lying, manipulation and feeling like this will always be an issue to deal with

October 22, 2010

my bpd mom and wimp of a dad will haunt me forever, no matter how much I try to

deny it will. They have messed my heart up so bad. I didn't get to be the

daughter I was destined to be...and it's everyone's loss. But I am grateful for

my great husband and loving kids...and I will have to put my parents on the back

burner so that I can live the rest of my life hopefully pain-free.

They will never know what a kind, generous, loving daughter I tried to be for

them throughout their lives. They never appreciated me as a person, my talents,

my passions. I will have to get over that and move on. I just got unlucky in the

parent department.

October 22, 2010

Thank you ... but what I didn't realize til now...was that every single

time my mom threatened me with her life, what she was really doing was

threatening MY life. I can't believe I was sucked into the whole deceit and

thought process of protecting her and making sure SHE was alright...I was not

alright. If I had been a little more courageous...a little more brave...I would

have killed myself just to escape the intense pain. I honestly don't know where

I got the strength to live from during that time. Part of me wishes I killed

myself, because the pain I still live with is numbing...even with my beautiful,

sweet family that me and my great husband have created. It's heaven mixed in

with a TON of hell. This Borderline/Projection thing is so confusing and

twisting.

>

> my bpd mom and wimp of a dad will haunt me forever, no matter how much I try

to deny it will. They have messed my heart up so bad. I didn't get to be the

daughter I was destined to be...and it's everyone's loss. But I am grateful for

my great husband and loving kids...and I will have to put my parents on the back

burner so that I can live the rest of my life hopefully pain-free.

>

> They will never know what a kind, generous, loving daughter I tried to be for

them throughout their lives. They never appreciated me as a person, my talents,

my passions. I will have to get over that and move on. I just got unlucky in the

parent department.

>

October 22, 2010

It really is twisted and I think it makes the Non BPD think that there is

something wrong with us and there isnt. my MIL has threatened her own life

many times.. i think it is so they can be sure that you still care for them

and oyu are right it kills you. In my head I always think wrong thoughts

like when shes says it i think do it already it would be less painful for

more people. We have been estranged for a year and we filed a restaining

order and now have court next week cause my MIL doesnt think she is ill. I

have been depressed nad worried cause BPD have a good disoration of memory.

You and your family are worth a million and the horrible things that have

happened to you Im so sorry for. did you have support form others? how long

has it been? how do you get through the days

>

> Thank you ... but what I didn't realize til now...was that every

> single time my mom threatened me with her life, what she was really doing

> was threatening MY life. I can't believe I was sucked into the whole deceit

> and thought process of protecting her and making sure SHE was alright...I

> was not alright. If I had been a little more courageous...a little more

> brave...I would have killed myself just to escape the intense pain. I

> honestly don't know where I got the strength to live from during that time.

> Part of me wishes I killed myself, because the pain I still live with is

> numbing...even with my beautiful, sweet family that me and my great husband

> have created. It's heaven mixed in with a TON of hell. This

> Borderline/Projection thing is so confusing and twisting.

>

> >

> > my bpd mom and wimp of a dad will haunt me forever, no matter how much I

> try to deny it will. They have messed my heart up so bad. I didn't get to be

> the daughter I was destined to be...and it's everyone's loss. But I am

> grateful for my great husband and loving kids...and I will have to put my

> parents on the back burner so that I can live the rest of my life hopefully

> pain-free.

> >

> > They will never know what a kind, generous, loving daughter I tried to be

> for them throughout their lives. They never appreciated me as a person, my

> talents, my passions. I will have to get over that and move on. I just got

> unlucky in the parent department.

> >

>

October 22, 2010

I had NO support from anyone for two reasons. My mom taught me to be quiet. I

didn't even know that I should have spoken to anyone...I thought she was just an

overprotective mom. Boy was I wrong. And then I was too embarrassed to talk to

anyone...I was already called selfish...so I didn't want to burden anyone with

my complaints. I was such a good kid, teenager...and adult. My mom waged a war

against me, made me the center of her life...to this day, she still says very

weird things involving me. I am numb to her now...and to my dad too. It's a

horrible way to live...so not the way I would have liked it. Such a waste of

precious time and family members. She will still give me a glance of hatred, she

will still not talk to me for days at a time for no good reason...but I'm not

afraid of her antics now...what I am afraid of is when she is no longer

here...then her threats of " you'll be sorry " might make me fall apart a little.

She's been a bigger than life human to me...so when she goes, I'm sure she will

make sure I regret whatever I've " done " to her. I can honestly say that I don't

regret anything I've done, I never set out to hurt her, I was not a vindictive

or rebellious teen, and I had the utmost respect for both parents. I was a model

child, teenager and adult...still am. But they will never know how close they

came to losing me so many times. Even now, my love for them allows me to allow

them still into my life and the lives of my husband and kids.

What a shame for all of this.

I envy people with easygoing and " normal " parents. It all looks so simple...and

it's so hard to explain to anyone not in the same boat.

Re: Re: lying, manipulation and feeling like this

will always be an issue to deal with