Re: why cant other people see what I see and understand me

October 21, 2010

Denial is a huge part of it. People may have a feeling or notice the things

that seem " off " to them, but they don't want to deal with the whole PD and

abuse side of things. They just prefer to pretend that it's one of those

" typical family issues, " rather than something as serious as abuse.

I've had friends and acquaintances who have said the same thing to me. " Oh,

just forgive your dad, " as if he was a sane and rational being. " He just

couldn't stand to see his oldest daughter grow up. " and so on and other

excuses like that, which is NOT why I went NC. I went NC because he was

batshit insane. LC could have worked, except for the fact that he's

extremely persuasive in his speaking, shifting reality just enough that I

knew I had to protect myself by not talking to him anymore. He started the

whole silence thing, and I kept it as such.

I am so glad you're able to chase most of the PTSD out of yourself! I just

started T and barely started EMDR as a way to reprocess the memories. I

repress my memories so much I just call myself forgetful, and hopefully T

will help me out. All the good news of therapy on this board is so helpful.

Anyway, I feel your frustration! Mostly I'm at the point now where it's no

use explaining. I just say my fada is emotionally abusive and leave it at

that, and change the subject. I used to explain and talk a lot about it with

people, because it felt so nice to actually be able to explain and talk for

once, without being belittled by my fada! But then peoples' reactions can

hurt because it reminds me of fada's dismissal of my feelings and my side of

things--so I'm learning to be judicious about sharing that information.

Stay strong

Holly

On Thu, Oct 21, 2010 at 1:24 PM, walkingto_happiness <

walkingto_happiness@...> wrote:

>

> I recently was able to visit the FOO for a few hours after 5 years of NC, I

> did it to see the non-BP members of my FOO whom I do care about. This was a

> big success, although I am completely drained and tired, and really sad. I

> have a boss at work who I think is BP, and it's been hard, but the exposure

> to her coupled with T has knocked a lot of PTSD out of me, and I think

> that's why I was able to visit the FOO without going into PTSD. However, I

> did come back from the FOO visit with a sense of success and a lot of

> sadness dragging me down. Right now, I feel really misunderstood by the

> people around me.

>

> I find myself overwhelmed with anger, which comes from HURT, because it

> seems

> like so few people understand what we have been through, and the long term

> implications for us that we continue to battle. I am seething with anger,

> because it all seems so unfair, and I am in pain. I am so sad and in pain.

> Like you write, this is so hard for others to understand,why and how a

> PARENT

> could do this. I used to be angry at the media for not showcasing, in my

> opinion, destructive parents enough. However, I have seen several talk

> shows

> about growing up with a parent who is a serial killer, things like that,

> and

> yet, most people just don't seem to get it. It's not a matter of more

> education. It's just that we lived and continue to live a reality that most

> people can't begin to imagine, it is so far out of their realm of

> experience

> that is seems impossible.

> I have been trying to talk about this transformative experience, and have

> people

> understand why I am so tired lately. Yet, even my closest friends come out

> with

> statements that hurt, such as " oh, even the most loving of families has

> issues "

> (my response: " yes, but they have love in their family " ) or another friend

> who

> said " oh, can't you have compassion and understand your mother in terms of

> someone must have hurt her badly? " These statements come from some of my

> closest friends. It is so hard to carry this burden!!!! I just was told by

> a

> close friend to not say " she's crazy " because it sounds so harsh! She said

> I

> seem to have a lot of anger. Well, of course I do. I still feel really hurt

> about a lot that happened, especially compared to what could have been.

> Having

> seen the FOO and how OLD they are, it hurts even more, because I realize

> that

> life is passing, and they spent their time on earth like that, and that

> makes me

> so sad. The people in the FOO who I care about spent their life in a wasted

> emotional battle with nada. I am so sad, it makes me tear up just to think

> of

> this. I am so sad. What could have been, if I could have been closer to the

> FOO. I am the type of person who would have taken care of them in old age,

> and I

> don't know that I can at this point. It all hurts SO BADLY!!! I've been

> crying

> A LOT.

>

> I am still dealing with the BP at work, and somehow I had the expectation

> that

> in visiting the FOO, I had brokered some kind of bargain with God or the

> Universe in that now the work BP would back off or something would change

> (she

> would lose her job). I can't stand her anymore. In fact, nothing has

> changed,

> and I have complained about her, documented her actions, and I feel so

> frustrated. Her higher-ups continue to support her, and she continues to

> make

> smear campaigns against me. I feel so broken, and just plain TIRED. I am SO

> tired. I have been sleeping a lot, and I just have NO ENERGY.

> How much more of this does the universe have to give me? Before I visited

> the

> FOO, I made meaning out of the BP at work, because it really was exposure

> therapy that knocked a lot of PTSD symptoms out of me. However, now I am at

> the

> point where I can deal with her calmly and I hold her accountable, and SHE

> IS

> STILL THERE!!! I had this expectation, that the universe would reward me

> for my

> hard work. I am so dissapointed. The higher managers at work don't see, nor

> do

> they want to see her behaviors, and I have documented really crazy stuff.

>

> I am so completely frustrated and exasperated about OTHERS just not seeing

> what

> we see, nor seeing the full extent of it. I have friends at work who admit

> " that woman is crazy " but they don't see the manipulation, the

> triangulation,

> they don't see her as controlling other people's minds as if they are her

> pawns.

> I have gotten to the point where I can predict her behavior; I have learned

> that

> BPs are REALLY predictable. But when I say to my friend at work, " I bet

> she's

> doing xyz " , the friend actually said to me " oh,no she wouldn't? " and makes

> me

> feel like my perceptions are paranoid. People TRULY DO NOT SEE WHAT WE GO

> THROUGH. It's this silent suffering, and it sucks.

>

> I feel so discouraged.

> Although, I do have to say, the BP at work doesn't try her tricks with me

> as

> badly as she used. I have won some ground. She is busy weaving a web of

> smear

> campaign, but to my face at least, she has started following some rules

> that I

> have insisted upon, written rules that is. She knows I make a big deal when

> they are not followed.

>

> I am just so angry that I have to go through this crap yet again. I am so

> angry. My T says anger comes from HURT, so I am trying to find that place

> of

> hurt, so I can take care of myself, but I honestly don't even know what it

> is.

> I think it may be that I just feel frustrated that the universe is making

> me

> deal with a BP yet again. These people are so evil, and they get away with

> so

> much.

> How can others just not see the extent of their abuse and manipulations?

>

> Walked to Happiness.

>

October 21, 2010

Walk, I think others cannot see it because it simply *can't exist* in their

world. There's this story - not sure if it is true - that when the Spanish

conquistadors were coming on their ships most of the Mayans were unable to see

the ships. Their brains literally could not process the visual image, only

their shamans could see it because they were accustomed to seeing some weird

things. These people who have been lucky enough to have loving parents who

aren't crazy, parents with whom the love was always enough to balance what

mistakes they made, can't imagine our world. It's an exercise in frustration to

discuss it with them.

I totally hear your pain and frustration about this. You've fought so many

battles and just want it all done! I feel the same way but it seems to be a

lifelong project at times. I'm not sure what the universe is up to but it

clearly is operating under different rules than would seem reasonable.

>

> I recently was able to visit the FOO for a few hours after 5 years of NC, I

did it to see the non-BP members of my FOO whom I do care about. This was a big

success, although I am completely drained and tired, and really sad. I have a

boss at work who I think is BP, and it's been hard, but the exposure to her

coupled with T has knocked a lot of PTSD out of me, and I think that's why I was

able to visit the FOO without going into PTSD. However, I did come back from

the FOO visit with a sense of success and a lot of sadness dragging me down.

Right now, I feel really misunderstood by the people around me.

>

> I find myself overwhelmed with anger, which comes from HURT, because it seems

> like so few people understand what we have been through, and the long term

> implications for us that we continue to battle. I am seething with anger,

> because it all seems so unfair, and I am in pain. I am so sad and in pain.

> Like you write, this is so hard for others to understand,why and how a PARENT

> could do this. I used to be angry at the media for not showcasing, in my

> opinion, destructive parents enough. However, I have seen several talk shows

> about growing up with a parent who is a serial killer, things like that, and

> yet, most people just don't seem to get it. It's not a matter of more

> education. It's just that we lived and continue to live a reality that most

> people can't begin to imagine, it is so far out of their realm of experience

> that is seems impossible.

> I have been trying to talk about this transformative experience, and have

people

> understand why I am so tired lately. Yet, even my closest friends come out

with

> statements that hurt, such as " oh, even the most loving of families has

issues "

> (my response: " yes, but they have love in their family " ) or another friend who

> said " oh, can't you have compassion and understand your mother in terms of

> someone must have hurt her badly? " These statements come from some of my

> closest friends. It is so hard to carry this burden!!!! I just was told by a

> close friend to not say " she's crazy " because it sounds so harsh! She said I

> seem to have a lot of anger. Well, of course I do. I still feel really hurt

> about a lot that happened, especially compared to what could have been. Having

> seen the FOO and how OLD they are, it hurts even more, because I realize that

> life is passing, and they spent their time on earth like that, and that makes

me

> so sad. The people in the FOO who I care about spent their life in a wasted

> emotional battle with nada. I am so sad, it makes me tear up just to think of

> this. I am so sad. What could have been, if I could have been closer to the

> FOO. I am the type of person who would have taken care of them in old age, and

I

> don't know that I can at this point. It all hurts SO BADLY!!! I've been crying

> A LOT.

>

> I am still dealing with the BP at work, and somehow I had the expectation that

> in visiting the FOO, I had brokered some kind of bargain with God or the

> Universe in that now the work BP would back off or something would change (she

> would lose her job). I can't stand her anymore. In fact, nothing has changed,

> and I have complained about her, documented her actions, and I feel so

> frustrated. Her higher-ups continue to support her, and she continues to make

> smear campaigns against me. I feel so broken, and just plain TIRED. I am SO

> tired. I have been sleeping a lot, and I just have NO ENERGY.

> How much more of this does the universe have to give me? Before I visited the

> FOO, I made meaning out of the BP at work, because it really was exposure

> therapy that knocked a lot of PTSD symptoms out of me. However, now I am at

the

> point where I can deal with her calmly and I hold her accountable, and SHE IS

> STILL THERE!!! I had this expectation, that the universe would reward me for

my

> hard work. I am so dissapointed. The higher managers at work don't see, nor do

> they want to see her behaviors, and I have documented really crazy stuff.

>

> I am so completely frustrated and exasperated about OTHERS just not seeing

what

> we see, nor seeing the full extent of it. I have friends at work who admit

> " that woman is crazy " but they don't see the manipulation, the triangulation,

> they don't see her as controlling other people's minds as if they are her

pawns.

> I have gotten to the point where I can predict her behavior; I have learned

that

> BPs are REALLY predictable. But when I say to my friend at work, " I bet she's

> doing xyz " , the friend actually said to me " oh,no she wouldn't? " and makes me

> feel like my perceptions are paranoid. People TRULY DO NOT SEE WHAT WE GO

> THROUGH. It's this silent suffering, and it sucks.

>

> I feel so discouraged.

> Although, I do have to say, the BP at work doesn't try her tricks with me as

> badly as she used. I have won some ground. She is busy weaving a web of smear

> campaign, but to my face at least, she has started following some rules that I

> have insisted upon, written rules that is. She knows I make a big deal when

> they are not followed.

>

> I am just so angry that I have to go through this crap yet again. I am so

> angry. My T says anger comes from HURT, so I am trying to find that place of

> hurt, so I can take care of myself, but I honestly don't even know what it is.

> I think it may be that I just feel frustrated that the universe is making me

> deal with a BP yet again. These people are so evil, and they get away with so

> much.

> How can others just not see the extent of their abuse and manipulations?

>

> Walked to Happiness.

>

October 22, 2010

That is fascinating, I never heard that story about the general Maya population

*not being able to see the European ships!* But it makes sense to me. We human

beings are used to making order out of chaos, and sense out of unfamiliar

experiences by comparing the new thing to something similar within our frame of

reference, but we have no context in which to frame and compare the new

information, we have no way of processing it.

To me, trying to get across the idea of an abusive mother must seem to others as

though I'm describing a fairy tale scenario, like something out of Rapunzel or

Red Riding Hood or something. It must make me sound insane, because my nada is

so good at being the charming " Dr. Jekyll " in public and the terrifying, angry

" Mr. Hyde " in private.

At least, thank God, there is SOME understanding, sympathy and compassion for

those who have been sexually abused by their parent. Somehow, the horror of

that *particular* kind of abuse makes it more than clear that the parent is and

was incapable of actually being a parent, and instead treated his or her child

like an object put on earth merely for them to use. It makes it very clear that

the child's feelings, needs, and safety were of less than no concern to their

parent, and the child is in danger of further abuse.

Its probably going to take decades and generations of concerted effort to get

across the concept that emotional abuse that results in life-altering and

potentially permanent emotional injury to the children of mentally ill parents

should be just as horrifying, and just as worthy of understanding, sympathy and

compassion as the victim of parental sexual predators.

It *almost* makes me want to retort, when someone tries to make me feel guilty

about going virtually no-contact, " I bet you would NOT say to someone whose

father repeatedly sexually abused her " You need to forgive him and have contact

with him...

after all he's your F-A-H-ther. " Ha!

-Annie

> >

> > I recently was able to visit the FOO for a few hours after 5 years of NC, I

did it to see the non-BP members of my FOO whom I do care about. This was a big

success, although I am completely drained and tired, and really sad. I have a

boss at work who I think is BP, and it's been hard, but the exposure to her

coupled with T has knocked a lot of PTSD out of me, and I think that's why I was

able to visit the FOO without going into PTSD. However, I did come back from

the FOO visit with a sense of success and a lot of sadness dragging me down.

Right now, I feel really misunderstood by the people around me.

> >

> > I find myself overwhelmed with anger, which comes from HURT, because it

seems

> > like so few people understand what we have been through, and the long term

> > implications for us that we continue to battle. I am seething with anger,

> > because it all seems so unfair, and I am in pain. I am so sad and in pain.

> > Like you write, this is so hard for others to understand,why and how a

PARENT

> > could do this. I used to be angry at the media for not showcasing, in my

> > opinion, destructive parents enough. However, I have seen several talk shows

> > about growing up with a parent who is a serial killer, things like that, and

> > yet, most people just don't seem to get it. It's not a matter of more

> > education. It's just that we lived and continue to live a reality that most

> > people can't begin to imagine, it is so far out of their realm of experience

> > that is seems impossible.

> > I have been trying to talk about this transformative experience, and have

people

> > understand why I am so tired lately. Yet, even my closest friends come out

with

> > statements that hurt, such as " oh, even the most loving of families has

issues "

> > (my response: " yes, but they have love in their family " ) or another friend

who

> > said " oh, can't you have compassion and understand your mother in terms of

> > someone must have hurt her badly? " These statements come from some of my

> > closest friends. It is so hard to carry this burden!!!! I just was told by a

> > close friend to not say " she's crazy " because it sounds so harsh! She said I

> > seem to have a lot of anger. Well, of course I do. I still feel really hurt

> > about a lot that happened, especially compared to what could have been.

Having

> > seen the FOO and how OLD they are, it hurts even more, because I realize

that

> > life is passing, and they spent their time on earth like that, and that

makes me

> > so sad. The people in the FOO who I care about spent their life in a wasted

> > emotional battle with nada. I am so sad, it makes me tear up just to think

of

> > this. I am so sad. What could have been, if I could have been closer to the

> > FOO. I am the type of person who would have taken care of them in old age,

and I

> > don't know that I can at this point. It all hurts SO BADLY!!! I've been

crying

> > A LOT.

> >

> > I am still dealing with the BP at work, and somehow I had the expectation

that

> > in visiting the FOO, I had brokered some kind of bargain with God or the

> > Universe in that now the work BP would back off or something would change

(she

> > would lose her job). I can't stand her anymore. In fact, nothing has

changed,

> > and I have complained about her, documented her actions, and I feel so

> > frustrated. Her higher-ups continue to support her, and she continues to

make

> > smear campaigns against me. I feel so broken, and just plain TIRED. I am SO

> > tired. I have been sleeping a lot, and I just have NO ENERGY.

> > How much more of this does the universe have to give me? Before I visited

the

> > FOO, I made meaning out of the BP at work, because it really was exposure

> > therapy that knocked a lot of PTSD symptoms out of me. However, now I am at

the

> > point where I can deal with her calmly and I hold her accountable, and SHE

IS

> > STILL THERE!!! I had this expectation, that the universe would reward me for

my

> > hard work. I am so dissapointed. The higher managers at work don't see, nor

do

> > they want to see her behaviors, and I have documented really crazy stuff.

> >

> > I am so completely frustrated and exasperated about OTHERS just not seeing

what

> > we see, nor seeing the full extent of it. I have friends at work who admit

> > " that woman is crazy " but they don't see the manipulation, the

triangulation,

> > they don't see her as controlling other people's minds as if they are her

pawns.

> > I have gotten to the point where I can predict her behavior; I have learned

that

> > BPs are REALLY predictable. But when I say to my friend at work, " I bet

she's

> > doing xyz " , the friend actually said to me " oh,no she wouldn't? " and makes

me

> > feel like my perceptions are paranoid. People TRULY DO NOT SEE WHAT WE GO

> > THROUGH. It's this silent suffering, and it sucks.

> >

> > I feel so discouraged.

> > Although, I do have to say, the BP at work doesn't try her tricks with me as

> > badly as she used. I have won some ground. She is busy weaving a web of

smear

> > campaign, but to my face at least, she has started following some rules that

I

> > have insisted upon, written rules that is. She knows I make a big deal when

> > they are not followed.

> >

> > I am just so angry that I have to go through this crap yet again. I am so

> > angry. My T says anger comes from HURT, so I am trying to find that place of

> > hurt, so I can take care of myself, but I honestly don't even know what it

is.

> > I think it may be that I just feel frustrated that the universe is making me

> > deal with a BP yet again. These people are so evil, and they get away with

so

> > much.

> > How can others just not see the extent of their abuse and manipulations?

> >

> > Walked to Happiness.

> >

>

October 22, 2010

I totally hear you both, and I think the denial issue is spot-on. My dad has a

huge blind spot when it comes to my mother, and one of the biggest taboos in my

family is to actually say that my mother is acting out of line. The " correct "

attitude is, " Everybody has different perspectives and you're both equally

right/wrong " . . . which ends up leaving the rest of the family with the

responsibility to change, since she won't. All well and good, except that it

makes it my fault when she crosses boundaries or pushes buttons. What's the

worst is that when people try to pretend it's " typical family issues " , I end up

having a hard time imagining what a typical family even looks like. Surely my

family can't be typical! . . . but what else do I know?

My mother is also super-persuasive, like Holly's father. She's high-functioning,

so she's pretty good at acting like a normal person when she wants to. Ever seen

the movie Zoolander, when the villain Mugatu says, " I feel like I'm taking crazy

pills here! " ? I say that pretty much every day. Reality feels like really shaky

ground for me. Fortunately, I have some friends who come from similarly

messed-up backgrounds (for instance, one has an alcoholic mother) or who

remember enough of my past history to be able to remind me that I'm not

hallucinating, my mother really is manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Thank God for you people! This is only my first real post here and I already

feel saner, just reading comments and knowing that other people's parents are

the same as mine. It's nice, not being alone.

Psyclone47

>

> Denial is a huge part of it. People may have a feeling or notice the things

that seem " off " to them, but they don't want to deal with the whole PD and

> abuse side of things. They just prefer to pretend that it's one of those

> " typical family issues, " rather than something as serious as abuse.

>

> I've had friends and acquaintances who have said the same thing to me. " Oh,

> just forgive your dad, " as if he was a sane and rational being. " He just

> couldn't stand to see his oldest daughter grow up. " and so on and other

> excuses like that, which is NOT why I went NC. I went NC because he was

> batshit insane. LC could have worked, except for the fact that he's

> extremely persuasive in his speaking, shifting reality just enough that I

> knew I had to protect myself by not talking to him anymore. He started the

> whole silence thing, and I kept it as such.

>

> I am so glad you're able to chase most of the PTSD out of yourself! I just

> started T and barely started EMDR as a way to reprocess the memories. I

> repress my memories so much I just call myself forgetful, and hopefully T

> will help me out. All the good news of therapy on this board is so helpful.

>

> Anyway, I feel your frustration! Mostly I'm at the point now where it's no

> use explaining. I just say my fada is emotionally abusive and leave it at

> that, and change the subject. I used to explain and talk a lot about it with

> people, because it felt so nice to actually be able to explain and talk for

> once, without being belittled by my fada! But then peoples' reactions can

> hurt because it reminds me of fada's dismissal of my feelings and my side of

> things--so I'm learning to be judicious about sharing that information.

>

> Stay strong

> Holly

>

October 22, 2010

You have really good boundaries for someone just starting T. " Keep up the good

work! " It's through T and everything, just hard work, and facing the emotions,

I tried everything, that I got to where I am. It is good that the BP at work

exposed me into getting out some of my PTSD symptoms.

I have a tendency to tell people, because I think they are my good friends, and

then I realize that I just set myself up to get kicked around (or so it feels).

Truth is, they just can't even imagine what I have been through.

I need to be more judicious about whom I talk with about my past. How does one

tell?

Thanks,

Walked to Happiness

>

> Denial is a huge part of it. People may have a feeling or notice the things

> that seem " off " to them, but they don't want to deal with the whole PD and

> abuse side of things. They just prefer to pretend that it's one of those

> " typical family issues, " rather than something as serious as abuse.

>

> I've had friends and acquaintances who have said the same thing to me. " Oh,

> just forgive your dad, " as if he was a sane and rational being. " He just

> couldn't stand to see his oldest daughter grow up. " and so on and other

> excuses like that, which is NOT why I went NC. I went NC because he was

> batshit insane. LC could have worked, except for the fact that he's

> extremely persuasive in his speaking, shifting reality just enough that I

> knew I had to protect myself by not talking to him anymore. He started the

> whole silence thing, and I kept it as such.

>

> I am so glad you're able to chase most of the PTSD out of yourself! I just

> started T and barely started EMDR as a way to reprocess the memories. I

> repress my memories so much I just call myself forgetful, and hopefully T

> will help me out. All the good news of therapy on this board is so helpful.

>

> Anyway, I feel your frustration! Mostly I'm at the point now where it's no

> use explaining. I just say my fada is emotionally abusive and leave it at

> that, and change the subject. I used to explain and talk a lot about it with

> people, because it felt so nice to actually be able to explain and talk for

> once, without being belittled by my fada! But then peoples' reactions can

> hurt because it reminds me of fada's dismissal of my feelings and my side of

> things--so I'm learning to be judicious about sharing that information.

>

> Stay strong

> Holly

>

October 22, 2010

I actually do say things like that, when I am talking with friends and they say

" be compassionate " . I said, " would you say that to the child of a murderer?

Sex abuser? Rapist? " and they still don't get it. " my mother was a monster "

I think people just cannot even begin to imagine our pain, nor do they even want

to.

Thanks for all the replies to my post,

Walked

>

> That is fascinating, I never heard that story about the general Maya

population *not being able to see the European ships!* But it makes sense to

me. We human beings are used to making order out of chaos, and sense out of

unfamiliar experiences by comparing the new thing to something similar within

our frame of reference, but we have no context in which to frame and compare the

new information, we have no way of processing it.

>

> To me, trying to get across the idea of an abusive mother must seem to others

as though I'm describing a fairy tale scenario, like something out of Rapunzel

or Red Riding Hood or something. It must make me sound insane, because my nada

is so good at being the charming " Dr. Jekyll " in public and the terrifying,

angry " Mr. Hyde " in private.

>

> At least, thank God, there is SOME understanding, sympathy and compassion for

those who have been sexually abused by their parent. Somehow, the horror of

that *particular* kind of abuse makes it more than clear that the parent is and

was incapable of actually being a parent, and instead treated his or her child

like an object put on earth merely for them to use. It makes it very clear that

the child's feelings, needs, and safety were of less than no concern to their

parent, and the child is in danger of further abuse.

>

> Its probably going to take decades and generations of concerted effort to get

across the concept that emotional abuse that results in life-altering and

potentially permanent emotional injury to the children of mentally ill parents

should be just as horrifying, and just as worthy of understanding, sympathy and

compassion as the victim of parental sexual predators.

>

> It *almost* makes me want to retort, when someone tries to make me feel guilty

about going virtually no-contact, " I bet you would NOT say to someone whose

father repeatedly sexually abused her " You need to forgive him and have contact

with him...

> after all he's your F-A-H-ther. " Ha!

>

> -Annie

>

October 22, 2010

Thanks for all the replies.

I was really frustrated when I wrote that post, thanks for understanding.

I happened to see an old friend right after I wrote that post, and I was able to

talk with him. He has PTSD and wants to heal, not from a nada but from being a

veteran. We were able to talk about the common emotional wounds we have, and

how difficult it is too live with PTSD.

I need to find more people like that. Not just people with PTSD, but also

people who want to heal and are actively seeking healing.

It was so good to talk with someone who gets it. I appreciate my friends on

this website, but to talk to a live person was also really good. We had a long

conversation about PTSD and healing.

I need to learn to be more cautious about the people I open up to. Sometimes I

am with friends from loving FOOs and I am enjoying being with them and we are

sharing about our lives, and I think I can just bring in my struggles, but I

can't. They can only understand me to a certain extent.

That's why I value my friends who CAN understand me SO MUCH.

HUGS to all of you.

THANK YOU for your replies,

Walked to Happiness.

October 23, 2010

Ours is a lonely road to travel for sure and I am sure, like most of you, I

wonder where I would be with all of this had I not found this group!

I was just thinking about the poem " The Road Less Traveled " the other day. I

think, not only have we taken the road less traveled but I often think we were

put on a road in the wrong universe! The one where children are put in charge

of adults instead of the other way around. No wonder our friends can't

understand us.

The only friend who hasn't questioned my frustrations with my parents is the one

friend who has never met my parents! Once anyone meets my parents, they can put

on such a show that no one could ever imagine them being anything other than

perfect. Even that friend had a doctor who knew my parents and this doctor went

on and on about how wonderful my dad is to my friend. I could tell after she

heard all this, she came back to me kind of questioning me but quickly got off

it. I reminded her that separately, even my nada can be a good person. They

are both smart, talented and generally good people but the two of them put

together against one of their children can literally be a deadly force!

I have more examples too. Friends who are also estranged from their parents but

knew my parents. These friends couldn't wrap their heads around what I would try

to explain to them of why I was essentially NC. It is frustrating. We get it!

Glad you found an understanding friend. They are our life savers in our

bpd-parented universe!

patinage

>

> Thanks for all the replies.

> I was really frustrated when I wrote that post, thanks for understanding.

> I happened to see an old friend right after I wrote that post, and I was able

to talk with him. He has PTSD and wants to heal, not from a nada but from being

a veteran. We were able to talk about the common emotional wounds we have, and

how difficult it is too live with PTSD.

>

> I need to find more people like that. Not just people with PTSD, but also

people who want to heal and are actively seeking healing.

>

> It was so good to talk with someone who gets it. I appreciate my friends on

this website, but to talk to a live person was also really good. We had a long

conversation about PTSD and healing.

>

> I need to learn to be more cautious about the people I open up to. Sometimes

I am with friends from loving FOOs and I am enjoying being with them and we are

sharing about our lives, and I think I can just bring in my struggles, but I

can't. They can only understand me to a certain extent.

>

> That's why I value my friends who CAN understand me SO MUCH.

>

> HUGS to all of you.

> THANK YOU for your replies,

> Walked to Happiness.

>

October 24, 2010

WAlkingto_happiness, just wanted to say I totally understand what you're

feeling, your frustration, deep hurt and dissapointment that friends or

co-workers don't understanding what you have been going through. I used to get

dissapointed at some of my family memebers for kind of brushing things under the

rug and say, oh she's acting a bit off again. No, that wasn't a bit off. That

was painful, hurtful and malicious. On the other hand I really wasn't looking

for my co-workers and friends to validate what was going on in my life. How

could they. This is almost like asking a person whose blinded to color red and

want them to accept and understand it.

Just because they never experienced what you have that doesn't mean it doesn't

exist and they invalidating you. It's just hard for other people to even imagine

things like that. The colsest they can think of is those weird and twisted

movies but again those are just " MOVIES " .

But hey you're not alone, just look at this group. We feel what you've been

through.

On the other hand when we start healing and letting go of those painful emotions

and scars, although we desperately seeking for some kind of an accountiblity and

justification, we become empowered and start to enjoy life as much it sounds

difficult to achieve or even imagine.

Have you ever heard of EFT. It's strong tool to get you rid of those emotional

pain and scars and empower you big time.

Here's the link to the videos....

http://www.youtube.com/user/HealingMagic