Re: Re: Advice/Suggestions? Fleas everywhere . . .

[Guest guest]

How do you get them to go and cooperate in counseling? I have a 19 year old that

is not open to therapy at all. Same scenario as Karla's. Father/ex is high

functioning NP/BP narcisstic. Thanks.

 

Subject: Re: Advice/Suggestions? Fleas everywhere . . .

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, October 22, 2010, 1:05 PM

 

I raised two sons. They get to that age and develop a lot of new behaviors as

the testosterone starts to engage. Brace yourself, there is more to come.

Here's my best advice....Do not view HIM as behaving like your mother and his

father. View your mother and his dad as behaving like a 12 year old.

If his dad is this unhealthy, I recommend taking him to counseling to address

those issues, so he can not suffer arrested development but instead learn better

life skills to serve him well later in life.

>

> I'm struggling with my 12-year-old son. Nothing major--he's getting bad grades

in two classes. He goes to a great school, which took tons of effort to get him

into. If he doesn't keep his grades up, he will be asked to leave.

>

> When I found out he was failing two classes and doing poorly in the rest, I

worked with him for 10 days, since he said he really wanted to stay in his

current school. In that time, he exhibited every single passive-aggressive,

dishonest, narcissistic, false victim, manipulative behavior that triggers the

crap out of me.

>

> ly, it's been like living with a high NP/BP these last few days. And I

have been TRIGGERED!!!! Last night, I lost it and yelled louder and harder and

longer than I ever have at him. (groan)

>

> His father, who he stays with two nights a week, is high NP/BP. Passive

Aggressive PD descriptions fit my ex to a T.

>

> So, I have realized I am over-owning his success. I need to let him fail if he

is so determined to do so. That is part of growing up.

>

> However, I'm not sure how to handle my triggers. He's acting just like my

mother and his father all rolled up into one. Which also brings the difficult

question, which I know I'm struggling with being a KO: How much of this is

normal pre-teen behavior, and how much of this is behavior that should cause

concern?

>

> Any thoughts on either question?

> Thanks--

> Blessings,

> Karla

>

[Guest guest]

,

Work it out with the therapist that he will see the therapist 4 times. Try to

get him to agree to that. Start small and non-threatening. Then, if the

therapist is a good one, he/she will have a positive shot at

helping...otherwise, if he goes kicking and screaming against his will, nothing

good will come of it. Positivity is always best and a non-threatening

atmosphere.

Re: Advice/Suggestions? Fleas everywhere . . .

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, October 22, 2010, 1:05 PM

I raised two sons. They get to that age and develop a lot of new behaviors as

the testosterone starts to engage. Brace yourself, there is more to come.

Here's my best advice....Do not view HIM as behaving like your mother and his

father. View your mother and his dad as behaving like a 12 year old.

If his dad is this unhealthy, I recommend taking him to counseling to address

those issues, so he can not suffer arrested development but instead learn better

life skills to serve him well later in life.

>

> I'm struggling with my 12-year-old son. Nothing major--he's getting bad grades

in two classes. He goes to a great school, which took tons of effort to get him

into. If he doesn't keep his grades up, he will be asked to leave.

>

> When I found out he was failing two classes and doing poorly in the rest, I

worked with him for 10 days, since he said he really wanted to stay in his

current school. In that time, he exhibited every single passive-aggressive,

dishonest, narcissistic, false victim, manipulative behavior that triggers the

crap out of me.

>

> ly, it's been like living with a high NP/BP these last few days. And I

have been TRIGGERED!!!! Last night, I lost it and yelled louder and harder and

longer than I ever have at him. (groan)

>

> His father, who he stays with two nights a week, is high NP/BP. Passive

Aggressive PD descriptions fit my ex to a T.

>

> So, I have realized I am over-owning his success. I need to let him fail if he

is so determined to do so. That is part of growing up.

>

> However, I'm not sure how to handle my triggers. He's acting just like my

mother and his father all rolled up into one. Which also brings the difficult

question, which I know I'm struggling with being a KO: How much of this is

normal pre-teen behavior, and how much of this is behavior that should cause

concern?

>

> Any thoughts on either question?

> Thanks--

> Blessings,

> Karla

>