Re: was this sexual abuse?

[Guest guest]

Well,,my initial reaction is that taking a photograph of you on the potty

after you have been abandoned by a shaming nada is incredibly sick--it's like

she was making a record of your aloneness and humiliated vulnerability.So I'd

say,YES,that is very much akin to sexual abuse.It has very much the same

vibe--and then for her to tell *jokes* about your potty training period in front

of your friends when you were a teenager and a young adult is a serious shaming

boundary violation on the order of sexual abuse because it's like she was

flaunting your shame for the amusement of your peers.That's a rapist mentality

and it's horrifying to imagine a supposed " mother " behaving in this way.I think

your reaction of wanting to fly up into a corner of the room and never come down

when you think about it is completely understandable.

Your nada was effing OUT OF CONTROL.Somebody needed to confront her

and tell her to STOP IT or make her STOP.

It sounds like that never happened and I'm sorry.

>

>

> I didnt want to hijack the other thread so created another.

> I have not discussed this with my therapist and Im cringing knowing what Im

getting ready to right here...literally want to fly up into the corner of the

room and never come down when I think about it...

> I dont know if this was sexual abuse per se, but I know it was abusive and the

fact that I remember it makes me wonder if I was older.

>

> When I was potty training, my mother used to make me sit on the toilet for

hours. And even when I didnt have to go, she would make me sit there and sit

there. And God forbid I ever had an accident...the hell that broke loose for

DAYS.

> It wasnt just that she made me sit there. She would turn the light off in a

windowless bathroom and shut the door when I didn't go as much as she thought I

should or at all. She would tell me we were in a hurry and I had to hurry and if

I didn't go, she would get her purse and act like she was walking out the door,

leaving me in the dark, windowless bathroom alone. I was always terrified of

being left alone. I remember faling asleep on the toilet one time because I sat

there so long and SHE TOOK A PICTURE OF ME.

> God I cant even talk about this anymore.

> She would make jokes about how I was impossible to potty train in front of my

friends well up until I was a teenager and young adult.

>

[Guest guest]

I know. It makes me feel nauseous to think about it all.

Re: was this sexual abuse?

Well,,my initial reaction is that taking a photograph of you on the potty

after you have been abandoned by a shaming nada is incredibly sick--it's like

she was making a record of your aloneness and humiliated vulnerability.So I'd

say,YES,that is very much akin to sexual abuse.It has very much the same

vibe--and then for her to tell *jokes* about your potty training period in front

of your friends when you were a teenager and a young adult is a serious shaming

boundary violation on the order of sexual abuse because it's like she was

flaunting your shame for the amusement of your peers.That's a rapist mentality

and it's horrifying to imagine a supposed " mother " behaving in this way.I think

your reaction of wanting to fly up into a corner of the room and never come down

when you think about it is completely understandable.

Your nada was effing OUT OF CONTROL.Somebody needed to confront her and tell her

to STOP IT or make her STOP.

It sounds like that never happened and I'm sorry.

>

>

> I didnt want to hijack the other thread so created another.

> I have not discussed this with my therapist and Im cringing knowing what Im

getting ready to right here...literally want to fly up into the corner of the

room and never come down when I think about it...

> I dont know if this was sexual abuse per se, but I know it was abusive and the

fact that I remember it makes me wonder if I was older.

>

> When I was potty training, my mother used to make me sit on the toilet for

hours. And even when I didnt have to go, she would make me sit there and sit

there. And God forbid I ever had an accident...the hell that broke loose for

DAYS.

> It wasnt just that she made me sit there. She would turn the light off in a

windowless bathroom and shut the door when I didn't go as much as she thought I

should or at all. She would tell me we were in a hurry and I had to hurry and if

I didn't go, she would get her purse and act like she was walking out the door,

leaving me in the dark, windowless bathroom alone. I was always terrified of

being left alone. I remember faling asleep on the toilet one time because I sat

there so long and SHE TOOK A PICTURE OF ME.

> God I cant even talk about this anymore.

> She would make jokes about how I was impossible to potty train in front of my

friends well up until I was a teenager and young adult.

>

[Guest guest]

My God, you poor little kid. You were literally being tortured, that is

concentration-camp-level prisoner torture. Your nada should have been

horse-whipped for doing that to you, no matter if you were 18 months or 3 years

old or whatever. Its torture. I wish I could wave a magic wand and go back in

time and rescue you.

How can a mother do that to her own child, and even for God's sake think its

*funny.*

Its like you can smell the sadism coming off these people; they enjoy inflicting

pain on others, particularly little helpless ones who can't fight back. Good

Lord.

-Annie

> >

> > I was thinking about this responding to another post. It took me years to

figure out (through a therapist) that I not only experienced physical and

emotional abuse from nada, but also a form of sexual abuse - primarily violating

boundaries.

> >

> > Examples:

> >

> > Waiting for me to shut my bedroom door to change clothes, then barging in

without knocking. She would never come in if the door was open - she purposely

waited till it was closed.

> >

> > Asking me to take a picture of her (dressed fortunately) to send to a man

she was fantasizing about having an affair with. I was 15. My parents were still

married.

> >

> > Routinely walking around naked in front of my teenage brother and I.

> >

> > Making sexual jokes to me from about age 12 on. Using sexual nicknames for

my teenage boyfriends. = " Morgasm. "

> >

> > Discussing intimate details of her sex life with me as I was a young teen.

> >

> > Did any of your nadas or fadas engage in this type of boundary violation?

> >

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