Re: Freakin' Fleas

[Guest guest]

Big virtual high five from me! That is awesome, to be able to achieve that kind

of objectivity and calm yourself down *while* you are having an emotional

reaction. That's like reigning in a runaway horse by sheer force of will. I

am very impressed, and so happy for you; that has to be a very empowering

feeling. Wow!!

-Annie

>

> So my friend called me 5 out of the last 6 days, in crisis with her mom.

(Alzheimer's, sadly). She needed help that I couldn't give, and I had to fill

in as I could--not as she wanted. Adding to that, some other friends are going

through some awful stuff, I had a lot to do today, I couldn't get to my task

list, and I was falling behind!! I freaked out inside.

>

> Of course, on the external, I was calm and capable. Inside, I was STRESSED!!!

>

> I decided to lay down for 5 minutes and get clarity. Suddenly, it occured to

me . . .

>

> Nothing in my life was worthy of the panic I was feeling inside. In fact, I

was stressed out like " bad guy with a gun to my head right now, " not " life

happens and this is a tough day " stressed. My physical being was wound up as

though someone had just broken into my house and was threatening the lives of my

children. It literally felt like, if I didn't do something and do it NOW,

someone I loved was going to die.

>

> After I realized how out-of-proportion my stress was, I took stock. My

children were calmly reading comic books. My task list really wasn't all that

daunting. I had friends in crisis, but I'm kind of a lay pastor of sorts, and

support many people through crisis in any given week. It was a little worse

than normal, but nothing that unusual.

>

> I fell prey to nada's freakin' histrionics. Of course, never on the external

because I wasn't allowed to freak out growing up, but definitely inside.

Hysteria had a grip on me, and I didn't even notice it until I was physically

sick.

>

> Sheesh.

>

> On the positive side . . .I'm pretty proud of myself for " catching " me this

time!! I'm going to try to remember that--try for a proportionate response for

what is REALLY going on around me. If there are no gunmen within 200 feet of

me, I don't really need to be that panicked.

>

> Thanks for listening,

> Karla

>

[Guest guest]

Oops! That should have been " reining " in.

-Annie

> >

> > So my friend called me 5 out of the last 6 days, in crisis with her mom.

(Alzheimer's, sadly). She needed help that I couldn't give, and I had to fill

in as I could--not as she wanted. Adding to that, some other friends are going

through some awful stuff, I had a lot to do today, I couldn't get to my task

list, and I was falling behind!! I freaked out inside.

> >

> > Of course, on the external, I was calm and capable. Inside, I was

STRESSED!!!

> >

> > I decided to lay down for 5 minutes and get clarity. Suddenly, it occured

to me . . .

> >

> > Nothing in my life was worthy of the panic I was feeling inside. In fact, I

was stressed out like " bad guy with a gun to my head right now, " not " life

happens and this is a tough day " stressed. My physical being was wound up as

though someone had just broken into my house and was threatening the lives of my

children. It literally felt like, if I didn't do something and do it NOW,

someone I loved was going to die.

> >

> > After I realized how out-of-proportion my stress was, I took stock. My

children were calmly reading comic books. My task list really wasn't all that

daunting. I had friends in crisis, but I'm kind of a lay pastor of sorts, and

support many people through crisis in any given week. It was a little worse

than normal, but nothing that unusual.

> >

> > I fell prey to nada's freakin' histrionics. Of course, never on the

external because I wasn't allowed to freak out growing up, but definitely

inside. Hysteria had a grip on me, and I didn't even notice it until I was

physically sick.

> >

> > Sheesh.

> >

> > On the positive side . . .I'm pretty proud of myself for " catching " me this

time!! I'm going to try to remember that--try for a proportionate response for

what is REALLY going on around me. If there are no gunmen within 200 feet of

me, I don't really need to be that panicked.

> >

> > Thanks for listening,

> > Karla

> >

>

[Guest guest]

ha ha reigning - long live the queen cute!!!!

Good girl!!!! Ya! Now what are you going to do to reward yourself? Treat?

Extra 1/2 hour to yourself? new shoes? I vote something, even if its just

whipped cream on your coffee tomorrow a.m.

On Tue, Oct 12, 2010 at 12:53 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> Oops! That should have been " reining " in.

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > >

> > > So my friend called me 5 out of the last 6 days, in crisis with her

> mom. (Alzheimer's, sadly). She needed help that I couldn't give, and I had

> to fill in as I could--not as she wanted. Adding to that, some other friends

> are going through some awful stuff, I had a lot to do today, I couldn't get

> to my task list, and I was falling behind!! I freaked out inside.

> > >

> > > Of course, on the external, I was calm and capable. Inside, I was

> STRESSED!!!

> > >

> > > I decided to lay down for 5 minutes and get clarity. Suddenly, it

> occured to me . . .

> > >

> > > Nothing in my life was worthy of the panic I was feeling inside. In

> fact, I was stressed out like " bad guy with a gun to my head right now, " not

> " life happens and this is a tough day " stressed. My physical being was wound

> up as though someone had just broken into my house and was threatening the

> lives of my children. It literally felt like, if I didn't do something and

> do it NOW, someone I loved was going to die.

> > >

> > > After I realized how out-of-proportion my stress was, I took stock. My

> children were calmly reading comic books. My task list really wasn't all

> that daunting. I had friends in crisis, but I'm kind of a lay pastor of

> sorts, and support many people through crisis in any given week. It was a

> little worse than normal, but nothing that unusual.

> > >

> > > I fell prey to nada's freakin' histrionics. Of course, never on the

> external because I wasn't allowed to freak out growing up, but definitely

> inside. Hysteria had a grip on me, and I didn't even notice it until I was

> physically sick.

> > >

> > > Sheesh.

> > >

> > > On the positive side . . .I'm pretty proud of myself for " catching " me

> this time!! I'm going to try to remember that--try for a proportionate

> response for what is REALLY going on around me. If there are no gunmen

> within 200 feet of me, I don't really need to be that panicked.

> > >

> > > Thanks for listening,

> > > Karla

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's awesome Karla! I'll take a lesson from your example too because I often

get internally worked up to a point where I'll even have an upset stomach before

admitting to myself how stressed I am. It's like it builds and builds but that

training to appear strong and calm on the outside - and maybe even lie to myself

on the inside is tough to deprogram. Sorry to hear about your friend's mother

crisis she's lucky to have you as a friend.

>

> So my friend called me 5 out of the last 6 days, in crisis with her mom.

(Alzheimer's, sadly). She needed help that I couldn't give, and I had to fill

in as I could--not as she wanted. Adding to that, some other friends are going

through some awful stuff, I had a lot to do today, I couldn't get to my task

list, and I was falling behind!! I freaked out inside.

>

> Of course, on the external, I was calm and capable. Inside, I was STRESSED!!!

>

> I decided to lay down for 5 minutes and get clarity. Suddenly, it occured to

me . . .

>

> Nothing in my life was worthy of the panic I was feeling inside. In fact, I

was stressed out like " bad guy with a gun to my head right now, " not " life

happens and this is a tough day " stressed. My physical being was wound up as

though someone had just broken into my house and was threatening the lives of my

children. It literally felt like, if I didn't do something and do it NOW,

someone I loved was going to die.

>

> After I realized how out-of-proportion my stress was, I took stock. My

children were calmly reading comic books. My task list really wasn't all that

daunting. I had friends in crisis, but I'm kind of a lay pastor of sorts, and

support many people through crisis in any given week. It was a little worse

than normal, but nothing that unusual.

>

> I fell prey to nada's freakin' histrionics. Of course, never on the external

because I wasn't allowed to freak out growing up, but definitely inside.

Hysteria had a grip on me, and I didn't even notice it until I was physically

sick.

>

> Sheesh.

>

> On the positive side . . .I'm pretty proud of myself for " catching " me this

time!! I'm going to try to remember that--try for a proportionate response for

what is REALLY going on around me. If there are no gunmen within 200 feet of

me, I don't really need to be that panicked.

>

> Thanks for listening,

> Karla

>

[Guest guest]

Well Girlscout, you're a GENIUS!! Why didn't I think of that? I'm going to get

coffee w/ whipped cream before the day is out. You're right. I deserve a

celebration for that one.

Thanks for the suggestion!

Blessings,

Karla

> > > >

> > > > So my friend called me 5 out of the last 6 days, in crisis with her

> > mom. (Alzheimer's, sadly). She needed help that I couldn't give, and I had

> > to fill in as I could--not as she wanted. Adding to that, some other friends

> > are going through some awful stuff, I had a lot to do today, I couldn't get

> > to my task list, and I was falling behind!! I freaked out inside.

> > > >

> > > > Of course, on the external, I was calm and capable. Inside, I was

> > STRESSED!!!

> > > >

> > > > I decided to lay down for 5 minutes and get clarity. Suddenly, it

> > occured to me . . .

> > > >

> > > > Nothing in my life was worthy of the panic I was feeling inside. In

> > fact, I was stressed out like " bad guy with a gun to my head right now, " not

> > " life happens and this is a tough day " stressed. My physical being was wound

> > up as though someone had just broken into my house and was threatening the

> > lives of my children. It literally felt like, if I didn't do something and

> > do it NOW, someone I loved was going to die.

> > > >

> > > > After I realized how out-of-proportion my stress was, I took stock. My

> > children were calmly reading comic books. My task list really wasn't all

> > that daunting. I had friends in crisis, but I'm kind of a lay pastor of

> > sorts, and support many people through crisis in any given week. It was a

> > little worse than normal, but nothing that unusual.

> > > >

> > > > I fell prey to nada's freakin' histrionics. Of course, never on the

> > external because I wasn't allowed to freak out growing up, but definitely

> > inside. Hysteria had a grip on me, and I didn't even notice it until I was

> > physically sick.

> > > >

> > > > Sheesh.

> > > >

> > > > On the positive side . . .I'm pretty proud of myself for " catching " me

> > this time!! I'm going to try to remember that--try for a proportionate

> > response for what is REALLY going on around me. If there are no gunmen

> > within 200 feet of me, I don't really need to be that panicked.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for listening,

> > > > Karla

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Karla,

Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey s

kisses, and repeat after me:

I am not responsible for the entire world.

I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

for flying Air KO.

And I can really only care for one person at a time.

Doug

PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

>

[Guest guest]

Did someone say Hershey kisses????? That sounds SOOOO good right now! I want

2, too!

>

>

> Karla,

>

> Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey s

> kisses, and repeat after me:

>

> I am not responsible for the entire world.

>

> I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

>

> If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

>

> Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

> for flying Air KO.

>

> And I can really only care for one person at a time.

>

> Doug

>

> PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

>

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Doug, don't even think about reaching for my super cape . . .

And, um, two hershey's kisses? Isn't it illegal to eat them two at a time? I

thought there was a 1/2 bag minimum.

Blessings!!

>

> Karla,

>

> Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey s

> kisses, and repeat after me:

>

> I am not responsible for the entire world.

>

> I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

>

> If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

>

> Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

> for flying Air KO.

>

> And I can really only care for one person at a time.

>

> Doug

>

> PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I m granting you a papal dispensation. Eat what you need to.

Be gentle with yourself.

Doug

> >

> > Karla,

> >

> > Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2

Hershey s

> > kisses, and repeat after me:

> >

> > I am not responsible for the entire world.

> >

> > I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

> >

> > If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

> >

> > Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> > before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank

you

> > for flying Air KO.

> >

> > And I can really only care for one person at a time.

> >

> > Doug

> >

> > PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

> >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" caregiver burnout " is real. Had it, been there. It will take you down

it you allow it to. Over the years when fada was 'caring for " nada (before

they moved in then out of our home), I had heard doctors, nurses, aids,

warn my fada of this 'burnout' and many said they've witnessed " the caregiver

is the first to go down " . I can attest to this. When I was caring for my

parents, I got so burned out, I thought I'd die before these 2 nasty 90 yr.

olds! Then I got a grip and advice from several people; let it go, back

off, get help from others. BPD's don't appreciate anything anyway, they're

not going to change, they're not going to thank you, in fact, they just

expect more from you. Eat the Hershey's. Take care of you. I'm

still learning too, thank God! When we stop learning from these experiences,

then we're really in trouble.

Laurie

In a message dated 10/12/2010 6:53:33 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

girlscout.cowboy@... writes:

Did someone say Hershey kisses????? That sounds SOOOO good right now! I

want

2, too!

>

>

> Karla,

>

> Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey s

> kisses, and repeat after me:

>

> I am not responsible for the entire world.

>

> I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

>

> If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

>

> Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

> for flying Air KO.

>

> And I can really only care for one person at a time.

>

> Doug

>

> PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

>

> >

>

>

>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

**This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools

to

Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems?

Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe .

Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

" Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)Yahoo! Groups Links

[Guest guest]

Yes!! It is real! I got " caregiver burnout " after taking two and a half months

leave to care for nada before, during, and after her major surgery. I was there

for her 24-5; Sister was able to come on the weekends and give me a break. But

by the time it was over, I felt like a dry husk of a human being, sucked

completely empty by nada's unfillable black hole of need, and her constant

criticism. I was severely depressed by the whole experience and it took me

weeks to start feeling like myself again once I'd gotten back home. Argh.

Never again.

-Annie

>

> >

> >

> > Karla,

> >

> > Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey s

> > kisses, and repeat after me:

> >

> > I am not responsible for the entire world.

> >

> > I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

> >

> > If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

> >

> > Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> > before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

> > for flying Air KO.

> >

> > And I can really only care for one person at a time.

> >

> > Doug

> >

> > PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

> >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

> Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools

to

> Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems?

> Write @... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)Yahoo! Groups Links

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, they DO have an endless, unfullfillable, black hole of needs! The

criticism, and endless sarcasm from the 2 of them was bad enough, but the 2

of them were total slobs, and incontenant to boot and refused to wear

Depends! It's really a wonder I made it thru the experience without making

headlines in the newspaper (if u get my drift!) Me too, NEVER AGAIN!

Laurie

In a message dated 10/13/2010 10:28:09 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

anuria-67854@... writes:

Yes!! It is real! I got " caregiver burnout " after taking two and a half

months leave to care for nada before, during, and after her major surgery. I

was there for her 24-5; Sister was able to come on the weekends and give me

a break. But by the time it was over, I felt like a dry husk of a human

being, sucked completely empty by nada's unfillable black hole of need, and

her constant criticism. I was severely depressed by the whole experience and

it took me weeks to start feeling like myself again once I'd gotten back

home. Argh. Never again.

-Annie

>

> >

> >

> > Karla,

> >

> > Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey s

> > kisses, and repeat after me:

> >

> > I am not responsible for the entire world.

> >

> > I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

> >

> > If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

> >

> > Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> > before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

> > for flying Air KO.

> >

> > And I can really only care for one person at a time.

> >

> > Doug

> >

> > PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

> >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

> Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and

Tools to

> Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems?

> Write @... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>

> To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> _WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe _

(mailto:WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe )

>

> Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

Dear, I think I've met my twin! Several years ago, fada got sick, was

hospitalized, and it quickly turned into life/death situation for him. I had

to tend to him morning, noon, night, but also had to tend to nada at least 3

times a day in between hospital 'visits'. (he was the caretaker for her,

she was " bedridden " ) I gave up my dog grooming business for 2 months (my

only form of income) to care for these 2 maniacs. I would walk into nada's

house to check on her, and there was no " hello, how's dad? or " how are you

holding up " , it was " what the hell's going on? these are not the groceries

I 'ordered'!! (she wrote a list for me, I, in between my dad potentially

dying, I went to the store and got the b___ch what she demanded. I was

driving 50 to 80 miles a day to tend to their needs.

All the sudden, fada is hospitalized, and she is not " bedridden " anymore.

She was walking around like she had no disabilities at all. She was

vocal, demanding, and basically, her same ol self!!!! She obviously, was

faking

for fada for a long, long time, but I witnessed this miraculous recovery.

I'm still pissed off. At one point I looked at her and said " you do

realize dad is dying don't you? I mean, you haven't even asked about him? "

She

said " GD it! no one cares about ME! What about ME? Your GD father!

Look what he's done! He's ruined MY life! "

Believe it, it's true. No one I know believes it.

I was never thanked by either one of them for anything. They don't know,

nor do they care, I gave up my business to care for them. I started my

business over again, lost a lot of customers during that time, but learned

a HUGE lesson. They are nuts, I am not. We KO's are very loving,

caring people and should put our energy towards, first ourselves in healing,

and second towards worthy candidates capable of showing respect.

Heal, I pray for all of us, heal. Know we are good people, all of us.

I pray for us all, every night, the guilt they have instilled in us

disappears.

Love to all,

Laurie

In a message dated 10/13/2010 4:32:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

talexander73@... writes:

How about " caregiver's whiplash " ? Nada asks the KO to come care for the

other ailing or aging parent, only to expect that all attention will be

focused on HER.

I was living 600 miles away, and my mom called to tell me she had to go in

for surgery and needed me to come down and look after my dad, who was

living his final year with bone cancer. Makes perfect sense, right?

So I flew down, stayed at their house, went to the hospital and stayed at

her bedside after the surgery, but then spent parts of the day at their

home, making sure my dad ate regularly, looking after their dogs, saving him

as much effort as possible because he was weak and ran out of energy with

very little exertion. Plus, we knew this might be the last times we'd get to

spend a big chunk of time together. So it was bittersweet to have that time

with him - but let me be clear - I WAS going to the hospital every day to

visit my mom, sit with her, bring her drinks, etc.

You can probably guess what happened next - she lit into me because she

had had surgery and I wasn't spending most of my time with her. Ummm, I was

doing what she asked me to. I wasn't just hanging out and visiting, I was

really looking after her husband, her pets, and her home when I wasn't

attending her bedside at the hospital. But she made it clear she had called me

to

come down to be there with HER, no matter what she said when she called

me.

The upshot - my dad got sick, had to go to the hospital himself (a

different hospital) and I spent a few weeks running back and forth between two

hospitals until they both got released and back home, at which point I flew

back to my home and husband and starting looking for a new job (gave up my

job due to the extended absence), having spent over a month taking care of my

parents - and being lambasted for it by Nada.

It was good to spend that time with Dad, Nada notwithstanding. But it sure

did leave me feeling like I'd been slapped for trying to do the right

thing.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Karla,

> > >

> > > Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey

s

> > > kisses, and repeat after me:

> > >

> > > I am not responsible for the entire world.

> > >

> > > I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

> > >

> > > If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

> > >

> > > Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> > > before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

> > > for flying Air KO.

> > >

> > > And I can really only care for one person at a time.

> > >

> > > Doug

> > >

> > > PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

> > Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips

and

> Tools to

> > Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.**

Problems?

> > Write @ DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> > __WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe _

(mailto:_WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe ) _

> (mailto:_WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe _

(mailto:WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe ) )

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> > " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

How about " caregiver's whiplash " ? Nada asks the KO to come care for the other

ailing or aging parent, only to expect that all attention will be focused on

HER.

I was living 600 miles away, and my mom called to tell me she had to go in for

surgery and needed me to come down and look after my dad, who was living his

final year with bone cancer. Makes perfect sense, right?

So I flew down, stayed at their house, went to the hospital and stayed at her

bedside after the surgery, but then spent parts of the day at their home, making

sure my dad ate regularly, looking after their dogs, saving him as much effort

as possible because he was weak and ran out of energy with very little exertion.

Plus, we knew this might be the last times we'd get to spend a big chunk of time

together. So it was bittersweet to have that time with him - but let me be

clear - I WAS going to the hospital every day to visit my mom, sit with her,

bring her drinks, etc.

You can probably guess what happened next - she lit into me because she had had

surgery and I wasn't spending most of my time with her. Ummm, I was doing what

she asked me to. I wasn't just hanging out and visiting, I was really looking

after her husband, her pets, and her home when I wasn't attending her bedside at

the hospital. But she made it clear she had called me to come down to be there

with HER, no matter what she said when she called me.

The upshot - my dad got sick, had to go to the hospital himself (a different

hospital) and I spent a few weeks running back and forth between two hospitals

until they both got released and back home, at which point I flew back to my

home and husband and starting looking for a new job (gave up my job due to the

extended absence), having spent over a month taking care of my parents - and

being lambasted for it by Nada.

It was good to spend that time with Dad, Nada notwithstanding. But it sure did

leave me feeling like I'd been slapped for trying to do the right thing.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Karla,

> > >

> > > Ever heard of care giver burnout? Read up on it. Then take 2 Hershey s

> > > kisses, and repeat after me:

> > >

> > > I am not responsible for the entire world.

> > >

> > > I can say no, and sometimes , I will.

> > >

> > > If I save 50 and 100 die, I did not kill 100, I still saved 50.

> > >

> > > Please put on your emotional oxygen mask and see to your own needs

> > > before helping small children or borderlines in your care. Thank you

> > > for flying Air KO.

> > >

> > > And I can really only care for one person at a time.

> > >

> > > Doug

> > >

> > > PS Don t MAKE me come over there!

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The

> > Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and

> Tools to

> > Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems?

> > Write @ DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> > _WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe _

> (mailto:WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe )

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and

> > " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find)

[Guest guest]

She pretended she was bedridden?

I totally believe that.

It's almost creepy how similar that is to my nada. The summer after my younger

brother graduated from high school... Nada had always insisted that she was

going to divorce my dad once we were both out of high school, that she was only

" suffering " for the sake of her kids, blah blah blah. For the record, while my

dad wasn't perfect, he was far better at the parenting and marriage gig than she

ever was! Anyway, my brother was a star baseball player and had been approached

by some minor league teams to come play for them. He'd have to move.

She got pneumonia, that was valid...but waited to go to the dr until she had to

be hospitalized. And out of the blue...she all of a sudden could not walk. Or

so she claimed. The doctors could never find any reason for it, nothing wrong

with her at all. She told us " The doctors told me this is because my stress

levels are too high and they said that it is because of all of you " It was

years before I realized...they probably told her it was psychosomatic and that

she needed help.

The whole freakin' summer she was in a hospital bed in our living room...my dad

and I had to work so my brother ended up having to care for her most days and

telling his baseball dreams goodbye. It was ridiculous. And faked. She'd

insist on a bedpan...but when nobody was looking, she'd manage to use the

commode chair we'd gotten for her even though " I can't move at all! " God forbid

my brother take too long running errands...she'd call 911 for help.

Yeah. Crazy. She was fine. When everyone finally got sick of it and I went

back to college and my brother told her he was going to move out anyway and that

she should hire a nurse, she miraculously got better and could walk perfectly

fine.

Ninera

>

> Subject: Re: Re: Freakin' Fleas

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, October 13, 2010, 10:51 PM

> Dear, I think I've met my twin! 

> Several years ago, fada got sick, was 

> hospitalized, and it quickly turned into life/death

> situation for him.  I  had

> to tend to him morning, noon, night, but also had to tend

> to nada at least 3

> times a day in between hospital 'visits'.  (he was

> the caretaker for her, 

> she was " bedridden " )  I gave up my dog grooming

> business for 2 months (my 

> only form of income) to care for these 2 maniacs.  I

> would walk into nada's 

> house to check on her, and there was no " hello, how's dad?

> or " how are you 

> holding up " , it was " what the hell's going on?  these

> are not the groceries

> I 'ordered'!!  (she wrote a list for me, I, in

> between my dad potentially 

> dying, I went to the store and got the b___ch what she

> demanded.  I was 

> driving 50 to 80 miles a day to tend to their needs. 

>

>

> All the sudden, fada is hospitalized, and she is not

> " bedridden "   anymore. 

> She was walking around like she had no disabilities at

> all.   She was

> vocal, demanding, and basically, her same ol self!!!! 

> She  obviously, was faking

> for fada for a long, long time, but I witnessed this 

> miraculous recovery. 

> I'm still pissed off.  At one point I looked at 

> her and said " you do

> realize dad is dying don't you?  I mean, you

> haven't  even asked about him? "   She

> said " GD it! no one cares about ME!    What about

> ME?  Your GD father! 

> Look what he's done!  He's  ruined MY

> life! "      

>

> Believe it, it's true.     No one I

> know believes  it.

>

> I was never thanked by either one of them for

> anything.  They don't  know,

> nor do they care, I gave up my business to care for 

> them.      I started my

> business over again, lost a lot  of customers during

> that time, but learned

> a HUGE lesson.    They  are nuts, I am

> not.      We KO's are very loving, 

> caring people and should put our energy towards, first

> ourselves in healing,

> and  second towards worthy candidates capable of

> showing respect.

>

> Heal, I pray for all of us, heal.   Know we

> are good people, all  of us.   

> I pray for us all, every night, the guilt they have

> instilled  in us

> disappears.

>

> Love to all,

> Laurie

>

[Guest guest]

my nada did something similar. she was in the hospital after she had caught a

virus and my sister was feeding her by hand when the doctor walked in and said,

" umm, she can do that herself. " My sister said my nada looked real sheepish like

she was embarrassed, but she has always wanted someone to take care of her and

treat her like a 3 year old.

Re: Re: Freakin' Fleas

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Wednesday, October 13, 2010, 10:51 PM

> Dear, I think I've met my twin!

> Several years ago, fada got sick, was

> hospitalized, and it quickly turned into life/death

> situation for him. I had

> to tend to him morning, noon, night, but also had to tend

> to nada at least 3

> times a day in between hospital 'visits'. (he was

> the caretaker for her,

> she was " bedridden " ) I gave up my dog grooming

> business for 2 months (my

> only form of income) to care for these 2 maniacs. I

> would walk into nada's

> house to check on her, and there was no " hello, how's dad?

> or " how are you

> holding up " , it was " what the hell's going on? these

> are not the groceries

> I 'ordered'!! (she wrote a list for me, I, in

> between my dad potentially

> dying, I went to the store and got the b___ch what she

> demanded. I was

> driving 50 to 80 miles a day to tend to their needs.

>

>

> All the sudden, fada is hospitalized, and she is not

> " bedridden " anymore.

> She was walking around like she had no disabilities at

> all. She was

> vocal, demanding, and basically, her same ol self!!!!

> She obviously, was faking

> for fada for a long, long time, but I witnessed this

> miraculous recovery.

> I'm still pissed off. At one point I looked at

> her and said " you do

> realize dad is dying don't you? I mean, you

> haven't even asked about him? " She

> said " GD it! no one cares about ME! What about

> ME? Your GD father!

> Look what he's done! He's ruined MY

> life! "

>

> Believe it, it's true. No one I

> know believes it.

>

> I was never thanked by either one of them for

> anything. They don't know,

> nor do they care, I gave up my business to care for

> them. I started my

> business over again, lost a lot of customers during

> that time, but learned

> a HUGE lesson. They are nuts, I am

> not. We KO's are very loving,

> caring people and should put our energy towards, first

> ourselves in healing,

> and second towards worthy candidates capable of

> showing respect.

>

> Heal, I pray for all of us, heal. Know we

> are good people, all of us.

> I pray for us all, every night, the guilt they have

> instilled in us

> disappears.

>

> Love to all,

> Laurie

>