Re: Cards/gifts during NC?

[Guest guest]

sounds like it might be a good time to send cards stating 'a gift of $$ was made

to x charity in your name'...I am sorry they are freezing you out, that is

ridiculous and I wouldn't spend my money on them after that.

>

> Talking about Christmas the other day and my husband asked why I still feel a

duty to buy lots of gifts for FOO who are LC with us since my NC with nada. So I

was wondering what everyone else does?

>

> This will be the second NC Christmas, last year I sent a box of 'family' gifts

for Nada, Dad and my little sister to share. Apparently Nada ripped it open

before Christmas (opening gifts early has never been a family tradition).

>

> I just still feel the need to buy them all nice gifts but in the last few

months they have barely spoken to us and ignored our wedding anniversary and my

husbands birthday which really hurt me. When they do speak to me it is usually

my Dad who avoids the whole Nada and NC and talks about the dog (or my brother

who has cheated on his wife just before their first baby was born and has moved

in with my parents for a while).

>

> Luckily we are going away for Christmas and get back just before Nadas

birthday. Part of me wants to 'act normal' and send the same amount of cards and

gifts for Christmas and birthdays but part of me dreads it. I am sure whatever I

do Nada will badmouth me.

>

> Sorry for the long post, just venting! Would be good to hear what you all do

with NC and special occasions.

>

> Free x

>

[Guest guest]

Nada scrutinizes everything I've ever bought her and usually gives it back to me

a week later. A couple Christmases ago, I gave her a DVD of old family photos.

She couldn't return that, so she scrounged up the sweater I'd given her the

Christmas before and gave that back to me, telling me it didn't fit right. That

was the last decent gift nada will ever receive from me. She wears clip-on

earrings, too much of a hypochondriac to ever pierce her ears. This year I

found a couple pairs of clip-on earrings at a garage sale, $1 per pair. Merry

Christmas Nada! May your ears turn green!

After my inlaws moved out of state 15 years ago, we would spend both Christmas

Eve and Day with my parents. We are empty nesters now and last year my husband

and I decided to limited it to one day. Nada tried several approaches to

manipulate spending both days with us but I stood my ground and told her my

husband and I felt one day was sufficient since our sons spend the other day of

the holiday with the family of their SO. Nada pouted and said its no fun to sit

home on a holiday. I suggested they invite some friends over and left it at

that. As it turned out, nada and fada spent Christmas Day with their friends at

the casino. They did the same this past Easter too.

Years ago a counselor suggested I stop wasting time and effort buying gifts for

someone who is never pleased. Her suggestion was to only buy perishable items

like fruit, candy or a restaurant gift card. Things she can't return. That

worked out pretty well too.

Our most recent counselor suggested leaving town every holiday, but that's not

feasible in this economy.

K

>

> Talking about Christmas the other day and my husband asked why I still feel a

duty to buy lots of gifts for FOO who are LC with us since my NC with nada. So I

was wondering what everyone else does?

>

> This will be the second NC Christmas, last year I sent a box of 'family' gifts

for Nada, Dad and my little sister to share. Apparently Nada ripped it open

before Christmas (opening gifts early has never been a family tradition).

>

> I just still feel the need to buy them all nice gifts but in the last few

months they have barely spoken to us and ignored our wedding anniversary and my

husbands birthday which really hurt me. When they do speak to me it is usually

my Dad who avoids the whole Nada and NC and talks about the dog (or my brother

who has cheated on his wife just before their first baby was born and has moved

in with my parents for a while).

>

> Luckily we are going away for Christmas and get back just before Nadas

birthday. Part of me wants to 'act normal' and send the same amount of cards and

gifts for Christmas and birthdays but part of me dreads it. I am sure whatever I

do Nada will badmouth me.

>

> Sorry for the long post, just venting! Would be good to hear what you all do

with NC and special occasions.

>

> Free x

>

[Guest guest]

I don't send gifts, cards etc. It just goes unnoticed. Instead I take that

money and spoil the people and pets who are my real family who I adore.

Boyfriend and I start celebrating in early october (pre halloween), then we

have Thanksgiving, our dogs birthdays, Christmas, new years, his birthday

and then valentines. We just make it a big festival of silliness that is

only fun for us. . . Works for me. To be honest, I kinda hate the holidays -

too many memories - but I'll be damned if I'll let a crazy bitch spoil my

fun.

So there you go. But I wouldnt break NC for this. no way.

>

>

> Nada scrutinizes everything I've ever bought her and usually gives it back

> to me a week later. A couple Christmases ago, I gave her a DVD of old family

> photos. She couldn't return that, so she scrounged up the sweater I'd given

> her the Christmas before and gave that back to me, telling me it didn't fit

> right. That was the last decent gift nada will ever receive from me. She

> wears clip-on earrings, too much of a hypochondriac to ever pierce her ears.

> This year I found a couple pairs of clip-on earrings at a garage sale, $1

> per pair. Merry Christmas Nada! May your ears turn green!

>

> After my inlaws moved out of state 15 years ago, we would spend both

> Christmas Eve and Day with my parents. We are empty nesters now and last

> year my husband and I decided to limited it to one day. Nada tried several

> approaches to manipulate spending both days with us but I stood my ground

> and told her my husband and I felt one day was sufficient since our sons

> spend the other day of the holiday with the family of their SO. Nada pouted

> and said its no fun to sit home on a holiday. I suggested they invite some

> friends over and left it at that. As it turned out, nada and fada spent

> Christmas Day with their friends at the casino. They did the same this past

> Easter too.

>

> Years ago a counselor suggested I stop wasting time and effort buying gifts

> for someone who is never pleased. Her suggestion was to only buy perishable

> items like fruit, candy or a restaurant gift card. Things she can't return.

> That worked out pretty well too.

>

> Our most recent counselor suggested leaving town every holiday, but that's

> not feasible in this economy.

>

> K

>

>

> >

> > Talking about Christmas the other day and my husband asked why I still

> feel a duty to buy lots of gifts for FOO who are LC with us since my NC with

> nada. So I was wondering what everyone else does?

> >

> > This will be the second NC Christmas, last year I sent a box of 'family'

> gifts for Nada, Dad and my little sister to share. Apparently Nada ripped it

> open before Christmas (opening gifts early has never been a family

> tradition).

> >

> > I just still feel the need to buy them all nice gifts but in the last few

> months they have barely spoken to us and ignored our wedding anniversary and

> my husbands birthday which really hurt me. When they do speak to me it is

> usually my Dad who avoids the whole Nada and NC and talks about the dog (or

> my brother who has cheated on his wife just before their first baby was born

> and has moved in with my parents for a while).

> >

> > Luckily we are going away for Christmas and get back just before Nadas

> birthday. Part of me wants to 'act normal' and send the same amount of cards

> and gifts for Christmas and birthdays but part of me dreads it. I am sure

> whatever I do Nada will badmouth me.

> >

> > Sorry for the long post, just venting! Would be good to hear what you all

> do with NC and special occasions.

> >

> > Free x

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Trying to buy my nada a present that she'd actually like was always an

ulcer-inducing, anxiety-ridden experience. She has given me back presents I've

given her, also. Its totally a no-win situation. When I would pay close

attention and buy her something she'd actually admired, then sometimes it would

turn out that she'd already bought it for herself. When I'd give her a gift

card to her favorite store, she'd look hurt and say " how impersonal " that is,

but thanks anyway.

The three times I took her on overseas trips with me (part business, part

vacation) were a disaster, each one worse than the one before with nada having

hysterical melt-downs and/or psychotic breaks (even though on the second two

trips I had her invite any friend/relative she wanted to come with us so she

would never be alone. Still didn't work.)

So, a few years back I simply gave up. It had gotten to the point that we were

simply exchanging written checks with each other so I decided that was pointless

and meaningless, so there would be no more gifts exchanged between us, cards

only.

-Annie

>

> Nada scrutinizes everything I've ever bought her and usually gives it back to

me a week later. A couple Christmases ago, I gave her a DVD of old family

photos. She couldn't return that, so she scrounged up the sweater I'd given her

the Christmas before and gave that back to me, telling me it didn't fit right.

That was the last decent gift nada will ever receive from me. She wears clip-on

earrings, too much of a hypochondriac to ever pierce her ears. This year I

found a couple pairs of clip-on earrings at a garage sale, $1 per pair. Merry

Christmas Nada! May your ears turn green!

>

> After my inlaws moved out of state 15 years ago, we would spend both Christmas

Eve and Day with my parents. We are empty nesters now and last year my husband

and I decided to limited it to one day. Nada tried several approaches to

manipulate spending both days with us but I stood my ground and told her my

husband and I felt one day was sufficient since our sons spend the other day of

the holiday with the family of their SO. Nada pouted and said its no fun to sit

home on a holiday. I suggested they invite some friends over and left it at

that. As it turned out, nada and fada spent Christmas Day with their friends at

the casino. They did the same this past Easter too.

>

> Years ago a counselor suggested I stop wasting time and effort buying gifts

for someone who is never pleased. Her suggestion was to only buy perishable

items like fruit, candy or a restaurant gift card. Things she can't return.

That worked out pretty well too.

>

> Our most recent counselor suggested leaving town every holiday, but that's not

feasible in this economy.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm struggling with this right now.

Last year step-nada returned all her gifts unopened, telling me in a hurtfull

letter that gifts should be given " from the heart " . This was after they sent us

money and told us to buy a PS3 as a family gift. We had to buy it. They sent a

cheque. Yeah, real personal.

>

> Talking about Christmas the other day and my husband asked why I still feel a

duty to buy lots of gifts for FOO who are LC with us since my NC with nada. So I

was wondering what everyone else does?

>

> This will be the second NC Christmas, last year I sent a box of 'family' gifts

for Nada, Dad and my little sister to share. Apparently Nada ripped it open

before Christmas (opening gifts early has never been a family tradition).

>

> I just still feel the need to buy them all nice gifts but in the last few

months they have barely spoken to us and ignored our wedding anniversary and my

husbands birthday which really hurt me. When they do speak to me it is usually

my Dad who avoids the whole Nada and NC and talks about the dog (or my brother

who has cheated on his wife just before their first baby was born and has moved

in with my parents for a while).

>

> Luckily we are going away for Christmas and get back just before Nadas

birthday. Part of me wants to 'act normal' and send the same amount of cards and

gifts for Christmas and birthdays but part of me dreads it. I am sure whatever I

do Nada will badmouth me.

>

> Sorry for the long post, just venting! Would be good to hear what you all do

with NC and special occasions.

>

> Free x

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the replies it is good to hear what others are doing. I don't feel

strong enough to deal with the fall out of not sending anything so have spent

around a quarter of the amount I usually do on FOO and putting it all in a gift

bag for them to share, all disposable such as smellies,food etc and nothing

directly for Nada. Going to tell my Dad,brother and sister that I will be in the

area visiting family the month before Christmas if they want to see me and leave

it at that.

I feel so stupid obsessing over this but finding it really hard. Christmas day I

don't have to deal with as we will be on holiday but the day after we get back

is Nadas birthday and I still feel like I should send a card but maybe that is

because I am trying for the easy quiet life and it is time to be strong!

Annoying! Wish I could stop this!

> >

> > Talking about Christmas the other day and my husband asked why I still feel

a duty to buy lots of gifts for FOO who are LC with us since my NC with nada. So

I was wondering what everyone else does?

> >

> > This will be the second NC Christmas, last year I sent a box of 'family'

gifts for Nada, Dad and my little sister to share. Apparently Nada ripped it

open before Christmas (opening gifts early has never been a family tradition).

> >

> > I just still feel the need to buy them all nice gifts but in the last few

months they have barely spoken to us and ignored our wedding anniversary and my

husbands birthday which really hurt me. When they do speak to me it is usually

my Dad who avoids the whole Nada and NC and talks about the dog (or my brother

who has cheated on his wife just before their first baby was born and has moved

in with my parents for a while).

> >

> > Luckily we are going away for Christmas and get back just before Nadas

birthday. Part of me wants to 'act normal' and send the same amount of cards and

gifts for Christmas and birthdays but part of me dreads it. I am sure whatever I

do Nada will badmouth me.

> >

> > Sorry for the long post, just venting! Would be good to hear what you all do

with NC and special occasions.

> >

> > Free x

> >

>