Re: Re: why cant other people see what I see and understand me

[Guest guest]

It's hard to tell who to talk to about growing up. I find Mommy Dearest will get

the point across to people more then explaining. For years I would meet people

with some sort of childhood disturbance and often you hear (from people in

denial as well) that " it couldn't have been that bad, get over it " .

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that phrase. Some people just don't get it and sadly it's

hard to share and even people I am the closest too don't fathom the issues and

the repercussions we deal with today. Best bet, if you have a family member that

experience the same as you or a friend that say (in my situation) grew up with

me and my BP.. they are best to understand and, at least, will exert empathy.

PS I have PTSD from growing up with my BP. Have you heard or tried EMDR? It's a

process to reduce PTSD. It works well but you need to see someone trained in it

(and I suggest highly) someone who has at least 3-5 years experience.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Fri, October 22, 2010 9:28:38 PM

Subject: Re: why cant other people see what I see and

understand me

You have really good boundaries for someone just starting T. " Keep up the good

work! " It's through T and everything, just hard work, and facing the emotions,

I tried everything, that I got to where I am. It is good that the BP at work

exposed me into getting out some of my PTSD symptoms.

I have a tendency to tell people, because I think they are my good friends, and

then I realize that I just set myself up to get kicked around (or so it feels).

Truth is, they just can't even imagine what I have been through.

I need to be more judicious about whom I talk with about my past. How does one

tell?

Thanks,

Walked to Happiness

>

> Denial is a huge part of it. People may have a feeling or notice the things

> that seem " off " to them, but they don't want to deal with the whole PD and

> abuse side of things. They just prefer to pretend that it's one of those

> " typical family issues, " rather than something as serious as abuse.

>

> I've had friends and acquaintances who have said the same thing to me. " Oh,

> just forgive your dad, " as if he was a sane and rational being. " He just

> couldn't stand to see his oldest daughter grow up. " and so on and other

> excuses like that, which is NOT why I went NC. I went NC because he was

> batshit insane. LC could have worked, except for the fact that he's

> extremely persuasive in his speaking, shifting reality just enough that I

> knew I had to protect myself by not talking to him anymore. He started the

> whole silence thing, and I kept it as such.

>

> I am so glad you're able to chase most of the PTSD out of yourself! I just

> started T and barely started EMDR as a way to reprocess the memories. I

> repress my memories so much I just call myself forgetful, and hopefully T

> will help me out. All the good news of therapy on this board is so helpful.

>

> Anyway, I feel your frustration! Mostly I'm at the point now where it's no

> use explaining. I just say my fada is emotionally abusive and leave it at

> that, and change the subject. I used to explain and talk a lot about it with

> people, because it felt so nice to actually be able to explain and talk for

> once, without being belittled by my fada! But then peoples' reactions can

> hurt because it reminds me of fada's dismissal of my feelings and my side of

> things--so I'm learning to be judicious about sharing that information.

>

> Stay strong

> Holly

>