Guest guest Posted October 7, 2010 Report Share Posted October 7, 2010 ....to invite us to the zoo, which I sincerely believe was a pretext for the rest of the conversation. He (or maybe stepnada?) wants something from me and my husband. He wants hubby and I to work on a residual income creating piece of software. And he's relentless about it, and doesn't read my social signals of disinterest, changing the subject, etc. He knows I am extremely reluctant to say no and I think he's been using that for decades. I asked him questions a bit further, and come to find out, they've put stepnada's mom in a home. That's gotta be expensive. And stepnada doesn't work, preferring instead to spend her time watching soaps and criticizing everyone she's ever come in contact with. I really hate conversations with Dad now. Either he simply carries *her* dysfunctional message of manipulation and use, or ... could it be that he is becoming so submerged that he is ceasing to exist? Ceasing to be his own person and instead subsuming all of her abhorrent traits as his own? Becoming a tool? Saddest of all, I doubt there's anything I can do to change it. I don't guess I'm asking for advice or sharing anything of value, but I know you guys understand this mourning for what will never be, better than anyone else. Sadly yours, Tina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2010 Report Share Posted October 7, 2010 ::hugs:: Tina--that's exactly how I'm feeling about my dishrag mom. I keep having dreams where I'm yelling at her to wake up and realize what's going on with my fada, and I wake up sad because I can't change her. Your dad sounds so much like my mom. At least you can change yourself, and you have, by working on healing yourself and setting up boundaries. Holly > > > ...to invite us to the zoo, which I sincerely believe was a pretext for the > rest of the conversation. He (or maybe stepnada?) wants something from me > and my husband. > > He wants hubby and I to work on a residual income creating piece of > software. And he's relentless about it, and doesn't read my social signals > of disinterest, changing the subject, etc. He knows I am extremely reluctant > to say no and I think he's been using that for decades. > > I asked him questions a bit further, and come to find out, they've put > stepnada's mom in a home. That's gotta be expensive. And stepnada doesn't > work, preferring instead to spend her time watching soaps and criticizing > everyone she's ever come in contact with. > > I really hate conversations with Dad now. Either he simply carries *her* > dysfunctional message of manipulation and use, or ... could it be that he is > becoming so submerged that he is ceasing to exist? Ceasing to be his own > person and instead subsuming all of her abhorrent traits as his own? > Becoming a tool? > > Saddest of all, I doubt there's anything I can do to change it. I don't > guess I'm asking for advice or sharing anything of value, but I know you > guys understand this mourning for what will never be, better than anyone > else. > > Sadly yours, > Tina > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2010 Report Share Posted October 7, 2010 Hugs, I'd put him off and say another time. And then spend that time hugging your kids or doing something you enjoy instead. On Thu, Oct 7, 2010 at 11:29 AM, Holly Byers wrote: > ::hugs:: Tina--that's exactly how I'm feeling about my dishrag mom. I keep > having dreams where I'm yelling at her to wake up and realize what's going > on with my fada, and I wake up sad because I can't change her. Your dad > sounds so much like my mom. > > At least you can change yourself, and you have, by working on healing > yourself and setting up boundaries. > > Holly > > > > > > > > > > ...to invite us to the zoo, which I sincerely believe was a pretext for > the > > rest of the conversation. He (or maybe stepnada?) wants something from me > > and my husband. > > > > He wants hubby and I to work on a residual income creating piece of > > software. And he's relentless about it, and doesn't read my social > signals > > of disinterest, changing the subject, etc. He knows I am extremely > reluctant > > to say no and I think he's been using that for decades. > > > > I asked him questions a bit further, and come to find out, they've put > > stepnada's mom in a home. That's gotta be expensive. And stepnada doesn't > > work, preferring instead to spend her time watching soaps and criticizing > > everyone she's ever come in contact with. > > > > I really hate conversations with Dad now. Either he simply carries *her* > > dysfunctional message of manipulation and use, or ... could it be that he > is > > becoming so submerged that he is ceasing to exist? Ceasing to be his own > > person and instead subsuming all of her abhorrent traits as his own? > > Becoming a tool? > > > > Saddest of all, I doubt there's anything I can do to change it. I don't > > guess I'm asking for advice or sharing anything of value, but I know you > > guys understand this mourning for what will never be, better than anyone > > else. > > > > Sadly yours, > > Tina > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2010 Report Share Posted October 9, 2010 " he is becoming so submerged that he is ceasing to exist? Ceasing to be his own person and instead subsuming all of her abhorrent traits as his own? Becoming a tool? " Pretty much. I was told when I was 11/12 that he would always choose her over me. He parrots everything she says. He is not capable (or allowed) to have an original thought in his head. She sits at home all day, taking care of her dogs, watching TV and buying things off the shopping channel. She is my step nada, and her children and grandchildren come first. My father has seen my kids only a handfull of times. Last year I had the nerve to want to spend Christmas with them while my husband was overseas. I'm now the devil incarnate apparently. > > ...to invite us to the zoo, which I sincerely believe was a pretext for the rest of the conversation. He (or maybe stepnada?) wants something from me and my husband. > > He wants hubby and I to work on a residual income creating piece of software. And he's relentless about it, and doesn't read my social signals of disinterest, changing the subject, etc. He knows I am extremely reluctant to say no and I think he's been using that for decades. > > I asked him questions a bit further, and come to find out, they've put stepnada's mom in a home. That's gotta be expensive. And stepnada doesn't work, preferring instead to spend her time watching soaps and criticizing everyone she's ever come in contact with. > > I really hate conversations with Dad now. Either he simply carries *her* dysfunctional message of manipulation and use, or ... could it be that he is becoming so submerged that he is ceasing to exist? Ceasing to be his own person and instead subsuming all of her abhorrent traits as his own? Becoming a tool? > > Saddest of all, I doubt there's anything I can do to change it. I don't guess I'm asking for advice or sharing anything of value, but I know you guys understand this mourning for what will never be, better than anyone else. > > Sadly yours, > Tina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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