Email exchange with Nada

[Guest guest]

Would anyone care to comment about the following email? Fiona, Doug?? Someone

with a hermit Nada? It is wrong the response? Guilt tripping?

ADULT CHILD ME-I was thinking yesterday from our conversation that it is high

time that an independent relationship be formed and nurtured with Spencer

separate from me. Spencer, almost 20, is more or less an adult. He will always

be my child but now deserves the respect to be treated as an adult. Even though

he has not had any positive male role models-no father, step father, grandfather

or even uncle, I think that Spencer has it together more than any of us

including myself. I think he would enjoy a care package or even a physical

letter from you. Since you go to the post office frequently, this should be

fairly easy. I think Spencer would very much appreciate the attention and

interest in his studies and his travels. Spencer has demonstrated and continues

to behave in a thoughtful and mature manner. Although I think issues will arise

in the future for him to have to deal with. What do you think?

NADA-I know--- I've been intending to send him an e-mail but can never think of

anything to say except " how are you and what are you doing " and know that is

not very interesting. And honestly afraid I might say something wrong. He

made some pictures when they were here on a camera. When I ever get the roll

finished and developed I was going to send them to him. I will have to try

to find his mailing address again. I don't know what I did with it.

ADULT CHILD-1ST RESPONSE

Here is the link to the school address. the pics are a great idea. I think

asking about his classes and what his interests are-which ones he enjoys etc is

always a safe bet. It shows an interest in him and allows him to express his

opinions. Opinions are neither right or wrong but part of being human. Using " I "

statements as opposed to " you " also allows for a healthy exchange of ideas

After thinking about this, I thought I was being codependent and sent the

following email.

ADULT CHILD-2ND RESPONSE

I don't know how many times I have sent his address. Suffice to say, several

times. I think I understand why I am exhausted all the time. I just can't be a

mother. I have to be their father too and now it seems grandparent. It seems so

eerily reminiscent of Dave Ward. I have to keep track of the address and send it

again and again. I am asked what to say to him. I would think talking to a

grandmother might be useful. But here I go again, solving someone else's

problems instead of my own. I need a break from the insanity for a while

NADA

I DID NOT ASK YOU FOR HIS ADDRESS!! I was just rambling on. Don't

bother about doing anything for me! I am sorry I have not been the grandmother

and mother that you would have liked