inward; I tend to buy that

theory because it seems logical in my own case.

I wasn't ever allowed to show my anger or outrage over my abuse, I had to

stuff it deep. I even made myself believe that it was my fault and I

deserved the mistreatment rather than express my very real and very righteous

anger over it. It wasn't safe for me to do so when I was still enmeshed with

my parents. Finally accessing my anger has helped me, I think.

My Sister and nephew are great fans of the martial arts (tai kwon do) and

they've told me that they feel much more upbeat and cheerful and relaxed

after their martial arts classes and exercises. I can see how throwing a

sparring partner to the ground and hitting boards with your hands might be

therapeutic in discharging anger.

I took a very short course several years ago called " dirty street

fighting " and got to punch and kick with full force and intent to injure ( I

got to

beat the CRAP out of) some poor soul who was so bundled up, padded and

armored for protection that it was impossible to tell the sex of the

individual, but from the height I believe it was a male police officer; our

local

police department gave the course. It was free!

THAT was very cathartic for me, anger-wise. I'd like to do that again,

actually.

So, my offering to you is: try a martial arts class. Hie YAAA!

-Annie

>

> Dear People,

>

> I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may

have been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am

the genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

>

> Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of

therapy, and regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in

this

group that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did

you do it?

>

> Thank you

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I agree with much of what you have all written. I had tried self help books

with some success, some therapists with some sucess, and some drugs with some

success. I am 45 years old, and have really tried to address the depression for

at least 23 years...it is so hard at times...

>

[Guest guest]

I heard a discussion about this on the radio just last night; serendipitous, sez

I.

It seems that there is a new, much more advanced, gentle, very targeted form of

electro-therapy that is in the trial stages now for severe and/or chronic cases

of depression that are resistant to conventional therapies. Its called TMS:

transcranial magnetic stimulation.

Even more conventional electro-therapy that is currently in use is much milder,

more targeted and has fewer side effects than in the past, and from what I

understand it has a good success rate. It might be worthwhile to read up on

that too.

Perhaps this is something you could discuss with your therapist, as a

possibility to explore and consider for those who have chronic and resistant

depression.

Here's a link to an article about the newest therapy, TMS:

http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2006/02/70085

-Annie

> >

> > I agree with much of what you have all written. I had tried self help books

with some success, some therapists with some sucess, and some drugs with some

success. I am 45 years old, and have really tried to address the depression for

at least 23 years...it is so hard at times...

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I've had chronic depression since puberty 11/12. It's never been clear to me

whether the shift in my hormones were the reason or that my brain developed just

enough to comprehend certain awful facts of life that I had been unable to

before. It is the age at which I remember having awareness of being trapped in

a situation that wasn't my fault...before that I found a few old diary entries

where I just blamed myself for my nada's anger, very innocent and

uncomprehending.

I've seen many therapists, tried dozens of alternative therapies, and looked to

solutions in many different religions. I've found partial solutions but nothing

that is compete - nothing curative. I guess this is a rather depressing post

but I encourage you to keep looking at different solutions. Even

though I've found no cure, the methods I've found do provide some aid and I'm

glad I have them.

Probably the number one thing that makes the most difference is meditation. The

catch is that it can be very difficult to meditate, to even start, when you are

already depressed and in psychological pain. *If* you can make yourself do it,

it will help.

>

> Dear People,

>

> I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may have

been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am the

genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

>

> Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of therapy, and

regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in this group

that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did you do it?

>

> Thank you

>

[Guest guest]

yes i have been depressed nearly my whole life, but have successfully come out

of it pretty much, with a few blue spells along the way..  i too have tried

many things all helpful but the single most helpful ingredient has been good

friends, like the ones we find here.. i have found them also in 12-step groups,

at church, special interest groups, just wherever people who share my interests

and are positive and good to me.. i keep my eyes and ears open for them all the

time.. they are precious beyond measure. good luck!  ann

Subject: Re: chronic depression and mentally ill parents

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, October 10, 2010, 9:46 PM

 

I've had chronic depression since puberty 11/12. It's never been clear to

me whether the shift in my hormones were the reason or that my brain developed

just enough to comprehend certain awful facts of life that I had been unable to

before. It is the age at which I remember having awareness of being trapped in

a situation that wasn't my fault...before that I found a few old diary entries

where I just blamed myself for my nada's anger, very innocent and

uncomprehending.

I've seen many therapists, tried dozens of alternative therapies, and looked to

solutions in many different religions. I've found partial solutions but nothing

that is compete - nothing curative. I guess this is a rather depressing post

but I encourage you to keep looking at different solutions. Even

though I've found no cure, the methods I've found do provide some aid and I'm

glad I have them.

Probably the number one thing that makes the most difference is meditation. The

catch is that it can be very difficult to meditate, to even start, when you are

already depressed and in psychological pain. *If* you can make yourself do it,

it will help.

>

> Dear People,

>

> I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may have

been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am the

genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

>

> Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of therapy, and

regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in this group

that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did you do it?

>

> Thank you

>

[Guest guest]

My first concious realization that I was depressed was when I was about 5 or 6

years old. I remember vividly standing in the kitchen, getting ready to go play

outside and thinking, " I'm depressed. "

I've fought it for over 30 years, and now I've pretty much won. First off, I

walk 3 miles 4 to 6 days a week. Secondly, I make sure to take either fish oil

or flaxseed supplements every day. (You need those omega 3 fatty acids for a

healthy brain) I also make sure to take vitamin D every day, which tons of

recent research link to depression in people who are lacking vitamin D, and most

of us are.

Finally, I've found that my depression pretty much only returns when I have to

deal with my parents, especially my mother, so I try to limit contact as much as

possible.

Good luck! With positive thinking and taking care of yourself, I think you can

beat it!

>

> Dear People,

>

> I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may have

been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am the

genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

>

> Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of therapy, and

regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in this group

that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did you do it?

>

> Thank you

>

[Guest guest]

***I also make sure to take vitamin D every day, which tons of

recent research link to depression in people who are lacking vitamin D, and most

of us are.***

Wow! What a horrible sentence. I guess I hadn't had enough coffee yet. What I

meant to say is that there is now a ton of credible research that shows that a

lack of Vitamin D is linked to depression, and most of us these days, what with

staying inside all the time and using tons of sunscreen, are deficient in D.

There has also been shown to be a link between being backward on your fatty

acids--too much omega 6 and not enough omega 3--that can lead to depression.

(That usually means a diet high in red meat and a lack of fish.)

My parents are also both mentally ill. Both suffer from depression. So does my

brother. I really feel as though I've managed to beat most of the physical

symptoms and underlying malaise that I battled for so many years. Now, when I'm

depressed, there's a reason for it.

> >

> > Dear People,

> >

> > I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may have

been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am the

genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

> >

> > Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of therapy,

and regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in this group

that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did you do it?

> >

> > Thank you

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, my doc has had me on vit D for about 2 years. 1000 mg per day.

>

>

> ***I also make sure to take vitamin D every day, which tons of

> recent research link to depression in people who are lacking vitamin D, and

> most of us are.***

>

> Wow! What a horrible sentence. I guess I hadn't had enough coffee yet.

> What I meant to say is that there is now a ton of credible research that

> shows that a lack of Vitamin D is linked to depression, and most of us these

> days, what with staying inside all the time and using tons of sunscreen, are

> deficient in D.

>

> There has also been shown to be a link between being backward on your fatty

> acids--too much omega 6 and not enough omega 3--that can lead to depression.

> (That usually means a diet high in red meat and a lack of fish.)

>

> My parents are also both mentally ill. Both suffer from depression. So does

> my brother. I really feel as though I've managed to beat most of the

> physical symptoms and underlying malaise that I battled for so many years.

> Now, when I'm depressed, there's a reason for it.

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Dear People,

> > >

> > > I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may

> have been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am

> the genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of

> therapy, and regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in

> this group that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how

> did you do it?

> > >

> > > Thank you

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

I see you have already gotten a lot of great responses. I know there is no one

thing that works for depression, and also even after you find something it

doesn't necessarily work forever, and also that something that works for one

person doesn't necessarily work for another.

I wouldn't say I've totally " overcome " depression, but rather it is a constant

battle and I am " winning " , so I will tell you what has worked for me.

1. My dogs, who force me to get exercise even when I'm too depressed because

they love their walks, keep me from feeling lonely or alone, are always up for

hugs and snuggles (which I find important to help my depression), and really

really want to cheer me up and try so hard. They also require food and to be let

out, which forces me to get out of bed and taking care of their needs even when

I don't feel like taking care of my own. They also are very happy, and I've

found that surrounding myself with happy people/animals REALLY helps me... that

leads me to

2. Dump all my friends who are negative, depressing, pessimists, etc. I know

this is hard, especially because we can IDENTIFY so well with ppl like us, but I

really found that hanging around ppl like that just brings me down further. This

includes limited contact with mentally ill parents/family, due to them probably

being depressing, pessimistic, and/or mean. I surrounded myself with people who

are happy, optimistic, undramatic, and loving. This resulted in...

3. My excellent boyfriend, who is understanding of my illnesses, who doesn't

EVER yell (I can't take that due to my nada's excessive screaming and raging),

who doesn't take my depression personally, who pushed me to improve myself, who

hugs me when I need hugs and lets me have alone time when I need it. He was a

friend for 3 years before we started dating.

4. I myself have found Celexa or Lexapro helps, but if you've already tried a

lot of drugs it may not help you. It took me 4 or 5 drug attempts to find one

that worked...

5. Cognitive therapy. I can't afford therapy at the moment, but I have been able

to utilize what I learned and it helps a ton. The thought process is really what

causes me to go into a depression, once I learned how to stop that before it got

too far, it really helped.

6. A job I love (even though it doesn't pay as much as some other jobs available

to me.)

7. Minimal alone time. I like to be alone, but I have to force myself to limit

it, or I find I fall into depression. I enforced this self-rule by having

roommates even if I didn't need it financially, working in the office even if I

could work from home, forcing myself to say " yes " to friends even when I felt

like saying " no " .

8. I quite smoking pot or drinking alcohol. They help in the short-term, but

I've noticed and improvement since I've quit for long-term.

Best of luck, plenty of us here know how hard life can be,

Casey

>

> Dear People,

>

> I have suffered from chronic depression since early childhood. It may have

been caused by being raised by two mentally ill parents or because I am the

genetic offspring of two mentally ill parents.

>

> Anyway, I have tried numerous types of anti-depressants, years of therapy, and

regular excercise. None seem to help. Are there other people in this group

that have successfully overcome chronic depression? If yes, how did you do it?

>

> Thank you

>

[Guest guest]

I recently attended a workshop at a professional conference on nutrition and

mood. It was meant for us to learn more about the children we care for but we

all learned far more about ourselves.

Most of us are actually deficient in Magnesium and Vitamin D. You aren't going

to get enough Vitamin D from the sun or from milk. Ask your doctor or find a

doctor who practices complementary or functional medicine. Have them run the

blood tests on it...if you're deficient, supplements on those will go a long way

towards stabilizing mood and regulating sleep patterns.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: chronic depression and mentally ill parents

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Monday, October 11, 2010, 2:26 AM

> I heard a discussion about this on

> the radio just last night; serendipitous, sez I. 

>

> It seems that there is a new, much more advanced, gentle,

> very targeted form of electro-therapy that is in the trial

> stages now for severe and/or chronic cases of depression

> that are resistant to conventional therapies.  Its

> called TMS: transcranial magnetic stimulation. 

>

> Even more conventional electro-therapy that is currently in

> use is much milder, more targeted and has fewer side effects

> than in the past, and from what I understand it has a good

> success rate.  It might be worthwhile to read up on

> that too.

>

> Perhaps this is something you could discuss with your

> therapist, as a possibility to explore and consider for

> those who have chronic and resistant depression. 

>

> Here's a link to an article about the newest therapy, TMS:

>

> http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2006/02/70085

>

> -Annie

>

>  

>

>

> > >

> > > I agree with much of what you have all

> written.  I had tried self help books with some

> success, some therapists with some sucess, and some drugs

> with some success.  I am 45 years old, and have really

> tried to address the depression for at least 23 years...it

> is so hard at times...

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @....

> DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

>

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> find)