Re: Various forms of sexual abuse by nada

[Guest guest]

Yes. My mother told me when I was 9 or 10 that my father was impotent...then

described what it meant. She did it in a tearful, hysterical, suicidal moment

when I was trying to figure out what was wrong. I was always the daughter

trying to comfort her and make her feel better. The roles were reversed. I was

the mother, she was the daughter.

Various forms of sexual abuse by nada

I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to figure

out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and emotional

abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily violating

boundaries.

Examples:

Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

[Guest guest]

I also wanted to mention this. I have a friend who is severely BPD. She does

this with her children (who are now all over 18 but still living at home). She

relayed a story to me the other day that absolutely horrified me. She found a

condom in her 20 year old son's dresser. Her 18 year old daughter was in the

living room with her boyfriend and brother (the 20 year old son). My friend

told me that she brought the condom out (and made a statement about it being

banana flavored) and proceeded to open it and stick it in her mouth while asking

her daughter if she wanted to lick it too to see if it was really banana

flavored. She was laughing while she told me the story and ended with how she

" likes to have fun with her kids. " I am certain they were completely

humiliated. I told my husband about it and he nearly had a heart attack. She

then told me that her son " refused to kiss her " so she had to " jump on top of

him and force him to kiss her. "

I wanted to puke.

I guess I have, up to this point, had compassion for my friend because she too

had a very BPD mother, but this drew the line for me. Her own mother (who is in

her 60's) asked my friend to take a picture of her own naked breasts and crop

off her head so she could use it on the internet as her own body.

These people are seriously ill.

Various forms of sexual abuse by nada

I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to figure

out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and emotional

abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily violating

boundaries.

Examples:

Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

[Guest guest]

Yes, maybe to a lesser extent -

I knew about my parents sex lifes by the time I was 10

My mother graphically described rape to be before I was old enough to know

what sex was (I think about age 4 or 5)

Inappropriate comments about my body

Calling me a slut

Telling me I wasn't allowed to dance with boys on going to my first dance

club at age 15. Guess what? a boy asked me to slow dance right off the bat.

i was very confused for a moment.

No nudity, but constantly walking around in their underwear

Knowing details about how my baby brother was concieved (when I was 10)

And then in college asking me about in depth questions about anatomy at the

dinner table - extremly basic, gross, questions, duh.

Etc

So maybe not as extreme. . . .

>

>

>

> I also wanted to mention this. I have a friend who is severely BPD. She

> does this with her children (who are now all over 18 but still living at

> home). She relayed a story to me the other day that absolutely horrified me.

> She found a condom in her 20 year old son's dresser. Her 18 year old

> daughter was in the living room with her boyfriend and brother (the 20 year

> old son). My friend told me that she brought the condom out (and made a

> statement about it being banana flavored) and proceeded to open it and stick

> it in her mouth while asking her daughter if she wanted to lick it too to

> see if it was really banana flavored. She was laughing while she told me the

> story and ended with how she " likes to have fun with her kids. " I am certain

> they were completely humiliated. I told my husband about it and he nearly

> had a heart attack. She then told me that her son " refused to kiss her " so

> she had to " jump on top of him and force him to kiss her. "

>

> I wanted to puke.

> I guess I have, up to this point, had compassion for my friend because she

> too had a very BPD mother, but this drew the line for me. Her own mother

> (who is in her 60's) asked my friend to take a picture of her own naked

> breasts and crop off her head so she could use it on the internet as her own

> body.

>

> These people are seriously ill.

>

>

> Various forms of sexual abuse by nada

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

> figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

> emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

> violating boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

> without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she

> purposely waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man

> she was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were

> still married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for

> my teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

>

[Guest guest]

This sort of thing was very common for us kids. Mum used to walk around naked,

she used to inspect our underwear from the age of 10 - if there were any marks

or holes she would push it in front of our faces and demand to know if a school

teacher or our stepdad was having sex with us, or molesting us in other ways

that she loved going into detail over.

She told us about times she had one night stands, about men asking her to

perform oral sex, about how perverted and disgusting men were, and how all of

them would molest you if given a chance. Considering how much she LOVED to force

us to listen to this, if she had actually been abused herself Im sure she would

have used the details to really traumatise us. Hence I dont think she ever was.

The worst personal experience she ever came up with when she was a child was

some kid looking up her skirt at school while she was sitting on a fence or

something. She would get all histerical when talking about that - bizarre...

She would give us boys haircuts, telling us that she was preventing men from

dragging us into bushes etc etc. She would invent details and yell them in your

face and wasnt happy until you were on the floor crying uncontrollably. That was

when she was happy that she had gotten her point across.

She forbit us to ever close bedroom doors - she said there was no such thing as

privacy in her house and as our parent she had the right to see every part of

our bodies. She loved to rip open dressing room curtins in shops just when you

had gotten undressed to yell " are you done yet? " and if we protested she would

laugh with the other mothers around. I learnt to get dressed in 5 seconds flat,

without actually revealing myself much.

There are lots more examples of what she did. What a disgusting person she is.

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

You know, it is so important to have healthy boundaries when it comes to privacy

for your children. My 10 year old daughter has a cell phone, which she does not

have much privacy with....she's 10. And she understands and respects that we do

not allow her to answer a number or text she doesn't recognize or talk to anyone

but her friends or cousins/family members we approve of. Now, I will allow her

to go in her room and talk to her friends on the phone and I dont listen in

because she has never given me a reason not to trust her. That said, her privacy

with her phone is limited age appropriately.

Now, she is developing into a teenager and she has privacy getting dressed,

taking a shower, and using the bathroom. She is allowed to shut her door and

lock it while she is changing clothes, showering and using the bathroom. The

locking is pretty necessary as she has a little brother who generally doesn't

knock.

I am careful with things but not " weird " about her seeing me getting dressed.

She likes to be in the bathroom while I'm putting on makeup and we kind of have

a " girls only " rule in the house if I'm in the bathroom and she wants to come in

and she will play door monitor if one of the boys tries to come and will say,

" cant come in yet, momma's not fully dressed yet " or whatever.

I think the thing that separates normal things like I've descibes with the

unnatural and abusive nature of bpd mothers is that they are inappropriate in

words and in actions. They bring up sexually explicit things when there

shouldn't be anything sexual and they make us feel like our bodies are weird and

gross...at least my mother did. I didn't even start my period until I was

nearly 17 years old and I couldn't even tell my mother because I was so

embarrassed. I actually told my older sister instead. I cannot even imagine

how I endured such things by my mother and came out as sane as I did. I look at

my innocent 10 year old daughter who still plays with barbies and wonder how I

actually lived like I did. I knew way too much at her age. I saw way too much

and I was told way too much.

On top of all I endured, my father was a policeman and I saw pictures of dead

people in horrific conditions from the time I can remember. Including people

who died from car wrecks, suicide, murders, and on and on. One of my first

memories is seeing a man who was chopped into bits from a train accident.

Re: Various forms of sexual abuse by nada

This sort of thing was very common for us kids. Mum used to walk around naked,

she used to inspect our underwear from the age of 10 - if there were any marks

or holes she would push it in front of our faces and demand to know if a school

teacher or our stepdad was having sex with us, or molesting us in other ways

that she loved going into detail over.

She told us about times she had one night stands, about men asking her to

perform oral sex, about how perverted and disgusting men were, and how all of

them would molest you if given a chance. Considering how much she LOVED to force

us to listen to this, if she had actually been abused herself Im sure she would

have used the details to really traumatise us. Hence I dont think she ever was.

The worst personal experience she ever came up with when she was a child was

some kid looking up her skirt at school while she was sitting on a fence or

something. She would get all histerical when talking about that - bizarre...

She would give us boys haircuts, telling us that she was preventing men from

dragging us into bushes etc etc. She would invent details and yell them in your

face and wasnt happy until you were on the floor crying uncontrollably. That was

when she was happy that she had gotten her point across.

She forbit us to ever close bedroom doors - she said there was no such thing as

privacy in her house and as our parent she had the right to see every part of

our bodies. She loved to rip open dressing room curtins in shops just when you

had gotten undressed to yell " are you done yet? " and if we protested she would

laugh with the other mothers around. I learnt to get dressed in 5 seconds flat,

without actually revealing myself much.

There are lots more examples of what she did. What a disgusting person she is.

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily violating

boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Yes, .

It seems to be quite a common thread.

Nada would , from my teens into my late 40 s , when I finally set a firm

boundery about it, regale me with stories about what my Father asked her

for sexually. She would go into great detail about his sexual

pecadillos and affairs.

For some reason, she seemed to think I was her sister, or BFF, and tell

me graphically detailed accounts of her gynecological issues.

She would cuddle, hug, and make out with men in front of me after she

and Dad divorced. Some of these " men " were just a few years older than

I was.

Friends of mine told me years later that the reason they stopped coming

to the house when we were teens was due to sexually suggestive and

inappropriate remarks she would make to them in private.

I could go on, but you get the gist of it.

What you describe as violating sexual bounderies actually has a name:

Emotional Incest.

You can find readings on it.

Doug

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me

years to figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced

physical and emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse

- primarily violating boundaries.

[Guest guest]

Yes. I still can't bring myself to discuss what was done to me by my own nada

when I was only about 5, but it was highly traumatizing and sexual and shaming

in a very toxic way, and permanently altered my life-course.

Other than that, my nada also had this sense of entitlement to see me naked at

any time she chose, and even after I began expressing that I wanted and expected

privacy as an older teen and adult she would continue to ( " oops! " ) enter the

bathroom when I was showering or changing clothes or whatever. I was never

allowed to lock a door in her home.

After traumatizing me about all things sexual (and basically emotionally

castrating me) when I was a little kid ( " sex is bad/evil, but you are so ugly

and repulsive that no one will ever want you, anyway " ) THEN once I became a teen

she then proceeded to share with me her own sexual exploits from when she was a

young woman, as though its just fine and dandy to have sex, just don't get

pregnant and don't get caught.

Talk about sadistic.

She'd done the equivalent of sewing my mouth shut, then proceeded to lay out a

banquet for herself to eat in front of me.

-Annie

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

I hope this isn't too much to say,Girlscout,but graphically describing what rape

is to a 4 or 5 year old is pretty effing extreme in my book.And sickeningly

abusive.

>

> Yes, maybe to a lesser extent -

> I knew about my parents sex lifes by the time I was 10

> My mother graphically described rape to be before I was old enough to know

> what sex was (I think about age 4 or 5)

> Inappropriate comments about my body

> Calling me a slut

> Telling me I wasn't allowed to dance with boys on going to my first dance

> club at age 15. Guess what? a boy asked me to slow dance right off the bat.

> i was very confused for a moment.

> No nudity, but constantly walking around in their underwear

> Knowing details about how my baby brother was concieved (when I was 10)

> And then in college asking me about in depth questions about anatomy at the

> dinner table - extremly basic, gross, questions, duh.

>

> Etc

>

> So maybe not as extreme. . . .

[Guest guest]

My nada used to go into my brother's bedroom *naked* when he was a teenager

after her evening bath to " talk " to him.To me,that is going beyond mere " covert

incest " because my brother was forced to sit there on his bed enduring her

nakedness and whatever reactions he was having to it and listen to her banal

chit chat as if nothing weird or intentionally provocative was going on.I think

nada loved having this sick power over him and got off on his feelings of

shame.Obviously her behavior was intentional.

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

Girlscout--that post of mine sounds kinda judgmental (oops--after I posted it)

but I don't mean of you.It's concern for that little girl you were.I'd like to

slap your nada for telling you such awful things,actually.

)))))))SMACK(((((((

Good lord that woman needed to just bite her tongue and shut up.

>

> I hope this isn't too much to say,Girlscout,but graphically describing what

rape is to a 4 or 5 year old is pretty effing extreme in my book.And sickeningly

abusive.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've always wondered if my mother was sexually molested as a child. She has a

weird, almost n mentality about sex (when my husband and I would just

peck on the lips in her house, she'd " jokingly " separate us)...BUT she would,

again, " joke " like:

* if I was sitting cross-legged, she'd say, " look at the way you're sitting,

Fiona; your tw*t looks like this. " (and she would contort her mouth out of

proportion.

* grab my breasts

* grab my crotch

* do like a wolf-whistle if I was naked or getting dressed

* if she heard a funny sounding name, like " Venus " she'd say in front of me to

my father, " that sounds like PENIS! "

I always felt like I was on display that way, like she could say what she wanted

in that way but we had to conform to a completely different Puritan standard.

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

I had a friend whose mother would constantly grab her between the legs. If she

was on her period, her mother would comment about it and say things like, " Oh,

so thats whats wrong with you! " She did it right in front of me, so I am sure

she did it in front of other people too.

I do think that is a form of sexual abuse, Fiona.

Re: Various forms of sexual abuse by nada

I've always wondered if my mother was sexually molested as a child. She has a

weird, almost n mentality about sex (when my husband and I would just

peck on the lips in her house, she'd " jokingly " separate us)...BUT she would,

again, " joke " like:

* if I was sitting cross-legged, she'd say, " look at the way you're sitting,

Fiona; your tw*t looks like this. " (and she would contort her mouth out of

proportion.

* grab my breasts

* grab my crotch

* do like a wolf-whistle if I was naked or getting dressed

* if she heard a funny sounding name, like " Venus " she'd say in front of me to

my father, " that sounds like PENIS! "

I always felt like I was on display that way, like she could say what she wanted

in that way but we had to conform to a completely different Puritan standard.

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily violating

boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

Good Lord.

-Annie

> >

> > I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

> >

> > Examples:

> >

> > Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

> >

> > Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man

she was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were

still married.

> >

> > Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

> >

> > Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for

my teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

> >

> > Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

> >

> > Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

These behaviors seem more common in men, to me: its sexual harassment. (I was a

co-ed and young working girl in the pre-feminist-movement days, when it was

common for a professor or boss to grab you and proposition you, thinking they

had the right to do so, and that even if you protested it was just an act and

you really wanted them to. They'd actually say things like, " If you want an A /

want a raise, you'll go to dinner with me. " And nobody ever got fired for

behaving like that! Its hard to believe now how ubiquitous that kind of behavior

was!)

So, your own mother basically sexually harassed you, meaning you were just a

possession or an object to her, she had the *right* to handle you or fondle you

in any way she wished, and she had the right to make sexually suggestive

comments to you, all of which means that she thought of you in sexual ways.

God, that's creepy.

I'm so sorry that we had to endure such things. I believe my nada thought of me

in that way too, but her behaviors weren't so blatant.

Its possible too, I suppose, that she did that to you merely to torment you. If

she knew that you hated it and were shocked and disgusted by it, perhaps she did

it just to humiliate and shame you.

In either case, the recurring thread in various nadas written of here seems to

be their desire to inflict cruelty on their children, and their sense of

entitlement to do so, and even their feeling that the cruelty is justified.

The various emotional and physical abuses described in post after post are not,

in my opinion, due to " emotional dysregulation " , these are more in the nature of

planned, calculated acts. They are not about parenting, guiding or teaching,

they are about degradation, retaliation or payback, or just expressions of

hatred.

It just seems to me that many of the nadas described here really have antisocial

personality disorder, they're psychopaths or sociopaths who enjoy having total,

absolute control over another human being and making that human being suffer

horribly.

I'd be willing to bet money on it.

These acts and the other tortures are not the acts of a loving mother. This is

not love. God knows what it truly is, but love had nothing to do with it.

-Annie

-Annie

> >

> > I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

> >

> > Examples:

> >

> > Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

> >

> > Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man

she was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were

still married.

> >

> > Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

> >

> > Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for

my teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

> >

> > Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

> >

> > Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, .

Yes, for those of us who had very high-functioning, intelligent, successful,

outwardly charming yet inwardly narcissistic, raging, resentful mothers, insane

(bouts of psychosis: transient breaks with reality), and empathyless mothers,

there was literally no chance of rescue.

Nada's need to unleash her rage and frustration in the form of cruelty toward

her own children could be indulged unchecked in the privacy of her own home.

A child's existence under such conditions is very much like living in a

concentration camp.

I too think the research you are doing is awesome, and I can't help but think

that some good will come of it, somehow. And I think you're right, there needs

to be a well-funded, loud, persistent, relentless lobby to fight for better laws

and enforcement of existing laws regarding the protection of children from

abusive parents, combined with a propaganda campaign. Getting that NJ law about

testing for post-partum psychosis passed as a national law would be a wonderful

thing.

-Annie

> >

> > Yes. I still can't bring myself to discuss what was done to me by my own

nada when I was only about 5, but it was highly traumatizing and sexual and

shaming in a very toxic way, and permanently altered my life-course.

> >

> > Other than that, my nada also had this sense of entitlement to see me naked

at any time she chose, and even after I began expressing that I wanted and

expected privacy as an older teen and adult she would continue to ( " oops! " )

enter the bathroom when I was showering or changing clothes or whatever. I was

never allowed to lock a door in her home.

> >

> > After traumatizing me about all things sexual (and basically emotionally

castrating me) when I was a little kid ( " sex is bad/evil, but you are so ugly

and repulsive that no one will ever want you, anyway " ) THEN once I became a teen

she then proceeded to share with me her own sexual exploits from when she was a

young woman, as though its just fine and dandy to have sex, just don't get

pregnant and don't get caught.

> >

> > Talk about sadistic.

> >

> > She'd done the equivalent of sewing my mouth shut, then proceeded to lay out

a banquet for herself to eat in front of me.

> >

> > -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

My mother never was inappropriate or anything like that when I was growing up.

We had privacy, and she was actually good to talk to about sexual matters- when

to have sex, etc. After reading some of the things here, I was lucky she kept

herself together enough to be a rational mother when it came to these matters.

Over the last 15 years, though, my mother has dropped into making rude sexual

comments to me. Her favorite nasty comment is " he's done nothing for you, except

screw you (or some other crude word to imply sex) and I've done blah blah blah. "

I've never considered this to be abuse, but these days, I see it for what it

is...abuse.

[Guest guest]

Geez Annie, that's horrible beyond words - karma is real and it's going to get

her if it hasn't already this life or the next, have faith in that.

(((((Annie)))) they say living well is the best revenge - get as much as you

can.

>

> Yes. I still can't bring myself to discuss what was done to me by my own nada

when I was only about 5, but it was highly traumatizing and sexual and shaming

in a very toxic way, and permanently altered my life-course.

>

> Other than that, my nada also had this sense of entitlement to see me naked at

any time she chose, and even after I began expressing that I wanted and expected

privacy as an older teen and adult she would continue to ( " oops! " ) enter the

bathroom when I was showering or changing clothes or whatever. I was never

allowed to lock a door in her home.

>

> After traumatizing me about all things sexual (and basically emotionally

castrating me) when I was a little kid ( " sex is bad/evil, but you are so ugly

and repulsive that no one will ever want you, anyway " ) THEN once I became a teen

she then proceeded to share with me her own sexual exploits from when she was a

young woman, as though its just fine and dandy to have sex, just don't get

pregnant and don't get caught.

>

> Talk about sadistic.

>

> She'd done the equivalent of sewing my mouth shut, then proceeded to lay out a

banquet for herself to eat in front of me.

>

> -Annie

>

>

[Guest guest]

" I had my personality completely anhilated as a child. I did not have feelings

different from my mother, my opinions didn't count. My favorite color was even

picked for me. If I hated a certain food, it didn't matter..MOTHER liked it and

" yes you do like it, stop pretending you don't. "

Nothing I had an interest in was ever validated or fostered. No talent I had

was ever given the chance to develop because she couldn't commit to anything so

neither could I. My mother's goal was for me to stay stuck up under her, caring

for her for the rest of her days...feeding her from a hand-held

spoon(literally), telling her how wonderful she was and feeling sorry for her

because she was so wronged in life. "

These two paragraphs describes more than anything else I've ever read on here,

what it was like to be me.

" Im sure she would have used the details to really traumatise us. "

*raises hand* Got that covered.

When I was in my late teens I would have fantasies of shooting my grandfather

because of stuff nada told me. And then I would be disturbed about that

because…well, that isn't quite what Jesus would have done, is it?

Oh, the things people from normal healthy families got to have and how they got

to grow up.

Taking a page from Doug…May we all heal.

--LL.

[Guest guest]

A therapist said the same to me - that my nada's behavior was sexual abuse even

though there was no " sexual " activity. She said that I had the reactions of

someone who'd been sexually abused and explained that boundary violations had

the same effect.

My nada would walk around naked but interestingly enough, not when my father was

around. She said (at least once) as she admired herself in the mirror with her

hands on her hips that her figure was better without clothing - that the

clothing made her look fat but that she looked " just right " naked. And then sung

part of some Elvis song and wiggled a little bit. (I know, I know - it's okay to

laugh, it is funny.) At the time, I had no idea how weird that kind of behavior

was.

She also treated my body like she owned it, using different things to be sure I

was clean, a real penchant for cleaning out the bowels if you get my drift. She

made frequent use of suppositories herself and from what my sister said, me too

(I do recall somewhat dimly, I was really young) but my sister was old enough

and large enough to say NO and insist on being left alone. There was also too

much " clinical " talk about sexual things. Again, I didn't know these things were

way over the top.

Flowers in Oz

-----Original Message-----

>I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

[Guest guest]

My nada NEVER talked about sex, she was too busy acting like a spoiled a 4 year

old, eating 3 dishes of ice cream per day. Never saw one expression of affection

between nada and fada while growing up. The only displays of affection in my

family of origin were between nada and the dog. In fact I never saw them kiss

until they celebrated their 53rd anniversary. Even when fada had bypass surgery

in 1997, I had to tell her to kiss him goodbye as they wheeled him into surgery.

My counselor says my nada and fada are " Severely and Profoundly Emotionally

Retarded. "

However, nada always read steamy " True Story " magazines, and would never leave

them on the end table face-up. I guess she was embarrassed about them so she

always turned them face-down as if nobody would ever turn them over to see what

they were.

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

My nada did some of this as well. She called me slut. She walked around

half naked. My boundaries and privacy were violated constantly. If I

complained about her walking into the bathroom she would say " it's not like

I haven't seen it before " . ect.

[Guest guest]

Fada did. I don't want to go into it but yes he did, all my life.

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily

violating boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>

[Guest guest]

my Nada did all of thoses things to me and then some, and what she did to my

brother I can't say but I suspect the worst . You need to truly know that You

Are Not The Crazy One she is.

Subject: Re: Various forms of sexual abuse by nada

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, October 14, 2010, 8:43 PM

Â

Yes. I still can't bring myself to discuss what was done to me by my own nada

when I was only about 5, but it was highly traumatizing and sexual and shaming

in a very toxic way, and permanently altered my life-course.

Other than that, my nada also had this sense of entitlement to see me naked at

any time she chose, and even after I began expressing that I wanted and expected

privacy as an older teen and adult she would continue to ( " oops! " ) enter the

bathroom when I was showering or changing clothes or whatever. I was never

allowed to lock a door in her home.

After traumatizing me about all things sexual (and basically emotionally

castrating me) when I was a little kid ( " sex is bad/evil, but you are so ugly

and repulsive that no one will ever want you, anyway " ) THEN once I became a teen

she then proceeded to share with me her own sexual exploits from when she was a

young woman, as though its just fine and dandy to have sex, just don't get

pregnant and don't get caught.

Talk about sadistic.

She'd done the equivalent of sewing my mouth shut, then proceeded to lay out a

banquet for herself to eat in front of me.

-Annie

>

> I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily violating

boundaries.

>

> Examples:

>

> Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

>

> Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man she

was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

>

> Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

>

> Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for my

teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

>

> Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

>

> Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

>