Re: Negative self talk and anxiety-one of many fleas

October 13, 2010

My very first reaction is God Bless You. I feel your pain, your constant

pain. I, too, had reached an absolute healthy point with my mind set,

goals, priorities and " slipped " back into a pity party; I needed validation

from someone, anyone that would/could understand this freakin chaotic life I'd

been leading. All I can say, is I understand. I find myself 'rehearsing'

what happened to me. Can anyone really understand? Honestly, it messed

me up big time. I know there are certain 'triggers' that sometimes still

make me nuts....suddenly.....unexpectantly......just when I thought I had a

grip on things.........BAMMMM! One trigger for me is If I'm speaking, and

the listener walks away.......absolutely makes me nuts! but that's what

fada always did to me, nada did it, and it makes me feel like I'm nothing, I

have nothing to offer of importance.

Maybe that's just me....but I think there are many of us that have been the

object of this.

I know your pain. I'm sorry. Know we love you here on this site. I

just hugged you, tight.

Laurie

In a message dated 10/13/2010 2:21:02 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

adriennedelatorre@... writes:

I have digressed back from my healthy mind set of NC with nada and have

found myself in an anxiety riddled depression. I have had several panic

attacks at work over simple, small details such as a broken AC or low tire

pressure in my car. I have seen a doctor, who prescribed to me some low dosage

anti anxiety medication. I am seeing a therapist(which I changed) and have

started my workout routine again. Still, I find myself throwing a pity party.

I am constantly telling myself " My life sucks. It will never get better. "

Instead of being proud of myself for working out and working through my

anxiety and depression, I find myself saying " Only one week is not going to

make it better. " And of cours, whenever I try to put a face to the negative

speak, my nada clearly comes to my mind.

Now its starting to affect my relationship with my husband. We are not

connecting anymore and I know that is all due to me. He has been so patient

with me during this process, and I keep pushing him away. This is clearly

because almost everyone that I have trusted has hurt me. I am becoming harsh

and am afraid to be vulnerable. I am starting to become everything I hate.

Anyone have any simple strategies? Anything would help

AJ

October 13, 2010

I wonder if that's your way of punishing yourself for going NC with your nada?

Even though you went NC out of sheer self-preservation, maybe you still feel

like that makes you a bad person or a bad daughter; perhaps you are obligingly

beating yourself up for her out of misplaced, inappropriate guilt. If that

sounds plausible to you, maybe its something you can bring up with your

therapist?

I agree that its difficult to avoid feeling guilty even though we are literally

driven away from our pd parent in order to protect our own emotional health.

I'm in the same boat; I still feel residual, misplaced, inappropriate guilt for

not having any (virtually no) contact with my nada even though having contact

with her was literally beginning to make me ill. (Migraine.)

My theory is that if we can somehow absolve ourselves of the guilt, or at least

reduce it, we'll be much healthier and less prone to depression and anxiety. I

keep reminding myself that my nada has expressed no guilt or remorse at all

about hurting me. She's feeling sorry for herself and wants attention

(according to Sister) but she blames me for going no contact, remaining in

denial about any personal responsibility that might have caused me to make that

painful decision.

She literally forced me to cut off contact with her, yet I'm the one who feels

guilty for doing so. I guess she's not capable of feeling guilt and remorse, is

all I can figure.

And knowing that helps me a little.

-Annie

>

> I have digressed back from my healthy mind set of NC with nada and have found

myself in an anxiety riddled depression. I have had several panic attacks at

work over simple, small details such as a broken AC or low tire pressure in my

car. I have seen a doctor, who prescribed to me some low dosage anti anxiety

medication. I am seeing a therapist(which I changed) and have started my workout

routine again. Still, I find myself throwing a pity party. I am constantly

telling myself " My life sucks. It will never get better. " Instead of being proud

of myself for working out and working through my anxiety and depression, I find

myself saying " Only one week is not going to make it better. " And of cours,

whenever I try to put a face to the negative speak, my nada clearly comes to my

mind.

>

> Now its starting to affect my relationship with my husband. We are not

connecting anymore and I know that is all due to me. He has been so patient with

me during this process, and I keep pushing him away. This is clearly because

almost everyone that I have trusted has hurt me. I am becoming harsh and am

afraid to be vulnerable. I am starting to become everything I hate.

>

> Anyone have any simple strategies? Anything would help

>

> AJ

>

October 13, 2010

Laurie - My husband walks away, or reads the newspaper, or watches TV, or just

stares into space when I talk to him. I try to make my statements short and to

the point, not get into long descriptions of events, or " talk about my feelings "

(the female thing that, apparently, men don't get) - at least not in large

doses. This is when I'm telling him information that is pertinent to the

household, not when I'm trying to discuss the relationship. He says he's

listening, but his body language and actions say otherwise. It makes me feel

like I'm less than nothing, and it makes me furious. I've told him that when I

talk with him I would appreciate having his full attention - but he still does

it and says it's no big deal. I think he's being an asshole. So now when he

starts ignoring me - even if he says he's listening - I just walk away or go do

something else. It is a disconnection, and that breaks my heart. But he

wouldn't behave this way to someone at work whose opinion he values. I don't

know what I can do to get the point across - that he MUST give me his full

attention, at least once in a while, at least for a few minutes. If I throw a

fit I'm like Nada. If I say nothing I'm a doormat.

>

> My very first reaction is God Bless You. I feel your pain, your constant

> pain. I, too, had reached an absolute healthy point with my mind set,

> goals, priorities and " slipped " back into a pity party; I needed validation

> from someone, anyone that would/could understand this freakin chaotic life I'd

> been leading. All I can say, is I understand. I find myself 'rehearsing'

> what happened to me. Can anyone really understand? Honestly, it messed

> me up big time. I know there are certain 'triggers' that sometimes still

> make me nuts....suddenly.....unexpectantly......just when I thought I had a

> grip on things.........BAMMMM! One trigger for me is If I'm speaking, and

> the listener walks away.......absolutely makes me nuts! but that's what

> fada always did to me, nada did it, and it makes me feel like I'm nothing, I

> have nothing to offer of importance.

> Maybe that's just me....but I think there are many of us that have been the

> object of this.

>

> I know your pain. I'm sorry. Know we love you here on this site. I

> just hugged you, tight.

>

> Laurie

>

> In a message dated 10/13/2010 2:21:02 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> adriennedelatorre@... writes:

>

> I have digressed back from my healthy mind set of NC with nada and have

> found myself in an anxiety riddled depression. I have had several panic

> attacks at work over simple, small details such as a broken AC or low tire

> pressure in my car. I have seen a doctor, who prescribed to me some low dosage

> anti anxiety medication. I am seeing a therapist(which I changed) and have

> started my workout routine again. Still, I find myself throwing a pity party.

> I am constantly telling myself " My life sucks. It will never get better. "

> Instead of being proud of myself for working out and working through my

> anxiety and depression, I find myself saying " Only one week is not going to

> make it better. " And of cours, whenever I try to put a face to the negative

> speak, my nada clearly comes to my mind.

>

> Now its starting to affect my relationship with my husband. We are not

> connecting anymore and I know that is all due to me. He has been so patient

> with me during this process, and I keep pushing him away. This is clearly

> because almost everyone that I have trusted has hurt me. I am becoming harsh

> and am afraid to be vulnerable. I am starting to become everything I hate.

>

> Anyone have any simple strategies? Anything would help

>

> AJ

>

October 13, 2010

Yes ma'am I have this symptom. Maybe it helped that my T basically forbade

me to say negative things to myself. And I'm under orders to celebrate and

love myself mentally. I have to do oh what are they called, remember " I'm

good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me " from saturday

night live?

I have to do those. A lot. And I do them. And I shut down negative thinking.

Well I'm learning. It does help. Though other people's reaction to my change

in mindset is. . . interesting. . . I think they like me with low self

esteem if you want to know the truth.

On Wed, Oct 13, 2010 at 5:29 PM, shirleyspawn wrote:

>

> Laurie - My husband walks away, or reads the newspaper, or watches TV, or

> just stares into space when I talk to him. I try to make my statements short

> and to the point, not get into long descriptions of events, or " talk about

> my feelings " (the female thing that, apparently, men don't get) - at least

> not in large doses. This is when I'm telling him information that is

> pertinent to the household, not when I'm trying to discuss the relationship.

> He says he's listening, but his body language and actions say otherwise. It

> makes me feel like I'm less than nothing, and it makes me furious. I've told

> him that when I talk with him I would appreciate having his full attention -

> but he still does it and says it's no big deal. I think he's being an

> asshole. So now when he starts ignoring me - even if he says he's listening

> - I just walk away or go do something else. It is a disconnection, and that

> breaks my heart. But he wouldn't behave this way to someone at work whose

> opinion he values. I don't know what I can do to get the point across - that

> he MUST give me his full attention, at least once in a while, at least for a

> few minutes. If I throw a fit I'm like Nada. If I say nothing I'm a doormat.

>

> >

> > My very first reaction is God Bless You. I feel your pain, your constant

> > pain. I, too, had reached an absolute healthy point with my mind set,

> > goals, priorities and " slipped " back into a pity party; I needed

> validation

> > from someone, anyone that would/could understand this freakin chaotic

> life I'd

> > been leading. All I can say, is I understand. I find myself 'rehearsing'

> > what happened to me. Can anyone really understand? Honestly, it messed

> > me up big time. I know there are certain 'triggers' that sometimes still

> > make me nuts....suddenly.....unexpectantly......just when I thought I had

> a

> > grip on things.........BAMMMM! One trigger for me is If I'm speaking, and

>

> > the listener walks away.......absolutely makes me nuts! but that's what

> > fada always did to me, nada did it, and it makes me feel like I'm

> nothing, I

> > have nothing to offer of importance.

> > Maybe that's just me....but I think there are many of us that have been

> the

> > object of this.

> >

> > I know your pain. I'm sorry. Know we love you here on this site. I

> > just hugged you, tight.

> >

> > Laurie

> >

> > In a message dated 10/13/2010 2:21:02 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > adriennedelatorre@... writes:

> >

> > I have digressed back from my healthy mind set of NC with nada and have

> > found myself in an anxiety riddled depression. I have had several panic

> > attacks at work over simple, small details such as a broken AC or low

> tire

> > pressure in my car. I have seen a doctor, who prescribed to me some low

> dosage

> > anti anxiety medication. I am seeing a therapist(which I changed) and

> have

> > started my workout routine again. Still, I find myself throwing a pity

> party.

> > I am constantly telling myself " My life sucks. It will never get better. "

>

> > Instead of being proud of myself for working out and working through my

> > anxiety and depression, I find myself saying " Only one week is not going

> to

> > make it better. " And of cours, whenever I try to put a face to the

> negative

> > speak, my nada clearly comes to my mind.

> >

> > Now its starting to affect my relationship with my husband. We are not

> > connecting anymore and I know that is all due to me. He has been so

> patient

> > with me during this process, and I keep pushing him away. This is clearly

>

> > because almost everyone that I have trusted has hurt me. I am becoming

> harsh

> > and am afraid to be vulnerable. I am starting to become everything I

> hate.

> >

> > Anyone have any simple strategies? Anything would help

> >

> > AJ

> >

October 13, 2010

shirleyspawn,

I really feel for you with your husband. You're in a lose/lose scenario. I

can't see any solution (except leaving him I guess). I feel really bad for

you. I heard somewhere, " when people tell you about themselves, listen " .

He's telling his wife he doesn't care. So sad. He'd probably start caring if

you left but how can someone deal with this sort of person?

On Wed, Oct 13, 2010 at 8:11 PM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> Yes ma'am I have this symptom. Maybe it helped that my T basically forbade

> me to say negative things to myself. And I'm under orders to celebrate and

> love myself mentally. I have to do oh what are they called, remember " I'm

> good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me " from

> saturday

> night live?

>

> I have to do those. A lot. And I do them. And I shut down negative

> thinking.

>

> Well I'm learning. It does help. Though other people's reaction to my

> change

> in mindset is. . . interesting. . . I think they like me with low self

> esteem if you want to know the truth.

>

> On Wed, Oct 13, 2010 at 5:29 PM, shirleyspawn <talexander73@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> > Laurie - My husband walks away, or reads the newspaper, or watches TV, or

> > just stares into space when I talk to him. I try to make my statements

> short

> > and to the point, not get into long descriptions of events, or " talk

> about

> > my feelings " (the female thing that, apparently, men don't get) - at

> least

> > not in large doses. This is when I'm telling him information that is

> > pertinent to the household, not when I'm trying to discuss the

> relationship.

> > He says he's listening, but his body language and actions say otherwise.

> It

> > makes me feel like I'm less than nothing, and it makes me furious. I've

> told

> > him that when I talk with him I would appreciate having his full

> attention -

> > but he still does it and says it's no big deal. I think he's being an

> > asshole. So now when he starts ignoring me - even if he says he's

> listening

> > - I just walk away or go do something else. It is a disconnection, and

> that

> > breaks my heart. But he wouldn't behave this way to someone at work whose

> > opinion he values. I don't know what I can do to get the point across -

> that

> > he MUST give me his full attention, at least once in a while, at least

> for a

> > few minutes. If I throw a fit I'm like Nada. If I say nothing I'm a

> doormat.

> >

> > >

> > > My very first reaction is God Bless You. I feel your pain, your

> constant

> > > pain. I, too, had reached an absolute healthy point with my mind set,

> > > goals, priorities and " slipped " back into a pity party; I needed

> > validation

> > > from someone, anyone that would/could understand this freakin chaotic

> > life I'd

> > > been leading. All I can say, is I understand. I find myself

> 'rehearsing'

> > > what happened to me. Can anyone really understand? Honestly, it messed

> > > me up big time. I know there are certain 'triggers' that sometimes

> still

> > > make me nuts....suddenly.....unexpectantly......just when I thought I

> had

> > a

> > > grip on things.........BAMMMM! One trigger for me is If I'm speaking,

> and

> >

> > > the listener walks away.......absolutely makes me nuts! but that's what

> > > fada always did to me, nada did it, and it makes me feel like I'm

> > nothing, I

> > > have nothing to offer of importance.

> > > Maybe that's just me....but I think there are many of us that have been

> > the

> > > object of this.

> > >

> > > I know your pain. I'm sorry. Know we love you here on this site. I

> > > just hugged you, tight.

> > >

> > > Laurie

> > >

> > > In a message dated 10/13/2010 2:21:02 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > > adriennedelatorre@... writes:

> > >

> > > I have digressed back from my healthy mind set of NC with nada and have

> > > found myself in an anxiety riddled depression. I have had several panic

> > > attacks at work over simple, small details such as a broken AC or low

> > tire

> > > pressure in my car. I have seen a doctor, who prescribed to me some low

> > dosage

> > > anti anxiety medication. I am seeing a therapist(which I changed) and

> > have

> > > started my workout routine again. Still, I find myself throwing a pity

> > party.

> > > I am constantly telling myself " My life sucks. It will never get

> better. "

> >

> > > Instead of being proud of myself for working out and working through my

> > > anxiety and depression, I find myself saying " Only one week is not

> going

> > to

> > > make it better. " And of cours, whenever I try to put a face to the

> > negative

> > > speak, my nada clearly comes to my mind.

> > >

> > > Now its starting to affect my relationship with my husband. We are not

> > > connecting anymore and I know that is all due to me. He has been so

> > patient

> > > with me during this process, and I keep pushing him away. This is

> clearly

> >

> > > because almost everyone that I have trusted has hurt me. I am becoming

> > harsh

> > > and am afraid to be vulnerable. I am starting to become everything I

> > hate.

> > >

> > > Anyone have any simple strategies? Anything would help

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

October 13, 2010

They're called affirmations.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, October 13, 2010 7:11:11 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Negative self talk and anxiety-one of many

fleas