Re: big success please congratulate me

[Guest guest]

Good job sweetie, that's awesome that you were able to do that!

On Sun, Oct 10, 2010 at 4:04 PM, walkingto_happiness <

walkingto_happiness@...> wrote:

>

>

> I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that

> expectation. Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and

> anger, and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

> limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> It is realy sad.

> but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

>

> I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty

> easy to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't

> exist " treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have

> worked a long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull

> any flying monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations

> with others, adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she

> interrupts with irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

>

> I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as

> soon as it got uncomfortable.

> I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

> therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole

> time. " Do not attempt this at home alone "

> and posted here under different names.

> Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

> group.

> This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

> manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

> center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their

> lives are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know,

> it's no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My

> problem now is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still

> makes me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can

> do.

> I am NOW SAFE.

> I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch

> my mind now.

> I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

> can't touch me now.

>

> I am

> WALKED TO HAPPINESS

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

((((((((Walked)))))))))

That is awesome. You became so strong and so well able to protect yourself and

deal with the whole abnormal, toxic foo with emotional detachment and yet with

compassion as well. That is just so wonderful and remarkable. What inner

strength you have.

And yes, it is sad that they are stuck in their dysfunction.

You went, you saw, you survived.

You rock.

-Annie

>

> I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that expectation.

Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and anger,

and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> It is realy sad.

> but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

>

> I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty easy

to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't exist "

treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have worked a

long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull any flying

monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations with others,

adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she interrupts with

irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

>

> I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as soon

as it got uncomfortable.

> I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole time.

" Do not attempt this at home alone "

> and posted here under different names.

> Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

group.

> This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their lives

are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know, it's

no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My problem now

is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still makes

me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can do.

> I am NOW SAFE.

> I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch my

mind now.

> I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

can't touch me now.

>

> I am

> WALKED TO HAPPINESS

>

[Guest guest]

>

Congratulations! I understand that you feel all that sadness, but that is great

that you can no respond to nada, not take (or even listen to) the bait. There

is a lot of sadness we end up with, apparently.

Joanna

[Guest guest]

Awesome Walking, just awesome. A million congratulatory yellow roses to you.

>

> I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that expectation.

Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and anger,

and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> It is realy sad.

> but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

>

> I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty easy

to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't exist "

treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have worked a

long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull any flying

monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations with others,

adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she interrupts with

irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

>

> I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as soon

as it got uncomfortable.

> I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole time.

" Do not attempt this at home alone "

> and posted here under different names.

> Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

group.

> This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their lives

are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know, it's

no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My problem now

is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still makes

me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can do.

> I am NOW SAFE.

> I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch my

mind now.

> I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

can't touch me now.

>

> I am

> WALKED TO HAPPINESS

>

[Guest guest]

*WALKED* to Happiness--I am so proud of you!!!!!

Wow,dear fellow KO,this is MAJOR!!!!!

You did it; you did the hard work and you rose to the challenge.You are

*awesome* and it's inspiring to hear that you have achieved these results from

your own efforts to heal.

BRAVO!!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!! Bravo!!!!!!

Bellisima cara--tossing more roses at your feet.And some more!...

When nada can't touch our minds,we have released ourselves from her slimy

tentacles.It's so so hard to do--but it *can* be done and I thank you for

sharing your example with us.

I'm a believer in " exposure therapy " myself because that has also helped

me to confront stuff I thought I could not and to deal with it.I also have a

good T...I'm so glad to hear you found a T who worked for you,it's so

important--but *you* did the work.This is *your* triumph

((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))

I am really really proud of you and inspired by you!!!!!!!

The sadness...it is impossible to avoid it,I think,because these

situations with our FOOs are so sad.What is messed up in them is so effing

pointless and that is just sad.But accepting our own feelings of sadness can

also be grounding,even though it sucks to have to feel them.That very sadness

comes from the deep well of our own humanity and desire for health--it aches but

it's also a sort of growing pain when we realize we must let go of our

expectations for what should have been but cannot be.

I wish you prosperity and peace and all the very best,keep on keepin'

on--huge APPLAUSE to you!!!!!!!!!!

>

> I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that expectation.

Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and anger,

and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> It is realy sad.

> but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

>

> I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty easy

to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't exist "

treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have worked a

long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull any flying

monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations with others,

adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she interrupts with

irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

>

> I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as soon

as it got uncomfortable.

> I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole time.

" Do not attempt this at home alone "

> and posted here under different names.

> Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

group.

> This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their lives

are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know, it's

no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My problem now

is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still makes

me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can do.

> I am NOW SAFE.

> I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch my

mind now.

> I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

can't touch me now.

>

> I am

> WALKED TO HAPPINESS

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for the roses and support and hugs. It means a lot to me. It was

truly amazing to see my nieces, and it was liberating to release any expecations

of rescuing them. As my T said, this is out of my control now.

I am so tired, I called in sick to work today, I am exhausted at a very deep

level. Those three hours took all I had. And you understand how major this is

in my life, and for all of us. To know this can be done.

I have my own problems, my life is not all easy and such, but today, I need to

rest a little, maybe tomorrow I can get back to my life.

It was so wierd to drive up to the FOO house. I have lived with so much fear in

my NC for the last five years. And, here I was, driving up, ringing the

doorbell, and driving away when I felt like it.

THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!!!! Apparently, all it takes is a bucket of water that

took me five years to fill.

I feel like such an expert on BPD now, I could see all sorts of dynamics playing

out in front of me. Knowledge is my protection. I learned a lot of this

knowledge on this website, thank you all so much. I wish I knew you personally

so I could have some real roses and hugs!!!!

As you all know, this is the biggest graduation or transition of my life so far.

I am so grateful that I was able to do that. And I am sad, that I was not able

to meet my nieces sooner. But I was crippled with anxiety and fear and nada

used that to control me.

I am so sad for the FOO that they live like that. Other people have told me

they are happy. But they just can't be.

Driving up like that and staying just a few short hours made me see how other

people who just visit with my FOO for a few short hours and who do not know

about BPD, may totally overlook it. One could easily rationalize it as just

attention deficit or high strung people, if one didn't know about all the

manipulation, triangulation and raging and everything else that goes on. That

makes me sad, too, that I can see things other people can't.

I can't believe I just did that!!! I feel so EMPOWERED and FREE.

Nada no lnger has ANY power over me!!!

She even gave me a gift right before I left; I took it and walked out the door.

See ya!

HUGS, thank you for understanding this major transition in my life. I wish we

could have a party, a graduating from the FOO party. I guess in normal

families, this is the feeling that one would have at a graduation party (my

graduations were always nada drama).

I feel ADULT and FREE> I am FREE>

HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!

WALKED TO HAPPINESS

> >

> > I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that

expectation. Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> > It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and anger,

and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> > I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> > It is realy sad.

> > but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

> >

> > I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty

easy to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't

exist " treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have

worked a long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull any

flying monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations with

others, adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she interrupts

with irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

> >

> > I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as

soon as it got uncomfortable.

> > I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> > I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole time.

" Do not attempt this at home alone "

> > and posted here under different names.

> > Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

group.

> > This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their lives

are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know, it's

no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My problem now

is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> > too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still

makes me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can do.

> > I am NOW SAFE.

> > I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch

my mind now.

> > I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

can't touch me now.

> >

> > I am

> > WALKED TO HAPPINESS

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Walked to Happiness,if I was there in real time I'd be feting you with champagne

Your achievement here truly does deserve a toast (and hugs and roses)

I recall that about this time last year you were posting about wanting

and needing to stop being triggered against your will by what your nada had done

to you--and to read that you were able a year later to be in her presence and

remain in command of yourself and your own reactions is very inspiring.To be

able to do that right at the source! Wow! I can't adequately express how

impressed I am and happy for you and hopeful to learn from your post how hard

work can bear fruit and lead to real,positive change.It is a major life

transition to be sure.

I had my own issues last year going on with my dissociation

problems,which I have addressed as much as humanly possible in this past year

but not to the extent that you have to walk right into the lion's den and emerge

triumphant.I think it's only natural that your forces are temporarily at an ebb

after that encounter--but you were victorious.You're entitled to a well earned

rest after that!

I agree with you that people who live in such dysfunction

cannot,truly,be happy.I often feel sad myself when I can see things that other

people can't.It's a lonely feeling.But ultimately it is a fact that the truth

does set you free--as in when you can see clearly what others are doing like

with your FOO and consciously choose not to be played by it/manipulated by

it/undone by it.It sounds to me that you have accessed the power of your own

personal agency and that is wonderful beyond words

I thought last year--and continue to think now--that you are an

exceptionally intelligent,thoughtful,sensitive person with enormous potential.I

couldn't keep up with you last year because I was too overburdened with my own

traumas--thank you for updating us on your progress.I know that it isn't

easy--oh how I know!--but what you have achieved for yourself is damned

IMPRESSIVE.

(((((HUGS))))))

>

>

> Thank you all for the roses and support and hugs. It means a lot to me. It

was truly amazing to see my nieces, and it was liberating to release any

expecations of rescuing them. As my T said, this is out of my control now.

>

> I am so tired, I called in sick to work today, I am exhausted at a very deep

level. Those three hours took all I had. And you understand how major this is

in my life, and for all of us. To know this can be done.

>

> I have my own problems, my life is not all easy and such, but today, I need to

rest a little, maybe tomorrow I can get back to my life.

>

> It was so wierd to drive up to the FOO house. I have lived with so much fear

in my NC for the last five years. And, here I was, driving up, ringing the

doorbell, and driving away when I felt like it.

>

> THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!!!! Apparently, all it takes is a bucket of water

that took me five years to fill.

>

> I feel like such an expert on BPD now, I could see all sorts of dynamics

playing out in front of me. Knowledge is my protection. I learned a lot of

this knowledge on this website, thank you all so much. I wish I knew you

personally so I could have some real roses and hugs!!!!

>

> As you all know, this is the biggest graduation or transition of my life so

far.

>

> I am so grateful that I was able to do that. And I am sad, that I was not

able to meet my nieces sooner. But I was crippled with anxiety and fear and

nada used that to control me.

>

> I am so sad for the FOO that they live like that. Other people have told me

they are happy. But they just can't be.

>

> Driving up like that and staying just a few short hours made me see how other

people who just visit with my FOO for a few short hours and who do not know

about BPD, may totally overlook it. One could easily rationalize it as just

attention deficit or high strung people, if one didn't know about all the

manipulation, triangulation and raging and everything else that goes on. That

makes me sad, too, that I can see things other people can't.

>

> I can't believe I just did that!!! I feel so EMPOWERED and FREE.

> Nada no lnger has ANY power over me!!!

>

> She even gave me a gift right before I left; I took it and walked out the

door. See ya!

>

>

> HUGS, thank you for understanding this major transition in my life. I wish we

could have a party, a graduating from the FOO party. I guess in normal

families, this is the feeling that one would have at a graduation party (my

graduations were always nada drama).

>

> I feel ADULT and FREE> I am FREE>

>

> HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!

> WALKED TO HAPPINESS

[Guest guest]

Congrats! That's huge!!! *hugs*

KR

> >

> > I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that

expectation. Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> > It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and anger,

and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> > I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> > It is realy sad.

> > but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

> >

> > I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty

easy to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't

exist " treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have

worked a long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull any

flying monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations with

others, adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she interrupts

with irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

> >

> > I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as

soon as it got uncomfortable.

> > I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> > I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole time.

" Do not attempt this at home alone "

> > and posted here under different names.

> > Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

group.

> > This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their lives

are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know, it's

no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My problem now

is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> > too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still

makes me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can do.

> > I am NOW SAFE.

> > I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch

my mind now.

> > I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

can't touch me now.

> >

> > I am

> > WALKED TO HAPPINESS

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much!!! It's amazing to me, that without knowing our real names or

what we look like, we are so close on this board!! I am really flattered that

you remember my posts; I know I have often come to this group completely

frustrated and at the end of my wits. Seriously, if I had not had the support I

found here (and sometimes it's people responding directly to me, and other times

it's me just reading what others are writing), I could not have come this far!!!

I sincerely thank everyone on here for choosing to exist, and for aknowledging

and believing my reality and encouraging me to exist more and more, until now

where I am confidently existing! I now can offer my uniqueness to this world...

which is really exciting!

Thanks for being so kind, , and giving me such compliments.

I also need to add, that although exposure therapy helped me in the last year,

it was not intentional, and I also used many methods to get to where I am.

Basically, I used everything at some point. I am not advocating for one type of

T over another. For me, I worked hard in terms of grieving, healing, and

painfully entering the world again to be assaulted by unplanned exposure, which

has worked for me. I support everyone's unique efforts towards healing.

The latest revelation for me is how freeing it is to give up any hope that the

FOO will change. To fully accept that they are emotionally stuck, and my life

is separate and will continue on its own path. That my friends are my family,

because they understand me emotionally. It is all still painful, because who

else knows all the details of my growing up, and the family stories etc? It is

lonely, but it is healthier than playing along. I am sad for the other members

of my FOO who continue to live under the witch's spell.

The FOO is my family, and I guess some are healthier than others. Who knows

what or why we come here to work out our spiritual struggles? I do know that in

preparing to see them, I had to let go of a lot of expectations, and that helped

me at a profound level. They will never be able to give me the emotional

attention that any human being needs. They will never see things the way I see

them, because it is too painful for them. We all know how difficult it is to

face pain, and that is really the road less traveled. We on here have chosen to

aknowledge and process our pain, and that is the path to healing and growth, and

to actually having some healthy time in our lifetimes. My FOO is stuck, and I

can understand that it has to do with the pain; it would be too much pain for

them to digest the realities. I used to come along and tell them the realities,

and it is easier to split me bad than to acknowledge I speak the truth. I am

realizing that in so much of life, that people are not always ready to hear the

truth. In accepting that, I am free from frustration and from the anger I used

to demonstate towards the FOO. My anger came from expecting more, expecting a

family to be a certain way towards me, etc.

The truth is, they just can't. It's like expecting a three year old to do

advanced math. They get frustrated. I can't expect the FOO to be anything but

what they are. They are at one emotional level of intelligence, and I just

happen to be more emotionally intelligent and at a higher grade level than they

are, in terms of emotional intelligence. They seem to lack even awareness of

their emotions!

I am in this place of deep acceptance, and that is what allowed me to have

compassion for them, and to remain calm around them.

I do have to add, that I was only able to visit for a few short hours. That

took a lot of energy out of me. I had to leave at a certain point.

Thank you for celebrating me, and thank you for reminding me that I am the one

who did the hard work. Such a good thing to remind a KO!!! It is so easy for me

to give the credit to my T, to the life circumstances that gave me exposure to

another BP, etc. But it is really me. And I have done the work. It's a work

that's hard to define, but I do know it has taken a lot of my time and effort,

so there is work there.

Hugs,

Walked to Happiness.

> >

> >

> > Thank you all for the roses and support and hugs. It means a lot to me. It

was truly amazing to see my nieces, and it was liberating to release any

expecations of rescuing them. As my T said, this is out of my control now.

> >

> > I am so tired, I called in sick to work today, I am exhausted at a very deep

level. Those three hours took all I had. And you understand how major this is

in my life, and for all of us. To know this can be done.

> >

> > I have my own problems, my life is not all easy and such, but today, I need

to rest a little, maybe tomorrow I can get back to my life.

> >

> > It was so wierd to drive up to the FOO house. I have lived with so much

fear in my NC for the last five years. And, here I was, driving up, ringing the

doorbell, and driving away when I felt like it.

> >

> > THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!!!! Apparently, all it takes is a bucket of water

that took me five years to fill.

> >

> > I feel like such an expert on BPD now, I could see all sorts of dynamics

playing out in front of me. Knowledge is my protection. I learned a lot of

this knowledge on this website, thank you all so much. I wish I knew you

personally so I could have some real roses and hugs!!!!

> >

> > As you all know, this is the biggest graduation or transition of my life so

far.

> >

> > I am so grateful that I was able to do that. And I am sad, that I was not

able to meet my nieces sooner. But I was crippled with anxiety and fear and

nada used that to control me.

> >

> > I am so sad for the FOO that they live like that. Other people have told me

they are happy. But they just can't be.

> >

> > Driving up like that and staying just a few short hours made me see how

other people who just visit with my FOO for a few short hours and who do not

know about BPD, may totally overlook it. One could easily rationalize it as

just attention deficit or high strung people, if one didn't know about all the

manipulation, triangulation and raging and everything else that goes on. That

makes me sad, too, that I can see things other people can't.

> >

> > I can't believe I just did that!!! I feel so EMPOWERED and FREE.

> > Nada no lnger has ANY power over me!!!

> >

> > She even gave me a gift right before I left; I took it and walked out the

door. See ya!

> >

> >

> > HUGS, thank you for understanding this major transition in my life. I wish

we could have a party, a graduating from the FOO party. I guess in normal

families, this is the feeling that one would have at a graduation party (my

graduations were always nada drama).

> >

> > I feel ADULT and FREE> I am FREE>

> >

> > HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!

> > WALKED TO HAPPINESS

>

[Guest guest]

Walked to Happiness,you bring up many great points in your post.Being able to

offer our own uniqueness to the world should have been the child rearing goal of

our parents for us--instead our personalities were annihilated or buried in

service to our parent's illness.Being able to confidently exist is really

exciting to be sure--it's like being born anew or reborn to our true selves.

I think what you said about giving up false hope is totally on

point.It's the chasing hopelessly after that carrot on a stick while we are

hitched to the BP (band) wagon that is so very destructive to our clarity,peace

of mind,and health.It is truly a revelation that we can throw off that yoke of

hope that they will change--that letting go of expectation is actually

liberaton.Radical,deep acceptance of what *is* does foster compassion much much

more than denial ever could.

It is,yes,much easier to demonize the truth teller.And in much of life

people do not want to hear or know the truth--or to honestly confront their own

pain...I'm amazed by you,again,after reading your post.You sound so blessedly

*clear*,it's beautiful.You have such heart and such courage,it's like reading

the latest dispatch from the one who escaped from Plato's cave.Do you know that

one? Plato's Allegory of the Cave?

It's a guy who was chained in a cave with all the other captives who

believed that the shadows they saw on the cave walls reflected from the light of

a single fire were the *only* reality.This one guy comes to notice that he is

chained.The others don't even see their chains.He comes to realize that he can

break off those chains.He then realizes that he can also leave the cave.And so

he does.When he gets out into the bright light of the real day he is temporarily

blinded but slowly slowly his sight adjusts and he begins to see the real forms

of objective reality--what is truly there instead of mere shadows cast upon the

wall of a dark cave.Slowly he comes to realize that this true sight of reality

as it *is* represents his own liberation.He comes to understand that he is free

and that the people who remain unknowningly chained in the cave are captives of

the shadows.

When you wrote: I am free,I was reminded of this and even more so with

what you have written here.

Plato meant his allegory as a meditation on the human condition in

general but I think it's especially relevant to the KO experience--we grew up in

that cave,we got chained in it--but we can escape from it and *live* in the

glory of a brighter day.

Thank you again for sharing--you're awesome--I'm so happy for you--and

truly impressed

>

>

> Thank you so much!!! It's amazing to me, that without knowing our real names

or what we look like, we are so close on this board!! I am really flattered

that you remember my posts; I know I have often come to this group completely

frustrated and at the end of my wits. Seriously, if I had not had the support I

found here (and sometimes it's people responding directly to me, and other times

it's me just reading what others are writing), I could not have come this far!!!

I sincerely thank everyone on here for choosing to exist, and for aknowledging

and believing my reality and encouraging me to exist more and more, until now

where I am confidently existing! I now can offer my uniqueness to this world...

which is really exciting!

> Thanks for being so kind, , and giving me such compliments.

>

> I also need to add, that although exposure therapy helped me in the last year,

it was not intentional, and I also used many methods to get to where I am.

Basically, I used everything at some point. I am not advocating for one type of

T over another. For me, I worked hard in terms of grieving, healing, and

painfully entering the world again to be assaulted by unplanned exposure, which

has worked for me. I support everyone's unique efforts towards healing.

>

> The latest revelation for me is how freeing it is to give up any hope that the

FOO will change. To fully accept that they are emotionally stuck, and my life

is separate and will continue on its own path. That my friends are my family,

because they understand me emotionally. It is all still painful, because who

else knows all the details of my growing up, and the family stories etc? It is

lonely, but it is healthier than playing along. I am sad for the other members

of my FOO who continue to live under the witch's spell.

>

> The FOO is my family, and I guess some are healthier than others. Who knows

what or why we come here to work out our spiritual struggles? I do know that in

preparing to see them, I had to let go of a lot of expectations, and that helped

me at a profound level. They will never be able to give me the emotional

attention that any human being needs. They will never see things the way I see

them, because it is too painful for them. We all know how difficult it is to

face pain, and that is really the road less traveled. We on here have chosen to

aknowledge and process our pain, and that is the path to healing and growth, and

to actually having some healthy time in our lifetimes. My FOO is stuck, and I

can understand that it has to do with the pain; it would be too much pain for

them to digest the realities. I used to come along and tell them the realities,

and it is easier to split me bad than to acknowledge I speak the truth. I am

realizing that in so much of life, that people are not always ready to hear the

truth. In accepting that, I am free from frustration and from the anger I used

to demonstate towards the FOO. My anger came from expecting more, expecting a

family to be a certain way towards me, etc.

>

> The truth is, they just can't. It's like expecting a three year old to do

advanced math. They get frustrated. I can't expect the FOO to be anything but

what they are. They are at one emotional level of intelligence, and I just

happen to be more emotionally intelligent and at a higher grade level than they

are, in terms of emotional intelligence. They seem to lack even awareness of

their emotions!

>

> I am in this place of deep acceptance, and that is what allowed me to have

compassion for them, and to remain calm around them.

>

> I do have to add, that I was only able to visit for a few short hours. That

took a lot of energy out of me. I had to leave at a certain point.

>

> Thank you for celebrating me, and thank you for reminding me that I am the one

who did the hard work. Such a good thing to remind a KO!!! It is so easy for me

to give the credit to my T, to the life circumstances that gave me exposure to

another BP, etc. But it is really me. And I have done the work. It's a work

that's hard to define, but I do know it has taken a lot of my time and effort,

so there is work there.

>

> Hugs,

> Walked to Happiness.

[Guest guest]

Of course I understand the reference to Plato. I think that allegory perfectly

illustrates exactly what I have been through. That's a compliment, that you

think I have left the comforts of the cave, and that helps me a lot today.

Thank you. I think just knowing and referring to that story by Plato says a

lot.

I am having the emotional fall-out of my visit to the FOO, because, like you

said, I am realizing that my personality has been buried in service to the FOO.

This is so liberating, but I also am reassessing who I am. I think that there

may be some situations in my life that are going to change, and frankly, that is

scary. I wish I could be like the FOO and hide in the past and never move

towards the future!! Well,not entirely, but they are safe, aren't they???

I am so scared, , I have this feeling that things are really going to

start changing in my life, and I am not sure that I am ready for it. I still

have nada's beliefs about myself in my head, that I am not worthy of a better

life nor more success, etc. It's really safe to hide out from the world and

nurse my emotional wounds. Do I really have to go participate in the world now

to the fullest of my abilities? I don't know if I can nor want to handle

this!!!!

Change is really scary!!!!

I guess I have made it out of the cave, but now I am blinded by the sunlight.

It may take me a while to get my bearings and be able to live outside the

cave... I hope the universe is gentle with me while I get my bearings, but as

it always is, life goes on despite where we are at in our healing, and somehow I

have to deal with the rest of reality while I have this blinding light in my

eyes right now. Yikes.

Maybe we should change the term we use on here, FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt), to

FOGH and include Hope in there as something that binds us to the FOO in

unhealthy ways?

Thank you so much, for encouraging me, your posts help me a lot.

Walked to Happiness.

> >

> >

> > Thank you so much!!! It's amazing to me, that without knowing our real

names or what we look like, we are so close on this board!! I am really

flattered that you remember my posts; I know I have often come to this group

completely frustrated and at the end of my wits. Seriously, if I had not had

the support I found here (and sometimes it's people responding directly to me,

and other times it's me just reading what others are writing), I could not have

come this far!!! I sincerely thank everyone on here for choosing to exist, and

for aknowledging and believing my reality and encouraging me to exist more and

more, until now where I am confidently existing! I now can offer my uniqueness

to this world... which is really exciting!

> > Thanks for being so kind, , and giving me such compliments.

> >

> > I also need to add, that although exposure therapy helped me in the last

year, it was not intentional, and I also used many methods to get to where I am.

Basically, I used everything at some point. I am not advocating for one type of

T over another. For me, I worked hard in terms of grieving, healing, and

painfully entering the world again to be assaulted by unplanned exposure, which

has worked for me. I support everyone's unique efforts towards healing.

> >

> > The latest revelation for me is how freeing it is to give up any hope that

the FOO will change. To fully accept that they are emotionally stuck, and my

life is separate and will continue on its own path. That my friends are my

family, because they understand me emotionally. It is all still painful,

because who else knows all the details of my growing up, and the family stories

etc? It is lonely, but it is healthier than playing along. I am sad for the

other members of my FOO who continue to live under the witch's spell.

> >

> > The FOO is my family, and I guess some are healthier than others. Who knows

what or why we come here to work out our spiritual struggles? I do know that in

preparing to see them, I had to let go of a lot of expectations, and that helped

me at a profound level. They will never be able to give me the emotional

attention that any human being needs. They will never see things the way I see

them, because it is too painful for them. We all know how difficult it is to

face pain, and that is really the road less traveled. We on here have chosen to

aknowledge and process our pain, and that is the path to healing and growth, and

to actually having some healthy time in our lifetimes. My FOO is stuck, and I

can understand that it has to do with the pain; it would be too much pain for

them to digest the realities. I used to come along and tell them the realities,

and it is easier to split me bad than to acknowledge I speak the truth. I am

realizing that in so much of life, that people are not always ready to hear the

truth. In accepting that, I am free from frustration and from the anger I used

to demonstate towards the FOO. My anger came from expecting more, expecting a

family to be a certain way towards me, etc.

> >

> > The truth is, they just can't. It's like expecting a three year old to do

advanced math. They get frustrated. I can't expect the FOO to be anything but

what they are. They are at one emotional level of intelligence, and I just

happen to be more emotionally intelligent and at a higher grade level than they

are, in terms of emotional intelligence. They seem to lack even awareness of

their emotions!

> >

> > I am in this place of deep acceptance, and that is what allowed me to have

compassion for them, and to remain calm around them.

> >

> > I do have to add, that I was only able to visit for a few short hours.

That took a lot of energy out of me. I had to leave at a certain point.

> >

> > Thank you for celebrating me, and thank you for reminding me that I am the

one who did the hard work. Such a good thing to remind a KO!!! It is so easy

for me to give the credit to my T, to the life circumstances that gave me

exposure to another BP, etc. But it is really me. And I have done the work.

It's a work that's hard to define, but I do know it has taken a lot of my time

and effort, so there is work there.

> >

> > Hugs,

> > Walked to Happiness.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Walked to Happiness,

I love Plato's Allegory of the Cave! It's so nice to know

someone else appreciates it too

I've often figured that my FOO does exist in some kind of

" blissful ignorance " and that it must be easier (and in a way,like you

said,safer) to live like that.But then I have to ask: At what cost? And do I

really--honestly--want to loll in the mud like that,to have only a worm's eye

view? What would I ever learn from that? What would have been the " point " of

living? Because after all,isn't that a sort of non-existing? Or to be like those

people in the cave who never even realize that the shadows aren't real? Were

those people ever really alive to their own consciousness?

I've thought of my FOO as " sleep walkers through life " because

actually that is what they are doing.I don't want to do that myself.But the pain

of awareness isn't a restful place to be in.It hurts.And like you said,it's a

light that stings the eyes and there is definitely the temptation to want to

close them,to almost feel a nostaglia for the comforting darkness of the cave.

I've agonized alot this past year over the ways that I tend to " hope

wrong " .I'm glad you brought up the subject of hope.Hope can,at times,even be a

cruel thing.I guess you know the myth about Pandora's Box: how when it was

opened all kinds of hideous horrible things flew out of the box and unleashed

themselves upon the world.The same goes for a freeing of consciousness--we see

lots of shit we'd rather deny.But when Pandora's Box was closed,one thing

remained locked inside it: Hope.Personally I think that's really deep and true

because Hope cannot wander naked and unprotected out in the world: it needs to

have a safe dwelling place or it will be set upon,trampled into the dust.

I think that when we're going through a process of serious change that

we are entitled to give ourselves the grace of pacing ourselves.I mean,we can

only realize stuff in increments and it's the individual's perogative really to

determine how much awareness they can take.Or how much action they are prepared

in the moment to undertake.I could feel your sense of wonderment and thrill at

finding yourself liberated at last from the triggering into anger and despair

that your nada had conditioned you to do with her abuse--and I also understood

your exhaustion after the knowingness of your own freedom.It seems like

something like that should be simply vitalizing,but it isn't.It is and it isn't!

It's exhausting,too.

I hope the universe is gentle with you too while you get your

bearings.You also owe it to yourself to be as gentle as you can with

yourself.That is a lesson that I am currently in the process of learning

myself,to be gentle with myself as life goes on and I have to do certain things

like work when there are times frankly when lately I'm so deep in my own

changing that it would help me more to be able to retreat from certain demands

that are placed on me--but I can't right now.I'm trying not to place undue

demands upon MYSELF,though.I often catch myself putting undue pressure on

myself--like just because I've seen my way clear psychologically on some very

important,essential levels that I now must rise to the occassion in general in

my life.But,you know,I don't think that's going to help change to be less

scary--to force myself to be brave--it's almost more helpful to take stock of my

continuing weaknesses while also honoring the strengths I have found within

myself.It's a balance and it's hard.I don't want to do myself down but I don't

want to overextend myself,either.

It's another process of learning how to take good care of ourselves,I

think.Something our FOOs didn't teach us.Getting our bearings around THAT takes

time.I just think it's very important to give ourselves the patience our FOOs

never gave us.Personally I have to keep fine tuning that one!

You've come very far--you have some awesome courage and inner

strength--you have so much fine intelligence to put at your own service--be

patient with yourself,be gentle with yourself.

Let the answers reveal *themselves*--you're paying attention.They will.

(That is something I must remind myself to do,too)

All the best,

>

> Of course I understand the reference to Plato. I think that allegory perfectly

illustrates exactly what I have been through. That's a compliment, that you

think I have left the comforts of the cave, and that helps me a lot today.

Thank you. I think just knowing and referring to that story by Plato says a

lot.

> I am having the emotional fall-out of my visit to the FOO, because, like you

said, I am realizing that my personality has been buried in service to the FOO.

This is so liberating, but I also am reassessing who I am. I think that there

may be some situations in my life that are going to change, and frankly, that is

scary. I wish I could be like the FOO and hide in the past and never move

towards the future!! Well,not entirely, but they are safe, aren't they???

> I am so scared, , I have this feeling that things are really going to

start changing in my life, and I am not sure that I am ready for it. I still

have nada's beliefs about myself in my head, that I am not worthy of a better

life nor more success, etc. It's really safe to hide out from the world and

nurse my emotional wounds. Do I really have to go participate in the world now

to the fullest of my abilities? I don't know if I can nor want to handle

this!!!!

> Change is really scary!!!!

> I guess I have made it out of the cave, but now I am blinded by the sunlight.

It may take me a while to get my bearings and be able to live outside the

cave... I hope the universe is gentle with me while I get my bearings, but as

it always is, life goes on despite where we are at in our healing, and somehow I

have to deal with the rest of reality while I have this blinding light in my

eyes right now. Yikes.

>

> Maybe we should change the term we use on here, FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt),

to FOGH and include Hope in there as something that binds us to the FOO in

unhealthy ways?

>

> Thank you so much, for encouraging me, your posts help me a lot.

> Walked to Happiness.

[Guest guest]

Dear Walked,

I'm a little late chiding in here but I wanted to offer my congrats, and also

admiration! I've been NC except for a few emails for about 2 year now. Like

you, after another 3 or so, a visit to FOO will probably be in order. I've

recently confirmed I'm not yet ready for it now--I am way to terrified still,

and also even though I am not financially entangled with FOO I still feel very

vulnerable to them financially. (My fada is a financial abuser and I am

currently crawling out of a BIG financial hole he put me in.) In short--I feel

still I am very much vulnerable to being pulled back into the cave. They can't

keep me there permanently, but I feel like they might be able to permanently

undo the small steps forward I've been making--cause me maybe to lose my job,

gain weight, become an alcoholic--something truly terrible. Wind up in the

hospital with cancer. I don't know, but something like that. My goal is to GET

to the place where you are, where I am capable of a visit just to maintain some

semblance of connection with the non-abusive family members.

Another thing amazing out being out of the cave is the authenticity. To me,

this is the most important thing. I get to be HONEST now. When I was in FOO's

net, I was dishonest every day of my life, just to save the trouble of not being

so. I acted as if I did not despise nada and fada with every breath of my

being; I smiled in their company instead. When they hurt me like hell, I didn't

show it, because I knew that it would give them satisfaction, and info and ammo

to hurt me more. They induced me to be dishonest by making the cost of honesty

too high. When I was a child, I HAD to split myself and be dishonest to

survive--but as a teenager and young adult, I had a choice, and I felt dirty and

awful every time I was not completely honest. Which was, of course, every

second I was around them because their company, motivations and actions were

entirlely unbearable and appalling and ugly and predatory and desperate and,

well. You get the picture. So--Authenticity. Another happy victory!

All the best,

Charlie

>

> I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that expectation.

Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and anger,

and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> It is realy sad.

> but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

>

> I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty easy

to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't exist "

treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have worked a

long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull any flying

monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations with others,

adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she interrupts with

irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

>

> I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as soon

as it got uncomfortable.

> I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole time.

" Do not attempt this at home alone "

> and posted here under different names.

> Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

group.

> This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their lives

are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know, it's

no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My problem now

is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still makes

me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can do.

> I am NOW SAFE.

> I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch my

mind now.

> I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

can't touch me now.

>

> I am

> WALKED TO HAPPINESS

>

[Guest guest]

Charlie

Your posts on here are always really insightful, and I have to say, there have

been several posts by you that really made me reflect and changed my life, in

their insights.

Yes, the Truth Shall Set You (Us) Free. I know, being around a BP is this web

of lies. I remember in elementary school, the teachers taught us to tell

someone if we were being abused. With a BP, before you can even tell someone

about the raging the neglect and the insanity, the BP has already covered

themselves with a web of appearances making you look like the fool for

complaining about them. Those BPs are some crazy folks! Certainly, to be in a

place where you can be honest with yourself and those around you is a huge step.

Congratulations! That is a success!

I was not ready to visit the FOO for a long time. I was really scared. My T

was getting impatient with me, telling me I didn't need to have so much fear.

That fear ruled my life. It's been several years that my T has been asking me

" Can your mother really hurt you now? " But, honestly, even though I have built

my own independent life, in my mind, I still suffered from fear and the trauma.

It really was PTSD in my case. Really hard to overcome the fear and anxiety. I

completely understand where you are. And it's a sign of how honest you are with

yourself, that you can admit, that is where you are, and you feel like you need

several more years. I completely understand.

I also am really sad, because I guess NC had to be part of my path. I am sad for

the FOO too. What could have been.

We are all we were are. One thing in the FOO, I was always pushed to do things

that were uncomfortable, that I wasn't ready for, and sometimes things that were

downright dangerous. I wasn't given much choice, nor encouraged to reflect on

my true feelings, nor encouraged to express my true self and feelings. It is

such a relief to be FOO-free in my mind, and allow myself to do things at my own

pace, in my own time. It sounds like you are in a really healthy place, to

acknowledge where you are, and what you feel is right for you.

Thank you for replying, and thanks for all of your insightful posts.

Walked to Happiness.

> >

> > I did it. I visited the FOO, to meet my nieces. I achieved that

expectation. Good thing I kept the expectation low.

> > It was so sad, I am sad, but I know that I have overcome my fears and anger,

and a lot of stuff. It's been 5 years.

> > I also have let go of any other expectations. These people are stuck and

limited, adn that is all they will ever be. I am so sorry for them.

> > It is realy sad.

> > but it was worth it, to meet my nieces.

> >

> > I spent about three hours over at their house, and I IGNORED nada, pretty

easy to do, bc she makes no sense when she talks. I gave her the " you don't

exist " treatment she gave me all my childhood. Works pretty well, but I have

worked a long time to get to where I am psychologically, that she can't pull any

flying monkeys or tricks on me anymore. It's just, I had conversations with

others, adn she is so inappropriate; its' easy to ignore her when she interrupts

with irrelevant and childish statements that make no sense.

> >

> > I stay FAR AWAY, and I have STRONG BOUNDARIES. I had a car, so I left as

soon as it got uncomfortable.

> > I also gave up any expectations of rescuing my nieces. '[

> > I have to thank the difficult BPD boss at work that i have, the exposure

therapy has worked, but I have to say, I've been treated by a T the whole time.

" Do not attempt this at home alone "

> > and posted here under different names.

> > Thank you all. for your support and the healing that has happened in this

group.

> > This can be done, I just did it. It was wierd, because they were really

manic, and I felt so sad inside. I just stayed really calm, the calm in the

center of the storm. I am so sad for all teh FOO, that this is what their lives

are. Others have told me, maybe they are happy. I doubt it. I do know, it's

no longer my problem. THey are no longer the center of my life. My problem now

is my own happiness and my own life and my own problems.

> > too bad my FOO couldn't be different, but that is how they are. IT still

makes me REALLY sad, but I can aknowledge that and that is the best I can do.

> > I am NOW SAFE.

> > I AM SAFE, in that I have grown strong in my own mind, and nada can't touch

my mind now.

> > I know you understand what i mean. Nadas function through mind games. She

can't touch me now.

> >

> > I am

> > WALKED TO HAPPINESS

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

That is quite a post, I'm not sure I can do it justice in my reply. Your

knowledge of mythology is so cool. Thank you so much, for giving me the

metaphors from mythology that can guide me in my path. Really, sincerely, THANK

YOU. I will have to ponder Pandora's Box. I love your interpretation of it: as

we become aware, the pain of reality is unleashed, yet we are free and out of

the box, as well. I can't believe that Hope was still in the box! I just love

your interpretation, so true. That has to be what it means!! It's like any

abused person, their mind is in a box, and until they see reality with all its

pain, their mind (and self) is not free.

It's also funny how sometimes we give the advice we most need ourselves. I

answered Charlie's post before reading yours, and I wrote about pacing

ourselves, or at least respecting ourselves in terms of accepting where we are

at the time we are there. That's something I am just learning. Sometimes I get

sad that I wasn't able to be in contact with the FOO earlier on; they are older

and it is hard to see them (the ones I care about) old now. Feels like lost

time. But a good friend told me, that I wasn't ready yet. First and foremost,

I have to respect where I am and what I am ready for. I had to break away from

them to heal myself. And that took time.

I am just like you, when I have a success, instead of wallowing in it and

enjoying it, I rush on to the next thing, and push myself. Yes, nada

conditioned me like this. Learning to be gentle with myself is something new

and strange, and something I keep relearning, because I never experienced it in

childhood. My youth was harsh and full of ragged edges to bump into. There

were few gentle and soft places. I need to create more soft places for myself.

I think I will do this literally, and figuratively.

I really like living life such that mythology is my signpost. Didn't ph

and others encourage all of us to live that way?

Thank you so much, your posts are really helping me.

Walked to Happiness

> >

> > Of course I understand the reference to Plato. I think that allegory

perfectly illustrates exactly what I have been through. That's a compliment,

that you think I have left the comforts of the cave, and that helps me a lot

today. Thank you. I think just knowing and referring to that story by Plato

says a lot.

> > I am having the emotional fall-out of my visit to the FOO, because, like you

said, I am realizing that my personality has been buried in service to the FOO.

This is so liberating, but I also am reassessing who I am. I think that there

may be some situations in my life that are going to change, and frankly, that is

scary. I wish I could be like the FOO and hide in the past and never move

towards the future!! Well,not entirely, but they are safe, aren't they???

> > I am so scared, , I have this feeling that things are really going

to start changing in my life, and I am not sure that I am ready for it. I still

have nada's beliefs about myself in my head, that I am not worthy of a better

life nor more success, etc. It's really safe to hide out from the world and

nurse my emotional wounds. Do I really have to go participate in the world now

to the fullest of my abilities? I don't know if I can nor want to handle

this!!!!

> > Change is really scary!!!!

> > I guess I have made it out of the cave, but now I am blinded by the

sunlight. It may take me a while to get my bearings and be able to live outside

the cave... I hope the universe is gentle with me while I get my bearings, but

as it always is, life goes on despite where we are at in our healing, and

somehow I have to deal with the rest of reality while I have this blinding light

in my eyes right now. Yikes.

> >

> > Maybe we should change the term we use on here, FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt),

to FOGH and include Hope in there as something that binds us to the FOO in

unhealthy ways?

> >

> > Thank you so much, for encouraging me, your posts help me a lot.

> > Walked to Happiness.

>